Try This

Weird I don't know why it's not working for you all.
It works fine on my computer.
Here's the link to it on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdPdObdOXZ4

Try that.
Let me know if it works!

VIDEO!!!!!!!!

Part 1 of 3!
Video of Robbin meeting Gadese, Alebachew and Christiana just a few weeks ago!
Beautiful gift.
A combination of screaming and crying coming from me!
Praise God!

Get The Heck Out of the Way!

I got a phone call today.
It was Gedese asking for help. Telling me she was in trouble and needs money. She has never asked me for anything. My discernment was a little "off". A part of me wants to give her/anybody anything and everything they ask. Then there's that part that fights that thought. The part that is still paying off her medical bills. I normally have a peace that comes with giving. This time my heart waged a war. I made one phone call to a mutual friend. An hour later she let me know the money was sent without thought. Without judgement. Freely given. Then an hour after that I was sent by a different friend a picture that was taken when she visited Ethiopia last month. Completely by "coincidence" I recieved a picture of Alebachew and Christiana.
My heart was softened. Peace overcame me and my discernment returned.
I realized it's not about me.
It's not about what I can do.
I was not filled with peace about giving because it wasn't to come from me...
And I had to be okay with that.
She called me to simply relay a message to someone.
I think I need to realize that a lot more in my life.
And
I need to get the heck out of the way.

BTW- If you want to see a bigger picture you need to look on Facebook because I can't make it any bigger

Important Stuff

My hair appointment got canceled.
Apparently the flu is striking Missouri pretty hard.
So the stringy strands of hair are still the same.

I know this is all very important stuff
(Insert cheesy smile here)

Any Chance....

That when I walk into the beauty salon tomorrow looking like this....

I can walk out looking like this?



It's worth a shot,
right?

Wish me luck. Every time I attempt a new hair style I normally walk out looking like this

(yeah, that's me:)

Ahhhhh...

Tonight we had our first bonfire of the season.
There's something about autumn that makes you just want to lay in a hammock and say,"Ahhhh."

It's the time of year for hot chocolate in the evenings.
Roasting marshmallows.
Listening to music by the fire.
Watching the leaves fall down like beautiful rain in the breeze.
Long sleeves.
Shorter days.
Snuggling up.

Lost in Translation

If I had the means to vlog(video blog) this I would.
So much can get lost or misunderstood in the written world for me.
If you could see my face and watch my body maybe then would the words I type match what my heart intends.

I have had so many wonderful people contact me regarding my latest post. My heart is full with your caring. Yet, I feel as if my blog was misunderstood.

Yes. I am hard on myself.
Yes. There are season's in our life.

I don't know if even now I will totally be able to explain what is on my heart.

I know.
and you know,
When God has called you to something.
I hear His voice loud and I hear it clearly.
I am thankful for that.
He has done amazing work in my life.
To know my testimony is to know God redeems.
I cling to His grace everyday.
Without it....
I WOULD be lost.
I know His Grace.
I live His grace.

I also hear His voice.
I know what He wants me to do.
I see a vision of the person He created me to be.
That is what haunts me.
That is what I call being fake.
He has shown me.
Yet, I make excuses.
My spirit is willing
But
my flesh is weak.
I need to be hard on myself.
God gives me Grace.
Yet He calls my name.
I know at the end of the day I am still nothing no matter what I have done or not done.
Where I feel I'm faking or a poser is I talk a lot,
but yet do nothing...
then I make excuses.
I hate telling people about my "story" sometimes,
because to them it is huge. Which it is.
I am an ex drug addict, high school dropout, gypsy living, prostitute that God has shown His mercy on. I have an incredible marriage that I fight for everyday, six amazing children, two adopted that were left for dead, I listened to God and saved the life of a pregnant mom in Africa by moving her to my home and raising money to take care of her and her newborn.
Just in that, You can see how big God is.
That is what I want you to see.
God!
Him.
With in that though- He has shown me more.
I have been given so much...
I am only hard on myself because I want to be obedient. I am a poser. To think more highly of myself would be to discount who God is in my life.
I am nothing.
Yet I am beautiful.
I am unworthy.
Yet He made me new.
I was asked not to long ago...
"If there was a part of the bible that impacts or sums up your relationship to God, what is it?"

