Changes

About a month ago I had a dream. It was one of those amazingly clear dreams. It had purpose and direction. I heard a voice. When I first knew I was going to change the twins names, God gave us Diezel. There was no question. no matter the negative stuff we got we knew he was a Diezel. It was kaku's name that I struggled with. I finally settled on Daizey. It sounded cute, but I never felt that feeling. You know the one that say's this is it. Then I had THE DREAM. I heard a voice and it said" She shall be called Ziah. I asked the voice," Ziah as in I can spell it Zya". The voice said, "No. It is to be spelled X-I-A". I told Adam about the dream. He of course made fun of it. Saying "okay we'll call Diezel,Xylophone." Ha-ha. So I dismissed the dream, but it followed me everyday. "Her name is to be Xia". I finally couldn't deny it anymore. Daizey is a Xia. It means the glow of the morning sun. And that is her. My Xia.

Technology Woes

My laptop broke just when I was starting to blog again:(
I only have use of my hubby's when he is home from 3:00am-7:30am. Needless to say I won't be using it much.

I also am a little isolated here. It's rare to find a bar of signal on my phone. I spend much of my time searching going from one room to the next saying, "Are you there? Can you hear me? and man I can't stand Sprint." I have a great signal away from the house, but with 6 kids (3 toddlers) when I am away from the house all my attention is always on head counting and chaos management. So on those rare moments that I am alone and away from my house I am dialing.


I'm also reminded why we don't have television. I have been really tempted lately to give into the pleas of my oldest son who wants cable. The house we are staying at has it. And man it's really lame. For the first week we had it on a lot. I noticed so much more fighting between the 3 oldest. Then last week Aunt Leah sent megablocks to the twins for their birthday. Which was awesome we are really low on toys here. Those of you who know me know I pride myself on the ability to pack light. Sometimes too light. Toys were left out. Hey we are at the beach. Who needs toys, right? Anyway,this week the tv has been off the majority of the time and they have set up store, a game they created using the blocks. They create robots and animals then sell them to eachother for the green blocks. They have banking and give donations to eachother when in need. It is really fun to watch especially when Gadese starts playing. The fighting is much better. I know tv works in some houses just not ours. So Aunt Leah and Uncle Lex thanks again for the wonderful gift.

Diezel and His Tongue

My boy and his tongue are best buddies. His tongue is never in his mouth for long.

Results are in...

Doctor here in Los Angeles just called. For two months I fought Typhoid Fever, Reiter's syndrome, Giardia, Bronchitis and the new find of Hep A. My doctor in Missouri didn't think I could have Hep A, so he never ran a test for that. Okay now having just one of those is bad enough but ALL of them. WHEW!!!! BUT........

I'm finally feeling much better. I feel a dance coming on:)

Cardboard Box Fun 101

Trip to the Beach

Diezel was not to fond of his first beach experience. Might have been that it was freezing or the enormous amount of sand that was dumped on his head.

Daizey had fun dumping the sand on Diezel's head.

NuNu and his cape.

Yes, they did eventually brave the elements and hop in.

My Last Complaint for the Year.

So, I' m still sick. I know this topic is getting old. I had another trip to urgent care here on my vacation in sunny California. This time I walked out after more blood work, chest xray, urine sample and 4 prescriptions. I don't know whether to be irritated with my current situation or worried. It has now been two months of doctors and meds. I sure hope my body conquers this stuff fast. I know my physical state is adding to the feeling of being in a hole. And get this I'm not allowed in the sun for two weeks. I'm in California at the beach with my kiddos. MAN! And since this is my last complaint for the year may I add This really bites!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm done.

Thanks.

Are You There?

