Wednesday, September 30, 2009

View Point (Day 2)

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This shot was taken from my view point in bed at 9:30 am.
I'm so grateful for a husband who let me sleep in this morning and start my day slowly with a book and a little coffee after being sick all night.

*Normally I would just focus on the fact I was sick*
Day 2 of "In Everything Give Thanks Trial"

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

30 Day Trial

I'm doing an experiment.
A 30 day trial.

Do you want to join me?

It's simple.
Everyday I'm going to write something I'm grateful for.
I'm going to make a new list everyday.
I will post it on the left side of my blog.

Just do the same.
Leave me comment to let me know you're up for the experiment.
Then I'll post a link to your blog.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

In addition to the list of gratitude I will create new each day, I will also create a list that I keep private that acknowledges something/anything that each member in my house has done well that day.

Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Who's with me?

James 3:9-10
9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.

I can not wait to see the results of my 30 day trial!

A heart cultivated in gratitude is planted in love.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Daily Spiritual Lobotomy

Typical scene in our house-

Two worn out parents, tired from a day of normal life.
Six kids, hungry, irritated and ready for bed.
Two parents trying to bath six kids strategically due to unfortunate unknown sexual issues.
Six kids (okay more like 3) whining, wet, and all wanting something.
Two parents counting down the minutes until the great peace comes over the house(bed time).

Then without notice my daily lobotomy occurs..

Two parents thankful for their six kids and encouraged by their spirit.
Six kids fed, happy and ready for pajama time.
Two parents serving their children two by two in the bath and sewing into them God's love.
Six kids (more like the 3 youngest) singing, dry and satisfied.
Two parents cherishing the moments they have with them(okay one blogging).

It's amazing what can happen when you....
choose a grateful heart.....
or in my case a full
spiritual lobotomy

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Brave Hearted Chick Contest

This is probably one of the best contests I have seen in blogland. It reminds me of something that happens every week in my town called "Feed your Hero". You nominate someone who has made a difference in your life or other people in your community and they are eligible to win a gift certificate.
The problem is....every week my heart stops and thinks about one of you...and none of you live in my town. Everyone who is on my blog list and tons others(because I haven't updated for awhile) has made a difference in my life. So if there is someone special in your life or blogland you want to nominate go to Kari's blog. This is an awesome contest put together by an amazing woman. Have fun blessing someone who inspires you by nominating them for the

Weird, Dirty and Shirtless

My Boys

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Try This

Weird I don't know why it's not working for you all.
It works fine on my computer.
Here's the link to it on YouTube

Try that.
Let me know if it works!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Part 1 of 3!
Video of Robbin meeting Gadese, Alebachew and Christiana just a few weeks ago!
Beautiful gift.
A combination of screaming and crying coming from me!
Praise God!

Get The Heck Out of the Way!

I got a phone call today.
It was Gedese asking for help. Telling me she was in trouble and needs money. She has never asked me for anything. My discernment was a little "off". A part of me wants to give her/anybody anything and everything they ask. Then there's that part that fights that thought. The part that is still paying off her medical bills. I normally have a peace that comes with giving. This time my heart waged a war. I made one phone call to a mutual friend. An hour later she let me know the money was sent without thought. Without judgement. Freely given. Then an hour after that I was sent by a different friend a picture that was taken when she visited Ethiopia last month. Completely by "coincidence" I recieved a picture of Alebachew and Christiana.
My heart was softened. Peace overcame me and my discernment returned.
I realized it's not about me.
It's not about what I can do.
I was not filled with peace about giving because it wasn't to come from me...
And I had to be okay with that.
She called me to simply relay a message to someone.
I think I need to realize that a lot more in my life.
I need to get the heck out of the way.

BTW- If you want to see a bigger picture you need to look on Facebook because I can't make it any bigger

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Important Stuff

My hair appointment got canceled.
Apparently the flu is striking Missouri pretty hard.
So the stringy strands of hair are still the same.

I know this is all very important stuff
(Insert cheesy smile here)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Any Chance....

That when I walk into the beauty salon tomorrow looking like this....

I can walk out looking like this?

It's worth a shot,

Wish me luck. Every time I attempt a new hair style I normally walk out looking like this

(yeah, that's me:)

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Tonight we had our first bonfire of the season.
There's something about autumn that makes you just want to lay in a hammock and say,"Ahhhh."

It's the time of year for hot chocolate in the evenings.
Roasting marshmallows.
Listening to music by the fire.
Watching the leaves fall down like beautiful rain in the breeze.
Long sleeves.
Shorter days.
Snuggling up.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Lost in Translation

If I had the means to vlog(video blog) this I would.
So much can get lost or misunderstood in the written world for me.
If you could see my face and watch my body maybe then would the words I type match what my heart intends.

I have had so many wonderful people contact me regarding my latest post. My heart is full with your caring. Yet, I feel as if my blog was misunderstood.

Yes. I am hard on myself.
Yes. There are season's in our life.

I don't know if even now I will totally be able to explain what is on my heart.

