The Beep

My phone has a feature
A feature that most of the time annoys me.

It beeps when I get an email.
Typically it's an email soliciting Viagra at all hours of the night.
But
In the last 36 hours
My phone has beeped every hour or two
letting me know
that we can make one more kit.
Normally I silence my phone at night
But
I can't help it.
I want to leave it on now.
Every beep I hear
makes me want to dance.
It's like Pavlov's Dogs
Beep=good

So far 60 simple cards have been purchased by you to provide 60 mommas with basic needs to simply live. That is HUGE! Right now our medical director is busy assembling the birthing kits that will be delivered to the war torn regions of Congo. NEVER underestimate what it is that YOU can do. It might be the simple card you bought to honor a woman in your life that you love that provided the basics needed to help a woman someone else loves simply live.

Back to Basic

Mother Teresa tells us a simple smile is the basics of peace.

We all know the basics....
The ABC's
The 123's
Most of us know
The golden rule.
The 1o Commandments.
"Live simply so others can simply live"
Eat less
Exercise more
"Count your blessings everyday"
"A healthy heart is a happy heart"
The basics
are pretty simple

When my children are crying they desire nothing more than a simple hug. When they fall down they need maybe a basic band-aid for their booboos. When I have had a rough day just hearing a simple encouragement like a basic,"I am sorry you are hurting and I love you" means everything to me....When my soul is thirsty, I simply and humbly go back to the basics of my faith.

If the basics are so simple
and if we can simply live by the basics
then why do so many of us (me)
simply walk away from the basics of what can help so many simply live?


Because Every Mother Matters was started over three years ago after Brandi and I read about how women give birth in Uganda. It was simply a heartfelt response to meet the basic needs of mommas. We learned that women and children were dying needlessly due to simple needs of basic materials.
Please read what started it all here
You can see the very first kits delivered here

Since then BEMM has delivered a many kits...
and raised 10,000's of dollars for amazing organizations

Somewhere along the way though we got lost .... We forgot. Yes. Health Care Centers are needed
and Programs help but
often times it comes down to needing the basics to simply live.


$10 provides the basics needed for a mom and her child to simply live.
It's not much
It's simple really
A plastic sheet
A sterile blade
soap
gloves
a chord
A blanket and cap

Basic stuff
Yet...

Every minute of every day, a woman dies from complications related to pregnancy or childbirth.

99% of these deaths occur in developing countries.

In Ethiopia the lifetime risk of dying in pregnancy or childbirth is 1 in 7.

An estimated 1 million young children die shortly after the death of their mother.

"There are “six cleans” that make up a clean birth: clean hands, clean perineum, clean delivery surface, clean cord cutting implement, clean cord tying, and clean cord care."

Because Every Mother Matters is going back to the basics. $10 will provide the basics so mommas can simply live. This Mother's Day We are humbled to share with you our Back to Basic greeting card It's not much really. It's just a simple card...
Basic really. blank inside. 1 in 7 mommas whose futures are unwritten... waiting for someone to fill in the blanks...

This Mother's Day
Give a $10 simply made card
to provide the basics
for a mom to simply live.


Simply order your Back to Basic Cards to the right of my blog or on the BEMM website

It's simple.
One card provides the basics to help a momma simply live.
No fluff
No glitter
Just the basics.

The Orphan Part 1-

I was driving home yesterday with my three daughters in the car after a girls getaway. Along the interstate, tucked back between trees, is a little white house with broken green shutters. It is no bigger than a shed. I drive by this house a dozen times a year on my way to St. Louis. I pretend to not see it most of the time or look the other way when I pass by. Sometimes I wonder who lives there..if anyone does at all. After 18 years it still looks the same to me. A small white house along the interstate and in the middle of nowhere. A modest symbol of home to a girl who had nothing, but desired something. I moved into the little white house in the middle of Missouri with my boyfriend whom I had met while being homeless and working in a crack house in California. I had a dream. I wanted to leave all my past behind. The drugs, the prostitution, the heartache, the loneliness, the chaos...all of it. The little white house was to be my new start. A symbol of family. A few months later I ended up fighting for my life at what was suppose to be the symbol of new beginnings, family and hope. My boyfriend, in a violent rage attacked me. He beat me and didn't want to stop. I fled the house. I hid in the bushes. The blood running down my face blurred my vision, but I could still see my dream...the home....the symbol of family in front of me. He had a knife. He was stabbing at the bushes. He was screaming. He was taunting me. I sat there. I looked at the little white house and at that moment I turned my back and I ran. I ran as far away from the house as I could. I vowed to never look back. I called the only person I knew would not judge me. I called my big sister Kym. She picked me up on the side of the interstate. My trembling body covered in blood. I just wanted to go. Yet, she knew that back at the little white house was the man that did this and my two puppies. She drove to the house. Punched her hand through the glass, grabbed the man by his throat and said, "Give me the pups and if you ever lay a finger on my sister again, I will kill you". My sister drove me to her trailer. I don't remember much for the next few weeks until I ended up in the hospital. See, included in my dream of the little white house was a baby. I was pregnant. He did not kill me that night, but he killed our son. I was about 20, but looked 13. The staff at the hospital was cruel. I almost bled to death in their attempt to teach me a lesson. I did die that night though. Every dream I had died. Every hope for the white house died. I had nothing. No home.

My Mirror

I looked in the mirror today and cried. This may sound weird, but I try not to look in the mirror that much. It's not that I don't like what I see or have hang-ups about my appearance. It's just I am who I am. I don't want what I see on any given day to dictate how I should feel about myself. I don't normally wear make-up or spend any time getting ready. I get up and go. Because inside I feel beautiful. I feel alive. I feel loved. I believe I look the same on the outside too and it is what is inside that will control what I see on the outside.