Romans 12

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

So please know in your heart- I am not down on myself or being too hard.
I am being honest.
God is doing a mighty work.

I'm a Poser or Other Wise Known as a Fake.

I feel like I have been in constant "regroup" mode or if I'm feeling righteous I might call it, "waiting upon the Lord". So here I am either gearing up or waiting. Let's just call it for what it is...apathetic, posing, living a lie or
Revelation 3:16 say's "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

That's me. I cry for orphans, but yet do nothing.
I talk about Mother's health in Uganda, but yet I do nothing.
I say," I'm still adjusting to being a mother of six", but yet ignore the reality that life is what it is and "adjusting" is an excuse I readily use.
I recruit people to write a book with me, but yet lack the capacity to bring it together.
God has placed famous authors in my lap to help, but I feel inadequate to call upon them. I'm either too busy. Too tired or too sick to reach out.

I admire or more honestly feel jealous when the women I know step out in faith and accomplish great things. I silently think, "if only..." The two most deadly words one can think.
I groan. I moan. I complain. I justify.

Where did I go? I have friends tell me, "you're different".

I am.
I am a fake.
I am a poser.
I am broken.
I try to fix myself.
I use band aids and tape.
But...
Nothing can repair what only God can fill.

I am nothing.

HE is everything.
He is real.
He is authentic.
He fixes.
He can heal.


I can often get caught up in, "I'm waiting on the Lord's direction."
Really?
Am I?
Waiting?
Seriously?

For what?
Serve the man laying in the road down the street?
The single pregnant teenager at my son's school?
The mother on welfare in front of me at the grocery store with her cigarettes, hot dogs, children in dirty diapers with a declined credit card?
The alcoholic with a swollen belly irritated at the gas station?
The blogs I read of families wanting to adopt and pleading for $1.00 to help with the costs?

Sometimes I find myself getting so caught up in, "God's work" you know the" important stuff".
I forget about smiling at the cashier.
Helping someone fix a tire.
Serving my family.

I think sometimes the world, the media, magazines, blogs, facebook, friends, ourselves
give us a false idol. The great poser idol. The idol that we all worship, that tells us...We are not enough. We need more. We have to save the world. We have to be Oprah. We have to have an organization. Make a difference in thousands of lives.
I forget or am blinded to what God has called me to today.

I don't know what He has in my future. I do know I will always fall short. I will always be a poser.

Have I....

told all of you thank you?

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for encouraging.
Thank you for inspiring.

Yeah,
You!

hopefully you know I'm talking about...
You!

The Gift

I think about Gedese and Christiana every day. Not a day goes by that I'm not wondering how they are doing. Are they well? Is Gedese eating enough? Has Alex come home yet? Is Christiana walking yet? Are they drinking clean water? Do they have any money? Is Gedese lonely? Is she happy. Does she think about us? Will Christiana remember me?

I get to speak with her every few weeks, but the connection is usually terrible and I have trouble understanding people on the phone. I can't see their lips and watch their body language which makes it difficult for me to process what is being said.

This week-One of my blog friends Robbin is picking up her precious baby girl in Ethiopia. She blessed me so much! She took a few things to Gedese for me ans spent some time with her. I got a gift from Robbin this morning an email.

Hi there!!!! Saw Gadesse. It was amazing. Cristiana is such a big girl. All smiles and playing. She was super excited about everything but mostly the ethio/America book you found that Diesel lost lol and of course the snickers!!!!!! I have video and will fill you in and email them as soon as I am home. Can't seem to get it to go from here. She sends her love!!!!

Thank you so much for allowing me to do this!

Robbin

These Eyes

Make my heart melt.

Just Another Saturday.

Filled with...

Lassoing bandit lighting posts

Tricycle races

Painting benches

Building things with wheels

Being a Rockstar

Speeding down the driveway on the Green Machine.

I Met the Rudest Person Today.

And it was me.


