Friday, May 28, 2010

Completely Naked

This is me. The real me. Sans make-up..and without the comfort of anonymity behind my keyboard.
My first ever VLOG.
I'm not going to lie...
1. To do this was....intimidating to say the least. To cry in front an unknown audience was humbling.
2. It is REALLY long, and I know from my marketing background that due to it's length only 20% of people who read my blog will take the time to click on the video and only 20% of the people who click on it will actually watch it...
So out of 200 who read my blog...only 8 will watch it....
I can't wait to see who will be the 8. I will know from your comments:)
3. I pray..that I will be wrong. I pray that more than 8 people will watch the whole thing. Why?
It's not just a post or words you can skim through...and then decide if you want to read the whole thing..

I give it to you for 19 minutes.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tired, worn-out...AND READY!

This man
this woman
Married for 15 years
parents to 6 children
are very much in love...
extremely tired.
Everyday we choose to see what we cherish..
Cherish what we love...
love what we have.
We have a crazy life.
A busy life.
A life filled with stressful things.
Everyday things that tend to drag people down...
We choose to plow through.

with a smile on our face..
Sometimes our smile is real
sometimes it's fake


Because at the end of our day...
No matter how tired we are...
We choose to focus on what is good!
Is it perfect?
Real love

So this tired couple along with these beautiful...
equally as tired and stressed children
Who have shed many tears

sighed many sighs...

Who have climbed an uphill battle for over two years without a break

And have fallen many times....
But continue to GET BACK UP!

And waded into the unknown...

Yes...this family....
is going on a much needed vacation.
The first family focused trip in over two years.
Next Friday we leave for Florida.
We have nothing really planned or set in stone.
We are just getting in the van...
and going.
We will be staying with Ad's cousin's wife (Candace). He(Jay) was recently deployed. They have 4 beautiful kids...and live by the beach! 10 kids. One house!
We will also be visiting Ad's BF and his family in Tampa! Their church recently sponsored BEMM on Mother's Day. I also hope to meet many blog friends!..
I can't begin to tell you how excited we are...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Nuggets That Nourish...

My heart and mind is in overdrive today. I have blown through a mound of paper scribbling down thoughts. I love nuggets of wisdom. You know..quotes or sayings that people come up with. In a few short sentences they have the ability to totally transform a thought pattern and renew your spirit. Lately many people have been quoting David Platt. WOW! Some convicting stuff like

Humbling, historic reality: The global purpose of God has always met resistance from the comfortable people of God. David Platt.

This one really got me thinking..And then there's this from Rick Warren

Orphans are not a cause, they are a biblical and social mandate we can't ignore.

And some of my all time favorite quotes that have changed my way of thinking...

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple
Dr. Suess
and another by him
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Helen Keller..need I say more..

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.

What about Anne Frank

Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!

You all know my biggest mantra is....
One person can make a difference. It doesn't take someone with talent, education, money or (insert what you feel you don't have here)....It just takes YOU.

So my nuggets...the ones from my heart..that I wrote for the people who don't feel smart enough, rich enough, or capable enough. I know you are scared. I know this is new. I know you are busy...etc...Yet, I know you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach...You want to do something, anything....this is for you.

"When you choose to do nothing, you hurt the very thing that is needed....YOU"

"When we do nothing, because the problem seems too big...we cripple our faith. When we do something, no matter how small...we cripple the problem".

"Every action impacts something. When we choose to give we impact the one in need and ourselves...when we do nothing, we impact the way we see ourselves"

"When millions live in bondage we MUST deny ourselves the freedom to do nothing"

and finally....

"It is not my circumstances that vexes me as much as the depth of my faith.
For, if I truly believed God works everything out for His perfect glory then no amount of strife or turmoil should trouble me."