Lately though I have felt ugly, tired and unloved....I was scared to look in the mirror. I am almost 40, I am weary, and I don't feel loved...I did not recognize myself. Holy crap...I look old. I look weary. I look unloved. I look exactly how I feel. I cried. My tears got caught in my wrinkles, my happiness was lost in the bags under my eyes, I feel unloved...and it is obvious from my face, I feel alone.

Yes, I looked in the mirror today and my reflection described me. I can't change my age or my wrinkles.....or even who loves me.

I do know I can feel beautiful. I can feel alive. I can feel loved.

I will not find what I need or all I lack, gazing upon my image. No. I will discover it when I remember to look beyond what I see and who see. I will find it in loving. I will find it in serving... I will find the image I seek and who I am among the least of these...

Argh.

Everyday I have people telling me what to believe or not believe. What to feel or not to feel. What to see or not to see. Sometimes the input is so subtle I don't realize it...other times it is being crammed down my throat. Today was one of those days that I just felt like a pawn. Every body wanting something, needing something. It is in my nature to just give it all. I would have let them nail me to a cross just like Jesus...although I would have done it out of guilt and exhaustion.

Connected

I am completely in awe of the people I "know"...
Online relationships have revolutionized the scope of globalization.
It's one thing to hear about what is happening around the globe...
It's quite another to be personally involved even if it's through the computer.
I read stories every day of personal lives and am immediately drawn into what they are experiencing on a level that is humbling.
I read of people going without shoes in an effort to bring awareness to the millions of people who lack "soles" ...
The need for clean water all over the world makes me cringe when I let my faucet run when brushing my teeth..
My heart hurts when I see a willing family that can take care of a sibling group of four orphaned children, but can't come up with the 50k to adopt them...then be judged when they ask for help to adopt.
I have visited child headed houses. I see my own children in their faces.
I have spent time with 90 year old widows who are caring for their 8 year old great, great grand kids because the generations before them died due to AIDS...
It didn't take me traveling to Africa to "know" the need...
Yes..
I was blessed to spend time there
but....
Thanks to the internet...
I have learned more
can do more
and
feel
connected.

To know more about the orgs I support message me and I will give you links:)

I'm Ready to Talk About it...

I'm ready to talk about it.

The story....
the one that you may or may not know or even care about.
The thing is...
to understand it all
I need to start at the beginning of the day
but
I won't
(some things just stay in Africa)
Not to hide anything...it's just some things you can't explain.
With that said..
The last time (before this time) I saw everyone in my group jump over and dance around a cultural fire in Dorze.
I pride myself in being up for anything...this night though, I just couldn't rally myself.
I was sick.
I sat there watching everyone jump, dance and laugh.
I was miserable.
I made a promise...
The next time I had an opportunity to jump over a fire I would do so with my whole heart!
Well...
This time in Africa
I had a chance
and
I took it...
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
You get the picture?
I jumped over the fire...again and again and then some.
I got cocky.
What seemed like something I couldn't do because of my weakness
became easy
really easy...
So easy that I forgot how awesome it was.
Instead of running and jumping over the fire
I decided I could just stand in front of the fire and jump.
I became cocky
arrogant
I forgot the pure awesomeness of jumping over a fire in Ethiopia
I only thought of the number
I had 10 under my belt
I stood there
I jumped
I landed
in the fire
I
stopped
dropped
rolled
The guards came running
they patted out the flames...
I looked around at the faces around me...
I was
horrified
embarrassed
ashamed.
I jumped up
I looked at the film camera that was rolling...
"I think I broke my foot"

That was it.
People have asked me how I walked on it for 2 weeks without medical care or pain meds..
It was my embarrassment that spurred me on.
I hiked for miles on my foot.
I never complained until our flight home
It was huge
purple
and
messed up
Even then...
the embarrassment was greater than the pain.
I have now been home for 3 weeks and finally went to the doctor
Since then...I have had an MRI and XRAY.
I was given pain meds, but had an allergic reaction to them. I broke out in hives.
The Dr. says it isn't good and can't believe I walked on it for miles in Africa.
Honestly, it hurts worse now than it did weeks ago.
The pain is insane.
The meds give me hives
I am embarrassed
But....
I crushed my foot jumping over a fire in Ethiopia
I struggle with
YES
I messed up my foot jumping over a bonfire in Ethiopia then walked on it without medical treatment for two weeks and have continued to run without walking since I've been home in spite of not being able to take anything for pain due to hives and my life style bad ass syndrome
and
I can't believe I was stupid enough to jump over over a fire that many times, break my foot, walk on it without medical care, put my family in jeopardy, live in constant pain because I have a hang up with asking for pain killers and now have to see a Orthopedic surgeon.
Um...then there's the before story and after story
But..this is the story
How I screwed up my foot in Ethiopia.

The Gifts Opened

We finally did it. We had the twins open the gifts from their birth parents. I asked them who they were from and Xia said, "Our Ethiopian mommy and daddy!" I had built up this event so much in my mind that when it came time it actually was anti-climatic.

Excited to open the presents

Diezel could hardly stand it...

Xia opened her's first. This is about the time Diezel realized there wasn't a Batman figure inside...His face is priceless

He still had hope and even looked all through his head wrap

This moment almost made me cry. I remembered their dad showing me how to tie it on their mom

I pray I did it right

She loved it! And modeled it with the same expression her Ethiopian momma did.

To try to convince Diezel how cool the gift was Lukas tried it on...


He was still not convinced:(

My favorite moment was Adam gently taking the dress off Xia and telling her how beautiful she is.