Even now as I type this I'm torn between being ashamed yet justified.
How arrogant is that yet beautifully human.
Our very nature is repulsive and sinful yet we were created in His image.
Our only redemption-
Let me repeat that
Our only redemption
is
That God loves us.
John 3 16-21

What happened today that brought out my true self?
The sad thing is nothing major caused me to rear my ugly head.
I took the 3 little one's to an overpriced, germ ridden indoor playground.
When I went to fill up the mustard and ketchup cups for our food, the huge container of mustard sort of exploded/squirted all over me. On my face, in my hair, all over my clothes and the ground. Pretty much everywhere but the half inch paper cup you get.
I looked back at the kid behind the counter and said, "I don't think your mustard is working."
I kind of expected a, "oops, man I'm sorry let me help you clean it up." Instead I got a, "It looks like it's working just fine...Oh it looks like it squirted everywhere AGAIN".
I said, "AGAIN!, You mean it does this a lot?!" He kind of looked at the other kid working and snickered. I cleaned myself up with my 3 toddlers at my feet screaming for food. I then left all my mustard filled napkins right where they were(even though the trash can was an inch to the left). I accidentally dropped my half filled cup on the ground and it splattered on the floor. Quite amused I looked at them both with my mustard everywhere and said rather rudely, "YOU CAN CLEAN UP THE REST!" I walked away without mustard and sat my kids down for their lunch. Then I watched one of the kids clean the floor and it hit me like a ton of bricks! Wow. I became that woman in an instant. I felt immediately remorseful and went to apologize and was met with ummm.... indifference. My heart went to justification. The it was okay to act like that because....You can fill in the blank. The point is- It's NEVER okay to act like that because. I don't care what the circumstances are or were. I WAS WRONG! Even if the "Kids behind the counter" purposefully squirted mustard all over me - I need to respond in love. I need to respond in forgiveness. I need to respond in grace.
When I was on my back pack trip, I spent time meditating on
Isaiah 53:7
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

Christ- who was blameless and without sin.
Innocent!
Did not plead His cause.
He who was truly justified remained SILENT!

How often when I,
me,
who is filled with sin,
can't wait to open my mouth to justify my behavior no matter how offensive it is!
So.
I met the rudest person today.
And
It was me.

Need Encouragement to Continue on.

I'm thinking I might be done with my blog. I have plenty to say, but seem to lack the capacity to write it all down. Maybe I'll get a video camera and start vlogging instead. Either way apathy is knocking at my door. My husband calls my blog, "Our family's legacy."
Talk about pressure. I wish I could say I blog for that reason, but no. I'm a little more vain than that. I write to connect. I write as shallow as this is..for affirmation, for friendship, for others to say, "I get you."

So here's me asking....
Should I continue.
If you are a lurker, this is your time to come out. Leave me a comment. I need your encouragement.
I know..
I'm fishing.

Filming

On Friday Adam filmed footage for his commercial. It was mainly shot in front of a green screen. I think Jace and McKayley had a blast.

Getting set up for a shot.

I love this one. Watching Adam behind a camera is a dream come true and then seeing our daughter in front of the camera...wow.

Adam going over the storyboards with the kids.

Jace walking into the studio. He looks so at home.

Getting the costumes just right.

Utimate Fort Building

Broken

My body is exhausted yet strong.
My spirit feels full yet weak.
My heart is burdened yet encouraged.
I am home.
Yet I am yearning for comfort.

As I climbed the peaks,
God found me in the valleys.
As I walked through the valleys,
God carried me to the peaks.

He was everywhere
when I was in the middle of nowhere.

I sought His face
as I hid my heart.
He sought my heart
As I hid my face.

My God was before me,
and I followed
My God was after me,
and I looked behind
My God was with me,
every step
and every breath
of the way.

Kicking His Butt.

This week has flown by. I leave in less than 8 hours for Colorado for 8 days! Without kids. Without my man. 37 miles. No bathroom. No showers. Just 11 women strangers. Seeking adventure and a closer relationship with God. i have been incredibly emotional(stressed) this week. If something was going to go wrong..it did. If something was going to break...it did. Satan got his butt kicked though.

Blog you later.....in 8 days!

P.S.
Please pray for our group...if you feel lead to.
and my kiddos....
and my amazing sister-in-law Leah who traveled all the way here from Texas with her 11 month old to help us out!

Random pics from Lincoln University- I traveled with the kids on Tues. to visit my baby brother on his first day at the dorm!

My dad, sister Maggie(16), brother Bobbie(18)

Rare moment.

So proud of him.

