I don't know how many times I've sat down to try to update everyone on the twins. I write wonderful blog posts about them in my head as my body struggles to stay awake after everyone's bedtime. I lay in bed with all the days details floating around. I think to myself I should get up and blog about it, but I never do.
They are doing amazingly well emotionally and developmentally. They are not the same kids I met a month ago. A few simple but wonderful changes are: Bath time. For the first few weeks they were terrified and screamed during bath time. Now they love the bath. I mean love it! Right after dinner they both run to the bathroom and start screaming to get into the bath. If I ever can't find them the first place I look is in the bath tub. There they will be just sitting in an empty tub fully dressed.
The second thing that has changed is their relationship. During the first few weeks they never interacted with eachother. I even questioned if they were twins let alone related. They wouldn't look at eachother, they could care less if the other one was crying. They completely ignored the other. I really think they were in survival mode. Every baby for them selves. Now that they feel secure and the threat of death is gone they are able to appreciate each other. They are adorable when they talk to each other. They walk and hold hands, they stick up for each other. If Luke takes a toy from Diezel then Daizey will puff out her chest, shake her finger, get in his face and let him have it. It's hilarious.
Every day they are coming more and more into themselves. They fit beautifully into our family. They have more personality and fight in their little bodies.
I think the real stress comes from their health issues. There is a huge struggle in this area. It is here that I cry the majority of my tears and feel defeated. They have both lost weight over the last few weeks. I get advice from 15 different people all with 15 different view points on the subject. It gets so overwhelming and it doesn't help that I'm exhausted so I can't even begin to wrap my brain around the issue. Here's the fact their output is way greater than their input.
A few days ago when I posted I felt like i already failed that day and it was 8:00 am- Let me paint a picture in your mind. It's 5:30 am the twins are already awake. I'm alone yet again. (For those of you who don't follow my blog regularly my husband has been gone the majority of 7 months in Los Angeles) I know it could be worse and normally I can accept that, but this is my woes me post:) I woke up to that smell- the one I smell throughout the day. Oh man, not already. I look in the crib (thank goodness he was in there because normally they are entangled in my arms.) There is poop everywhere. I throw away again another outfit and another blanket.
I put him in the bath, strip the sheets, get Daizey up and dress them both. I start breakfast it's now 5:30am. I make eggs and almond butter pancakes. Daizey again refuses to eat. It has now been 4 days since she has really eaten much. I try something new I put her in her crib and told her she needed to eat. ( I'm begining to think this is a control issue, which I totally understand, but this is a dangerous one for a 13 pound 2 year old) After I took her out I had a success. Praise God she ate!!!!! Diezel has ate all his breakfast. Like always, he eats like a champ. At about that time the girls wake up. I start to cook them breakfast. Next thing I know I smell that smell again. Oh man. There is poop all over the highchair in his hair, down his leg and on the floor. And oh yeah breakfast is burning. I turn off the stove. Strategically remove Diezel from his highchair start the bath, but before I could finish Daizey projectile vomited all over the kitchen. The doorbell rang and it was the girls ride to school. They haven't eaten, their shoes are nowhere to be found. First things first though the poop explosion the the girl covered with vomit. I get them both in the tub, get the girls out the door when I hear a scream, "mom""mom""mom". My other two year old was at the gate screaming I want my mom. Jace tried to help him, but no he wanted mom. I let him up only to have him slip on the poop.
Okay now if this was a once in awhile morning . No problem, but no this is my day everyday. What I find interesting is how my perspective changes. My circumstances don't change but the way I view them does. One hour I can look at my babies and be at total awe with what God has done. The next I can be looking at the same babies and be on my knees crying at what God has done. Please just know I am sharing the realities of my heart. I love them and am overwhelmed with joy. I am also overwhelmed at times with worry and weariness. I know that they are meant to be ours and God's will is divine. I also know that if I would have known the extent of their needs I would have felt ill equipped. Thank God He is able to handle all of this.
A little perspective.
Hudson just turned 4 months and Daizey at almost 2 years old.