In case you haven't noticed...I am and can be slightly dramatic. I had a friend after I called her in tears recently tell me..I still have a little Jr. High in me. I do..I really do. I wish I didn't. I HATED school drama and social politics...so much to the point I dropped out 3 months before graduation. Even though I did end up getting a little college..I guess I never graduated from the mentality. All through school I constantly felt this "judgment." Mostly from girls. That is probably why to this day I have very few girlfriends. I was always opinionated, different, and quite odd. Then I became a mother! Yeah, motherhood takes everything to a whole other level. I felt even more opinionated, different and quite odd. The mom with hot pink hair, using cloth diapers, who breast fed openly in public...and I wondered why people stared:). I eventually got tired of being different inside and out.
I wanted to fit in. I craved fellowship outside of my marriage. After I got married I knew it was no longer okay to have just guy friends. I needed to change, buck up, stop being so "strong" and explore what it meant to be a woman and have women friends..in essence try to belong somewhere. I spent 7 long and lonely years exploring what that meant. I tried to be perfect (well, as perfect as someone like me can get:). I read only pma books (positive mental attitude) and scripture. I listened to only uplifting music. I completely separated myself from where I started and really who I am. I became a Stepford wife . I lived in a happy little bubble. A bubble I had control over. A bubble that did help grow me, but a bubble nonetheless. I guess I was cocooning. During that 7 years I only told maybe a handful of people about my "testimony"...Many of you know how far I have truly come and what crazy bondage I have escaped...But the few I told during that time "judged" me harshly and turned their backs on me...So, once again this slightly dramatic always opinionated, different and quite odd (not a girl anymore, but a woman and a mom to 6 kids) felt the need to belong. Only this time..I was determined to be me. The mess I am. No more hiding (no my hair not pink again)...but to let the light that is in me shine. Some may see it as an annoying strobe light, others may see a UFO in the distance...but what they(you)see doesn't matter as much as what my creator sees....and He sees me...a slightly dramatic, opinionated, different and odd woman . A woman..who no matter how hard she tries will always march to a different drummer....but has a heart that is for HIM. a heart that beats for the odd, dramatic, different and opinionated.