Sunday, January 16, 2011


I'm in so much physical pain right now, I feel like I'm dying. Yeah, I know I am slightly melodramatic....but, holy cow. The pain meds are kicking in and my tears are starting to dry up. I consider myself to be quite tolerant in the pain department. I push harder than any other 5'1 ish weighing 100 pounds girl that I know. My Achilles heel? Anything to do with teeth and dentists. If you have read this blog for any period of time then you know my fear and loathing that is associated with all things oral. I lost my front teeth in a freak accident at 17, have undergone years of work, thousands of dollars to repair the damage. I even went 20 years without treatment after several failed attempts to fix all my dental issues. You might remember the time, I ran out of the dentist office during mid-procedure screaming, "She's the devil" only to have my husband drag me back in. No joke. Finally after saving for years (10) and getting enough courage, I went over a year ago to get the smile of my dreams and finally face my fears. Well, I faced my fears, didn't get the smile of my dreams, but did come out with a workable solution that involved my 4 front teeth.. I was quite confident after investing 5k and 6 months worth of treatments that my oral troubles were behind me. Over the last few months the annoying pain in my mouth has been increasing and I have been trying to ignore it. Then on Friday I woke up to insane pain and very evident swelling. I called my dentist. They were closed, but knowing my history, they called in a very strong antibiotic and pain meds and scheduled me for Monday morning. I am so freaked out.
1. I don't have the money to deal with this
2. I am terrified of what is going to happen
3. I am in so much pain
4. If my implant fails and I have any more bone loss that means more bone grafts.
5. I'm leaving for Ethiopia and still need to finish funding that
6. I thought I was done.
7. no matter what...I have to sit in that squeaky chair, and smell that smell, and open my mouth to the point of cracking....

On top of that I feel so stupid worrying about something that hasn't even happened. Stressing over money and being a baby about it all.

It just hurts so bad and the pain in my head is excruciating. My headaches have been increasing in intensity and frequency. I wake up often to the worst head pain. I just hope my headaches and oral pain are related....

One big silly complaining baby signing out...


Anonymous said...

YOU ARE NOT being a baby. I'm terrified of dentist, doctors, etc.

Just go for the drugs.

It costs more, but heck girl, it was my tax refund and I needed four wisdom teeth out!

Paula said...

I hope everything went okay and you are feeling better today. Hugs, hugs, hugs... I have had more than my share of dental traumas too. Also involving my front teeth. One more hug.