Sunday, April 27, 2008

A Day In the Life...

I don't know how many times I've sat down to try to update everyone on the twins. I write wonderful blog posts about them in my head as my body struggles to stay awake after everyone's bedtime. I lay in bed with all the days details floating around. I think to myself I should get up and blog about it, but I never do.
They are doing amazingly well emotionally and developmentally. They are not the same kids I met a month ago. A few simple but wonderful changes are: Bath time. For the first few weeks they were terrified and screamed during bath time. Now they love the bath. I mean love it! Right after dinner they both run to the bathroom and start screaming to get into the bath. If I ever can't find them the first place I look is in the bath tub. There they will be just sitting in an empty tub fully dressed.
The second thing that has changed is their relationship. During the first few weeks they never interacted with eachother. I even questioned if they were twins let alone related. They wouldn't look at eachother, they could care less if the other one was crying. They completely ignored the other. I really think they were in survival mode. Every baby for them selves. Now that they feel secure and the threat of death is gone they are able to appreciate each other. They are adorable when they talk to each other. They walk and hold hands, they stick up for each other. If Luke takes a toy from Diezel then Daizey will puff out her chest, shake her finger, get in his face and let him have it. It's hilarious.
Every day they are coming more and more into themselves. They fit beautifully into our family. They have more personality and fight in their little bodies.
I think the real stress comes from their health issues. There is a huge struggle in this area. It is here that I cry the majority of my tears and feel defeated. They have both lost weight over the last few weeks. I get advice from 15 different people all with 15 different view points on the subject. It gets so overwhelming and it doesn't help that I'm exhausted so I can't even begin to wrap my brain around the issue. Here's the fact their output is way greater than their input.
A few days ago when I posted I felt like i already failed that day and it was 8:00 am- Let me paint a picture in your mind. It's 5:30 am the twins are already awake. I'm alone yet again. (For those of you who don't follow my blog regularly my husband has been gone the majority of 7 months in Los Angeles) I know it could be worse and normally I can accept that, but this is my woes me post:) I woke up to that smell- the one I smell throughout the day. Oh man, not already. I look in the crib (thank goodness he was in there because normally they are entangled in my arms.) There is poop everywhere. I throw away again another outfit and another blanket.
I put him in the bath, strip the sheets, get Daizey up and dress them both. I start breakfast it's now 5:30am. I make eggs and almond butter pancakes. Daizey again refuses to eat. It has now been 4 days since she has really eaten much. I try something new I put her in her crib and told her she needed to eat. ( I'm begining to think this is a control issue, which I totally understand, but this is a dangerous one for a 13 pound 2 year old) After I took her out I had a success. Praise God she ate!!!!! Diezel has ate all his breakfast. Like always, he eats like a champ. At about that time the girls wake up. I start to cook them breakfast. Next thing I know I smell that smell again. Oh man. There is poop all over the highchair in his hair, down his leg and on the floor. And oh yeah breakfast is burning. I turn off the stove. Strategically remove Diezel from his highchair start the bath, but before I could finish Daizey projectile vomited all over the kitchen. The doorbell rang and it was the girls ride to school. They haven't eaten, their shoes are nowhere to be found. First things first though the poop explosion the the girl covered with vomit. I get them both in the tub, get the girls out the door when I hear a scream, "mom""mom""mom". My other two year old was at the gate screaming I want my mom. Jace tried to help him, but no he wanted mom. I let him up only to have him slip on the poop.
Okay now if this was a once in awhile morning . No problem, but no this is my day everyday. What I find interesting is how my perspective changes. My circumstances don't change but the way I view them does. One hour I can look at my babies and be at total awe with what God has done. The next I can be looking at the same babies and be on my knees crying at what God has done. Please just know I am sharing the realities of my heart. I love them and am overwhelmed with joy. I am also overwhelmed at times with worry and weariness. I know that they are meant to be ours and God's will is divine. I also know that if I would have known the extent of their needs I would have felt ill equipped. Thank God He is able to handle all of this.
A little perspective.
Hudson just turned 4 months and Daizey at almost 2 years old.

23 comments:

Lyndsay said...

I really wish I could say something that would express all that I want to. I am in awe of you... and praying for you. I cannot imagine having to deal with that day in and day out. You are incredible. Though there's no "bright side" too cleaning up all that poop and puke, you are doing extraordinary things. And you're right, God can handle it... and He is using you in a supernatural way. Love to you!

Ginny said...

Okay, I now realize that I need to be praying for you just as much as I was a few weeks ago. I promise that you and your family will be in my prayers everyday.

Kim said...

wow, I have a had a few days like that and can relate, I know the smell you are talking about and the poop, yellow? trade mark, it was horrible and it included the dogs eating the diapers I couldn't pick up fast enough, you know I like what you said about perspective, it is so true. Hang tight you are furthering the Kingdom with all the kids and God moving through you.

kim

Sean and Lisa said...

