A Day in My Life

What is this?

Besides being an absurd amount of plastic toys

it is also the box that Xia threw up in last night.

And what about this?

Besides being a ridiculously over loaded and dirty washing machine,
it is also Diezel's bedding that he peed all over last night.

Good morning!
I am so grateful today.
Really I am.
Xia used to throw up almost every night at bedtime. It has been quite awhile since she has. Last night was a huge reminder of how far she has come. Wahooo! Thank you Lord for all you have done in her life.
And why am I grateful for the full washer?
Because it could be empty and Diezel could have never joined our family.
I welcome the never ending laundry.
That's the way it should be for a family of 8.

Now off to hand wash every single small plastic toy.
*Maybe I'll send some your way Donna C.*
JK.

500 Miles

500 miles.
The distance I will be driving and running next weekend.
Diezel, Xia and myself are going to Iowa.
Why?

I decided at the last moment to join the Water 4 Christmas 4 mile run/walk to raise money for water!
Yep.
496 miles of driving-
to run only 4 miles.
Which is big,
because I hate running!
But...
I love water.
Actually I love Africa and what clean water can do.
Bottom line.
Clean water saves lives.

The entrance fee to run is only $20.
(which can bring 1 person clean water for 20 years)
But you know me.
I am not content with $20 and 1 person.
And if I'm traveling 500 miles....
Why then
should I not bring $500 dollars with me?
$1.00 for every mile.
25 people would have clean water for 20 years!
or
12.5 people clean water for 40 years
(which happens to be about the average life span)

I have raised $120.
I have less than a week until I leave.
Will you sponsor a mile or two?

You can donate http://water4christmas.com/index.html
or
I will take the donation with me to Iowa.
And I will have Diezel and Xia give it for you with big smiles on their faces.
Even at 3 years of age they know what water means.
Every day Diezel asks me, "Wawa momma? Wawa? I get wawa today?"
Just let me know if you need my address or if you're donating online so I can track how close we are to $500 for 500 miles.

Oh yeah-
It's not too late to sign up and run.
I would love to meet you there!

Beautiful Girl (Day 16)

McKayley spent a huge part of the first few years screaming a lot. Screaming that her socks hurt. Screaming if her clothes fit different. Screaming at her car seat straps. Then she spent the next few years crying a lot. Crying at noises. Crying if she was touched. She would just run into a dark corner and cry. When we would ask her what's wrong, she would just cry out, "I don't know". We felt helpless a lot. Adam and I spent many nights staying up all night trying to brain storm about what to do. We would often just fall on our knees at night praying over her while she slept.
We would pray for peace in her heart. We would pray for her to be able to communicate with us.
We would pray for wisdom on how to love her like she needed.
We prayed a lot.
In the last two years she has grown into an incredibly loving, caring, peaceful and beautiful 10 year old girl. She brings joy to our hearts. Watching her change before our eyes has been one of the most amazing experiences. To see the power of prayer work in your child's life in such a real and tangible way is something that is hard to put into words.
I am so grateful to be her mother.

Stolen Words(Day 15)

I didn't ask my sister in law if I could steal this,
But I couldn't resist waiting to hear if it was okay to post.

She wrote a beautifully humble and insightful post.
I am continually encouraged by her.

Here is just a small part of what she wrote-

That's what the Christian faith is all about. The world looks at us and sees a lack of perfection & therefore a bunch of hypocrites. The believer looks in the mirror and sees a filthy rag who desperately needs a Savior day after day.

Today on day 15-I am grateful for truth. His truth that was shared through Leah.

"Real Friends" Day 13

Here I am on day 13 of my In Every Thing Give Thanks Trial

I was having a hard time trying to blog tonight. As I was trying to gather my thoughts together for day 13, I jumped on to facebook. I was met by one of my best friends-Amy. I met her through Jody who found me through Hollyann who ran Addy's Hope when I was trying to adopt Marion and Emmanuel in Liberia, after reading a post on a yahoo group from Emily.