So what happened to the 'ol blog? Well, you do remember that I am and will always be a self proclaimed dork, right? Let's just say, I've had a funky week. Okay honestly I've had a funky two months. So funky that I've been completely not myself. It's like I'm shoved in a deep hole and in this deep hole I'm confused and gasping. I want out of the hole and I know if I just stop looking at the hole I'll notice God is extending a hand down to me. No better yet, He is in the hole with me and telling me exactly what I need to do to get out, but it's so dark and so loud. I sense Him, I know He's there, but There I am. Struggling, fighting, crying. It's so lonely in the hole. I want to tell someone, but no. I just wallow in it. After all this is my hole. In my hole I want to bury anything and everything. I dug a spot for my family. Next to my family I buried my relationships. Since I was burying my relationships , I might as well throw my spiritual growth in there, heck why not toss in my health, well being and while I'm at it, my blog as well. The more I dug, the wider the hole got, the wider the hole got, the more exhausted I became. The more exhausted I became, the more apparent it was that I was not alone. The Hand, the voice, my family, my relationships, my blog, everyone was in the hole with me. In the dark and confusion of the hole I failed to recognize that when I am weak He is strong and greater is He who is IN ME, than he who is in the world. So now I'm working hard on digging everything up again and restoring it. Unfortunately my blog address no longer exits. So, I have no idea who will even be reading this. But here I am. Transparent.

Westward Bound

We are heading on the highway. It will surely be an adventure. Packing up our crew. Driving across the country. Oh yeah baby - We were born to be Wild.

We leave this Saturday morning to drive from Missouri to California. The kids, Gadese and I will be joining my man for the next month in LA to finish the last part of the film. SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not wait to smell the ocean air. I'm praying it will melt all our germs away. But more importantly I can't wait to be a daily support to my husband and to feel his arms around me every night. I can't wait for our kids to experience their dad in action and to witness first hand the power of a dream. I can't wait to see some old friends back home in LA and to hopefully make new ones. I can't wait to see all my kiddos toes in the sand and to watch Diezel and Daizey's eyes when they see the ocean for the first time.

*If there is anyone on our route to California, we are taking the Kansas, Denver, Utah, Nevada route and if it works out time wise. Maybe we could meet up for a leg stretch, decompress drive break.

Imagine

Imagine loving two children so much you pray for them every night; only to dream of their tiny bodies wrapped around you. Imagine loving two children so much you travel half way around the world to hug them; only to have to leave them there alone. Imagine loving two children so much you prepare their room in faith; only to wonder if you'll ever see them in it. Imagine loving two children so much you work tirelessly raising money to bring them home; only to be told that might not happen. Now imagine doing this for over a year because You love them so much.

Please pray for Jody's family. They have been trying to bring their twins home for so long. This is such a hard week for them. She has such a beautiful family with such faith in the Lord. Won't you join me in prayer for them. Pray for strength, peace, and understanding. And please pray for their twins in Sierra Leone.

The Red Canvas Trailer 01

My hubby's movie. I'm so proud of him.

Power of Prayer

NuNu had a fever of 103.7-104.8 for 8 straight days. He had pneumonia with possible tick borne illness tularemia or ehrlichia. I sent out a prayer request at 10am. He was admitted at that time. He was lethargic, flaming red eyes, and high fever. One hour later his fever was gone. One hour after that he was sitting up. Each hour he grew stronger and stronger. During that time I had many of you praying for him. He is now home and doing great. Thank you so much for your prayers and good thoughts.

And oh yeah satan is getting his butt kicked.

Lukas is in the Hospital

Laura here--Stef just called and Lukas is being admitted into the hospital. He has had a high fever for a number of days now. He is lethargic and in a lot of pain. He can't even stay awake. They ran tests on him at the clinic this morning and his labs aren't looking good. At this point, they aren't sure what is causing this. They will continue to run tests on him in the hospital to determine what he has. Please pray for his healing. For clear wisdom and direction for the doctors. Peace and strength for Steff and the kids at home. I'll update if and when I hear from Steffany again.