A New Adventure

My family is starting a new adventure...At least I am. I'm praying the rest of the crew will join me.
At 38 I decided it's time to learn a 2nd language. I'm talking to really learn it. I can say a few words in multiple languages, but to actually speak, write and read another language has always been a dream of mine. I'm a little nervous. The cost was more than I had to spend. Hoping it will become an investment instead of another crazy idea I had gone awry. To be honest....I struggle with language in general. Those of you who know me and have had any lengthy conversations with me understand what I'm talking about. I get so thought disoriented and my words don't always come out right even in English. I'm also not picking the most practical language. It's used in one country and it's not even spoken by everyone there. It is spoken by many of the people I love. It's spoken in the country that I consider home. When I hear it spoken it awakens my soul....kind of like when I hear bagpipes playing. My spirit feels connected to a place that is deep in my roots. Unlike my Irish ancestry that runs in my blood....Ethiopia is not in my blood, but it is rooted in my heart and is in the blood of 2 of my children. Here's to a new adventure. Here's to learning Amharic.

Beauty Defined....

A few weeks ago I walked into a room of Ethiopians in Assela. Every single eye was upon me. It didn't help we were late and had just spent the past week in intense situations beyond our control. We walked in, sat down and looked back at the people and what they represented in the room. Not gonna lie...I struggled to find one person I could make eye contact with while I spoke that didn't scare me. I listened to the "authority" in the room. Before things went further I offered an explanation of our tardiness. -We are a team. I had a member of our team that needed us....bottom line...we chose to serve our team member and thus we were late. -If you know me...I am NEVER late. After my explanation, we sat through an intense session. I have never before been privileged to be part of such an amazing group of brilliant women. Each momma had an agenda, a plan, a dream, a vision, a personal experience of why a momma's program is essential to developing Ethiopia into a country that overcomes the statistic of 1 in 11 women dying due to pregnancy related causes. We listened to a committee of mommas...who poured their heart out...their vision out...all asking for the same thing. A way to empower the least of the least. Their plan..brilliant. Their motives pure...Then, they looked at us and asked....
Are you going to be like the rest? Are you going to come and see...take pictures for your church...then forget? I personally looked in every momma's eye and said one by one, "Dear sister, it is not about funding or developing a plan...it is about you. How are you? What can I do for you today? Are you hungry?
My heart was broken. I did not have the $ to fund their vision or program...not yet, anyway:)
What I do have is this moment and what is on my heart. As uncomfortable as it was, not being able to meet the committee needs at that moment was a gift....I looked around the room, did what I could and said my peace. Oh my gosh...even after they knew I didn't hold the magic check they thought I did...We spent the rest of the night sharing laughter and love. I want to hold the magic check. I want to finally be the person in the the room that shouts, "YES". I don't want to be the other "committee" that comes then leaves. I want BEMM to be the ones that actually listen.

So....I'm going to work with MOPS International to get a program started in Ethiopia

More info coming

Oh MY Gosh!!!!!!!

Can't even begin to explain how excited I am!

When I went to Ethiopia...
I kind of had a secret mission.
A partnership of sorts.
Haven't really been able to talk about it.
Just wait!
Ironing stuff out now.
Yes, mommas lives will be impacted
and
Yes, you can make a difference!

A Must Read

Written by: Jodie Herring

I don’t even know where to begin to start or even to process our first trip with Because Every Mother Matters to Ethiopia. First, I want to thank Steffany, president and the heart behind BEMM. You have a heart bigger than anyone I know and will do anything that it takes to help a fellow sister in need. Your leadership and grace made our trip successful. Thank you Amy, for your guidance and strength. Amy was our photographer and is the vice-president of BEMM. Your love for women and the mothers of Ethiopia was present in your spirit and the priceless pictures that you took. Crystal, it was a pleasure getting to know you. You are a woman filled with life, adventure, and love. You are filled with such courage. Thank you ladies for gracing me with your love of life. I also wanted to thank Gadese and Christiana. For without them there might never been a Because Every Mother Matters. It was an honor to get to know you and your family. Also, a big thanks to Alex, Eyob, Eyuel, and Dawit. Thank you for sharing your country with us and allowing us to ‘ boss you around.’

I wanted to thank Ethiopia for showing us what love and faith looks like. Beauty indeed is what you are made of. Ahmasayguhnahloh!!!

The purpose of this trip to Ethiopia with BEMM was to find mothers and connect with them. We did indeed found mothers and connected with them. We found mothers of all ages and generations. The women, mothers, and sisters all had beautiful souls. Through their smiles, tears, and laughter their light shown through. They had a voice that needed to be heard and shared. The everyday hardships of life and little opportunity afforded them with little hope. However, their faith and hope for life and for their children were permeating out of their small frail bodies. We connected with a 7- month pregnant woman hiking up a mountain miles and miles from her destination in Gimbie. “ Stop” is what I heard back in the bumpy van. Steffany and Alex saw the pregnant mother and told our driver to pull over. They ran down the hill and took off the 80lbs of beans she was carrying from her back. I couldn’t even lift the bag of beans past my knees. The woman clearly has more strength than I will ever have. We took her with us to Gimbie and found out that she lives about 2hr drive to Gimbie. She has a significant chance of delivering her baby at home without any health professional. We ended up giving her a birthing kit where she or a family member can use to help prevent infection to mother and baby during and after delivery. We connected with women who are infected with the HIV virus and need help with their family. They need the proper tools provided so they can themselves sustain a healthy life for them and their children. Organizations like Christian Horizons Global and Hope + Sisterhood Project are working on providing the tools for these women. These women need opportunity and the proper tools. They want to and need to provide for themselves and for their children. It is survival of the fittest and they don’t want to be the bottom of the food chain.

