Meet the team

Our team leaves tomorrow. We are packed 50 pounds to a bag x 2 for each of us. Suitcases filled with pens donated by the awesome kids at Moberly Middle school (almost 2000 to be exact), birthing kits with life saving basics, handmade newborn caps, blankets, a laptop to be kept there, clothes for friends and strangers, donated Ipods, money to purchase water, extra resources to meet unexpected needs and 4 very different women ready to get completely stripped of all expectations.
Meet Jodie (the medic, nurse, professional) she is going to figure out her next step in life...is it to become a midwife in Africa? She is joining us to selflessly give her knowledge, talents, time and to be available at a moments notice to help the people we meet. She has already been an invaluable resource to this team. Always ready and willing to help in anyway. I constantly pinch myself to make sure she is real.
Meet Amy (the photographer, woman behind our logo, VP of BEMM, my counselor, my BF, my heavy and voice of reason who is the most stubborn person I know...A busy mom of 6 who is serving alongside me to help develop relationships.
Meet Crystal-(the last...within a week ago to join our bandit group) She is the spirit of our trip. We are all marching into the uncertain...yeah, there are guidelines or signs along the way like, "take detour" or "hey, guess what..you may have only 6-12 months to live"...Crystal is the strongest, and most bad a$$ person I know. I am humbled to have her join us. The perspective she brings will carry us through the rest of our lives.
Meet YOU- (the heart of BEMM) You are everything to me. Your support and encouragement bring a smile to my face. Without the Tacky 4 Africa headbands, Funkyfish Jewelry and your donations...None of this would have happened! When I think...I'm tired or what if I quietly slip away..I see you all. I reread your messages and ponder on the scripture or insight you share and I rally once more...

Then there is myself and the most incredible Ethiopian staff and friends....Yes, I am surrounded by amazing people...

See you all in a few weeks.

Going Against My Nature

The last thing I should be doing is blogging right now. I'm getting ready to lead my org's first trip on our own to Ethiopia. As pretty much a one/two woman show...I had no idea what it would take to pull off a trip like this. Not only is this our first official BEMM trip where are main goal was to establish relationships in various villages, clinics and women's homes,document it all then bring back the stories of a few dozen mommas to get our mother sponsorship program running....this is also my first time organizing a trip. Every single plan I made over the last few months either got canceled, rearranged or waited until 72 hours before our trip to confirm. If it was just me...no problem. I love the moment, living in the moment and going with the moment....I have no such luxury. God has grown me, stretched me and left me completely in tears. I feel so overwhelmed that I am paralyzed at moments. This trip is beyond anything I had ever planned in my limited understanding. There will be 4 women traveling and we will have 3 Ethiopian "guides". I have never been to the places we are going. Some of the details of the trip just came together or are still coming together. Many of you know that less than 2 weeks ago I heard a "friend/stranger" was given 6 months to live. I read her blog and memorized her "list" of what she wanted to do before then. Without thought I contacted her and she is coming with us to Africa( thanks to many of you) and we will cross off several things of her list. At first I was so caught up in the moment and how freaking awesome to be a part of this....then it hit me...the reality. The tragedy. During this whole process I went from a "moment type girl" to a " make and follow a plan type girl" who is responsible for many people. The moment part of me is freaking excited and humbled to be on this journey not only with the "friend/stranger", the other 2 amazing women,to be blessed enough to meet and get to know the mommas in Ethiopia, to provide Alex and Gadese with a job and see the people I love....Then this other part of me that has had to step up to the plate is the planner, the preparer, the overthinker.

I am terrified, heartbroken, feeling rather wrong for the job at hand, and just very sad. To live in the moment and share my "friend/stranger's" bucket list with her is BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRING and AMAZING. To not live in the moment and to think about the future is tearing me apart. To live in the moment of meeting the women that come across our path and the relationships we create is MOTIVATING, ENCOURAGING and LIFE-CHANGING, but then to think about that 1 in 11 of them will die due to pregnancy related causes and that some of the mommas we meet will be that statistic when we return in Oct...

I feel I have the heart for this. I know I have the courage.....maybe that's what scares me...to love so fiercely that living in the moment collides with a heart filled with hope and faith and it crashes with a reality that hurts and I don't understand, but surrender it at the cross and to keep going when I feel so unworthy of what I am called to....

All of this is against my nature...that just wants to soak in the sun or rain and watch the world drift by

I wish you knew...