Amy

hey there

7:27pmAmy

whats up foxy lady?

7:28pmSteffany

Trying to blog. no fun when things are stuck upstairs

7:28pmAmy

stuck?

7:29pmSteffany

you know when your written word doesn't come out.

7:29pmAmy

ah.. upstairs, like your head.. not like, upstairs.

7:30pmSteffany

Umm...no. I keep all my words up a flight of stairs locked in an attic

7:30pmAmy

me too.. that is why i was confused.

:)

7:30pmSteffany

guest blog for me.

7:30pmAmy

uh, no

7:30pmSteffany

write a day 13 grateful post!

come on!

PLEASE~!!!!!!!!!

7:31pmAmy

"i am grateful that i have amazing blog friends, who, by the way, are REAL friends... you know, the kind of people who love you for what is inside your messed up world.. not the kind who pretend to care about you when they say hi in the grocery store parking lot."

7:32pmSteffany

you know i'm going to blog this!

Then we moved our conversation to skype.

I'm grateful for all my "real" friends out there. Out of the list above- I have now met Hollyann. I met her after I drove to Texas to help at a booth we created materials for to support Addy's Hope. While I was there I briefly met Emily on Hollyann's doorstep. About a year later I met Jody at the Orpan Summit. She got stuck with me as a roommate-She brought it upon herself though after inviting me- She might still be recovering:) And as for Amy?! She still continues to be one of my best friends that I have yet to meet.

Pumpkins, New Friends, and Daddy/DaughterTime

Giant Pumpkins

Late night cuddling.

New Friends

Best Buddies

Day 10

I hate it when I allow anger to cloud my mind. It's like a thick smog that hovers over a city. You are breathing it and it affects you, but you don't see it. Only when you are above it can you see how disgusting it is.

Yet in my anger I'm keenly aware of how much I desperately need God. And i am eternally grateful that He takes me where I am.

Day 9

I am grateful for this man.
He is my best friend.
.

Big Messes (Day 8)

If you cook dinner then you know the shear mess that follows preparing a meal night after night for your family.

I'll be honest-
I'm either sitting back and savoring this family ritual
or
I'm stressed and thinking about clean up as I'm eating.
With 6 kids (three of them toddlers) our dinner is best described as one big, chaotic, loud mess.
We never lack things to talk about, spills to clean, or dinner drama, but it's family.
My family.
My big messy family.
One day the mess will be gone.
It will be quiet.
The dinner drama a memory.
And
I know I will miss it.
So today on Day 8 of my In Every Thing Give Thanks 30 Day Trial
I am grateful for the 2+ hours of my life that was spent
preparing
eating
and
cleaning up
the mess that we call call dinner.

Unexpected Struggle (Day 7)

I wasn't expecting to feel so discouraged during the 30 day In Every Thing Give Thanks Trial. Especially after my day 3 epiphany. I don't know if I'm struggling because I've been on antibiotics for 2 weeks, having the worst menstrual period of my life, running daily fevers while trying to run a home, parent 6 kids, be a loving wife or I'm struggling simply because that's what we do as women. We struggle. I think where my innateness fails me is assuming struggle is bad. Our nature is to make "things just right". I often have running dialogues in my head and visions of the way my day is suppose to play out. Rarely does anything EVER go the way my mind pictures things. So here's the problem- when reality and my "reality" don't match up then comes the disappointment. I often wrap my happiness or my gratefulness in how I feel. Then on top of that I allow guilt to take root. Guilt because I know my circumstances or how I feel should NOT dictate my heart. I know this. I believe this, but yet I still do it.Where does this leave me? Right back at the beginning of realizing the innate struggle we or I have as a woman is to think that struggle is bad and then have the faith to know that it is not only essential but beautiful.

So tonight
I am thankful for my pain.
I am grateful for my struggle.
I know it is good.