The team headed to Gadese’s village to visit her mom and family. The trip to the village was not planned before arriving to Ethiopia. It was God leading us all the way according to his plan. The first house we arrived to on our hike was a pregnant woman with indigestion like complaints. She delivered her first baby by herself!!! There is no midwife or doctor to deliver her baby. There are around 85 million people living in Ethiopia and about 1 doctor to 40,000 people. Many of these women living in rural villages don’t have the access to healthcare professionals. These women are often laboring for days and week, which often leads to the death to the mother and baby. These women often develop obstetrical fistulas that lead to more social and health complications. Infection and bleeding leads to high maternal death rate of about 1 in 15 births in East Africa. These maternal death rates are preventable with the proper healthcare and education. Women should not be dying in this day and age from improper health care. One more child is now an orphan. An orphan that now has a 15% chance of dying before the age of five. As a citizen of the world we should stand up and say this is not acceptable. Women need to be helping women across the globe. “ Injustice anywhere should be a threat to justice everywhere”~ MLKJ

We now are going to establish a relationship with the village of Tijo and to the pregnant mothers. Its going to be sister helping sister and women helping women. It is going to be a start of a beautiful relationship where women can be validated and dignified. Because Every Mother Matters.

In Pictures

A few days ago I wrote about spending time with my twins parents in Ethiopia.
You can read about it here.

Part of BEMM's agenda in Ethiopia was to identify possible care points for our developing programs. We had planned to stop in Nekemte to get to know the town, the people and asses needs. I chose Nekemte for the obvious....This is where my twins were born and their family lives. I knew and planned on seeing their parents while we were there. Just never expected to see them standing in the street waiting for our arrival. I feel so blessed to be able to have an opportunity to have a relationship with them no matter how difficult it is. I am so thankful to my best friend Amy Smith who was there for me every moment and so lovingly captured the spirit of my time with them while holding back her own tears. I appreciate her knowing when and when not to snap a picture. I pray these photos and this blog will remind our twins how much they are loved and desired.

Walking away from the group after seeing her standing in the middle of the road. We spent the next hour alone in the very room our twins spent the first 18 months of their lives.

Alebachew, Eyob and Amy arrived later to be there and take pictures. I am sharing with them the newest photos of our twins and talking in detail of their everyday life.

Being given a gift that cost them more than the food they purchase in a month. A traditional dress. They were concerned that they only bought the twins and I gifts.....

Being physically dressed by both of them. (Thanks Amy for only capturing the last few moments and not the awkwardness before:)

Fekede showing me how to dress our son.
Oh how much I can see Diezel

Lovingly dressing his wife...the mother of our twins. It was so hard not to lose it. Once again so thankful for Amy

Almaz modeling our daughters clothes that they bought for them

Our twins two mommas. Bonding, laughing, but both wanting to cry.

Being lead through the town arm in arm with the two people I respect the most.

The next night at dinner after a rough day in Gimbie....

The twins were their only children. To listen to her talk about maybe one day...then stop. I looked down at my beating heart and saw the message around my neck.
"Because Every Mother Matters"...
I knew the necklace was made for her. I was shaking so badly trying to clasp the BEMM necklace around her.

Before they left I was given a typed proposal to BEMM of ways their town needed support.
They did this on their own. I hadn't told them why I was coming. On the bottom of the proposal read "From Fekede and Almaz"
The same thing that was handwritten in smudged ink on the gifts to our twins.
I have been given so much....

One day I can't wait to write back...
To: Fekede and Almaz...

*Once again...my deepest thanks to Amy. I know it was hard my sweet friend and you and I may forever be the only ones who can read between the pictures. I will forever be thankful for your presence and your understanding. *


AND

No...I still haven't opened the gifts with the twins.
Tomorrow..maybe

The Red Button

What is it about my nature that just wants to push the red button? The bigger the sign that reads, "Do Not Touch"...the more I just want to run up and hit it as hard as I can. It's like a magnetic force that draws me in. Is it because my heart is filled with disobedience? Defiance? Curiosity? What compels me to do the opposite of the big red sign? Is it the same force that makes me want to only read the red letters in the bible? Am I attracted to the idea of something being taboo or the chaos that follows? I had someone recently give me some advice on what to write about on my blog. I understand where they are coming from. I appreciate the feedback. Yet...now my thoughts have become a big red button. I'm told, "Don't touch it"....and now all I want to do is push it, hit it, smack it, slam it, jump on it, lean on it...I want to demolish the red button. It's taunting me as I type...it's bright red color is tormenting me. Argh.......Darn that red do not touch button!

Real Life...

Since my body seems to wake me up at 3am every morning I decided to spend the first few hours of my day watching footage we shot in Ethiopia. I brought 4 small video cameras with me on the trip. My goal was for each member of the team to have a video camera at all times and record our journey. That lasted for maybe an hour before Eyuel took charge of filming. He was awesome. He took charge of the cameras and was always ready to film. Um...some things were filmed with the cap still on, other tapes were blank until the last 5 minutes, some things I wish he hadn't captured (like announcing it was time for a shinty meta break....potty talk:) The camera was constantly in our faces. It caught the whole window falling off the van, running out of water mid-way through a crazy 8 hour drive, our epic bonfire night. I have an hour of footage of Eyob talking about the countryside, the donkeys, cattle, etc...We also captured picking up the 7-8 month pregnant momma on the side of the road and each of us trying to carry her load, giving away our 1st birthing kit, and Eyob and Amy in the back seat opening her bag to see what was inside. The constant footage of Amy diligently taking pictures.... I have video of Crystal rapping Salt n'Pepper, of her awesomely hysterical sense of humor thanking everyone for sending her to Africa during our crazy 8 hour drive where we thought vultures might be circling our bus. The footage of Crystal jumping out of the bus to hand out pencils/pens in rural areas and yelling, "tesalafu" (line-up) PRICELESS! Seeing Jodie's face as we were walking to Gedese's mom's hut and being stopped to check-upon a pregnant momma. Watching the team serve this momma who is pregnant with her 2nd baby and only 19. Sitting on the same bed she gave birth to her 4 year old. No words. My pathetic attempt to interview Gadese's mom through tears....12 pregnancies, 12 deliveries next to the cows. 8 children made it.
Memories captured. Stories made alive. A lamb being slaughtered in our honor even though everyone else was fasting for 2 months. Dark footage (only sound)around the fire of women bonding of all ages, background....laughter and love have no language. Oh my gosh! and Jodie milking a cow, a calf nursing from my fingers...The amazing women we met through CHglobal. Holding back tears meeting a 12 year old boy who was in charge of his home and siblings after his parents died...The beautiful mommas that BEMM is supporting through Project Hopeful. Me with shaking hand trying to clasp the Funky fish Because Every Mother Matters necklace around my twins momma's neck. The final jump over the fire (11th time) where I landed in the fire, then hearing my voice say,"Um...I think I broke my foot".
Success # 2....Capturing the journey...ALL OF IT! Real life.