Glory be to God

It's really late and I should be sleeping. But no, I'm catching up on blogs:) Quiet and alone times don't happen often. What a blessing that I am awake. God has shown me so much this past hour.
How many times do we pray for things. Like peace, spouse, kids, endurance etc.. It's funny I know many people that have prayed for God to provide a husband only to end up after they get their husband to start praying for God to change their husband. Or like me I pray for peace only to end up praying for forgiveness. Or for endurance only to find myself praying for rest. I don't know how many times I prayed for our children we hadn't met for God to protect, care for, love and show us them. How funny that lately I pray for peace, quiet, sleep and strength to love , protect and care for our children he gave us. As I was typing this Daizey woke up 3 times crying, Lukas is sick, Adam is gone, I haven't slept more than 5 hours in 48 hours, but I can't help wanting to sing praises to God. He has given me all I asked for and more. He created circumstances that leave me exhausted and tired so therefore He has built my endurance. Everyday huge stresses fly my way therefore I lean on Him for peace. I can't help but to give God the Glory. It became so real to me as I hold my precious daughter in my arms and type this. At first I was thinking, "Man, not again. Please go to sleep, I'm tired". Then I looked down at her and thought, "Thank you Lord". My prayers have been answered.

Drum Roll Please.......

We had a doctors appointment today. And....
Diezel was up to 19 pounds.
Daizey weighed in at an official 16 pounds.

And more good news.
Diezel's CT scan looked normal and his heart looked fantastic. Now if we can only find out why he keeps passing out.

And I'm feeling a lot better. The second round of meds have me feeling somewhat like my old self. I kind of feel like I've aged a lot this last 6 weeks:)

Poor NuNu had a 104.8 fever this weekend. Oh Man. It looks like he caught Coxsackie from Faith.
I have a question for those of you with large families; Is there ever a time when everyone in the same house feels good at once?

Journal Thoughts- on way to Africa

We are such a reserved people.
I want to scream from the top of my lungs, "I'm going to Africa!" Instead I walk around like I have a secret quietly rejoicing-smirking-my life will forever be changed.

We are always trying to protect "our space". Walking around void, guarded, closed, lonely. Sitting in the Dulles airport I met a wonderful Ethiopian woman. I loved being out of my ordinary, surrounded by Ethiopians. Some Muslim, some Christian, some traditionally dresses, but all ready to meet you with a smile. Open, warm. Extraordinary beauty.

A man and woman sit down with a girl around 6-very skinny, drooling, babbling. She lives in the states with her mom, dad and siblings. But they thought the best thing for her was to send her to Ethiopia where other family members could care for her. There she would have a nanny and family that would be available around the clock.*My heart and thoughts cannot begin to wrap around their choice* However my heart broke for her dad as he paced around after he handed her over to her Aunt who volunteered to take her to Ethiopia. It was apparent he was grief stricken.

Before I left I prayed, "Lord fill my heart with your love for people. Put people in my path you want me to be your light. So you are glorified"

After an hour into the flight the 6 year old girl got more and more uncontrollable and agitated. "mom dad I'm sorry." she would yell. " I want my mom" She was thrashing all over the floor. She was confused, scared. Her poor Aunt tried to calm her. The flight attendents tried to calm her. They sang Jesus loves me over and over to soothe her. I got up and went into the bathroom and cried. I cried. "Lord please help this girl".
When I walked out the little girl ran to me. She stroked my hair and for the remainder of the 17 hours flight I was her momma. She calmed down and melted into my arms. I was humbled, honored. Grateful.

On my way to Africa. I know I'm a dork.

Minnesota and the Sword of Adam

Is There Anything Else You Want to Tell Me?

I was amazed at how fast the Cipro started to work. By the 2nd day I was no longer in crazy pain. Then on day 3 I could barely make it out of bed. No pain just insanely heavy, tired, shivering all over and sounds weird I know but also eyes that felt like they were going to explode. I was so thankful Adam was home this weekend. It is not like me to not be able to function through the day. As I was lying in bed I would have to work incredibly hard just to move. On the 4th day I was a little better and actually joined the family for the majority of the day. Day 5 the doctor decided to extend my 5 day Cipro course to another 5 days. And now on day 6 I'm feeling a lot more normal. I actually sat down to eat. I had a nice big salad. About 10 minutes later my stomach started doing painful and audible things. Oh man. It was then that Gadese looks at me and says,"no salad. You can't eat salad with typhoid fever." What???????? Is there anything else you want to tell me? "

Photo Time.

I love this picture. It was the first time Diezel played with Lukas. Until this point the twins pretty much ignored Lukas. It was awesome watching the three toddlers and their big sis digging in the rocks.