BTW- It is not too late to join in on the experiment.
The stories that I have read from the women that are participating have blessed my days.
I have links to their blogs on the upper left corner. Check them out!

Day 6 -Oct 4th - Adventure Dreamgirl's Birthday!! - My Blessing

Hi guys. I'm Adam, Steffany's hubby. I just wanna say, it's hard work being the perfect husband for my amazing bride of 15 years.

There has to be a lot of grace,
forgiveness
patience
understanding
sacrifice
faith
bravery
trust
love
grace
forgiveness
(...oh did I say those already?)

...and that doesn't even start to consider all the traits I have to have!

Yes it's true. She is awesome! And if it wasn't for her having all those traits that I just listed, I wouldn't have a shot! Thank you Steff for using every one of those traits everyday to make me into the man I am today.

Hey since she completes me, I can count those traits towards myself, .... right????

I am grateful for my Perfect Bride.
-Adam ("Perfect Husband"... in the making)

Day 5 or 20 Minutes Before Day 6 of 30 Day Grateful Trial

What a day.

I started my day way too early with a soccer game.
Started my period at half time.
Froze for hours.
Then headed home for play dates and birthday parties.
I know you are already jealous:)

By 11:30am I was in bed cold, miserable, in pain and convinced there was no way I could get on a bicycle to ride for 20 miles.
By 12:30 I realized if I am freezing under 5 blankets in bed with 2 Midol, and I was still feeling awful that a bike ride in 45 degree weather with a lot of wind wouldn't make a difference..I got up.
I mounted my bike with my husband and peddled.
I Won't lie.
I was cold.
I was miserable.
But I did it.
So here I am at 11:46pm grateful that I did.
I am still cold.
Shivering actually.
Still on my period.
Tired and sore.
But you know what?
I DID IT!
and God was there sustaining me...
every breath
every mile
every second.
WAHOOOOOOOO!
In 9 minutes I will be 37!

Cheese and Birthdays (Day 4)

Today my Jaceman turned 14!
He got quite the present from his Aunt Leah and Uncle Lex.
He got......

Wait for it.......

While your held in suspense of what his Aunt and Uncle sent him. I thought I would share a few pics from our date night with him tonight.

Yep. It was the cheesiest gift ever given.
A whole box of different types of macaroni and cheese!
Jace loves Mac and Leah loves Jace.
So much that each box was labeled with a quality that God has given Jace.
As we pulled out each box and read what it said I couldn't help but to think of Aunt Leah and Uncle Lex praying over each word and each message written on the boxes. I know truly in my heart that those are precious seeds that God planted in Jace while He knit him in my womb. Seeds that have grown into fruit that is evident in his life.
I am eternally grateful for the gift that aunt Leah has given my son not just today, but for the last 14 years...
The gift of praying for my son.
For encouraging him to remember always who he really belongs to and for reminding me through such cheesy gifts that Jace belongs to God.

We took pictures of him trying to represent each box.

This is suppose to show boldness-
I think it looks like constipation...ssshhh don't tell him I said that:)

And tomorrow we celebrate my birthday. Every year Adam and I ride our bikes 20 miles to a beautiful winery that serves incredible food on a blufftop overlooking the river!
This will make 3 years in a row.

A Side Effect and An Observation

I'm on day 3 of my In Everything Give Thanks 30 day Trial.

