Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Sweet Words Spoken

We all live our lives..even if we don't admit it...We want others to speak fondly of us...To speak words of encouragement. We desire acknowledgment...love...praise.
Tonight I had sweet words spoken to me. I cried. I released. I know this is my 3rd post today....
I just wanted to share...the words that made my insides melt...

Tonight I posted about a little girl named Kushum....

I can't explain why I felt the connection to her story anymore than I can to the story of Worinesh...
But I did... I have no money to give..so I blogged about her. I offered all headbands bought through BEMM would go towards her for the next 2 days...
Then...I sat.. I waited...Then I do what I do...I wrote some more...this time on a group I belong to...
Warrior Girls...

and this is what I wrote

Sometimes I love being naive. I love not knowing the facts or at least ignoring
them. I love seeing the best in people. I love believing the world is rainbows
and everyone cares. I love thinking what I say or does makes a difference.

The truth is...reality is what it is. People are cold. Hearts are hardened...as
much as I truly care for others...so many don't.

And that is the truth....

The hard part is day after day throwing your heart into everything around
you...You know from experience, at the end of the day...your heart will be
broken many times. You may even question why...Yet..tomorrow..as a warrior
girl..you will do it all over again.

I will choose to believe in the good that is inside of people. I will continue
to reach out.

And sometimes....

I will get tired. I will get angry...My heart will hurt. I will want to give
up....Like today
and the day before that
and last month

But then....I read a story of a young girl...I will rally myself one more time.
I will blog about her. I will pray for her. I will be naive once
again...believing that people will be touched..that someone will want to help.

Then I wait...Disappointed that 2 hrs have passed since I cut out my heart and
served it blog style...and not one single person has moved on behalf of a young

It is here..that I can see God clearly...I can rest easy knowing I was obedient
to HIS call and the rest is up to HIM...He will touch those who He wants to
move. The outcome IS NOT UP TO ME! I can let go...AND LET HIM WORK..

And tomorrow is a new day...I get to embrace being naive all over again...seeing
the beauty in people and praying for a day of rainbows!

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO KUSHUM (inspired by Lindsey Andrews)

Again...I waited...I hoped. I prayed...A friend I have bought a headband...They are in the same $ place we are...but she did it! Then I had another friend come up with $33....

Then to top it off...
a fellow warrior girl..the one who touched me with Kushum's story said this:

" Steffany, you are a light by which beauty of spirit and joy should be judged.
Your beauty and strength are evident in everything you are passionate about and
I am excited that you are in my life"

And my heart soared....I know I live for my God....But these sweet words..made me ready to tackle another day....

So...after 15 years of insomnia this woman who is me and stays awake night after night hoping she made some small dent will sleep...

.and tonight, I will lay my head down. I will take a deep breath. I will be thankful for EVERYTHING..good-bad....all of it...and I will sleep soundly. The chains of my 15 year insomnia will be broken....Tonight I rest. Goodnight.

Love to you all....

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