School Me...

I signed up for a womens' bible study at my church. Going to be honest here- Nothing makes me more nervous than a group of women I don't know and Christian ones for that matter. Yet, I continue to put myself out there...the real me- the beautiful and the ugly. Some will get me, most won't. It's okay. Point is- I don't hide or pretend. Anyway, signed up for this class about the lies Christian women speak to themselves. I went through the workbook and am a little unsure. One of the first few pages asks you to list the lies you speak about yourself. The thing is, I spent 10 years of my life in a PMA sate of mind ( positive mental attitude) only speaking that which you want, believe, etc. You claim victory in all area of your life. If you are sick then you must not have faith type stuff. Thing is, I spent 10 years of my life living in my own doctrine. Life isn't easy, disease free, without tragedy and heartache. To live without challenges does not mean you are, "blessed". It means- you refuse to fully grasp GOD in all areas of your life...the good and bad. He dwells in both places. I know many people are bugged by the way I speak about myself..like calling myself a, "mess", "selfish"..etc...but I am. I am completely inadequate and undeserving. To me, it makes the grace given me even more priceless. To others, I am being hard on myself and not giving myself credit. I don't want credit though. I want it to be obvious in my life that when things go well- there can only be one explanation and when things go "bad"..I come out stronger. So, I'm looking forward to this class and hoping it can bring balance to humility vs worth