Gadese had fun braiding McKayley and Faith's hair. It is so cool to watch McKayley with the twins. She is such an amazing big sister. She has a beautiful nurturing heart.

This was totally spontaneous. Daizey emptied the book shelf and climbed in. We all had a great laugh.


This completely warms my heart. The babies randomly walk up to Lukas and give him big hugs.

I had a wonderful appt. with Diezel's doctor today. He is scheduled for a cardiologist and a CT scan next week. This is good news. The first time when he knocked out unconscious was in Africa. He hit his head hard on a concrete and was out cold. He woke up a few minutes later and vomited. The first hospital stay here in America after 1 hour of admission he passed out on 3-4 different occasions in the course of 3 hours. And then on Tues night as I was rocking him he was struggling to breathe and passed out again. The question is are these all separate instances the first being a concussion, the second from a all the infections and dehydration and this last time from hyperventilating or is there an underlying issue? I hope to get answers soon.

After his appointment today I went to one for me. Starting about two weeks ago I've been feeling pretty lousy. I thought it might be Malaria. The doctor today is pretty sure I have Typhoid Fever, tissue parasites, Giardia and other things. I will find out more tomorrow. Basically I have reoccurring fevers, fatigue, chills, nausea, dizzy, starting last week intense joint pain that migrates every few days, headaches and oh yes that feeling of someone squeezing my bones with a vice grip. The good news it comes in waves. So I don't feel all that all the time. Except the joint stuff.

Kids are all tucked in. So, I'm off to bed.

Goodnight.

Searching for Answers

We are home from the hospital. Thank you for all your prayers. Please continue to pray as we search for the answers as to why Diezel keeps having these episodes.

URGENT PRAYER FOR DIEZEL

Laura here--Steff just called on her way to the hospital. Diezel lost consciousness and has extremely rapid breathing. He began with the rapid breathing, so she called the nurse. Then he lost consciousness in her arms. Gadese came and laid hands on him and started praying. They were going to call the ambulance and then he woke up. The nurse said to bring him in right away. Again just now while she was driving to the hospital he began losing consciousness. Please pray for them. She is incredibly shook up as you can imagine we all would be. Pray for wisdom for the medical staff as they care for him right now. And for complete healing of Diezel's little body. I will update you if and when I hear more from Steff.

Coming Soon

Almost two weeks ago our family was blessed with special visitors. Stepping out of the Boat
took a huge step of faith and drove her 5 children and husband down to stay the week to help. So that a made a total of 16 people all living together. It was purposeful chaos. It was awesome. I loved her. I loved her children and her husband was the most laid back guy I have ever met. Why was it a step of faith for them. Well... We have never met before. I know shock! Right? It wasn't until we were talking about how cool it was while our children were listening did it dawn on us. Hmmm. Is this something we would want our kids to do? We had a great time explaining that one to all the listening ears who were like, "You mean you met online". Yes we did. Not the smartest idea I guess, but definitely the best idea. About three months ago we started talking on the phone everyday. She knows more about me than people that have known me for years. I love this woman. Anyway back to the original reason for this blog post. The kids. Our kids hit it off. While Stepping out of the Boat was helping me with the twins her husband and our combined kiddos were hard at work making a movie. After hours of my oldest son editing it we are ready to share the masterpiece. Well almost. My son thought showing the trailer to peak your interest would be the way to go. Enjoy.

A Day In the Life...

