And it was me.
Even now as I type this I'm torn between being ashamed yet justified.
How arrogant is that yet beautifully human.
Our very nature is repulsive and sinful yet we were created in His image.
Our only redemption-
Let me repeat that
Our only redemption
That God loves us.
John 3 16-21
What happened today that brought out my true self?
The sad thing is nothing major caused me to rear my ugly head.
I took the 3 little one's to an overpriced, germ ridden indoor playground.
When I went to fill up the mustard and ketchup cups for our food, the huge container of mustard sort of exploded/squirted all over me. On my face, in my hair, all over my clothes and the ground. Pretty much everywhere but the half inch paper cup you get.
I looked back at the kid behind the counter and said, "I don't think your mustard is working."
I kind of expected a, "oops, man I'm sorry let me help you clean it up." Instead I got a, "It looks like it's working just fine...Oh it looks like it squirted everywhere AGAIN".
I said, "AGAIN!, You mean it does this a lot?!" He kind of looked at the other kid working and snickered. I cleaned myself up with my 3 toddlers at my feet screaming for food. I then left all my mustard filled napkins right where they were(even though the trash can was an inch to the left). I accidentally dropped my half filled cup on the ground and it splattered on the floor. Quite amused I looked at them both with my mustard everywhere and said rather rudely, "YOU CAN CLEAN UP THE REST!" I walked away without mustard and sat my kids down for their lunch. Then I watched one of the kids clean the floor and it hit me like a ton of bricks! Wow. I became that woman in an instant. I felt immediately remorseful and went to apologize and was met with ummm.... indifference. My heart went to justification. The it was okay to act like that because....You can fill in the blank. The point is- It's NEVER okay to act like that because. I don't care what the circumstances are or were. I WAS WRONG! Even if the "Kids behind the counter" purposefully squirted mustard all over me - I need to respond in love. I need to respond in forgiveness. I need to respond in grace.
When I was on my back pack trip, I spent time meditating on
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
Christ- who was blameless and without sin.
Did not plead His cause.
He who was truly justified remained SILENT!
How often when I,
who is filled with sin,
can't wait to open my mouth to justify my behavior no matter how offensive it is!
I met the rudest person today.
It was me.