I'm thinking I might need to change my bio.. "I have made more mistakes than anyone I know and I'm wrong way more than I'm right." It's starting to get really old making mistakes and being wrong all the time. I have had a bad few months and have really lived my bio line perfectly! This week in particular my mistakes have hurt people and I am regrettably sorry. The thing I hate is most of my mistakes are due to my ignorance or from my desire to help. I become so absorbed in fixing something that I am completely unaware of what I am breaking along the way. Then when I look back..I am devastated by the mess I created.
One of my biggest mistakes the past few months has hurt my family. Sometimes I forget that the MOST IMPORTANT MINISTRY I have..is my family. period. When I start getting angry with my children for interrupting my "work" time or start viewing them as a distraction from what is important..I have failed terribly. What I'm doing with Because Every Mother Matters is a new territory for me and my family. I have been involved in a lot of causes before, but they were short term, maybe lasting a month and then I move on. (except for the year w/Gedese)
Never before have I taken on something this big that I believe in this much. It got kind of overwhelming. I was spending well over 20+ hours a week on it and when I wasn't working on the computer networking, I was meeting with people, on the phone, and obsessing over it. My family suffered. This week I have worked really hard on restoring the balance. My kids and I have had many adventures this week. The fighting has decreased. The smiles are back and I am focusing more on my ministry (my family)in my home. I think BEMM can and will be successful even if I cut way back. I actually think it has room to grow even more, by me removing myself a bit. There's a lot more room for God now:)
One day I will share the other huge mistake I made this week. One that hurt some of the people I admire the most. I have cried more tears in the last 48 hours than I have in awhile. I have learned some invaluable lessons and have grown up a lot. That I am thankful for. I have had time to ponder and spend time with my creator. I am still searching for an answer as to why I seem to hurt people even when my intentions and heart are good and I feel so strongly that He is leading me...it gets so confusing. I know my heart..He knows my heart...yet, something is missing and I will keep digging deep and hitting the floor on my knees until I figure it out.