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Looking back to appreciate what's ahead

I don't know what it is about looking back that inspires me for the journey that's ahead. We have just passed our 2yr "gotcha day" mark and the twins are by our records getting ready to turn 4. (Even though we just found out from their parents they turned 4 a couple of months ago). Many of you know our story and some of you are new. I still don't have an inspirational tear jerker adoption video put together. Still on my list. Just like finalizing the adoption here in our state. Many of my friends not only have done all the above, but then God lead them to more beautiful children. It's hard sometimes as a mom and woman not to compare our stories, victories and struggles. Yet, I know all of us are different and called to different things and our stories are different. I am not the type of mom to spend money on maternity pics, newborn pics, 1st birthdays...heck..I don't even have wedding pics. I don't scrapbook and I failed after my first child to create a memorable babybook. I don't buy school pics, sports pics or Easter dresses for my girls. If I really think about it..I pretty much suck as a family matriarch. Instead my money goes to other peoples adoption, different causes, BEMM, tons of videos for the kids because we choose to not have cable, an occasional facial, seeing friends..I never want to be in a position to choose between a new pair of jeans and feeding kids in Uganda. Don't get me wrong...I am blessed and at times able to do both. BUT for the lack of photo books, videos, and tangible comes down to time. My time for the last 14 years has been dedicated to survival. Every moment I get...I choose not to spend doing things that I know I will totally love and appreciate in the future..instead..I take a deep breath, ignore all that's around me and try to focus on what's ahead. Which is sometimes just dinner, or the laundry:)... Seriously WHO has time to try and be perfect? I am terribly busy surviving. Because I seem to lack the capacity to create beautiful visual things or am too cheap to buy them, I need to sometimes spend a few hours looking back...and remembering with my heart the tragedy that God made beautiful....Without my understanding...HE chose to give us these two children who were not lucky to find us...but we were lucky to find them.

Diezel on his way to the hospital in Addis. I remember being so worried about his bottom lip. He had the hardest time holding his lip and his tongue in. They both atrophied from his sickness. We spent the next year learning ways to strengthen the muscle tone that was lost due to malnutrition

Diezel(11 pounds) age 2. One of the few times he sat up unassisted while we were in Ethiopia

Xia age 2 (10 pounds)at the hospital in Ethiopia. I had to hold her head up. I kept her head covered in the hoodie while there. We got stared at a lot and many people turned their backs to us in fear. The pictures do not show the massive open wounds on her face and head where her skin starting eating itself. My dr. told me..if we were even a few days late getting them..they would both be dead.

Holding my babies in Ethiopia. We were all exhausted and tired. At this point..I had hope they were going to live. Our biggest hurdles were the embassy and the plane ride home.

This picture was taken 7 days after my arrival to Ethiopia and after 7 days of food and a trip to the hospital. She was looking much better, but had yet to smile. She was not sitting without help.
Again she is two weighs roughly 8-10 pounds. Is wearing a newborn diaper.

This is Adam meeting the twins for the first time. After I learned they were sick. I left early. We had already lost one baby to death in Liberia...I wasn't going to take a chance! Diezel is in size 3 month clothes..He is 2.

This is how Xia was most of the time. She was either half awake or screaming.

This is her passport picture

If you are interested in the rest of the story here it is...
We adopted 2 year old
twins. It has been quite the journey, in many ways not like I expected. Adjusting has been difficult to say the least. Please know if you actually finish reading this post, it is not meant to be negative. On the contrary I hope to encourage. We went through so much before we finally found our twins. One referral died of malaria, one taken back to their village and one here in our own state pulled two weeks before placement. All of them I loved. Our referral of the twins was nothing less than God's plan. Our paperwork arrived the same time the twins were taken to the orphanage. When I first saw their pic I was filled with fear. Fear of another loss. Much to our surprise the process with our new agency went lightning fast. I was set to travel 3 months past the date of first hearing of them. Then a week before I was to leave I got a call. They were sick, but would be okay. Not wanting to take any chances, I left the next day without my husband. Not what I planned, but obviously what God planned. I will never ever forget what I saw when I walked into the orphanage. Two kids looking the shell of my first photo of them. At 22 months they weighed a mere 10 pounds. They looked like the kids from the late night infomercials. The ones whose faces haunt you. They had the skeletal frames, sunken eyes, and dead expressions, but they weren't the kids on the aids fliers and infomercials, they were my babies. It suddenly felt less like a gotcha day and more like a rescue mission. Every day I was there was so painful. The fear was intense. Are they going to live? If they do what are the life long effects going to be. My heart screamed for them, for our kids at home. Our first attempt through immigration, and we were denied the ability to bring them home. Our agency messed up. Again tears. By that time my husband was in Ethiopia. Praise God he was there to fight that battle. I was so overwhelmed with the twins state. Our little girl cried all the time and our little boy was so sick. In the midst of all of this God still had bigger plans. We met an amazing couple while we were there. God spoke, "Help them." She was pregnant with their second child, the first one died months before in utero at 8 1/2 months. They were terrified of losing this one. With help from another amazing family that was with us to pick up their own daughter, they covered her plane ticket to the states and we agreed to care for her. Our flight home was painfully long. The twins cried most of the way and the pregnant woman that was with us was sick. When we got home the twins were hospitalized. We didn't know if our son was even gonna make it. We were told over and over again that they were knocking on deaths door. In the meantime we have four other kids at home that haven't seen me in weeks and now I'm in a hospital room with their new brother and sister. I didn't want to leave them and yet I knew my other kids needed me to. As each day went by, I felt my own strength leave. The twins doctors would comment on how bad I looked. Only now do I realize the full extent of God's hand in my life during that period. I ended up having Typhoid fever, Hep A, Giardia, and tissue parasites. The twins were released a few weeks later. I continued to be sick for three months. Needless to say the last five months have been challenging. I still feel robbed in a weird way of how I thought our adoption experience was to go. I now have six kids at home that are still trying to figure out how to be a family and a pregnant Ethiopian woman that is now my best friend and is due in a month. So in a few short months we have gone from a family of six to a soon to be family of ten. NOTHING went as I planned, but EVERYTHING went as God planned.