I can't begin to count the people who contact me wanting to "help" or "give", but then follow that statement with something like,"It's not much" or " I want to do something, but have nothing"..

I want to wrap my arms around them, give them a huge hug, open my hands and accept what they have to give. Because I know....I'm not just saying this...but I really believe the amount doesn't matter. What you give or how much you give is NOT the gift. I founded an organization based on the belief that EVERYONE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Making a difference in someone's life is not measured by the amount of money you give...it is measured by the heart behind the offering.
Don't get me wrong....I do the happy dance when a huge donation comes through...but I do a bigger dance when someone feels moved to act when they never have before. So, PLEASE do NOT apologize for what you can or can not give! Instead give from your heart no matter the amount and know this momma is doing the happy dance simply because you felt lead to give.

The Path...

I am beginning to think when everything is exploding around you....that is affirmation that you are on the right path. It seems these past few weeks that: If something was going to break, it did. If someone was going to get sick, they did. If feelings were going to get hurt, they were. If relationships were going to crack, they did.

I'm scheduled for an MRI, my dad's cousin died 2 days after he plunged 25 times into an icy river to raise money for charity, one of my kids is undergoing tests for an unknown illness, 3 kids are passing puke bowels, my kid is flunking, my friend is dying....

I feel covered in mud, thorns, thick brush,lost and stupid. The path is filled with bristles, twists, valleys, over my head waters, huge mountains and I don't see many people at all...


Matthew 7:13


"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

Yeah...pretty sure I'm on the right path.

Amazing Women

After I told my team that is going with me to Ethiopia that we had a last minute person coming along and the circumstances of her coming....I was once again reminded how incredible the women are that are in my life. I wanted to share with you their thoughts about Help Write a Chapter and then to give you an update on our trip.

WRITTEN BY AMY (BEMM's VP and going on our trip Feb 27th)

living is messy,

when you really do it.

there is this girl, this girl i don't know... who is dying

you can read about her here: http://182days.com/

and here's the thing,

we are going to bring her to ethiopia with us.

you know why?

because we live messy too.

it scares the hell out of me to get close to this beautiful girl, knowing she may be leaving this earth in the next couple of months... but you know what?

i am in.

i am running toward this, running toward her pain, her beauty, her healing, her stage 4 cancer, with her.

because it sucks to do things alone.

dying sucks.

it is messy.

and so is living.

it's joy and pain existing together in one place.

and i am in.

you can be a part too.

if you want to help us get her to africa... because to be honest, steffany and i didn't stop to think about that we hadn't even finished raising funds for our trip yet.

we just acted.

if you want to help.. you can donate on www.becauseeverymothermatters.com

just put crystal's name in the notes...

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest;

make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.” - Horace

*Amy's words hit me hard....I'm going to go on an adventure and fall deeper in love with "The Beautiful Stranger" and then what? How do you even begin to process that or accept it. Then I got an email from Jodie. She another young woman who I am so blessed to have travel with us as well... This is what she had to say-

Written by Jodie(going on our trip Feb 27th)

