Baby News

I sold my van today. I listed it on Sunday. Two days to sell. Wahoooo. Now I have 4k towards Gadese's medical fund. It feels really good to have that accomplished. We also went to Gadese's doctor today. Still have no idea if she's having a boy or girl. We were hoping to find out so we could share the news with Alex. I think it would help her family in Ethiopia to know the sex and to feel more apart of what's going on. The doctor said the baby was breach. We still have time for the baby to shift, but the news brought tears to Gadese's eyes. She is still so sad from the loss of their baby last year. Tomorrow is the day. I'm going to talk to the three hospitals and the birthing center about helping Gadese. If you think about it, please send prayers our way.

Yes, I Admit it

I am a tree hugging, granola eating, earth loving girl. I have been and always will be. I have always believed we are all connected to each other and to this amazing place God created called Earth. We are all His creation made for Him and by Him. Five days to create such amazing beauty. Each day had it's purpose. Each day completed the previous. Earth! Beautiful! Perfect! Then came the sixth day. Filled with beauty and promise. Man and beast came. Awesome. Now it's complete. Earth! Everything on Earth! Beautiful! Perfect! Complete!

I always believed that all God created was meant for each other. For us to take care of the earth and for the earth to take care of us. ( Yes, I know God is our ultimate provider). What we do to the Earth, our land, our water, will have an impact on us. It is impossible for it not to. Do floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes not effect us? Then how is it we can not believe how we choose to live our lives will effect the earth, then in turn effect us. I see a big circle.

For those of you who are actually still reading this past the 2nd sentence, I am going somewhere with this I promise. It wasn't until I went to Africa that I saw first hand how important this relationship really is.

Here is what should be one of the most beautiful places on earth. Natural rock bridge, plants, monkeys, a stream. Until you get close enough to smell and see. The water is filled with trash, carcasses of all living beasts, poop, and disease.
In this picture you can see the trash literally avalanching into the water.

I love the locals gathering on the bridge watching the crazy woman examine the water. You can't see them but down the stream were two men. They were rummaging through the water to find trash or fish that they could take home to their family. Next to them was someone going to the bathroom and down a little more people were bathing. On top of the hill kids were playing. My heart was screaming, "STOP, YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELVES." You are throwing trash into the same water you drink from, bathe from, and fish from. I wondered do they know? Do they care? But more importantly in such poverty is there a choice? Here in America, I can, I have the luxury of knowing, of caring, of choosing. I can tell my kids wash your hands, pee in the toilet, have my trash collected and be totally ignorant of where it goes, clean my dishes, and buy filtered water even though I probably don't need it, I can bury my dead relatives, call the city to dispose of my road kill, file a complaint about the driver in front of me who tossed their latte out the window. While I was there it crossed my mind to start cleaning up all the crappola, but then what? Where will I put it? In the trash can? Are you kidding me? Poverty, deforestation, wealth, plunder of our natural resources are all connected. Don't get me wrong I know our God is a God of abundance, the great multiplier. Just look at the apple, one apple, tons of seeds, each with the promise of more apples. But I also believe to whom much is given, much is required. Much has been given and what are we or more accurately me, myself and I, What am I doing? I don't even know where to start, do you?


This is one of those posts that I'm attaching my "disclaimer" to.

*Dear reader of my blog, these are my thoughts and my opinions. If you find me selfish, irritating, too far left, too far right, too open, too shallow, non politically correct, too politically correct, too Christian, not Christian enough, have too many children, not enough children, too fat, too thin, pissed that I don't homeschool, worried if I do homeschool, can't believe I eat meat, think I'm starving my children if we are vegetarians, hate me that I like Obama, curse me if I vote McCain, accuse me of polluting the environment if I don't drive a hybrid, call me granola that I buy organic or don't like me at all, then may I suggest you give yourself a tree loving, oil coveting, athestistic hug in the name of Christ and quietly read someone else's blog.*

This post is dedicated to my dad. A man who has spent the majority of his life in the pursuit of an answer.

I Miss My ...

I miss my camera. A month ago it was Diezelized (our term for all things Diezel). He drug it through the sand, threw it in the ocean and had the best time of his life trying to take it apart. Where was I when all of this took place? I have no idea.