Dear Steff...bless your heart. You are dealing with so much and handling it amazingly well...even when you think you arent ;) I can so understand what you said about perspective. I still have those days when I'm in awe one minute and questioning God the next. I know I don't have the intense medical issues like you do but we have the intense developmental and mental issues and yes, they can really wear you down! Especially when you are already weary. Know that we are praying for you and your family. Steff you are being the hands and feet of Jesus and it's beautiful to behold. Keep hanging onto HIS hem...
Love ya,
Lisa

Leah Dooley said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE!! All I can say is wow. I would go crazy. I wish it were easier.

You never know what God has around the corner. Hang in there sister.

Tengesdal 4 said...

Steff- thanks for the update and the reminder that you continue to need prayers! I'll pray that you find someone who has an answer for the digestive issues & that voice rises above all the others! It is so exciting to hear the little victories and to realize how HUGE they are...now to get through the day in less than 4 outfits...

Laura said...

Gallatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good for, at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I wish I had an answer for the diarrhea. Are you still doing pediasure? I wish we were closer. You need a respite.

Hang in there Steff. I will keep you and the kids in my prayers. Hugs! Thanks so much for the update. I know you are swamped!

Liberia Adoption said...

I'm so sorry for how difficult this is right now. Our son has chronic health issues so I've totally been there with you on the poop thing (he is 8 and still in diapers.) I wanted to offer that a cap of Lysol-the small brown bottle- in the wash goes a long way in getting soiled clothes/blankets clean.

Major Mom said...

Steff--In the spirit of keeping it real, this post TERRIFIES me. To my CORE. You are an amazing momma doing an amazing job, especially without a hubby. I am now so terrified of getting Bella home, I am having 2nd thoughts. Holy cow...

Bergmama said...

Steffany,
I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Sending you a hug!

Jill

crispy said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to give us an update. I appreciate the details so we can all pray for you more specifically.

I can relate on the concerns of the health of your child. I struggled for years with my youngest about food and eating and vomiting and not gaining weight...I understand. I know that feeding a child can become overwhelming. I have been there (not to the degree of where you are). I am so sorry that it is hard. I know every meal, every snack is a trial. I know how hard it is to have all that nutrition end up on the floor.

I will pray for you and I am here for support.

(((hugs)))

Cris

Stepping Out of the Boat said...

Ok...so this entire post I pictured *vividly* in my head. I think of how crazy it was when there were 3/4 adults there helping the kids in the morning. I completely understand how and why you were feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and exhausted!

They have come so far! You are truly doing an AMAZING job! I absolutely think the WORLD of you!

Oh and I can totally see Daizey waving her finger in the air with her tiny body. She wins the award for biggest attitude in the tiniest body EVER! I love her spirit and determination!

Wanna know what I was really thinking--Oh great, now who is going to scrub up the floor with disinfectant!?!?! :)

Love you!

Anonymous said...

I continue to pray for the health of the twins. I'm glad to hear that they are doing better. I also pray that they continue to eat more and gain the necessary nutrients that their little bodies need.

-Becky C.
Panama City, FL

Salzwedel Family said...

I am at a loss for words. My heart both hurts & rejoices for you. I'm sure you feel overwhelmed much of the day. I too am glad for the update so we can continue to lift you up in prayer in a specific way. Bless you. I pray the medical staff caring for the twins will have the wisdom to make things better. I pray for strength & endurance for you.

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Colossians 1:10-12

Cassie said...

wow steffany...
such a perfect example of joy and suffering intersecting. thank goodness you have god's grace and mercy to fall into minute by minute each and every day. praying for you and yours.
cassie

amy smith said...

praying hard for hard poop.

Wife to the Rockstar said...

Know you are covered in prayer. Adoption is NOT easy and if you ever want to talk/vent... I am here. While my circumstances are different, I do have an idea of what you are feeling.

The Nahid Family said...

Thank you for sharing your heart, Steffany. I can relate to you. Having contracted this Hep A has been a real eye-opener for me. Knowing I contracted it from Ellie has been interesting too. Like you, I love her, but at times, I just feel so disconnected at the same time.

May the Lord bring peace and comfort to you,
Tina

Emily said...

Oh girl I have been there!!!!!! When JD and Zeke and Hannah came home, they all had diarrhea and my girls at home were starving for attention. Most days I thought I had stepped ahead of God and was in way over my head (still do sometimes!) But I promise it gets easier!!!!!!!!!! I wish I was closer and I could come by and help!

emily said...

You are a precious mama and an encouragement to me. Thank you for being real, for sharing your heart and for leaning on Him for all. He will carry you through! I will pray for you, well, keep praying for you. :)

Brandi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandi said...

oh sweet friend. . I can't even imagine. I know He will teach you and grow you in this, but I can not even imagine the exhaustion. . .I pray HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING!

Love you! For a bright spot, check out the OCF blog b/c they posted pics of delivering birth kits!

Love you,
Bran

Donna Barber said...

First let me say-thank-you for the update. I imagine you are so busy that this is the last thing on your mind. Yes I remember the poop smell well....uugh.

We think of you often and wish we could be there to help. I am glad you find your strength in Christ. No other way to get throughout the day :o)