I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of days. I’ve learned that through determination and perseverance anything is possible. I’ve learned that in despite of all odds against one; one can still rise above. I’ve learned that through compassion, genuine compassion, dreams can come true. I’ve learned not to be so methodological, to live in the moment and to believe in miracles. Life is precious and to live life to its fullest means to put it all out there. Scream high above the mountains and say this is me the real me. I am flawed, happy, angry, explosive, shy, a loner, scared, excited, loved, depressed, weird, and adventurous. I may never experience love outside of my family and friends. I may never be married or have children. I may never be the beauty queen or the intellect. I may never be in a state a euphorium. I may never truly have faith in myself. I may never have true faith in this world. I may want and pray for ‘ world peace,’ but inside never believe in its possibility. I may be a realist, optimist, and pessimist all at the same time. I may say and believe in one thing and then do the opposite. I can be a contradiction of all sorts. I am a daughter of my God and the sister of Jesus. I can call myself a Christian, but not a follower of religion. I can believe in love and in true love. I can believe that everyone no matter of race, religion, creed, or sexuality deserves love and to be loved without persecution. I believe that Heaven is a place to be loved, to be true, to not be judged, and to feel safe. I believe the most beautiful, breathtaking places on earth is only the beginning of what God designed Heaven to be. I believe in the religion of all the people. I believe in the unimaginable. I believe in God and Science at the same time. I like people who don’ t share my same viewpoints and opinions. It what makes the world unique. However, I get very angry with people who are one minded and judgmental. I am however, not as gracious as some people, and don’t have the stamina to tolerate them. I am not perfect or pretend to be. Life has been an adventure over the past couple of years. I vow to be a better member of society and to do my duty as a citizen of the world. Life and death has been in my face for the past five years. I’ve seen the first breaths of a newborn and the last breaths of an infant, child, and adolescent. Some deaths were a sigh of relief from the pain or the injustice. Some deaths were a mystery and some were just tragic. They were all a whirlwind. Duty took precedence over the full emotion of the situation. I am going on another Africa adventure to Ethiopia in two weeks. We are going to visit villages and pass out birthing kits, love on the people, and to find a need and fix it. One of our new members on our trip is a girl named Crystal. She is at the young age of 27 just like me. However, she has stage four Ovarian Cancer. Life is fragile for her now and everything is up in the air. The future has given her 6-12 months to live on this earth. Life is unpredictable and never is as promised. I am going to share my love for this woman and to appreciate her life and what she represents. I am going to be stronger and to try to not let the little things ‘bug me.’ I am going to do it for all the cancer and disease stricken human beings on this planet. We have one life on this planet and have responsibility to each other. I am not going to be scared and worry about what tomorrow brings. I am going to live in each moment and appreciate every smile, laugh, cry, and heartbreak life has to offer. I am going to have good and bad days and even self-pity days. I am going to live and live my life in love. I am going to do it for Crystal and for myself. I am going to learn, teach, and fail in my life. However, I am never going to stop LIVING.

Bottom line the thought of death changes us, it forces us to think what we life for. What do you live for? What would you die for? Are you waiting for your life to begin? Or are you waiting around just to die? This trip is going to change us all in many ways. It's going to help the mommas we serve through birthing kits, training, sponsorships, serving and soaking in their stories. It 's going to impact their lives, but even more it will impact our own. We will be writing a few of our own chapters in this life and be humbly blessed to be a part of the final chapters in an amazing woman's life. This my dear friends will be a beautiful story of life, love, laughter and tears.

It's not to late to help write a few chapters in her life.....the more we raise, the more we can give, and the more things we can cross of her list.

Donate to the right.

Put Crystal in the notes!

P.S. We are bringing 4 video cameras with us and we will be documenting the whole adventure.
Our goal is to not only document and educate what it is Because Every Mother Matters does as an organization, but we now also have a new goal!
Video this chapter in Crystal's life and give a copy to all of her friends and family.

P.P.S- Still looking for someone who knows James Franco. She wants to kiss him!

Help Write a Chapter

I wanted to share a story with you. A true story. A beautiful, inspirational story that will end in a tragic loss for everyone left behind...I am on my knees, begging you to please take a few minutes to read it.

I'm sure you already made up your mind if you are going to even read or respond to my latest email being sent. You're probably already bracing yourself for another one of my heartfelt pleas to save some stranger, mom, child in Africa. I don't blame you, I really don't. The world is filled with people asking for help. You can't even drive down the street without having a person with a sign begging for money at your window. Every store you go to there are donation jars at the checkout and you are asked if you want to give, when in all honesty all want is to buy your milk and quietly slip away. The buckets are passed every Sunday at church, your children come home every few months with another cookie fundraiser, your mailbox is littered with free address labels in hope you will send money. Times are tough. We are all struggling economically and to be quite honest most of us just want to forget life's problems, ignore the latest world conflict. We don't want to hear about another starving child, a catastrophic event that killed 1000's, the latest unemployed stressed out mom or dad that killed their family....It's just all so much. Then to top it off I send out these emails asking for help for some cause or another usually involving some dire need.

I want to tell you my reason for this email is to just say, "HI"....but you all know me better than that (I hope:) The thing is I love you all too much to not share with you a chance to not only be part of a story that is beautiful and inspiring, but to help write it a few chapters in a young lady's life.

This is the story of The Beautiful Stranger.

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life?

I pass hundreds of people a day during my normal life of driving, shopping, schooling, work.

Hundreds.

I look in cars as I drive by...wondering what are they thinking? How was their morning? Do they know they are loved? Do they know...really know that they are special? Has anyone told them, showed them that they are worthy.

That they are enough...

just as they are.