I have missed so many cute photo moments with all the kids. This weekend Faith caught the biggest bullfrog I've ever seen. Mckayley caught tons of crayfish. Lukas painted himself with mud, Xia bathed in the creek, Diezel threw rapid fire rocks, and Jace he counted down the moments that he would no longer be tortured in nature.

I miss my camera.

Inadequate

I have so much to do. Yet, I feel like I'm standing still, lost and inadequate. I don't regret for one moment our decision to bring Gadese here(the pregnant Ethiopian woman). She has blessed our family beyond words. I just feel like God called me to something that is so beyond my gifting it is scary. When we met her and Alex in Ethiopia we thought things would go differently than they have. We being completely naive thought that Alex would already be granted a visa, would be working for our company, would be on our company medical insurance, and he and Gadese would be anxiously awaiting their baby together, here in America. Instead we are no closer to a Visa for Alex and Gadese's is going to expire 3 weeks before the baby is born. Alex is unemployed in Ethiopia. Since Gadese is here on a tourist Visa, we can't get her state help for medical expenses and forget company insurance she isn't allowed to "work". Her and Alex have now been apart for over three months with no end in sight. The baby is due in less than three months. The medical bills are piling up. I need to start fund raising to cover her medical care. The doctor said if everything goes great we are looking at 20K if she has complications possibly 100-250k. Okay that shakes me a little. So next week I need to start, 1. Fundraising 2. Go to the three hospitals in town and see if any of them will help. 3. Since things are going well, go to the birthing center and talk to the midwifes about helping. 4. apply to extend Gadese's Visa and send in $300 with the application. 5. Forget trying to get Alex a permanent Visa and apply for a tourist one so at least he can be here for the birth. This will also take money for the Application and 2k for airfare.
We also at this time completely support Gadese and her family financially on our own.
Like I said, I wouldn't change any of it. She has become my sister and my best friend. I just feel so inadequate. And to be honest this is just one of the areas of my life right now that I feel this way.

Picture!

I came across this online. I have no idea who took it, but thanks! This is the only picture I have right now.

Tonight is the Night

We are having a wonderful time so far. We arrived yesterday afternnoon. We haven't see much of Adam:( but will see him tonight at the premiere. Stephanie and Laura thank you for the penny advice. What happens if it drops while I'm walking?
The best so far was meeting Crispy.

Oh my goodness! what a wonderful woman. Wow. She was so easy to talk with, enjoy her company and love. She has such a heart for her family, and it is eveident in her girls. They were as beautiful as they were sweet, and gracious. I was truly blessed to meet them. Thank you for coming Crispy.

On a side but luming note. When I got here yesterday I started with a fever and chills and now I'm bleeding a lot with a lot of cramping and it's not my time of the month yet. I just want to be able to make it through tonight and enjoy the evening. Good thing my dress is red.

I am Filled With...

I feel like we just got home and already it is time to leave again. Tonight at 3am, Adam, myself and our three oldest kiddos fly to Florida to walk the red carpet of my man's first feature length film. I am filled with so much emotion.

I am filled with gratefulness. I am so grateful the film is finally over. It was the longest 9 months of my life without my man. I am also grateful that my man was able to fulfill a life long dream. He made a movie and recorded music!

I am filled with excitement. I have no idea what the next year holds for our family, but I'm ready.
I'm excited to see my three oldest as they watch their daddy celebrate the culmination of a life long dream.

I am filled with relief. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was looking forward to a break from the three toddlers. I am also relieved that the movie actually got completed. It's one thing to start such a project, but another to actually finish it.

I'm filled with nervousness. As much as I need a break I'm nervous about the impact three days away from the twins will do. I have worked so hard to get to where I'm at with their trust. I'm also nervous to be in the"limelight". I know the film has nothing to do with me and people probably won't notice, but the thought of cameras and eyeballs freak me out a little.

I am filled with fear. Holy crapola! I have to wear heels. What if I trip? What if I walk like I'm being poked in the rear?