Success Number 1

Things are getting back to normal around here and I finally feel like I can take a deep breath and reflect on our trip. It was amazing. I can't wait to start editing the footage and share with you through pictures what I seem to lack in words to describe. This was BEMM's first official trip to Ethiopia on our own. AND IT WAS A SUCCESS on so many levels. I thought it would be fun to each day share with you all the different successes of our trip. It will also help me sort out all the things that were accomplished.


Our team was incredible....Jodie, Amy, Gedese and Crystal were rockstars. Each woman completely different...yet, all of them strong, wise, courageous, loving, beautiful and completely essential to the trip. Our staff/guides were awesome. Alebachew, Eyob, Dawit and Eyuel couldn't have done a better job. I think just having so many different people who start out as mainly strangers spend every moment of the day together for 2 weeks AND not only get along but end up loving eachother is HUGE! We truly became a family by the end of our trip. Yes, tears were shed. It's so strange not being with them everyday. That my friends is success #1!

The Gift

For the past few days I have been ignoring my partially unpacked suitcase in my room...avoiding it really. Maybe if I never completely unpack then I won't have to deal with what's inside. I can just keep all the stuff zipped up. I won't have to see the two neatly wrapped presents at the bottom of my suitcase. I won't have to remember what's inside of them. I won't have to think about who they are from and who they are for. I won't have to deal with reliving one of the most heart wrenching nights in Ethiopia. If only......

But it's time to unpack. It's time to once again open the two neatly wrapped presents. It's time to relive the heartache. What's inside is beautiful. Hard, but beautiful.

On our 2nd day in Ethiopia we were driving into a small town. We had already made arrangements to stop there and spend the night. I chose this town for one reason only. This is where my twins are from. As we are pulling into town I see a beautiful woman in a bright blue sweater standing in the street. I screamed to the driver to STOP. I jumped out of the window or where the window should have been (It had fallen out hours before). In the street holding flowers were my twins parents. They had been standing there for hours watching every car drive by knowing I was coming. I walked hand in hand to the home(concrete outhouse) the twins were born in. I was greeted by smiles, hugs and warm cola. I was then physically dressed by them in a traditional dress they bought me. Then they showed me two wrapped presents. One for Diezel and one for Xia. They were concerned I might not know how to dress them, so..they unwrapped the gifts and Fekede ever so carefully showed me how to dress Diezel properly. He stood there with the tiny clothes draped on his body..a mirror image of our son. He then took Xia's clothes and lovingly laid them on Almaz to show me how to do it. She sat there covered in the very clothes and jewelry that they hand picked out for our/her daughter. We all just sat there. I was in the middle, dressed in a beautiful traditional dress that they put on me....to my left was Fekede rewrapping the clothes for the twins. To my right was Almaz watching him wrap up the gifts with tears in her eyes. On the presents they wrote the names we gave them: To: Diezel...From Fekede and Almaz. To Xia...From Fekede and Almaz. You can see where the ink smudged from tears.
....and now I will open the presents with the twins and try my best to dress them with as much love and care as I was dressed. I will show them the pictures of their parents giving me the gifts. Then I will quietly go to my room, put my suitcase away and cry.

I spent the next night with them as well and at dinner they handed me a typed proposal of the needs in their community and ways that Because Every Mother Matters can help....but that is another story.

No Words

We landed a little less 36 hours ago and it already seems like a dream or forever ago. TIA (That is Africa). I have been asked to blog or write about the trip and to summarize it all. Um.....I can't....to try to write a post at this point would be a pathetic attempt to package all I learned into a neat little box. Nothing that is valid, important, sustaining, or real will ever fit neatly in a post. Life is messy. Serving is messy. Loving is messy. Our trip to Ethiopia was messy. Nothing went as we planned. NOTHING! We changed our plans constantly. I was stretched. I was uncomfortable. I was humbled. My heart hurts. I feel completely inadequate. I want to tell you that we helped 100's of mommas and our trip was uber successful. Truth is....everything seemed to go wrong. Yet, I know it went exactly as it should have.

