Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Are You There?

So what happened to the 'ol blog? Well, you do remember that I am and will always be a self proclaimed dork, right? Let's just say, I've had a funky week. Okay honestly I've had a funky two months. So funky that I've been completely not myself. It's like I'm shoved in a deep hole and in this deep hole I'm confused and gasping. I want out of the hole and I know if I just stop looking at the hole I'll notice God is extending a hand down to me. No better yet, He is in the hole with me and telling me exactly what I need to do to get out, but it's so dark and so loud. I sense Him, I know He's there, but There I am. Struggling, fighting, crying. It's so lonely in the hole. I want to tell someone, but no. I just wallow in it. After all this is my hole. In my hole I want to bury anything and everything. I dug a spot for my family. Next to my family I buried my relationships. Since I was burying my relationships , I might as well throw my spiritual growth in there, heck why not toss in my health, well being and while I'm at it, my blog as well. The more I dug, the wider the hole got, the wider the hole got, the more exhausted I became. The more exhausted I became, the more apparent it was that I was not alone. The Hand, the voice, my family, my relationships, my blog, everyone was in the hole with me. In the dark and confusion of the hole I failed to recognize that when I am weak He is strong and greater is He who is IN ME, than he who is in the world. So now I'm working hard on digging everything up again and restoring it. Unfortunately my blog address no longer exits. So, I have no idea who will even be reading this. But here I am. Transparent.


Kim said...

It is transparency that God really moves. I think your words will reach many and I know you will find you to restoration. I was in a hole for a long time with some stuff that happened after the adoption of my son. I didn't think I would ever see again. Your blog will connect people and help them, thinking of you.

Love Kim

Major Mom said...

Whew! Glad you are still with us. I was worried...You are gonna make it. God is good.

Ginny said...

I was really worried-kept trying that old address-where's Steffany? So glad you left that comment on my blog so I could find you. I will update your addy on my blog. Hang in there!

Leslie said...

I'm glad I found you too!
Hang in there.

Brandi said...

oh sweet friend. . .on the other side of a spiritual mountain is a valley. Even the disciples struggled like we do. . .mere days after watching the most grandiose of miracles they questioned Jesus on what they'd have for dinner in a whiney voice! God has worked a miracle in your family and through your family over the past months, it is no wonder that Satan has targetted you. You are a treasure of a warrier for the kingdom. We love you very much and will pray for you, lift you up, encourage and challenge as much as we can.

Love you,

Danielle said...

Glad to see your blog again.

And praying for you. I look forward to seeing some updates.


crispy said...

I am thrilled to have you back. I was worried and was hoping that I hadn't lost touch with you.

Please know that I pray for you often and now I know how I can pray. Praying for strength, encouragement, peace, and truth.


emily said...

I have always told you how much I appreciate your authenticity and transparency. This was so well written.

Thinking of the song "Mountain of God" by Third Day right now for you.

"Mountain Of God"

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

Bergmama said...

So glad you're back!!! I've been praying and will continue to pray for you and your family. I know God is doing great things through you. Reading your blog is always a blessing and inspiration to me, and I'm sure it is to many, many others.

Bergmama said...

So glad you're back!!! I've been praying and will continue to pray for you and your family. I know God is doing great things through you. Reading your blog is always a blessing and inspiration to me, and I'm sure it is to many, many others.

Salzwedel Family said...

I can understand why you would not be yourself with all you have been through. I'm so sorry things have been tough. Keep looking up - He's there with an outstretched arm waiting to pull you out of the hole. Praying for you...

Donna Barber said...

So can relate with you some days. So glad you are still there. Call any time.

HollyAnn said...

Steffany, We need to talk! You are NOT ALONE!!!! Love you!

Sean and Lisa said...

Steff!! I am SO GLAD you are back in blogland! We have been praying and will continue praying for each of you. Thank you for your honesty, I love that about you! Keep hangin' tight to HIS hem. He will not let you go, I promise. He is faithful. Love you!

amy smith said...

oh steffany! i am so sorry. know we love you, and we are praying for you, and know you will get through this valley. praying the mountain is a high one. :)

Cassie said...

found you again!
so glad i saw your comment on amy's blog. i was very concerned!
praying for you steffany.

Emily said...

Glad your back! Being transparent is the best way to show others, that we are all the same deep down!

I am praying for you and your family.

Laura said...

I am glad that you are still blogging. You know God has a ladder for you, ready and waiting. Just take one rung at a time. God knows that you are under attack for following His will. He will deliver you. "For He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Heb 13:5 Take captive your thoughts and fears and turn them over to God, He can and will handle them. Bathe in His word, Steff. He has so many promises for all of us. When you feel that salty air on your face, recognize God and His glory. He will not let you go, nor will He let you down. Love you so much!!! So glad Candace told me where to find you!

Stepping Out of the Boat said...


Leah Dooley said...

Hey sis. I've been here along side you. I hope you have felt that, but if you haven't, know that I've been praying for y'all. Lex and I were just talking about how hard everything has been lately and wondering how you & Adam were holding up. I wish you weren't so down lately, but I know the Lord has you in the furnace for a reason. I don't know the reason...but when you come out of it purer and closer to Him, you'll see what the pit you've been in was all about.

Enough of me....here's some truth that never fails.

Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song of praise in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

I know how much you desire to be God's light. Many will see and fear the Lord through your trials.


Tengesdal 4 said...

Steff- even without knowing where you'd gone (westward...)- the Lord had really been prompting me to pray for you... so you haven't been alone- and aren't! You're still being prayed for... thanks for the honesty in how to pray!

Kristi said...

Thanks for your transparency. I know that I don't know you (I am a friend of Laura's), but I have read about your "journey" and all of the trials and struggles that you guys have been going through lately. And, I have prayed for you. And, know that I will do it again right now.

May the God of hope, fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Spirit. Romans 15:13

Anonymous said...

Oh thank goodness! I would check for your blog at least once a week, then I started asking around. Finally I found this one!

Just a side note, I was adopted at three. If you ever want a perspective from the other side, let me know. :)

April P.
(from work)