I'm filled with girliness. Is that even a word? I kind of missed out on the prom thing and I kind of missed out on the traditional wedding thing. So, this will be the first time in 35 years, that I will get dressed in a gown, nails done, hair fixed and get to feel like a princess. My man tells me that he is more excited to see me walk the red carpet than he is about the movie.

BTW- I found an awesome dress. It is all red. Very classy in a simple way. Some pretty cool shoes and a killer pedicure. Please just pray I don't fall on my face.

Keeping it Real

Raise your hand and say,"Aye" if you get tired of the anonymous cloak. A while back I got a really nasty comment. I thought it didn't affect me, but it did. It haunted me in a weird way. I found myself censoring everything I thought about blogging. I wanted to share so much about our new life PA (post-adoption) but I didn't. I let anon's pitiful comment stop me. Which excuse my french, but really pisses me off that I allowed a coward that, likes to throw a punch and run, stop me from opening up. Especially when I went out on a limb to keep by blog public awhile back when all the weirdness was happening. I even stayed public despite the fact I was a little in the middle of the reason people were shutting down. I really hope anon's around the world don't force me to put a disclaimer on all my posts.

*Dear reader of my blog, these are my thoughts and my opinions. If you find me selfish, irritating, too far left, too far right, too open, too shallow, non politically correct, too politically correct, too Christian, not Christian enough, have too many children, not enough children, too fat, too thin, pissed that I don't homeschool, worried if I do homeschool, can't believe I eat meat, think I'm starving my children if we are vegetarians, hate me that I like Obama, curse me if I vote McCain, accuse me of polluting the environment if I don't drive a hybrid, call me granola that I buy organic or don't like me at all, then may I suggest you give yourself a tree loving, oil coveting, athestistic hug in the name of Christ and quietly read someone else's blog.*

Peace.

Now I really don't want to add a disclaimer to every blog and I don't want to censor my writing. So what's a blogger to do?

Keep it real.

So what was the comment?
Not worth mentioning or keeping. It was deleted as soon as it was received. If it were constructive I would have kept it, but anything destructive that could hurt my children who read this is out of here.

Lyme Education

I found this article interesting. http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/07/06/lymedisease.treatment/index.html

My sister died two years ago after a long battle with Lyme disease. I only now can understand the frustration she must have felt to be constantly misdiagnosed, told it was in her head, and that it couldn't be that bad. I'm so glad it is finally getting the attention it deserves.

Leaving for Home

We leave tomorrow on July 4th to start the journey back home. I can't wait. Adam is coming home with us:) It has been quite the adventure here in California for the last 6 weeks. We will be home for 4 days before we head out to Florida for the premiere of the movie. I miss reading everyone's blogs and keeping up.

Changes

About a month ago I had a dream. It was one of those amazingly clear dreams. It had purpose and direction. I heard a voice. When I first knew I was going to change the twins names, God gave us Diezel. There was no question. no matter the negative stuff we got we knew he was a Diezel. It was kaku's name that I struggled with. I finally settled on Daizey. It sounded cute, but I never felt that feeling. You know the one that say's this is it. Then I had THE DREAM. I heard a voice and it said" She shall be called Ziah. I asked the voice," Ziah as in I can spell it Zya". The voice said, "No. It is to be spelled X-I-A". I told Adam about the dream. He of course made fun of it. Saying "okay we'll call Diezel,Xylophone." Ha-ha. So I dismissed the dream, but it followed me everyday. "Her name is to be Xia". I finally couldn't deny it anymore. Daizey is a Xia. It means the glow of the morning sun. And that is her. My Xia.

Technology Woes

My laptop broke just when I was starting to blog again:(
I only have use of my hubby's when he is home from 3:00am-7:30am. Needless to say I won't be using it much.

I also am a little isolated here. It's rare to find a bar of signal on my phone. I spend much of my time searching going from one room to the next saying, "Are you there? Can you hear me? and man I can't stand Sprint." I have a great signal away from the house, but with 6 kids (3 toddlers) when I am away from the house all my attention is always on head counting and chaos management. So on those rare moments that I am alone and away from my house I am dialing.


