Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Kicking His Butt.

This week has flown by. I leave in less than 8 hours for Colorado for 8 days! Without kids. Without my man. 37 miles. No bathroom. No showers. Just 11 women strangers. Seeking adventure and a closer relationship with God. i have been incredibly emotional(stressed) this week. If something was going to go did. If something was going to did. Satan got his butt kicked though.

Blog you 8 days!

Please pray for our group...if you feel lead to.
and my kiddos....
and my amazing sister-in-law Leah who traveled all the way here from Texas with her 11 month old to help us out!

Random pics from Lincoln University- I traveled with the kids on Tues. to visit my baby brother on his first day at the dorm!

My dad, sister Maggie(16), brother Bobbie(18)

Rare moment.

So proud of him.

No comment:)

Trying to entertain the kids with a game of Duck, Duck, Goose in the parking lot.

Walking through the campus.

Jumping on their Uncle and his new bed!

What I saw when I pulled up to his dorm. 2nd window-Do youy see them?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Power of Perception.

Before Adam went out of town the other night he woke Jace and McKayley up at 2:00am. I was sleeping and had no idea he did this until the next morning after Adam had already left. Here is what happened according to McKayley-

"Dad woke me up at 2:00am! He told me to come outside with him. Mom, it was amazing. It was so dark and the stars were shining bright. You could hear all the frogs. It was so cool. Then dad set up the telescope. Guess what I saw Jupiter! At first I thought it was just a star with four other stars around it, but mom-It was actually Jupiter's moons."

She was smiling from ear to ear telling me what happened. This is a memory hopefully she will always cherish.

Now here is what happened according to Jace-

"I was sleeping and dad came and got me out of my bed. He took me outside in my pj's mom. The frogs and all the night bugs were so loud. Did I mention I was in my pj's?! We had to look through the telescope"

He was not smiling and I doubt this is a memory (at least now) he cherishes.

I couldn't help but laugh at how differently their perception of the 2:00am wake up call was.

It got me thinking about the power of perception and how different we all are. Have you ever written an email or blog post that you meant to have an effect but then turned out to be perceived completely differently than how you meant it.
I think a lot of times how we perceive something is a direct reflection of where we are emotionally at that time.
This incident of Jace and Mckayley was such a huge reminder to me. Lately my perception has been a little"off".

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right" Henry Ford

My recent perceptions of myself and my life.
1. I'm exhausted.
2. I look old.
3. I feel old.
4. I'm ugly.
5. My hands are too full.
6. The twins are too much.
7. I made a mistake.
8. I'm trapped
9. Life was better when...
10. I'm a terrible mother.
11. I don't do enough.
12. My house is a disaster.
13. I need a break.
14. If only my husband was around more....
15. I don't want to get out of bed.
16. Nobody does anything around here.
17. I'm sick all the time.
18. If only I had family that was around...
19. I can't stand all the whining.
20. I have no friends.

Is this what I want? No. Then why am I buying into all the lies? God did not create me for defeat.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Proverbs 23:7
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..

Do my circumstances need to change?
I do. My perception needs to.
I have read over the last few years on blogs of parents suffering the unthinkable their children dying or a spouse dying. There are families fighting cancer, disease, and hardships-yet their perspective is clear. They see God's hand. They believe His promises. They cling to His truth.
My life is amazing. It is what God has given me. To think of my circumstances as anything other than beautiful is a selfish perception. Yes. I might feel like I'm struggling and times might seem hard but My God is awesome!

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Kiss

Adam is gone again and so is my camera.
I miss them both.

Since I seem to be lacking both words and new pictures-I thought I would share a few old ones.

"The Kiss"

a year ago

3 years ago.

Our first family photo. That's Jace 13 years ago!

Our public wedding over 14 years ago.

Our elopement almost 15 years ago!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Close Encounter

Yesterday Grandpa Coop took McKayley, Faith and I to an animal rescue farm he volunteers at. This sanctuary is not open to the public. Nor do they breed or sell animals.
For us to be allowed in was a huge treat.
They(a husband and wife) rescue everything from lions, skunks, macaws, tigers, squirrels, and the list goes on.
They get animals at all times of the night thrown on their doorstep. They never turn their backs. She is a veterinarian and he is a postal worker. The farm is supported from their own paychecks and occasional donations. I have never seen anything like it. Everything they have is given to care for the animals. Modest doesn't even begin to describe their house. There are animals in every corner. Even a monitor lizard in the bathroom. It was intense being right next to a tiger that was bigger than my husband. The cougar Sheila literally was stalking Faith. I have never seen a predator so determined for it's prey. Yeah, I was a little freaked. Thank God Sheila was caged. Definitely not a place for the toddlers. They could have lost a hand in an instant. Now I know why it is not open to the public. I was amazed though. What this couple has provided and sacrificed for the animals was inspiring. It was an incredible experience. One that left me in awe of God's creatures and thankful that metal fences exist.

Sheila- The cougar that seriously wanted more than anything to eat Faith.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

It's That Time of Year....