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Must Remember...

Spending sometime today looking back at how far the twins have come. We are getting ready to celebrate their 4th birthday..Doesn't seem possible. Seems like just yesterday I was meeting them for the first time. I forgot how sick and how small they were. At almost 2 they weighed 10 pounds. This video was taken after their weeks in the hospital and after their 2nd birthday. They had just start walking and are in 3-6 month size clothes.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Boster Boys

Absolutely LOVE my boys.

My teenager

My proud to be in underwear boy

and soon to be a kindergartner

It's fun to have boys


Not sure what to think... and I hestitate sharing this strange request. I have had several people contact me this week to say they feel strongly lead to pray for me. All different people that have no connection and range from not really knowing me to super close friends, but they all sense a deep prompting. My first thought is-AWESOME! My next thought they know something I don't. Funny thing...I too sense something is either heading my way or I am in the middle of something and I don't even know it. Anyway, I want to thank the people who have left me messages and also ask for others to pray for me. In this same week, I have also had two people say they have had thoughts of me dying. I know..totally dramatic, right? I hope I am dying because that would be awesome!...If I'm dying spiritually...then I pray for a resurrection. I pray that I am made alive in Christ and my old self dies away...and if I'm dying physically...then I will be where my soul longs to be. So..not sure what's to come..but man...I'm ready. Ready for a change and trying not to be slightly wigged out in the process

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Oh Where Art Thou..or The Cheeziest Post Ever Written

Dear Grey Hat,
Where have you gone? Did I do something wrong? Did I not tell you how much I appreciate all you do...The moment I put you upon my head..I was transformed.You provided security and comfort when I was feeling insecure and ugly...I got to hide behind your brim and my wild hair was instantly tamed. It has been 3 weeks since I lost you...My whole life has been turned upside down since you left...I have learned to use a brush again. Do you know how hard it is too even find a brush in this house. Why just this morning I asked my 3 daughters where one was. I even sent them all over the house to find my dismay they proclaimed it missing just like you my dear grey hat. It wasn't until later that I found it laying here...

Also since your disappearance my fake blonde hair has grown out considerably and I have almost an inch of dark roots that show. Since I don't have you to cover the obvious up anymore I was left with only a few choices. I thought about not leaving the house until your return. After all I am loyal in my codependency. My only other option was to move on...As much as it pains me to let you go, I must. In your place I found this...

.Unlike you, they come in different colors. I can change them according to my mood and attire. And did you know that for just $8.00, I can own one AND support a mother in E. Africa? I know you are thinking..."Is it as comfortable as me?"..Yes. Yes, dear grey hat it is and it covers my roots. It also tames my wild hair. In fact I walk around feeling great! So, Grey Hat..I really do miss you and I hope you return to me one day...Until then take comfort in knowing...This head of hair is working for a greater purpose.

*more headbands coming soon*

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Beautifully Brilliant

I LOVE this sweet family's heart.
I LOVE this idea.
It is beautifully brilliant.
This brings the biggest smile to my heart!

Friday, May 14, 2010


This is one of those posts that will probably require my disclaimer....