I know.
and you know,
When God has called you to something.
I hear His voice loud and I hear it clearly.
I am thankful for that.
He has done amazing work in my life.
To know my testimony is to know God redeems.
I cling to His grace everyday.
Without it....
I WOULD be lost.
I know His Grace.
I live His grace.

I also hear His voice.
I know what He wants me to do.
I see a vision of the person He created me to be.
That is what haunts me.
That is what I call being fake.
He has shown me.
Yet, I make excuses.
My spirit is willing
my flesh is weak.
I need to be hard on myself.
God gives me Grace.
Yet He calls my name.
I know at the end of the day I am still nothing no matter what I have done or not done.
Where I feel I'm faking or a poser is I talk a lot,
but yet do nothing...
then I make excuses.
I hate telling people about my "story" sometimes,
because to them it is huge. Which it is.
I am an ex drug addict, high school dropout, gypsy living, prostitute that God has shown His mercy on. I have an incredible marriage that I fight for everyday, six amazing children, two adopted that were left for dead, I listened to God and saved the life of a pregnant mom in Africa by moving her to my home and raising money to take care of her and her newborn.
Just in that, You can see how big God is.
That is what I want you to see.
With in that though- He has shown me more.
I have been given so much...
I am only hard on myself because I want to be obedient. I am a poser. To think more highly of myself would be to discount who God is in my life.
I am nothing.
Yet I am beautiful.
I am unworthy.
Yet He made me new.
I was asked not to long ago...
"If there was a part of the bible that impacts or sums up your relationship to God, what is it?"

Romans 12

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.


Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

So please know in your heart- I am not down on myself or being too hard.
I am being honest.
God is doing a mighty work.

Friday, September 11, 2009

I'm a Poser or Other Wise Known as a Fake.

I feel like I have been in constant "regroup" mode or if I'm feeling righteous I might call it, "waiting upon the Lord". So here I am either gearing up or waiting. Let's just call it for what it is...apathetic, posing, living a lie or
Revelation 3:16 say's "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

That's me. I cry for orphans, but yet do nothing.
I talk about Mother's health in Uganda, but yet I do nothing.
I say," I'm still adjusting to being a mother of six", but yet ignore the reality that life is what it is and "adjusting" is an excuse I readily use.
I recruit people to write a book with me, but yet lack the capacity to bring it together.
God has placed famous authors in my lap to help, but I feel inadequate to call upon them. I'm either too busy. Too tired or too sick to reach out.

I admire or more honestly feel jealous when the women I know step out in faith and accomplish great things. I silently think, "if only..." The two most deadly words one can think.
I groan. I moan. I complain. I justify.

Where did I go? I have friends tell me, "you're different".

I am.
I am a fake.
I am a poser.
I am broken.
I try to fix myself.
I use band aids and tape.
Nothing can repair what only God can fill.

I am nothing.

HE is everything.
He is real.
He is authentic.
He fixes.
He can heal.

I can often get caught up in, "I'm waiting on the Lord's direction."
Am I?

For what?
Serve the man laying in the road down the street?
The single pregnant teenager at my son's school?
The mother on welfare in front of me at the grocery store with her cigarettes, hot dogs, children in dirty diapers with a declined credit card?
The alcoholic with a swollen belly irritated at the gas station?
The blogs I read of families wanting to adopt and pleading for $1.00 to help with the costs?

Sometimes I find myself getting so caught up in, "God's work" you know the" important stuff".
I forget about smiling at the cashier.
Helping someone fix a tire.
Serving my family.

I think sometimes the world, the media, magazines, blogs, facebook, friends, ourselves
give us a false idol. The great poser idol. The idol that we all worship, that tells us...We are not enough. We need more. We have to save the world. We have to be Oprah. We have to have an organization. Make a difference in thousands of lives.
I forget or am blinded to what God has called me to today.

I don't know what He has in my future. I do know I will always fall short. I will always be a poser.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Have I....

told all of you thank you?

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for encouraging.
Thank you for inspiring.


hopefully you know I'm talking about...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Gift

I think about Gedese and Christiana every day. Not a day goes by that I'm not wondering how they are doing. Are they well? Is Gedese eating enough? Has Alex come home yet? Is Christiana walking yet? Are they drinking clean water? Do they have any money? Is Gedese lonely? Is she happy. Does she think about us? Will Christiana remember me?

I get to speak with her every few weeks, but the connection is usually terrible and I have trouble understanding people on the phone. I can't see their lips and watch their body language which makes it difficult for me to process what is being said.

This week-One of my blog friends Robbin is picking up her precious baby girl in Ethiopia. She blessed me so much! She took a few things to Gedese for me ans spent some time with her. I got a gift from Robbin this morning an email.

Hi there!!!! Saw Gadesse. It was amazing. Cristiana is such a big girl. All smiles and playing. She was super excited about everything but mostly the ethio/America book you found that Diesel lost lol and of course the snickers!!!!!! I have video and will fill you in and email them as soon as I am home. Can't seem to get it to go from here. She sends her love!!!!

Thank you so much for allowing me to do this!


Tuesday, September 1, 2009