I'm also reminded why we don't have television. I have been really tempted lately to give into the pleas of my oldest son who wants cable. The house we are staying at has it. And man it's really lame. For the first week we had it on a lot. I noticed so much more fighting between the 3 oldest. Then last week Aunt Leah sent megablocks to the twins for their birthday. Which was awesome we are really low on toys here. Those of you who know me know I pride myself on the ability to pack light. Sometimes too light. Toys were left out. Hey we are at the beach. Who needs toys, right? Anyway,this week the tv has been off the majority of the time and they have set up store, a game they created using the blocks. They create robots and animals then sell them to eachother for the green blocks. They have banking and give donations to eachother when in need. It is really fun to watch especially when Gadese starts playing. The fighting is much better. I know tv works in some houses just not ours. So Aunt Leah and Uncle Lex thanks again for the wonderful gift.

Diezel and His Tongue

My boy and his tongue are best buddies. His tongue is never in his mouth for long.

Results are in...

Doctor here in Los Angeles just called. For two months I fought Typhoid Fever, Reiter's syndrome, Giardia, Bronchitis and the new find of Hep A. My doctor in Missouri didn't think I could have Hep A, so he never ran a test for that. Okay now having just one of those is bad enough but ALL of them. WHEW!!!! BUT........

I'm finally feeling much better. I feel a dance coming on:)

Cardboard Box Fun 101

Trip to the Beach

Diezel was not to fond of his first beach experience. Might have been that it was freezing or the enormous amount of sand that was dumped on his head.

Daizey had fun dumping the sand on Diezel's head.

NuNu and his cape.

Yes, they did eventually brave the elements and hop in.

My Last Complaint for the Year.

So, I' m still sick. I know this topic is getting old. I had another trip to urgent care here on my vacation in sunny California. This time I walked out after more blood work, chest xray, urine sample and 4 prescriptions. I don't know whether to be irritated with my current situation or worried. It has now been two months of doctors and meds. I sure hope my body conquers this stuff fast. I know my physical state is adding to the feeling of being in a hole. And get this I'm not allowed in the sun for two weeks. I'm in California at the beach with my kiddos. MAN! And since this is my last complaint for the year may I add This really bites!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm done.

Thanks.

Are You There?

So what happened to the 'ol blog? Well, you do remember that I am and will always be a self proclaimed dork, right? Let's just say, I've had a funky week. Okay honestly I've had a funky two months. So funky that I've been completely not myself. It's like I'm shoved in a deep hole and in this deep hole I'm confused and gasping. I want out of the hole and I know if I just stop looking at the hole I'll notice God is extending a hand down to me. No better yet, He is in the hole with me and telling me exactly what I need to do to get out, but it's so dark and so loud. I sense Him, I know He's there, but There I am. Struggling, fighting, crying. It's so lonely in the hole. I want to tell someone, but no. I just wallow in it. After all this is my hole. In my hole I want to bury anything and everything. I dug a spot for my family. Next to my family I buried my relationships. Since I was burying my relationships , I might as well throw my spiritual growth in there, heck why not toss in my health, well being and while I'm at it, my blog as well. The more I dug, the wider the hole got, the wider the hole got, the more exhausted I became. The more exhausted I became, the more apparent it was that I was not alone. The Hand, the voice, my family, my relationships, my blog, everyone was in the hole with me. In the dark and confusion of the hole I failed to recognize that when I am weak He is strong and greater is He who is IN ME, than he who is in the world. So now I'm working hard on digging everything up again and restoring it. Unfortunately my blog address no longer exits. So, I have no idea who will even be reading this. But here I am. Transparent.

Westward Bound

We are heading on the highway. It will surely be an adventure. Packing up our crew. Driving across the country. Oh yeah baby - We were born to be Wild.

We leave this Saturday morning to drive from Missouri to California. The kids, Gadese and I will be joining my man for the next month in LA to finish the last part of the film. SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not wait to smell the ocean air. I'm praying it will melt all our germs away. But more importantly I can't wait to be a daily support to my husband and to feel his arms around me every night. I can't wait for our kids to experience their dad in action and to witness first hand the power of a dream. I can't wait to see some old friends back home in LA and to hopefully make new ones. I can't wait to see all my kiddos toes in the sand and to watch Diezel and Daizey's eyes when they see the ocean for the first time.