I don't know how many times I've sat down to try to update everyone on the twins. I write wonderful blog posts about them in my head as my body struggles to stay awake after everyone's bedtime. I lay in bed with all the days details floating around. I think to myself I should get up and blog about it, but I never do.
They are doing amazingly well emotionally and developmentally. They are not the same kids I met a month ago. A few simple but wonderful changes are: Bath time. For the first few weeks they were terrified and screamed during bath time. Now they love the bath. I mean love it! Right after dinner they both run to the bathroom and start screaming to get into the bath. If I ever can't find them the first place I look is in the bath tub. There they will be just sitting in an empty tub fully dressed.
The second thing that has changed is their relationship. During the first few weeks they never interacted with eachother. I even questioned if they were twins let alone related. They wouldn't look at eachother, they could care less if the other one was crying. They completely ignored the other. I really think they were in survival mode. Every baby for them selves. Now that they feel secure and the threat of death is gone they are able to appreciate each other. They are adorable when they talk to each other. They walk and hold hands, they stick up for each other. If Luke takes a toy from Diezel then Daizey will puff out her chest, shake her finger, get in his face and let him have it. It's hilarious.
Every day they are coming more and more into themselves. They fit beautifully into our family. They have more personality and fight in their little bodies.
I think the real stress comes from their health issues. There is a huge struggle in this area. It is here that I cry the majority of my tears and feel defeated. They have both lost weight over the last few weeks. I get advice from 15 different people all with 15 different view points on the subject. It gets so overwhelming and it doesn't help that I'm exhausted so I can't even begin to wrap my brain around the issue. Here's the fact their output is way greater than their input.
A few days ago when I posted I felt like i already failed that day and it was 8:00 am- Let me paint a picture in your mind. It's 5:30 am the twins are already awake. I'm alone yet again. (For those of you who don't follow my blog regularly my husband has been gone the majority of 7 months in Los Angeles) I know it could be worse and normally I can accept that, but this is my woes me post:) I woke up to that smell- the one I smell throughout the day. Oh man, not already. I look in the crib (thank goodness he was in there because normally they are entangled in my arms.) There is poop everywhere. I throw away again another outfit and another blanket.
I put him in the bath, strip the sheets, get Daizey up and dress them both. I start breakfast it's now 5:30am. I make eggs and almond butter pancakes. Daizey again refuses to eat. It has now been 4 days since she has really eaten much. I try something new I put her in her crib and told her she needed to eat. ( I'm begining to think this is a control issue, which I totally understand, but this is a dangerous one for a 13 pound 2 year old) After I took her out I had a success. Praise God she ate!!!!! Diezel has ate all his breakfast. Like always, he eats like a champ. At about that time the girls wake up. I start to cook them breakfast. Next thing I know I smell that smell again. Oh man. There is poop all over the highchair in his hair, down his leg and on the floor. And oh yeah breakfast is burning. I turn off the stove. Strategically remove Diezel from his highchair start the bath, but before I could finish Daizey projectile vomited all over the kitchen. The doorbell rang and it was the girls ride to school. They haven't eaten, their shoes are nowhere to be found. First things first though the poop explosion the the girl covered with vomit. I get them both in the tub, get the girls out the door when I hear a scream, "mom""mom""mom". My other two year old was at the gate screaming I want my mom. Jace tried to help him, but no he wanted mom. I let him up only to have him slip on the poop.
Okay now if this was a once in awhile morning . No problem, but no this is my day everyday. What I find interesting is how my perspective changes. My circumstances don't change but the way I view them does. One hour I can look at my babies and be at total awe with what God has done. The next I can be looking at the same babies and be on my knees crying at what God has done. Please just know I am sharing the realities of my heart. I love them and am overwhelmed with joy. I am also overwhelmed at times with worry and weariness. I know that they are meant to be ours and God's will is divine. I also know that if I would have known the extent of their needs I would have felt ill equipped. Thank God He is able to handle all of this.
A little perspective.
Hudson just turned 4 months and Daizey at almost 2 years old.

Stefinition-Potty talk

What is a Stefinition? It is my personal defintion of a word, place, thing, event, feeling.

Potty Talk- The time in which I lock myself and my three toddlers in the bathroom so I can talk on the phone for 5 minutes.

Patience and Strength

I already feel like I'm losing the battle today.

Family

This is Alebachew with Jennifer and her amazing family. Alebachew or "Alex" was an employee of our agency. He is an amazing man. He was so easy to love. Jennifer and I had a lot of fun with him.

Alex was always there for us. One of our goals in Ethiopia was to be God's hands and feet. Before we left for Ethiopia our prayer was to be used no matter how big or how small. I raised money to take with us to use for God's plan. Alex gladly and without hesitation took us to see the true realities of the country. I will forever be thankful for his willingness to help. He took us to a village where there was a big church on top of a hill. People hungry for food, thirsty for water, dying of diseases waited outside the gates perishing, clinging on to life. We came across this man. I thought he was dead. His body was lifeless. As I turned away, Alex went over to him and helped him up.