An interesting an overwhelming side effect occurred today.
I cried.
It wasn't my typical cry of feeling over my head and stressed.
I started to reflect on the day Adam met Diezel and Xia for the first time in Ethiopia. I had already been there for a few days alone and afraid. Afraid they would die before he could meet them. Afraid that if they lived the lasting effects of such severe malnourishment and sickness would be more than I could handle. Even though my journal during that time was labeled "My Journey to Gratefulness". I don't think I ever fully understood that praise and thankfulness in every situation is absolutely necessary to be fully at peace with God's will in your life.
So today in the car, it hit me.
I finally got it.
As I was searching for things to be grateful for and to add to my "list"-
(Which coincidentally is a whole either side effect of this trial, to constantly be thinking of things your grateful for:)
God exposed areas of my heart that I allowed fear, ungratefulness and dare I say, "blame" to take hold. Fear of not being enough. Ungrateful for anything that didn't go my way. Filled with blame for my daily struggle.
I cried from the depths of my soul in the car today.
A cry of surrender.
A cry of a heart overflowing with gratitude.
Then God gave me an amazing gift.
I remembered clearly.
Every single detail crisp as if it just happened.
The video tape rolling as Adam met our Diezel and Xia.
Xia grunting for air and Diezel wreaking of bodily fluids.
He scooped them up as I cried in fear of what was and what was to come.
And for this I'm grateful.
For all My God has done.
For the journey we have been on though incredibly hard.
All of it.

And on to my observation from day 3 of this trial.
I am much better at being grateful during the first half of the day. My thankful heart is singing of the leaves falling from the trees, the music in the car, my amazing family and even the crazy driver in front of me.....
Then by 4:30 it's like I'm reborn into pissed off momma who is out to set everyone straight.
But hey...
It's only day 3,
Right?

Not to late to join in on this amazing 30 day experiment!

View Point (Day 2)

This shot was taken from my view point in bed at 9:30 am.
I'm so grateful for a husband who let me sleep in this morning and start my day slowly with a book and a little coffee after being sick all night.

*Normally I would just focus on the fact I was sick*
Day 2 of "In Everything Give Thanks Trial"

30 Day Trial

I'm doing an experiment.
A 30 day trial.

Do you want to join me?

It's simple.
Everyday I'm going to write something I'm grateful for.
I'm going to make a new list everyday.
I will post it on the left side of my blog.

Just do the same.
Leave me comment to let me know you're up for the experiment.
Then I'll post a link to your blog.


1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.


In addition to the list of gratitude I will create new each day, I will also create a list that I keep private that acknowledges something/anything that each member in my house has done well that day.

Ephesians 4:29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

So...
Who's with me?

James 3:9-10
⁹ With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.

I can not wait to see the results of my 30 day trial!

A heart cultivated in gratitude is planted in love.

Daily Spiritual Lobotomy

Typical scene in our house-

Two worn out parents, tired from a day of normal life.
Six kids, hungry, irritated and ready for bed.
Two parents trying to bath six kids strategically due to unfortunate unknown sexual issues.
Six kids (okay more like 3) whining, wet, and all wanting something.
Two parents counting down the minutes until the great peace comes over the house(bed time).

Then without notice my daily lobotomy occurs..

Two parents thankful for their six kids and encouraged by their spirit.
Six kids fed, happy and ready for pajama time.
Two parents serving their children two by two in the bath and sewing into them God's love.
Six kids (more like the 3 youngest) singing, dry and satisfied.
Two parents cherishing the moments they have with them(okay one blogging).

It's amazing what can happen when you....
Pause.
Listen.
Reflect.
And
choose a grateful heart.....
or in my case a full
spiritual lobotomy

Brave Hearted Chick Contest

This is probably one of the best contests I have seen in blogland. It reminds me of something that happens every week in my town called "Feed your Hero". You nominate someone who has made a difference in your life or other people in your community and they are eligible to win a gift certificate.
The problem is....every week my heart stops and thinks about one of you...and none of you live in my town. Everyone who is on my blog list and tons others(because I haven't updated for awhile) has made a difference in my life. So if there is someone special in your life or blogland you want to nominate go to Kari's blog. This is an awesome contest put together by an amazing woman. Have fun blessing someone who inspires you by nominating them for the

THE BRAVE HEARTED CHICK CONTEST

Weird, Dirty and Shirtless

My Boys

Try This

Weird I don't know why it's not working for you all.
It works fine on my computer.
Here's the link to it on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdPdObdOXZ4

Try that.
Let me know if it works!

