Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hard Times

I'm going to be completely transparent here. I need advice. Has anyone
experienced,"hell" with their bio toddler after bringing home adopted
kiddos. I don't know how else to post this. I feel incredibly safe
with you all. I hope you can help with positive feedback. Many of you
already know our story. We adopted twins six months ago. They are
two. All of our kids have adjusted amazingly. Our adoption has
actually brought out beautiful traits in our three oldest. It's our
three year old that I struggle with. Sometimes I look at him and have
no idea who he is. I do realize a lot is age. However he has gone from
"normal toddler behavior" to I don't know what. I go out of my way to
give him more of my time than normal, I try really hard with
consistent boundaries. He is spitting, biting, hitting, pulling out his
own hair, and overall not listening. I can not leave him in a room
alone with the twins for fear of his behavior. Have any of you
experienced this? What can I do? Sometimes I go to bed so defeated. I
know when Gadese's baby gets here, that it will be one more change he
has to go through. I'm confident this will pass, but what do I do
until then?


adam said...

Yeah, it's like I know he'll grow out of it, but in the meantime . . .

. . . maybe if we try the . . . hey, come here and lick this battery trick?

Oh yeah that didn't work with me as a kid either. Although I did like the tingle on my tongue. :}

Candace said...

Adam is a nut!

I haven't adopted, but with Devon, 3-4 was the HARDEST! I wish I had some great advise, sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to survive. Start trying new things...rewarding nice behavior instead of focusing on the negative-stickers, jelly beans, a sticker chart for the toddlers with a reward at the end of the week or end of the with day-special privileges? I remember putting Devon in his room and telling him that when he wanted to talk to me instead of whine and be nice, he could come out and be apart of the family.

Help us endure our little blessings!!

Emily said...

I totally understand!! I have adopted 3 toddlers and 1 young preschool now. Toddlers are the HARDEST I have found. Time helps, but we have also found that sometimes we have to be creative. For our daughter (she was about 3) we implemented whering big mittens when she hit for a set amount of time to remind her that she can't hit (and she hated trying to do anything with big mittens on) For biting we had a cup top (like a pacifier, that she had to keep in her mouth for a set amount of time) and if she was in time out throwing a fit then we wouldn't start the "time out" until she was done. He is a little younger, but might help in the future!! Hang in there it does get easier.

Anonymous said...

They (any age) will do whatever they have to for attention (even unacceptable things:)). I have experienced this personnaly. I have four children and when I start experiencing the kind of behavior you are talking about I do two things. Reward good behavior and make some "special" time each day for that child. Maybe even take him out by himself on a day when you can have help with the others. Being 3, he doesn't know how else to express his frustration yet so it is coming out in bad/unexpected behavior. God Bless and I will be checking to see when things get better! :)

Laura said...

sorry this is still wearing on you. it is so hard. i know you've tried lots of things. could he spend some alone time each week with adam? i don't know what to suggest. but i will pray for wisdom for you and for a peaceful soul for the little dude. he is soooo darn cute though! :)

darci said...

i have no advice, just to say i will pray for the little guy, and for you. darci

Life in Fitzville said...

I have no idea why they say "terrible twos"... I thought 2 was a joy with all my kids. Even the tantrums they threw were funny and cute. But all of my bio kids woke up on their third birthdays (I swear!) transformed into some creature I didn't recognize.

Sorry... no advice, but yeah, 3 is not fun.

Julie said...

Wow, Steffany. i am so sorry. Of course I have no advice to offer but I did pray for you today and I am anxious to hear how it continues to go, esp. since, Lord willing, in the next few years we will be doing the same thing (adopting toddlers with a toddler).

stephanie said...

i also have no experience in this area, but i think the quality time with both you and also days with adam will probably mean most to him. you've always done a good job at making that a priority with the kids, you just need to be more intentional in making it a necessity now that you have the 2 little ones home.. dont be discouraged! love you

Ginny said...

Steffany, I sadly have no advice either. But I can commiserate a bit with you as my once "perfect" 5old son has been acting out terribly for a couple of months now despite the fact that neither our adopted boys or our new baby are here yet. I am really trying to brace myself for the storm ahead!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry. I don't know what else to say.