No comment:)

Trying to entertain the kids with a game of Duck, Duck, Goose in the parking lot.

Walking through the campus.

Jumping on their Uncle and his new bed!

What I saw when I pulled up to his dorm. 2nd window-Do youy see them?

No Caption Required

The Power of Perception.

Before Adam went out of town the other night he woke Jace and McKayley up at 2:00am. I was sleeping and had no idea he did this until the next morning after Adam had already left. Here is what happened according to McKayley-

"Dad woke me up at 2:00am! He told me to come outside with him. Mom, it was amazing. It was so dark and the stars were shining bright. You could hear all the frogs. It was so cool. Then dad set up the telescope. Guess what I saw Jupiter! At first I thought it was just a star with four other stars around it, but mom-It was actually Jupiter's moons."

She was smiling from ear to ear telling me what happened. This is a memory hopefully she will always cherish.

Now here is what happened according to Jace-

"I was sleeping and dad came and got me out of my bed. He took me outside in my pj's mom. The frogs and all the night bugs were so loud. Did I mention I was in my pj's?! We had to look through the telescope"

He was not smiling and I doubt this is a memory (at least now) he cherishes.

I couldn't help but laugh at how differently their perception of the 2:00am wake up call was.

It got me thinking about the power of perception and how different we all are. Have you ever written an email or blog post that you meant to have an effect but then turned out to be perceived completely differently than how you meant it.
I think a lot of times how we perceive something is a direct reflection of where we are emotionally at that time.
This incident of Jace and Mckayley was such a huge reminder to me. Lately my perception has been a little"off".

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right" Henry Ford

My recent perceptions of myself and my life.
1. I'm exhausted.
2. I look old.
3. I feel old.
4. I'm ugly.
5. My hands are too full.
6. The twins are too much.
7. I made a mistake.
8. I'm trapped
9. Life was better when...
10. I'm a terrible mother.
11. I don't do enough.
12. My house is a disaster.
13. I need a break.
14. If only my husband was around more....
15. I don't want to get out of bed.
16. Nobody does anything around here.
17. I'm sick all the time.
18. If only I had family that was around...
19. I can't stand all the whining.
20. I have no friends.

Is this what I want? No. Then why am I buying into all the lies? God did not create me for defeat.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..

Do my circumstances need to change?
No.
I do. My perception needs to.
I have read over the last few years on blogs of parents suffering the unthinkable their children dying or a spouse dying. There are families fighting cancer, disease, and hardships-yet their perspective is clear. They see God's hand. They believe His promises. They cling to His truth.
My life is amazing. It is what God has given me. To think of my circumstances as anything other than beautiful is a selfish perception. Yes. I might feel like I'm struggling and times might seem hard but My God is awesome!

The Kiss

Adam is gone again and so is my camera.
I miss them both.

Since I seem to be lacking both words and new pictures-I thought I would share a few old ones.

"The Kiss"

a year ago

3 years ago.

Our first family photo. That's Jace 13 years ago!


Our public wedding over 14 years ago.

Our elopement almost 15 years ago!

Close Encounter

Yesterday Grandpa Coop took McKayley, Faith and I to an animal rescue farm he volunteers at. This sanctuary is not open to the public. Nor do they breed or sell animals.
For us to be allowed in was a huge treat.
They(a husband and wife) rescue everything from lions, skunks, macaws, tigers, squirrels, and the list goes on.
They get animals at all times of the night thrown on their doorstep. They never turn their backs. She is a veterinarian and he is a postal worker. The farm is supported from their own paychecks and occasional donations. I have never seen anything like it. Everything they have is given to care for the animals. Modest doesn't even begin to describe their house. There are animals in every corner. Even a monitor lizard in the bathroom. It was intense being right next to a tiger that was bigger than my husband. The cougar Sheila literally was stalking Faith. I have never seen a predator so determined for it's prey. Yeah, I was a little freaked. Thank God Sheila was caged. Definitely not a place for the toddlers. They could have lost a hand in an instant. Now I know why it is not open to the public. I was amazed though. What this couple has provided and sacrificed for the animals was inspiring. It was an incredible experience. One that left me in awe of God's creatures and thankful that metal fences exist.

Sheila- The cougar that seriously wanted more than anything to eat Faith.