*Dear reader of my blog, these are my thoughts and my opinions. If you find me selfish, irritating, too far left, too far right, too open, too shallow, non politically correct, too politically correct, too Christian, not Christian enough, have too many children, not enough children, too fat, too thin, pissed that I don't homeschool, worried if I do homeschool, can't believe I eat meat, think I'm starving my children if we are vegetarians, hate me if I like Obama, curse me if I vote Republican, accuse me of polluting the environment if I don't drive a hybrid, call me granola that I buy organic or don't like me at all, then may I suggest you give yourself a tree loving, oil coveting, atheistic hug in the name of Christ and quietly read someone else's blog.*

The further I dive into the world of non-profit..the more aware I become of how human we ALL are, and unfortunately the more "christian" they proclaim they are..the more corrupt they seem to be. Or better yet...the micro-scopic lens seems be focused on them. I see competition among organizations. I see competition in fundraising. I see competition among causes. It can get overwhelming and discouraging. I see one tracked mindness. Unfortunately, I see more separation and competition than I do unity. I have more than once been so caught up in my own agenda that I lack the capacity to see what God desires of me. I support your cause therefore you should support mine...THE ONLY CAUSE THAT IS WORTH SUPPORTING IS....not your cause, your friends cause, the "Christian" cause, the ethical cause....IT is to be like CHRIST. And I pray you know the same Christ I do...He did not hide in his church, He did not jump on the newest bandwagon, He did not hang with only "good Christian people", He didn't only support a certain organization or cause, He didn't only eat certain foods and drink certain beverages. The Christ I know...loved. He loved all inspite of themselves. He ate. He drank. He loved. He did not separate...He wanted unity. Yes, He came with a message. Seemed to me the people He got angry with..wasn't the "drunkards, the prostitutes, the "sinners"..He had a beautiful compassion on was the hypocrite, the religious, the organization that proclaimed God..yet outwardly turned their backs on the unworthy that bothered Him. My point...I think it is way too easy to get caught up in "our" cause..whether it be adoption, water, discipleship, human trafficking, special needs, animal rights, civil rights, marriage equality, environmental issues..etc, that we forget or are unable to recognize anything outside of our "cause". Wheter your cause be adoption, water, human trafficking, maternal care, marriage equality, environmental issues, special needs, medical awareness...we are all fighting for the same thing. Why can't we support each other? You feel called to adoption funding? Great...then support organizations that work on prevention as well. You want to help the 14 year old sex slave..great! Then also support older children adoption and your local womens shelter. You feel called towards water? Sweet...then also spread the word that most water is collected by women and they spend 6+ hours a day finding it..even in their 9th month of pregnancy...then spread the word of an organization that helps with pre-natal care...We could do so much more by uniting than getting caught up in our own cause

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Jace just learned a lesson on the cycle of life. He being the man of the house(right now) had to be the one to take care of a dying creature. We found a newborn critter on our rug...the cat was playing with it. It was bald and shaking. Eyes still shut. I matter what we did, it was unfortunately beyond saving. As hard as it is..the only humane thing was to shorten it's suffering. I looked at Jace (14) and he knew he had to step up. He quietly took it outside and came back in just as quietly. He didn't say a word..and I am grateful, but more importantly as silly as it sounds..I know he took one step closer to growing up today. We looked up the critter online and identified it as an infant mouse..which means there is probably a nest somewhere and our cats are doing their man...just the same..Jace and I are still very sad. I know it's nature and it is the great cycle of life...

The End is Near..

This might be it
it might be the end..

5475 straight days
or roughly
55,000 times
well over

I'm talking about diapers!

Diezel has been our last hold-out.
We are 3 days into
the end of daytime diapers.

This is a good thing..
especially if you have been blessed enough to be around during one of Diezel's 3-7x a day blowouts.
I can't help but to feel a little sad.
that means all my babies are growing up.
and we are moving into a new era.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Half Finished Post...

It seems like I need to learn how to balance my life better. This is difficult for me. For one, I feel "balance" is overrated or overused as an excuse to not do something. I believe God is our "balance" and we have seasons in our lives when we need to readjust our focus and different areas will require more or less of us. I also believe in spiritual alignment and if you are aligned, then things should be in a natural "balance". The thing is...all the above is what I know to be true..Yet, I act differently..I chose the bottom of my spiritual alignment over the top. I fail at this everyday.

I ran out of time...serving up dinner for my family..would you finish this post for me? I know I'm not alone.

Monday, May 10, 2010

First Ones Are In!!!