Meet the team

Our team leaves tomorrow. We are packed 50 pounds to a bag x 2 for each of us. Suitcases filled with pens donated by the awesome kids at Moberly Middle school (almost 2000 to be exact), birthing kits with life saving basics, handmade newborn caps, blankets, a laptop to be kept there, clothes for friends and strangers, donated Ipods, money to purchase water, extra resources to meet unexpected needs and 4 very different women ready to get completely stripped of all expectations.
Meet Jodie (the medic, nurse, professional) she is going to figure out her next step in life...is it to become a midwife in Africa? She is joining us to selflessly give her knowledge, talents, time and to be available at a moments notice to help the people we meet. She has already been an invaluable resource to this team. Always ready and willing to help in anyway. I constantly pinch myself to make sure she is real.
Meet Amy (the photographer, woman behind our logo, VP of BEMM, my counselor, my BF, my heavy and voice of reason who is the most stubborn person I know...A busy mom of 6 who is serving alongside me to help develop relationships.
Meet Crystal-(the last...within a week ago to join our bandit group) She is the spirit of our trip. We are all marching into the uncertain...yeah, there are guidelines or signs along the way like, "take detour" or "hey, guess what..you may have only 6-12 months to live"...Crystal is the strongest, and most bad a$$ person I know. I am humbled to have her join us. The perspective she brings will carry us through the rest of our lives.
Meet YOU- (the heart of BEMM) You are everything to me. Your support and encouragement bring a smile to my face. Without the Tacky 4 Africa headbands, Funkyfish Jewelry and your donations...None of this would have happened! When I think...I'm tired or what if I quietly slip away..I see you all. I reread your messages and ponder on the scripture or insight you share and I rally once more...

Then there is myself and the most incredible Ethiopian staff and friends....Yes, I am surrounded by amazing people...

See you all in a few weeks.

Going Against My Nature

The last thing I should be doing is blogging right now. I'm getting ready to lead my org's first trip on our own to Ethiopia. As pretty much a one/two woman show...I had no idea what it would take to pull off a trip like this. Not only is this our first official BEMM trip where are main goal was to establish relationships in various villages, clinics and women's homes,document it all then bring back the stories of a few dozen mommas to get our mother sponsorship program running....this is also my first time organizing a trip. Every single plan I made over the last few months either got canceled, rearranged or waited until 72 hours before our trip to confirm. If it was just me...no problem. I love the moment, living in the moment and going with the moment....I have no such luxury. God has grown me, stretched me and left me completely in tears. I feel so overwhelmed that I am paralyzed at moments. This trip is beyond anything I had ever planned in my limited understanding. There will be 4 women traveling and we will have 3 Ethiopian "guides". I have never been to the places we are going. Some of the details of the trip just came together or are still coming together. Many of you know that less than 2 weeks ago I heard a "friend/stranger" was given 6 months to live. I read her blog and memorized her "list" of what she wanted to do before then. Without thought I contacted her and she is coming with us to Africa( thanks to many of you) and we will cross off several things of her list. At first I was so caught up in the moment and how freaking awesome to be a part of this....then it hit me...the reality. The tragedy. During this whole process I went from a "moment type girl" to a " make and follow a plan type girl" who is responsible for many people. The moment part of me is freaking excited and humbled to be on this journey not only with the "friend/stranger", the other 2 amazing women,to be blessed enough to meet and get to know the mommas in Ethiopia, to provide Alex and Gadese with a job and see the people I love....Then this other part of me that has had to step up to the plate is the planner, the preparer, the overthinker.

I am terrified, heartbroken, feeling rather wrong for the job at hand, and just very sad. To live in the moment and share my "friend/stranger's" bucket list with her is BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRING and AMAZING. To not live in the moment and to think about the future is tearing me apart. To live in the moment of meeting the women that come across our path and the relationships we create is MOTIVATING, ENCOURAGING and LIFE-CHANGING, but then to think about that 1 in 11 of them will die due to pregnancy related causes and that some of the mommas we meet will be that statistic when we return in Oct...

I feel I have the heart for this. I know I have the courage.....maybe that's what scares me...to love so fiercely that living in the moment collides with a heart filled with hope and faith and it crashes with a reality that hurts and I don't understand, but surrender it at the cross and to keep going when I feel so unworthy of what I am called to....

All of this is against my nature...that just wants to soak in the sun or rain and watch the world drift by

I wish you knew...

I can't begin to count the people who contact me wanting to "help" or "give", but then follow that statement with something like,"It's not much" or " I want to do something, but have nothing"..

I want to wrap my arms around them, give them a huge hug, open my hands and accept what they have to give. Because I know....I'm not just saying this...but I really believe the amount doesn't matter. What you give or how much you give is NOT the gift. I founded an organization based on the belief that EVERYONE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Making a difference in someone's life is not measured by the amount of money you give...it is measured by the heart behind the offering.
Don't get me wrong....I do the happy dance when a huge donation comes through...but I do a bigger dance when someone feels moved to act when they never have before. So, PLEASE do NOT apologize for what you can or can not give! Instead give from your heart no matter the amount and know this momma is doing the happy dance simply because you felt lead to give.

The Path...

I am beginning to think when everything is exploding around you....that is affirmation that you are on the right path. It seems these past few weeks that: If something was going to break, it did. If someone was going to get sick, they did. If feelings were going to get hurt, they were. If relationships were going to crack, they did.

I'm scheduled for an MRI, my dad's cousin died 2 days after he plunged 25 times into an icy river to raise money for charity, one of my kids is undergoing tests for an unknown illness, 3 kids are passing puke bowels, my kid is flunking, my friend is dying....

I feel covered in mud, thorns, thick brush,lost and stupid. The path is filled with bristles, twists, valleys, over my head waters, huge mountains and I don't see many people at all...


Matthew 7:13


"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

Yeah...pretty sure I'm on the right path.

Amazing Women

After I told my team that is going with me to Ethiopia that we had a last minute person coming along and the circumstances of her coming....I was once again reminded how incredible the women are that are in my life. I wanted to share with you their thoughts about Help Write a Chapter and then to give you an update on our trip.