This is Gadese. She is Alex's wife. Throughout our stay in Ethiopia we found out about her. She is an ex Olympic athlete. She was hit by a car and can no longer run. Last year Alex and Gadese were pregnant with their first child. At 8 months she developed pre eclampsia and they lost the baby. They are now pregnant with their second baby and terrified.
After prayer and discussion and with the help of Jennifer and her amazing family Gadese flew home with us. We are humbled that God would chose us to be His hands and feet in this young couples lives.

Last week she had her first visit to an ob/gyn here in America. It was beautiful being with her during the ultrasound. I will never forget the pure joy we felt seeing the heart beating. Even though Gadese and I speak different languages, the language of motherhood is universal.

She is such a strong and courageous woman. I am learning so much from her. Imagine flying across the world with someone you don't know, who doesn't speak your language. Leaving your family, country, the man you love for a chance to give life to your unborn baby. Imagine the strength of her husband to ask a stranger in a different country that speaks a different language to take your wife home for the chance to give life to your unborn baby. Now imagine being the one blessed enough to call this couple your family.

Praise be to God.

Please pray for them.
Pray for strength for both of them during their separation. Please pray for God to open a door to have Alex come to America to be with his wife. Please pray for us as we walk in faith to provide medical care for Gadese and her baby.

Guess Who is Home?

Because Every Mother Matters!

A few of you have heard me talk about my passion for the people of Uganda. Last Christmas I was blessed enough to be apart of a campaign to bring water, food and medical care to a small island in partnership with Orphan Children Rescue.
I have the opportunity again to work with them on another project. Brandi and I have teamed up to start a national campaign called Because Every Mother Matters! The goal is to deliver birthing kits to thousands of women who lack even the basic necessities to deliver their babies. We believe with access to simple tools to aid in the birthing process that it will help bring down the overly absurd mortality rate.
This is something I am extremely excited about. I feel so privileged to be a part of this.

In All Things Give Thanks 4-9-08

On top of the severe malnutrition the twins are fighting Hep A infection, Giardia, Pneumonia, gastroparesis and ear infections. They have been given a feeding tube. That is not going so well.

Please pray for wisdom for the doctors.

In spite of all the medical stuff, the twins are amazingly strong emotionally. They are bonding beautifully even in the hospital with countless new faces coming in. Daizey smiles so much now and is walking a lot when she feels well. She is inquisitive and filled with so much spunk. She is nicknamed, "Diva" at the pediatric unit. Diezel finally walked more than 10 steps. Last night he cruised the hallways. He walks like a little old man with hip problems. I was laughing hard watching him strut his stuff. He is a snuggle bear filled with a wonderful spirit.

I have been so blessed this week. My cousin Laura drove all the way from Texas with her children to help this week. She was and is a gift from God. It has brought so much peace not having to worry about what is going on at home. She has taken care of my children and home with such love and grace. I will always be so thankful for what she has done for our family.

I received a box of clothes from a woman I never met in Corpus Christi, Texas filled with exactly what I needed. It was such a God send. They came at the perfect time. So Laura, if you are reading this, thank you so much. You touched me deeply.

Our church has been wonderful. I truly am humbled by everyone's generosity.

This past weekend a family that I met through this blog drove 3 hours to my house to take care of the kids. They adopted three kids from Ethiopia months ago. They were a beautiful family. Thank you Jess.

Laura(stepping out of the boat) How do I begin to tell you what you mean to me. You are my soul sister. I love you. Thanks for being my best bud. BTW- Brittney is still calling about her wig.

Jennifer- You asked about the hospital it is the University in Columbia, Mo. Thanks for being there Sandra. Ethiopia would not have been the same without you and your family.

I don't want to leave anyone out. You have all touched me and blessed me. Every single comment has been appreciated and read. Thank you for your never ending encouragement. Your prayers have carried me through.

God Bless you all.
Goodnight.
Steffany