You know you want one.
3 colors available.
Many more coming.
$8.00 each
all money goes towards the clinic.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Climbing massive dirt hills

to slide down with random stray dogs that show up

Playing King of the mountain after a long day playing paintball

Making new BFF's with the Spears family who came for a diving meet with their beautiful 16 year old daughter and 5 year old twins from Ethiopia and who happens to be a blog friend that I've "known" for 2 years, but have never met.

Celebrating Mother's Day Boster full camo and ready for paintball

Yeah...two moms looking totally cool!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Just a Little..

I'm just a little bit nervous, but mostly excited. God has really been nudging me out of my comfort zone lately. First the table at preschool and now...tomorrow morning on Mother's Day, I have the privilege of talking to a church in Tampa, Florida about Because Every Mother Matters. Logos Dei Community Church is supporting BEMM and our efforts to bring maternity and infant care to the mommas in Ethiopia. So, at 9:00am via skype I will be pouring out my heart, casting a vision and hopefully not passing out from hyperventilating.
What is that saying? He doesn't call the equipped..He equips who He calls. Something like that, right? Yeah I never really liked that saying:) Or what about..Whatever your greatest fear..that is where HE wants to use you..Yeah, I was never fond of that saying either. At this doesn't really matter what my fears are or what I am good at. Why? Because it is not about me. It is about HIM and it is about them...the mothers, the children, the families, the community that is affected by the lack of basic necessities for a clean and healthy pregnancy and birth.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Beautiful Mommas

$2000 away from our Mother's Day goal.
6 hours left of our last $10 Friday.
“And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!” Dr. Suess.
-Your $10 Matters!

I know it matters to these beautiful mommas.


Donate here

I Had No Idea..

Did you know we spend 1.5 Billion just on gift cards..2.5 billion on jewelry..672 million on greeting cards for Mother's Day..and $975 to build a maternity center for mom's in East Africa?

Time to restore the balance! This is the last $10 friday before Mother's Day!

Please Click here to donate

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.

Marie Lloyd

This is it...the last Friday to meet our goal...Thank you so much to all of you. To say I am nervous is an understatement...We are $3500 from our goal of 5k by Mother's Day..and then to think even with 5k we are still 15K from our true goal..The truth is..I am glad it hasn't been easy and I am completely relying on God for a miracle. Because whether we succeed or fail...GOD wins! He is in control. Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on us..Got it! So many wonderful things have happened the last few Fridays. A church in Florida is having BEMM speak via sdkype on Mother's Day to raise awareness for the moms in Africa. A group of women here in Columbia are surrounding me with their gifts and talents to help BEMM, a mom that read a post from a one of you, shared her miracle birthing story to bring awareness to many things happening. People and things that only God could put together. I am so proud to be a part of this and to know each and everyone of you.
LET's MAKE THIS LAST $10 FRIDAY COUNT! I pray each and everyone of you are encouraged, empowered and ready to spread the word tomorrow on your blog, facebook, twitter, at work...let people are doing this...

Women ( Mainly Moms) Scare Me..

You have heard of arachnophobia-fear of spiders, agoraphobia-fear of crowds. Did you know that Peladophobia-is a fear of bald people. Or Venustraphobia is- Fear of beautiful women. My favorite is Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers. Another good one Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words.
Turns out there's a name for my fear too..
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women. Today I was extremely spent an hour in the bathroom kind of nervous. I set up a table at my kids preschool this morning to try to raise money for BEMM and raise awareness about the conditions women in Africa face when pregnant. Now..most of you right now probably think I'm kidding about being freaked out. I write incredibly open on my blog about my life..For the most part I seem like an incredibly outgoing woman. YEAH, unless it's face to face with women or more specifically moms. I have been like this for as long as I can remember. When I am at the park..I play with my kids. Why? Other than I want to...Um, it's to avoid the moms. Right now..I know some psych major who is reading this is having a hay day with my issues:) MOMS FREAK ME OUT. People tell me I should join this group or that group...Um..No thank you. Why? Because they are mom groups. The funny thing is I started an organization to help moms supported by who? Yes moms, women and a few men:). Do you remember that 7 day backpack trip in the Colorado mountains I went on last summer? Was I nervous to hike 40 miles without a tent and face the elements? Oh heck no...I was scared of the women. A group of 12 women..all moms and all strangers. Put together under extreme conditions to draw closer to God. I still think about that...doing that trip was HUGE for me. Going last year to the Orphan Summit and bunking with 6 women (moms) that I never met. That was huge. The funny thing is...I am an extrovert. I LOVE people...I really do. When I go to the store, I say, "Hi" to everyone I meet. I know all the checkers by name and most of their children. It's something about the upper middle class woman that disarms me. After my Colorado trip and last years Orphan Summit..I learned one thing...EVERY WOMAN no matter their socio-economic way too hard on herself and in defense is way too critical of others. I also know that a few will and most won't...A few will "get" you and most won't...A "few" will go against the norm and most will stay with what they know. Most people will do nothing and a "few" will.
And that's okay...My point..other than being a very incoherent rambling of a post is this...FACE YOUR FEARS! And people don't think of you nearly as much as you think about yourself... the outcome of my table today...
Most ignored me...(it was quite funny to watch)...but the few that listened..WOW. They gave. $350 to be exact!