WRITTEN BY AMY (BEMM's VP and going on our trip Feb 27th)

living is messy,

when you really do it.

there is this girl, this girl i don't know... who is dying

you can read about her here: http://182days.com/

and here's the thing,

we are going to bring her to ethiopia with us.

you know why?

because we live messy too.

it scares the hell out of me to get close to this beautiful girl, knowing she may be leaving this earth in the next couple of months... but you know what?

i am in.

i am running toward this, running toward her pain, her beauty, her healing, her stage 4 cancer, with her.

because it sucks to do things alone.

dying sucks.

it is messy.

and so is living.

it's joy and pain existing together in one place.

and i am in.

you can be a part too.

if you want to help us get her to africa... because to be honest, steffany and i didn't stop to think about that we hadn't even finished raising funds for our trip yet.

we just acted.

if you want to help.. you can donate on www.becauseeverymothermatters.com

just put crystal's name in the notes...

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest;

make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.” - Horace

*Amy's words hit me hard....I'm going to go on an adventure and fall deeper in love with "The Beautiful Stranger" and then what? How do you even begin to process that or accept it. Then I got an email from Jodie. She another young woman who I am so blessed to have travel with us as well... This is what she had to say-

Written by Jodie(going on our trip Feb 27th)

I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of days. I’ve learned that through determination and perseverance anything is possible. I’ve learned that in despite of all odds against one; one can still rise above. I’ve learned that through compassion, genuine compassion, dreams can come true. I’ve learned not to be so methodological, to live in the moment and to believe in miracles. Life is precious and to live life to its fullest means to put it all out there. Scream high above the mountains and say this is me the real me. I am flawed, happy, angry, explosive, shy, a loner, scared, excited, loved, depressed, weird, and adventurous. I may never experience love outside of my family and friends. I may never be married or have children. I may never be the beauty queen or the intellect. I may never be in a state a euphorium. I may never truly have faith in myself. I may never have true faith in this world. I may want and pray for ‘ world peace,’ but inside never believe in its possibility. I may be a realist, optimist, and pessimist all at the same time. I may say and believe in one thing and then do the opposite. I can be a contradiction of all sorts. I am a daughter of my God and the sister of Jesus. I can call myself a Christian, but not a follower of religion. I can believe in love and in true love. I can believe that everyone no matter of race, religion, creed, or sexuality deserves love and to be loved without persecution. I believe that Heaven is a place to be loved, to be true, to not be judged, and to feel safe. I believe the most beautiful, breathtaking places on earth is only the beginning of what God designed Heaven to be. I believe in the religion of all the people. I believe in the unimaginable. I believe in God and Science at the same time. I like people who don’ t share my same viewpoints and opinions. It what makes the world unique. However, I get very angry with people who are one minded and judgmental. I am however, not as gracious as some people, and don’t have the stamina to tolerate them. I am not perfect or pretend to be. Life has been an adventure over the past couple of years. I vow to be a better member of society and to do my duty as a citizen of the world. Life and death has been in my face for the past five years. I’ve seen the first breaths of a newborn and the last breaths of an infant, child, and adolescent. Some deaths were a sigh of relief from the pain or the injustice. Some deaths were a mystery and some were just tragic. They were all a whirlwind. Duty took precedence over the full emotion of the situation. I am going on another Africa adventure to Ethiopia in two weeks. We are going to visit villages and pass out birthing kits, love on the people, and to find a need and fix it. One of our new members on our trip is a girl named Crystal. She is at the young age of 27 just like me. However, she has stage four Ovarian Cancer. Life is fragile for her now and everything is up in the air. The future has given her 6-12 months to live on this earth. Life is unpredictable and never is as promised. I am going to share my love for this woman and to appreciate her life and what she represents. I am going to be stronger and to try to not let the little things ‘bug me.’ I am going to do it for all the cancer and disease stricken human beings on this planet. We have one life on this planet and have responsibility to each other. I am not going to be scared and worry about what tomorrow brings. I am going to live in each moment and appreciate every smile, laugh, cry, and heartbreak life has to offer. I am going to have good and bad days and even self-pity days. I am going to live and live my life in love. I am going to do it for Crystal and for myself. I am going to learn, teach, and fail in my life. However, I am never going to stop LIVING.

Bottom line the thought of death changes us, it forces us to think what we life for. What do you live for? What would you die for? Are you waiting for your life to begin? Or are you waiting around just to die? This trip is going to change us all in many ways. It's going to help the mommas we serve through birthing kits, training, sponsorships, serving and soaking in their stories. It 's going to impact their lives, but even more it will impact our own. We will be writing a few of our own chapters in this life and be humbly blessed to be a part of the final chapters in an amazing woman's life. This my dear friends will be a beautiful story of life, love, laughter and tears.

It's not to late to help write a few chapters in her life.....the more we raise, the more we can give, and the more things we can cross of her list.

Donate to the right.

Put Crystal in the notes!

P.S. We are bringing 4 video cameras with us and we will be documenting the whole adventure.
Our goal is to not only document and educate what it is Because Every Mother Matters does as an organization, but we now also have a new goal!
Video this chapter in Crystal's life and give a copy to all of her friends and family.

P.P.S- Still looking for someone who knows James Franco. She wants to kiss him!

Help Write a Chapter

I wanted to share a story with you. A true story. A beautiful, inspirational story that will end in a tragic loss for everyone left behind...I am on my knees, begging you to please take a few minutes to read it.

I'm sure you already made up your mind if you are going to even read or respond to my latest email being sent. You're probably already bracing yourself for another one of my heartfelt pleas to save some stranger, mom, child in Africa. I don't blame you, I really don't. The world is filled with people asking for help. You can't even drive down the street without having a person with a sign begging for money at your window. Every store you go to there are donation jars at the checkout and you are asked if you want to give, when in all honesty all want is to buy your milk and quietly slip away. The buckets are passed every Sunday at church, your children come home every few months with another cookie fundraiser, your mailbox is littered with free address labels in hope you will send money. Times are tough. We are all struggling economically and to be quite honest most of us just want to forget life's problems, ignore the latest world conflict. We don't want to hear about another starving child, a catastrophic event that killed 1000's, the latest unemployed stressed out mom or dad that killed their family....It's just all so much. Then to top it off I send out these emails asking for help for some cause or another usually involving some dire need.

