Saturday, September 12, 2009

Lost in Translation

If I had the means to vlog(video blog) this I would.
So much can get lost or misunderstood in the written world for me.
If you could see my face and watch my body maybe then would the words I type match what my heart intends.

I have had so many wonderful people contact me regarding my latest post. My heart is full with your caring. Yet, I feel as if my blog was misunderstood.

Yes. I am hard on myself.
Yes. There are season's in our life.

I don't know if even now I will totally be able to explain what is on my heart.

I know.
and you know,
When God has called you to something.
I hear His voice loud and I hear it clearly.
I am thankful for that.
He has done amazing work in my life.
To know my testimony is to know God redeems.
I cling to His grace everyday.
Without it....
I WOULD be lost.
I know His Grace.
I live His grace.

I also hear His voice.
I know what He wants me to do.
I see a vision of the person He created me to be.
That is what haunts me.
That is what I call being fake.
He has shown me.
Yet, I make excuses.
My spirit is willing
my flesh is weak.
I need to be hard on myself.
God gives me Grace.
Yet He calls my name.
I know at the end of the day I am still nothing no matter what I have done or not done.
Where I feel I'm faking or a poser is I talk a lot,
but yet do nothing...
then I make excuses.
I hate telling people about my "story" sometimes,
because to them it is huge. Which it is.
I am an ex drug addict, high school dropout, gypsy living, prostitute that God has shown His mercy on. I have an incredible marriage that I fight for everyday, six amazing children, two adopted that were left for dead, I listened to God and saved the life of a pregnant mom in Africa by moving her to my home and raising money to take care of her and her newborn.
Just in that, You can see how big God is.
That is what I want you to see.
With in that though- He has shown me more.
I have been given so much...
I am only hard on myself because I want to be obedient. I am a poser. To think more highly of myself would be to discount who God is in my life.
I am nothing.
Yet I am beautiful.
I am unworthy.
Yet He made me new.
I was asked not to long ago...
"If there was a part of the bible that impacts or sums up your relationship to God, what is it?"

Romans 12

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.


Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

So please know in your heart- I am not down on myself or being too hard.
I am being honest.
God is doing a mighty work.


Becky said...

I got you the first post and I get you again. I hear you loud and clear because I myself feel so similar. You challenge me! I will send you a note via fb real soon. Much love -

amy smith said...

i get you.
i love you.

David and Sarah said...

I think that I got your first post, but didn't respond at the time. What you're saying is that God is worthy of all that He is asking of you!! We all fail, and though none of us are perfect, you want to live a life worthy of the high calling He has called you to in Jesus Christ!!

If this is what you're saying, I say Amen! and God bless you for your zeal!!


Salzwedel Family said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I think your intentions came across beautifully.

I fail every day. I want to do more. I know I could/should do more. I make excuses too. We can all only do that through His grace and strength.

Leah Dooley said...

I guess I need to scroll down & read this post. I am obviously blog slacking.

crispy said...

I have always appreciated your heart and "genuiness". You are broken in the worlds eyes but whole in God. When He sees you, He sees the sacrifice of His son.


Sean and Lisa said...

I completely "got" your first post. You were preaching to the choir girlfriend!! Keep it up! :)

Beautiful Mess said...

Happy to have stumbled upon your blog--I "got" both the posts and identified totally.

This is a tough spot we are placed in--hopefully I will have the strength to be who HE desire me to be--so far--not-so-great.

Thank you for sharing and being bold and honest!