VIDEO!!!!!!!!

Part 1 of 3!
Video of Robbin meeting Gadese, Alebachew and Christiana just a few weeks ago!
Beautiful gift.
A combination of screaming and crying coming from me!
Praise God!

Get The Heck Out of the Way!

I got a phone call today.
It was Gedese asking for help. Telling me she was in trouble and needs money. She has never asked me for anything. My discernment was a little "off". A part of me wants to give her/anybody anything and everything they ask. Then there's that part that fights that thought. The part that is still paying off her medical bills. I normally have a peace that comes with giving. This time my heart waged a war. I made one phone call to a mutual friend. An hour later she let me know the money was sent without thought. Without judgement. Freely given. Then an hour after that I was sent by a different friend a picture that was taken when she visited Ethiopia last month. Completely by "coincidence" I recieved a picture of Alebachew and Christiana.
My heart was softened. Peace overcame me and my discernment returned.
I realized it's not about me.
It's not about what I can do.
I was not filled with peace about giving because it wasn't to come from me...
And I had to be okay with that.
She called me to simply relay a message to someone.
I think I need to realize that a lot more in my life.
And
I need to get the heck out of the way.

BTW- If you want to see a bigger picture you need to look on Facebook because I can't make it any bigger

Important Stuff

My hair appointment got canceled.
Apparently the flu is striking Missouri pretty hard.
So the stringy strands of hair are still the same.

I know this is all very important stuff
(Insert cheesy smile here)

Any Chance....

That when I walk into the beauty salon tomorrow looking like this....

I can walk out looking like this?



It's worth a shot,
right?

Wish me luck. Every time I attempt a new hair style I normally walk out looking like this

(yeah, that's me:)

Ahhhhh...

Tonight we had our first bonfire of the season.
There's something about autumn that makes you just want to lay in a hammock and say,"Ahhhh."

It's the time of year for hot chocolate in the evenings.
Roasting marshmallows.
Listening to music by the fire.
Watching the leaves fall down like beautiful rain in the breeze.
Long sleeves.
Shorter days.
Snuggling up.

Lost in Translation

If I had the means to vlog(video blog) this I would.
So much can get lost or misunderstood in the written world for me.
If you could see my face and watch my body maybe then would the words I type match what my heart intends.

I have had so many wonderful people contact me regarding my latest post. My heart is full with your caring. Yet, I feel as if my blog was misunderstood.

Yes. I am hard on myself.
Yes. There are season's in our life.

I don't know if even now I will totally be able to explain what is on my heart.

I know.
and you know,
When God has called you to something.
I hear His voice loud and I hear it clearly.
I am thankful for that.
He has done amazing work in my life.
To know my testimony is to know God redeems.
I cling to His grace everyday.
Without it....
I WOULD be lost.
I know His Grace.
I live His grace.

I also hear His voice.
I know what He wants me to do.
I see a vision of the person He created me to be.
That is what haunts me.
That is what I call being fake.
He has shown me.
Yet, I make excuses.
My spirit is willing
But
my flesh is weak.
I need to be hard on myself.
God gives me Grace.
Yet He calls my name.
I know at the end of the day I am still nothing no matter what I have done or not done.
Where I feel I'm faking or a poser is I talk a lot,
but yet do nothing...
then I make excuses.
I hate telling people about my "story" sometimes,
because to them it is huge. Which it is.
I am an ex drug addict, high school dropout, gypsy living, prostitute that God has shown His mercy on. I have an incredible marriage that I fight for everyday, six amazing children, two adopted that were left for dead, I listened to God and saved the life of a pregnant mom in Africa by moving her to my home and raising money to take care of her and her newborn.
Just in that, You can see how big God is.
That is what I want you to see.
God!
Him.
With in that though- He has shown me more.
I have been given so much...
I am only hard on myself because I want to be obedient. I am a poser. To think more highly of myself would be to discount who God is in my life.
I am nothing.
Yet I am beautiful.
I am unworthy.
Yet He made me new.
I was asked not to long ago...
"If there was a part of the bible that impacts or sums up your relationship to God, what is it?"