I want to tell you my reason for this email is to just say, "HI"....but you all know me better than that (I hope:) The thing is I love you all too much to not share with you a chance to not only be part of a story that is beautiful and inspiring, but to help write it a few chapters in a young lady's life.

This is the story of The Beautiful Stranger.

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life?

I pass hundreds of people a day during my normal life of driving, shopping, schooling, work.

Hundreds.

I look in cars as I drive by...wondering what are they thinking? How was their morning? Do they know they are loved? Do they know...really know that they are special? Has anyone told them, showed them that they are worthy.

That they are enough...

just as they are.

I meet people everyday.

Some...

I just know

and

I just feel..

are suppose to be a part of my life.

I can't help but to stop my life.

Look at them.

and love.

I met someone by chance a year and a half ago...

Normally she would just be a face...

another person that I pass by..

But not this time.

She was my waitress when I went to Phoenix to meet some blog friends.

Tattooed, outspoken, and intense.

I loved her immediately.

I have kept in touch through Facebook and visited her a few months ago.

When I was laying in my hospital bed last week...

so was she.

I had my husband and my church family around me...

she didn't.

She is 26 years old.

She had a 2 inch mass removed from her ovary,

and

an ovary removed

then the other one untwisted.

She needs probably a hysterectomy.

She is a student

and has no income.

She is waiting to see if she has cancer...

Again

she was just a face...

of a hundred

that I pass by each day.

But..

she has a name.

she has a cause.

Her name is Crystal.

(Since I first wrote that almost 3 years ago, I have had the privilege to get to know her even more. I think of her often, but haven’t spoken with her since last year)

Until I came across her blog.

Fast forward a year.....She now has stage 4 cancer. She is more beautiful than the day I met her. Her bald head from chemo gives her tattoos even more life. Each tattoo is a story in itself.

Memories.

Hopes.

Beliefs.

Experiences.

Dreams.

In January she was told she has 6-12 months to live.

I found out yesterday. I cried and cried. 27 years old filled with more passion and life than anyone I have ever met. She started a blog to journal her life with cancer.

On her blog she created a list.

A bucket list of sorts.

As I sat down to read her list preparing to cry....It hit me.

I can't save her life.

I can't put out some heartfelt plea on my blog to raise money to save her or stop death.

I can however help her live the life she has to the fullest and cross the things off her list.

1.Win something (contest)

2.Volunteer in a 3rd world country

3.Hold a newborn baby

4.Pet a lion

5.See an Elephant

6.Learn to knit.
7. Get a tattoo on my hand and neck

Without hesitation I called her and told her she won a trip (1) to Africa to volunteer with helping pass out and educate women on birthing kits(2) and in the process she will probably have to hold babies at orphanages (3). That we will visit the lion zoo and find an elephant (4,5) and one of the women we are working with who is bedridden and disabled knits scarves that we will be selling and would love knitting company(6). and there are awesome tattoo places in Addis that I was going to get a tat at too(7)

I have 48 hours to raise the money needed to cross 7 things off her list...and make some of her biggest and wildest dreams come true!

The only option is for her to come with me on my Because every Mother Matters mission trip to Ethiopia on Feb 27th! That is in two weeks. She just finished a chemo round and has her strength and at that time she will already be 2 months into her 182 days left! The October trip I have planned is too far out considering the circumstances.

* I do believe in miracles, I do believe she can live a long and full life and the Doctos can be wrong. I also do know that life is too short and all of our days are numbered...With that said...I will not pretend to be a fortune teller and I don’t know how many days any of us have...I do know from the depths of my soul that I believe we should all live as we only have 182 days left....and treat each other daily as it will be our last.*

This time I am not asking for help to save a life....I am begging you to help this girl who once was just a stranger in a restaurant..live the life she has left to the fullest! In order to mark these 7 things off her list though I need you!

The contest she won didn't even exist until the moment I saw her desire to win a contest on her bucket list just two hours ago. What is the contest she won?

It's simple....

The Beautiful Stranger contest.

I, being the sole judge, chose her because she has a name, a cause, and a dying to live life wish....Her name is Crystal and doggoneit... she won her first contest and she will be awarded a volunteer trip to Africa to hold babies in an orphanage, be taught to knit by a bedridden 20 year old orphan that is working hard to knit her way to her own home, pet a lion, we will find an elephant and have our hands tattooed!

Now here is how you can win a contest too.

First :Read her blog. http://182days.com/
Second: Leave her a comment on her blog. She asked what you would do if you had 182 days left to live. I encourage you to think about that and leave your own list for her to read.
Third: I NEED TO RAISE $2000.00 IN 48 HOURS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY OF THIS POSSIBLE! I FOUND AIRFARE FOR $1500 and we will need about $500 to cover her two weeks in Ethiopia.

So, what do you win? You get to help write the final chapters of a young ladies life and be part of a beautiful story of a young women who is dying, but refuses to spend her days waiting at death’s door. She is instead fully living more than most of us ever have.

I encourage you to

Give your heart

Write your own list

Donate to her wish list

and

get to know the beautiful stranger

You will be blessed.

Her name is Crystal

and

she is loved!

PLEASE DO NOT DONATE ON HER BLOG FOR THIS CONTEST! IF YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF HER STORY AND HELP US RAISE THE 2K NEEDED TO CROSS 7 DREAMS OFF HER LIST...THEN PLEASE DONATE TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT AND PUT CRYSTAL IN THE NOTES.

She has no idea I made up this contest to help her experience 7 of her biggest wishes.

P.S.- If you know James Franco her other wish is to kiss him;)


The link to donate can be found on my blog