Friday, July 23, 2010

Slightly Dramatic

In case you haven't noticed...I am and can be slightly dramatic. I had a friend after I called her in tears recently tell me..I still have a little Jr. High in me. I do..I really do. I wish I didn't. I HATED school drama and social much to the point I dropped out 3 months before graduation. Even though I did end up getting a little college..I guess I never graduated from the mentality. All through school I constantly felt this "judgment." Mostly from girls. That is probably why to this day I have very few girlfriends. I was always opinionated, different, and quite odd. Then I became a mother! Yeah, motherhood takes everything to a whole other level. I felt even more opinionated, different and quite odd. The mom with hot pink hair, using cloth diapers, who breast fed openly in public...and I wondered why people stared:). I eventually got tired of being different inside and out.
I wanted to fit in. I craved fellowship outside of my marriage. After I got married I knew it was no longer okay to have just guy friends. I needed to change, buck up, stop being so "strong" and explore what it meant to be a woman and have women essence try to belong somewhere. I spent 7 long and lonely years exploring what that meant. I tried to be perfect (well, as perfect as someone like me can get:). I read only pma books (positive mental attitude) and scripture. I listened to only uplifting music. I completely separated myself from where I started and really who I am. I became a Stepford wife . I lived in a happy little bubble. A bubble I had control over. A bubble that did help grow me, but a bubble nonetheless. I guess I was cocooning. During that 7 years I only told maybe a handful of people about my "testimony"...Many of you know how far I have truly come and what crazy bondage I have escaped...But the few I told during that time "judged" me harshly and turned their backs on me...So, once again this slightly dramatic always opinionated, different and quite odd (not a girl anymore, but a woman and a mom to 6 kids) felt the need to belong. Only this time..I was determined to be me. The mess I am. No more hiding (no my hair not pink again)...but to let the light that is in me shine. Some may see it as an annoying strobe light, others may see a UFO in the distance...but what they(you)see doesn't matter as much as what my creator sees....and He sees me...a slightly dramatic, opinionated, different and odd woman . A woman..who no matter how hard she tries will always march to a different drummer....but has a heart that is for HIM. a heart that beats for the odd, dramatic, different and opinionated.


Becky said...

Love it! Love you! I probably would have stared at a nursing mother with hot pink hair too. Sorry...just not something you see everyday!

Becky said...

Love it! Love you! I probably would have stared at a nursing mother with hot pink hair too. Sorry...just not something you see everyday!

Jen said...

Jesus himself danced to the beat of a different drum. So thankful He and you both do:)

Dani said...

Thinking maybe we should start a club? When my children were in public school I was known as the gothic mother (I had died my hair black and wore black) with all those kids;) Then I became the gothic home school mother with ALL those kids.

These days I am on a different path...but still different from everyone else...all the same.

I think that coming out of the box (or bubble in your case) is good for us. How can we reach the people Jesus wants us to, if we won't be who He created us to be!


Paula said...

Well, I have never had hair a color other than brown, and I helped fill the landfills with disposable diapers... but I did frequently breastfeed in public places. :) I myself come from a very conventional background, but I love people from all different walks... variety is the spice of life. Love you!

Paula said...

I forgot to say that I love that comment from your friend about having a "little jr. high" in you. Too funny!

Brandi said...

Love you sweet friend - and I for one - think you're AWESOME!!! :-)


PS - that may not mean as much once you realize who it's from...another girl that tends to be ... well, not necessarily one that fits in at the local soccer field :-)

Angel said...

I think you fit right in with us other quirky cool warrior girl chicks! :-) We LIKE weird!! Angel