....for my Lyme education and prevention post.
One of my dear bloggy friend's son is on antibiotics for Lyme.
Lyme is a tick borne disease.
Why do I care so much about this?

On the right is my sister Kym holding my daughter McKayley.
Kim died at age 37. I'm turning 37 in a few months.
She was bit by tick in 1998. She developed all the classic symptoms of Lyme.
Bulls Eye rash, fever, fatigue. However at that time doctors were convinced that Lyme didn't exist in Missouri. She went over a year misdiagnosed. Her symptoms got worse. Facial paralysis and extreme pain. She was continually told it was fibromyalgia and depression. Finally someone listened. They researched and believed her. She was admitted into a hospital with a central line. She developed a major blood clot. She was eventually released, but by that time she was already addicted to pain meds. She died in her sleep a few years later. Alone. No one fully understood her pain. Including me. Too much time lapsed between the tick bite and her treatment. I miss her more today than I did when she died January 17, 2006. She spent the last few years of her life fighting to be heard and validated. That yes, Lyme does exsist in Missouri and doctors need to listen to their patients more than outdated textbooks.
Here is one of a few articles written on her and Lyme.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


He skated on our mini ramp....

In spite of our visitor.

I however...
was not so brave.
I hid in the house..
waiting for our visitor to leave.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Forgotten Room.

We have a room in our home.
I call it the forgotten room.
It is downstairs.
It is my favorite room.
How could we forget about it?
Do we live in a mansion?
Just in the pattern of life it has become an island in the house.
It never gets messy.
Which is a tragedy.
It deserves to be used.

Tonight we discovered it again.
We explored.
We enjoyed dinner in it.
How could we ever forget this room.
The room I created for creativity and discovery.
that is just down a flight of stairs.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Filling in the Blanks part 1

A few days ago at the book store Xia brought a book to me. She sat in my lap, cuddled up and asked me to read it. I don't remember the title, but the book was pretty, pink and all things girlie. I opened the book. I looked down. I held back my tears and I started to read. I really tried. I did the best I could. The book was filled with blank spots.
"My mommy named me____________________because_______________"
That one was simple. Your name is Xia. Because God gave it to me.
"I was born on_______________.
okay. I can do this.
You were born on June 6, 2008.
"I weighed________________at birth"
I don't know.
I do know you were 8 pounds at 22 months.
The blanks seemed to go on forever.
Each blank reminded me of what my twins have lost.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Goodbye Sweet Prince

Our neighbor called me this morning to let me know our cat- Prince- was dead at the top of our driveway. The girls don't know yet. They are at summer school. Faith is going to be devastated. She cried for two hours when Mckayley's goldfish died. Oh, how I wish Adam were here.

He'll be missed. Our faithful and odd friend.
*this is a pic of him sleeping. It was his favorite blanket and position.*

Monday, July 6, 2009

My Blinded Heart.

Sometimes I get so caught up in myself. I can get so ugly. My heart and my mind can become so blinded. I am blind to all of the blessings God has poured into my life. I am blind to the richness around me. I am blind to the work He has started in me. I am blind to His grace.
It is not about me.
Lord Help me to remember YOU in everything.

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

You Would Think...

After almost 15 years of marriage that it be no big deal.
Every time Adam leaves for a trip,
I cry for hours.
I miss him already.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Do You Know What it Means?

Just curious-do people say, "Merry December 25th?" No, it's Merry Christmas! Then why do people say, Happy 4th of July"?
July 4, 1776- 13 colonies signed the Declaration of Independence. They pretty much signed their death certificates so WE can be free.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident,
that all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.'
These words mean more than a"Happy July 4th" to me.
They mean-
Seriously, do you understand what that means?

Happy Independence Day!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Little too Brave....

Taking 6 kids...3 who can't swim, but like to believe they can
Is a bit stressful!
Especially Diezel.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Message For The Moment

I had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on Lukas today. He choked on a Cinnamon roll this morning. I'm reminded again how precious and fleeting life really is. This moment- Right now. Reach out. Love. Help. Serve. Share. Give. Let go. Enjoy. Just Be.Embrace. Except. Forgive. Uplift. Encourage.Embrace each other. Your friends. Your family. Your enemies. Strangers. Everyone.
Share your faith.

Increasing DUH Moments.

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. It's hard to explain. My mind's not really here. I'm not sure where it is exactly. I'm not really focused on anything in particular. I have been incredibly clumsy as well. It seems like whenever I turn around I'm getting hurt. Nothing major. Lots of cuts, bruises and burns. I walk around looking for my keys and trying to remember why I walked into a room. I used to call this phenomenon-mommy brain- I would get like this when I was pregnant or for quite a few months after the baby was born. Ummm.. No. I am not pregnant, but I am almost 37 and can't help to my body changing? Everyone is different and everyone follows a unique bio-clock. My-DUH- moments are becoming more common. My (men-you might want to tune out now, if you haven't already)-"cycle" is off and sleeping without a fan is not even an option. I know stress can play a huge roll..but...I know myself, my body and I feel a change a coming. (big sigh)