I'm thinking I might need to change my bio.. "I have made more mistakes than anyone I know and I'm wrong way more than I'm right." It's starting to get really old making mistakes and being wrong all the time. I have had a bad few months and have really lived my bio line perfectly! This week in particular my mistakes have hurt people and I am regrettably sorry. The thing I hate is most of my mistakes are due to my ignorance or from my desire to help. I become so absorbed in fixing something that I am completely unaware of what I am breaking along the way. Then when I look back..I am devastated by the mess I created.
One of my biggest mistakes the past few months has hurt my family. Sometimes I forget that the MOST IMPORTANT MINISTRY I have..is my family. period. When I start getting angry with my children for interrupting my "work" time or start viewing them as a distraction from what is important..I have failed terribly. What I'm doing with Because Every Mother Matters is a new territory for me and my family. I have been involved in a lot of causes before, but they were short term, maybe lasting a month and then I move on. (except for the year w/Gedese)
Never before have I taken on something this big that I believe in this much. It got kind of overwhelming. I was spending well over 20+ hours a week on it and when I wasn't working on the computer networking, I was meeting with people, on the phone, and obsessing over it. My family suffered. This week I have worked really hard on restoring the balance. My kids and I have had many adventures this week. The fighting has decreased. The smiles are back and I am focusing more on my ministry (my family)in my home. I think BEMM can and will be successful even if I cut way back. I actually think it has room to grow even more, by me removing myself a bit. There's a lot more room for God now:)
One day I will share the other huge mistake I made this week. One that hurt some of the people I admire the most. I have cried more tears in the last 48 hours than I have in awhile. I have learned some invaluable lessons and have grown up a lot. That I am thankful for. I have had time to ponder and spend time with my creator. I am still searching for an answer as to why I seem to hurt people even when my intentions and heart are good and I feel so strongly that He is leading me...it gets so confusing. I know my heart..He knows my heart...yet, something is missing and I will keep digging deep and hitting the floor on my knees until I figure it out.
8 comments:
Love you friend. I often struggle with this same thing. Balance.
You are beautiful!! Bless you as you figure out the balance that is right for you and your family.
steffany - thank you for sharing this! i too have had to figure out how to keep my family before my work with FHTH. it's a constant evaluation process - thanks for being transparent here.
just read this on fb and made me think of you....
"Be who you are and be that well."--Saint Francis de Sales
thank you for sharing i too have to work on balance. i often stop seeing the ones that need me right in my own home.
BTW- is there anything I can do to help BEMM?
Hey there. What a precious post. I can see your heart every time you write. MAN! It is beautiful!! I KNOW that is how God feels when HE looks at your heart. I just BELIEVE He loves that kind of heart.
Just like when we see our kids fall off their bike and they were TRYING SO HARD!!! We don't feel angry. We cheer and tell them we are so proud of them.
I just KNOW that's how God must feel about your amazing and humble heart.
I can see you are growing in these wonderful ways. Thank you so much for being willing to put yourself out there. I know we all relate to the struggle to balance all this passion we feel when the scales fall off our eyes and WE SEE IT!
I am TOTALLY here cheering you on. Sure... you fell off the bike this week. Most people never have the courage to try riding in the first place. One of these days you are gonna get it and we'll be screaming for you while we fall off our bikes!! LOL! ;-)
HUGS!! Angel
Balance is always hard. Hugs.
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