Friday, January 28, 2011

The Land of, "I Don't Know"

This morning began with having to call 911 and a feeling of fear and uncertainty. The day is almost over and everything is fine...yet, I can't help but to think about the, "I don't know".

When we all woke up this morning, I found Diezel lethargic and having a hard time breathing. In the almost 3 years he's been home we have dealt with our fair share of medical scares with him. I haven't been this scared since we first got home from Ethiopia and we watched him struggle in the hospital. Although his health has improved over the past few years, somethings still get to me. I remember spending weeks with the twins in the hospital when we got home and every doctor, nurse, technician, therapist would ask the same questions. "What's their health history?" "Are they allergic to anything?" "Any diseases run in the family?" "Were they full term?" "Have they been hospitalized before?" "Was it a normal pregnancy?" With each question all I could say is, "I don't know." I forgot how much I don't like those questions. I don't like it that I can't fill in the blanks for them. I don't like the land of, "I don't know".

As I was being asked the "I don't know" questions by the paramedics this morning, I took comfort in the things I did know.

1. I know I love this boy with every fiber of my being.
2. I know that he and Xia would be dead if they were still in the orphanage. We were told when we brought them home that they had maybe 2 weeks left to live.
3. I know that even though it has been a difficult transition for us, that our lives are beyond blessed because we chose to adopt.
4. I know that there are 2 less orphans in the world.
5. I know my GOD has great plans for him.

There is so much I don't know and may never know, but what I do know is what matters.


Andrea said...

Amen! So glad he's home with you and doing better!

Owlhaven said...

Praying he is all better soon!


Emily said...

Well always :)

Anonymous said...

Well as an adopted child, I was faced with the same sort of things. Questions without answers. The "I don't know" answer to everything.

It's an odd life, but it makes people like me. Odd. Complex, introspective. Which is a good thing. :) (to get you ready for the next step in adoption, let me know, there is an important book I'd recommend.)

I hope he is doing well, what was wrong?? We (your fans) need more information!! :)


Brandi said...

sweet friend, you had such a horrible day and then spent your downtime ministering to me. I'm sorry. I should have asked about your day. What an AWFUL friend I am! I love you....thank you for your grace and for helping me praise our gracious father....and just for being there to understand pain. I love you like crazy - always have - always will :-)