It's was so worth get over myself.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Coming Soon...


Super cute headbands
for BEMM

Nine Hundred Seventy Five

That's the amount that has been raised the last two $10 Fridays.
we only need $4025 more to reach our 5k goal by Mother's Day...
What do you think?
Should I give up now?
There is only 1 friday left...
Was I being too naive to think 5k could be raised in 3weeks?
Was it silly to think that with 450 BEMM Facebook fans...and the hundred or so people that visit this blog a day..that 5k would be easy?

Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
-- Ella Fitzgerald

Last week Ginny sent me a link to a blogpost someone wrote after they read her blog post about Because Every Mother Matters....After reading Ginny's post(here) and Michelle's post (here) doesn't matter what the numbers look doesn't matter if I reach my 5k goal by Mother's Day...
What does
The money WILL be raised.
The clinic will be built.
BEMM will provide mother to mother sponsorships.
Lives will be saved.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Not Sure

I'm not sure what to blog about anymore...I used to blog about our adoption. The waiting...the homecoming...the adjustment. Then I wrote about Gedese(the women I met In Africa and brought home with me...thus the birth of Because Every Mother Matters) I wrote about different charities or causes I supported...I wrote about my health challenges...overcoming son's severe marriage...etc..AND now...hmmm.
well..I do not see anymore kids in our future anytime soon.
and I realized I will never be fully adjusted to our adoption..and that's okay. It doesn't mean we aren't still moving forward or attached.
The only charity or cause as of now is BEMM...and I am fired up!
My health is doing great...thanks GOD.
Jace...well we are in new territory and still figuring things out.
My marriage...holy cow...15 years and still learning.
And since I no longer blog for this weird need to feel accepted by someone..anyone...due to feeling so alone...because the older I get...I seem to relate back to my teen years...where..I am who I am..I am a dork. My family loves me. No-one seems "to get" me...but if GOD be for me....then nothing else matters much.
So that leaves me this point. My blog is not going to attract the newly adoptive parents, or the latest cause or trend...
You are left with me.
The real me....
A woman who screws up a lot.
is honest to a fault...
Knows nothing...
Never graduated highschool...
A runaway who turned
ex-drug addict
and prostitute
redeemed by CHRIST.
Saved by GRACE.
and unashamed....
So..what do I blog about now?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Open for Business...

Saturday was the official opening of our paintball business. It was also Adam's 40th b-day.

My brother Bobby, Jace, McKayley and Lukas all suited up for battle

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner on Sat?

This Family!!!

I can't wait to meet them.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


I had one of those weeks. Glad you did..and glad it's over kind of weeks. The kind of week that just takes all of you. Like a raging river..You can feel the pressure all around, but you know to survive just got go with the flow and fight to stay afloat. So many cool things are happening around here. With all growth of any kind- comes what? Let's say it all together..."opposition" or let's call it for what it is..."THE ENEMY". The moment you step out on faith, in faith and with faith...there is something that follows close behind. Yours kids get pneumonia, something creeps up in your marriage, something major breaks in your house, your car needs major repair, a mistake happens, you didn't get what you hoped for, the kids are misbehaving, etc..etc.... Yeah...I'm talking about crap and it happens. SO WHAT?! This week in spite of all the troubles and stresses...I was beyond blessed. In the midst of it all GOD triumphed! Did everything turn out how I hoped? NO! Did everything come together? YES. Did I respond in every situation correctly? NO. Is God's grace sufficient? YES. Am I ready to start again? BRING IT!