*If there is anyone on our route to California, we are taking the Kansas, Denver, Utah, Nevada route and if it works out time wise. Maybe we could meet up for a leg stretch, decompress drive break.

Imagine

Imagine loving two children so much you pray for them every night; only to dream of their tiny bodies wrapped around you. Imagine loving two children so much you travel half way around the world to hug them; only to have to leave them there alone. Imagine loving two children so much you prepare their room in faith; only to wonder if you'll ever see them in it. Imagine loving two children so much you work tirelessly raising money to bring them home; only to be told that might not happen. Now imagine doing this for over a year because You love them so much.

Please pray for Jody's family. They have been trying to bring their twins home for so long. This is such a hard week for them. She has such a beautiful family with such faith in the Lord. Won't you join me in prayer for them. Pray for strength, peace, and understanding. And please pray for their twins in Sierra Leone.

The Red Canvas Trailer 01

My hubby's movie. I'm so proud of him.

Power of Prayer

NuNu had a fever of 103.7-104.8 for 8 straight days. He had pneumonia with possible tick borne illness tularemia or ehrlichia. I sent out a prayer request at 10am. He was admitted at that time. He was lethargic, flaming red eyes, and high fever. One hour later his fever was gone. One hour after that he was sitting up. Each hour he grew stronger and stronger. During that time I had many of you praying for him. He is now home and doing great. Thank you so much for your prayers and good thoughts.

And oh yeah satan is getting his butt kicked.

Lukas is in the Hospital

Laura here--Stef just called and Lukas is being admitted into the hospital. He has had a high fever for a number of days now. He is lethargic and in a lot of pain. He can't even stay awake. They ran tests on him at the clinic this morning and his labs aren't looking good. At this point, they aren't sure what is causing this. They will continue to run tests on him in the hospital to determine what he has. Please pray for his healing. For clear wisdom and direction for the doctors. Peace and strength for Steff and the kids at home. I'll update if and when I hear from Steffany again.

Glory be to God

It's really late and I should be sleeping. But no, I'm catching up on blogs:) Quiet and alone times don't happen often. What a blessing that I am awake. God has shown me so much this past hour.
How many times do we pray for things. Like peace, spouse, kids, endurance etc.. It's funny I know many people that have prayed for God to provide a husband only to end up after they get their husband to start praying for God to change their husband. Or like me I pray for peace only to end up praying for forgiveness. Or for endurance only to find myself praying for rest. I don't know how many times I prayed for our children we hadn't met for God to protect, care for, love and show us them. How funny that lately I pray for peace, quiet, sleep and strength to love , protect and care for our children he gave us. As I was typing this Daizey woke up 3 times crying, Lukas is sick, Adam is gone, I haven't slept more than 5 hours in 48 hours, but I can't help wanting to sing praises to God. He has given me all I asked for and more. He created circumstances that leave me exhausted and tired so therefore He has built my endurance. Everyday huge stresses fly my way therefore I lean on Him for peace. I can't help but to give God the Glory. It became so real to me as I hold my precious daughter in my arms and type this. At first I was thinking, "Man, not again. Please go to sleep, I'm tired". Then I looked down at her and thought, "Thank you Lord". My prayers have been answered.

Drum Roll Please.......

We had a doctors appointment today. And....
Diezel was up to 19 pounds.
Daizey weighed in at an official 16 pounds.

And more good news.
Diezel's CT scan looked normal and his heart looked fantastic. Now if we can only find out why he keeps passing out.

And I'm feeling a lot better. The second round of meds have me feeling somewhat like my old self. I kind of feel like I've aged a lot this last 6 weeks:)

Poor NuNu had a 104.8 fever this weekend. Oh Man. It looks like he caught Coxsackie from Faith.
I have a question for those of you with large families; Is there ever a time when everyone in the same house feels good at once?

Journal Thoughts- on way to Africa

We are such a reserved people.
I want to scream from the top of my lungs, "I'm going to Africa!" Instead I walk around like I have a secret quietly rejoicing-smirking-my life will forever be changed.