Romans 12

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

So please know in your heart- I am not down on myself or being too hard.
I am being honest.
God is doing a mighty work.

I'm a Poser or Other Wise Known as a Fake.

I feel like I have been in constant "regroup" mode or if I'm feeling righteous I might call it, "waiting upon the Lord". So here I am either gearing up or waiting. Let's just call it for what it is...apathetic, posing, living a lie or
Revelation 3:16 say's "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

That's me. I cry for orphans, but yet do nothing.
I talk about Mother's health in Uganda, but yet I do nothing.
I say," I'm still adjusting to being a mother of six", but yet ignore the reality that life is what it is and "adjusting" is an excuse I readily use.
I recruit people to write a book with me, but yet lack the capacity to bring it together.
God has placed famous authors in my lap to help, but I feel inadequate to call upon them. I'm either too busy. Too tired or too sick to reach out.

I admire or more honestly feel jealous when the women I know step out in faith and accomplish great things. I silently think, "if only..." The two most deadly words one can think.
I groan. I moan. I complain. I justify.

Where did I go? I have friends tell me, "you're different".

I am.
I am a fake.
I am a poser.
I am broken.
I try to fix myself.
I use band aids and tape.
But...
Nothing can repair what only God can fill.

I am nothing.

HE is everything.
He is real.
He is authentic.
He fixes.
He can heal.


I can often get caught up in, "I'm waiting on the Lord's direction."
Really?
Am I?
Waiting?
Seriously?

For what?
Serve the man laying in the road down the street?
The single pregnant teenager at my son's school?
The mother on welfare in front of me at the grocery store with her cigarettes, hot dogs, children in dirty diapers with a declined credit card?
The alcoholic with a swollen belly irritated at the gas station?
The blogs I read of families wanting to adopt and pleading for $1.00 to help with the costs?

Sometimes I find myself getting so caught up in, "God's work" you know the" important stuff".
I forget about smiling at the cashier.
Helping someone fix a tire.
Serving my family.

I think sometimes the world, the media, magazines, blogs, facebook, friends, ourselves
give us a false idol. The great poser idol. The idol that we all worship, that tells us...We are not enough. We need more. We have to save the world. We have to be Oprah. We have to have an organization. Make a difference in thousands of lives.
I forget or am blinded to what God has called me to today.

I don't know what He has in my future. I do know I will always fall short. I will always be a poser.

Have I....

told all of you thank you?

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for encouraging.
Thank you for inspiring.

Yeah,
You!

hopefully you know I'm talking about...
You!

The Gift

I think about Gedese and Christiana every day. Not a day goes by that I'm not wondering how they are doing. Are they well? Is Gedese eating enough? Has Alex come home yet? Is Christiana walking yet? Are they drinking clean water? Do they have any money? Is Gedese lonely? Is she happy. Does she think about us? Will Christiana remember me?

I get to speak with her every few weeks, but the connection is usually terrible and I have trouble understanding people on the phone. I can't see their lips and watch their body language which makes it difficult for me to process what is being said.

This week-One of my blog friends Robbin is picking up her precious baby girl in Ethiopia. She blessed me so much! She took a few things to Gedese for me ans spent some time with her. I got a gift from Robbin this morning an email.

Hi there!!!! Saw Gadesse. It was amazing. Cristiana is such a big girl. All smiles and playing. She was super excited about everything but mostly the ethio/America book you found that Diesel lost lol and of course the snickers!!!!!! I have video and will fill you in and email them as soon as I am home. Can't seem to get it to go from here. She sends her love!!!!

Thank you so much for allowing me to do this!

Robbin

These Eyes

Make my heart melt.