Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hurry Up

I can't sleep. Xia woke up crying like she so often does. I'll find her just sitting up in bed, crying hysterically and looking very lost. Normally I just tell her to lay down and go back to sleep. She always does. It's almost like she is still sleeping when this happens and totally unaware that she is sitting up crying. Tonight though, I picked her up and carried her down to my bed and stroked her face. I tried to go to sleep myself, but the combination or my man's snore, Xia's snore and thoughts running crazy through my head lead me down stairs to sit and stare at our Christmas tree. Yes, it's still up and I have no idea when it will come down. It seems like the only thing I'm in a hurry for is going to Africa and raising money for Africa. Crazy things is, I think just by being in a hurry for those things it has affected so many other things as well. Important things. Like my kids, my family, my relationships, my quiet time. As I sit here and gaze at our tree, I can't help but to feel like I hurried through Christmas, I hurried through the last two years of my children's lives, I hurried through conversations, I hurried through time....just because I was in a hurry to get to Africa, to raise money for Africa.

I recently had a phone conversation with a woman who is becoming a dear friend to me. We started our conversation in prayer as we have the other few times we spoke. I remember listening to her prayer and knowing it was meant for me and it was wise counsel. I have thought about what she said a few times since then, but never meditated on them...I have been in such a hurry afterall. It wasn't until right now, tonight, gazing at the only thing I haven't hurried, the taking down of my tree that I truly get it.

"I pray Father that Steffany is fully present in every moment where ever she is. I pray when she is with her beautiful children and family that she is fully there, with them and for them and Lord I pray that when she is working to help the moms that she is fully present and fully there for them. I ask that you help her seek You in every moment so that her heart maybe full of joy"

So, tonight here I am. Finally enjoying this Christmas moment 3 weeks later. Enjoying the present that was given to me. HIS love. HIS peace. HIS grace. HIS mercy and this moment.

I didn't take any Christmas Day/Eve pictures this year. I don't know if I was just too hurried or it may have something to do with the majority of the house puking...either way.

But I did take a few the night we put up the tree. There is one picture in particular that completely captures what it means to be fully present, unhurried and a heart full of joy. After the craziness of decorating (decorating a tree with 6 kids is um...nuts), I crept back downstairs to get a picture of the tree and this is what I saw

My daughter Faith still enjoying the tree long after her siblings went up stairs for hot chocolate. She was merrily singing and dancing around the tree adjusting ornaments. I just wanted to freeze that moment for her, for me...

Tomorrow when I wake up, I will be fully present for my husband, my children, my relationships, raising money, my conversations, and in all that I do, but most importantly with my God and I will not hurry through a moment of it. Well...maybe laundry I can hurry (that doesn't count does it?:)

Merry Christmas

Matthew 6:33-34
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Laurie said...

Steff, thank you. This was a word for me today. Much like you I haven't been truly present in the moments of right now. I've been worried about two little girls that I can't bring home. Not yet anyway, but in God's timing. Matt 6:33-34 have been given to me repeatedly over the last week and so I sit, seeking HIM first. It's time for HIM and the rest will be added when His timing is perfect. Blessings my lovely friend. God has it all worked out. Africa is waiting...

Paula said...

That was a beautiful prayer, and one that we can all benefit from. Don't worry about the Christmas Eve photos, or lack thereof... you get a pass due to the puking. :)

kimjoystewart said...

Beautiful thoughts, beautifully written. Thank you, Steffany.