We are always trying to protect "our space". Walking around void, guarded, closed, lonely. Sitting in the Dulles airport I met a wonderful Ethiopian woman. I loved being out of my ordinary, surrounded by Ethiopians. Some Muslim, some Christian, some traditionally dresses, but all ready to meet you with a smile. Open, warm. Extraordinary beauty.

A man and woman sit down with a girl around 6-very skinny, drooling, babbling. She lives in the states with her mom, dad and siblings. But they thought the best thing for her was to send her to Ethiopia where other family members could care for her. There she would have a nanny and family that would be available around the clock.*My heart and thoughts cannot begin to wrap around their choice* However my heart broke for her dad as he paced around after he handed her over to her Aunt who volunteered to take her to Ethiopia. It was apparent he was grief stricken.

Before I left I prayed, "Lord fill my heart with your love for people. Put people in my path you want me to be your light. So you are glorified"

After an hour into the flight the 6 year old girl got more and more uncontrollable and agitated. "mom dad I'm sorry." she would yell. " I want my mom" She was thrashing all over the floor. She was confused, scared. Her poor Aunt tried to calm her. The flight attendents tried to calm her. They sang Jesus loves me over and over to soothe her. I got up and went into the bathroom and cried. I cried. "Lord please help this girl".
When I walked out the little girl ran to me. She stroked my hair and for the remainder of the 17 hours flight I was her momma. She calmed down and melted into my arms. I was humbled, honored. Grateful.

On my way to Africa. I know I'm a dork.

Minnesota and the Sword of Adam

Is There Anything Else You Want to Tell Me?

I was amazed at how fast the Cipro started to work. By the 2nd day I was no longer in crazy pain. Then on day 3 I could barely make it out of bed. No pain just insanely heavy, tired, shivering all over and sounds weird I know but also eyes that felt like they were going to explode. I was so thankful Adam was home this weekend. It is not like me to not be able to function through the day. As I was lying in bed I would have to work incredibly hard just to move. On the 4th day I was a little better and actually joined the family for the majority of the day. Day 5 the doctor decided to extend my 5 day Cipro course to another 5 days. And now on day 6 I'm feeling a lot more normal. I actually sat down to eat. I had a nice big salad. About 10 minutes later my stomach started doing painful and audible things. Oh man. It was then that Gadese looks at me and says,"no salad. You can't eat salad with typhoid fever." What???????? Is there anything else you want to tell me? "

Photo Time.

I love this picture. It was the first time Diezel played with Lukas. Until this point the twins pretty much ignored Lukas. It was awesome watching the three toddlers and their big sis digging in the rocks.


Gadese had fun braiding McKayley and Faith's hair. It is so cool to watch McKayley with the twins. She is such an amazing big sister. She has a beautiful nurturing heart.

This was totally spontaneous. Daizey emptied the book shelf and climbed in. We all had a great laugh.


This completely warms my heart. The babies randomly walk up to Lukas and give him big hugs.

I had a wonderful appt. with Diezel's doctor today. He is scheduled for a cardiologist and a CT scan next week. This is good news. The first time when he knocked out unconscious was in Africa. He hit his head hard on a concrete and was out cold. He woke up a few minutes later and vomited. The first hospital stay here in America after 1 hour of admission he passed out on 3-4 different occasions in the course of 3 hours. And then on Tues night as I was rocking him he was struggling to breathe and passed out again. The question is are these all separate instances the first being a concussion, the second from a all the infections and dehydration and this last time from hyperventilating or is there an underlying issue? I hope to get answers soon.

After his appointment today I went to one for me. Starting about two weeks ago I've been feeling pretty lousy. I thought it might be Malaria. The doctor today is pretty sure I have Typhoid Fever, tissue parasites, Giardia and other things. I will find out more tomorrow. Basically I have reoccurring fevers, fatigue, chills, nausea, dizzy, starting last week intense joint pain that migrates every few days, headaches and oh yes that feeling of someone squeezing my bones with a vice grip. The good news it comes in waves. So I don't feel all that all the time. Except the joint stuff.

Kids are all tucked in. So, I'm off to bed.

Goodnight.