I meet people everyday.

Some...

I just know

and

I just feel..

are suppose to be a part of my life.

I can't help but to stop my life.

Look at them.

and love.

I met someone by chance a year and a half ago...

Normally she would just be a face...

another person that I pass by..

But not this time.

She was my waitress when I went to Phoenix to meet some blog friends.

Tattooed, outspoken, and intense.

I loved her immediately.

I have kept in touch through Facebook and visited her a few months ago.

When I was laying in my hospital bed last week...

so was she.

I had my husband and my church family around me...

she didn't.

She is 26 years old.

She had a 2 inch mass removed from her ovary,

and

an ovary removed

then the other one untwisted.

She needs probably a hysterectomy.

She is a student

and has no income.

She is waiting to see if she has cancer...

Again

she was just a face...

of a hundred

that I pass by each day.

But..

she has a name.

she has a cause.

Her name is Crystal.

(Since I first wrote that almost 3 years ago, I have had the privilege to get to know her even more. I think of her often, but haven’t spoken with her since last year)

Until I came across her blog.

Fast forward a year.....She now has stage 4 cancer. She is more beautiful than the day I met her. Her bald head from chemo gives her tattoos even more life. Each tattoo is a story in itself.

Memories.

Hopes.

Beliefs.

Experiences.

Dreams.

In January she was told she has 6-12 months to live.

I found out yesterday. I cried and cried. 27 years old filled with more passion and life than anyone I have ever met. She started a blog to journal her life with cancer.

On her blog she created a list.

A bucket list of sorts.

As I sat down to read her list preparing to cry....It hit me.

I can't save her life.

I can't put out some heartfelt plea on my blog to raise money to save her or stop death.

I can however help her live the life she has to the fullest and cross the things off her list.

1.Win something (contest)

2.Volunteer in a 3rd world country

3.Hold a newborn baby

4.Pet a lion

5.See an Elephant

6.Learn to knit.
7. Get a tattoo on my hand and neck

Without hesitation I called her and told her she won a trip (1) to Africa to volunteer with helping pass out and educate women on birthing kits(2) and in the process she will probably have to hold babies at orphanages (3). That we will visit the lion zoo and find an elephant (4,5) and one of the women we are working with who is bedridden and disabled knits scarves that we will be selling and would love knitting company(6). and there are awesome tattoo places in Addis that I was going to get a tat at too(7)

I have 48 hours to raise the money needed to cross 7 things off her list...and make some of her biggest and wildest dreams come true!

The only option is for her to come with me on my Because every Mother Matters mission trip to Ethiopia on Feb 27th! That is in two weeks. She just finished a chemo round and has her strength and at that time she will already be 2 months into her 182 days left! The October trip I have planned is too far out considering the circumstances.

* I do believe in miracles, I do believe she can live a long and full life and the Doctos can be wrong. I also do know that life is too short and all of our days are numbered...With that said...I will not pretend to be a fortune teller and I don’t know how many days any of us have...I do know from the depths of my soul that I believe we should all live as we only have 182 days left....and treat each other daily as it will be our last.*

This time I am not asking for help to save a life....I am begging you to help this girl who once was just a stranger in a restaurant..live the life she has left to the fullest! In order to mark these 7 things off her list though I need you!

The contest she won didn't even exist until the moment I saw her desire to win a contest on her bucket list just two hours ago. What is the contest she won?

It's simple....

The Beautiful Stranger contest.

I, being the sole judge, chose her because she has a name, a cause, and a dying to live life wish....Her name is Crystal and doggoneit... she won her first contest and she will be awarded a volunteer trip to Africa to hold babies in an orphanage, be taught to knit by a bedridden 20 year old orphan that is working hard to knit her way to her own home, pet a lion, we will find an elephant and have our hands tattooed!

Now here is how you can win a contest too.

First :Read her blog. http://182days.com/
Second: Leave her a comment on her blog. She asked what you would do if you had 182 days left to live. I encourage you to think about that and leave your own list for her to read.
Third: I NEED TO RAISE $2000.00 IN 48 HOURS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY OF THIS POSSIBLE! I FOUND AIRFARE FOR $1500 and we will need about $500 to cover her two weeks in Ethiopia.

So, what do you win? You get to help write the final chapters of a young ladies life and be part of a beautiful story of a young women who is dying, but refuses to spend her days waiting at death’s door. She is instead fully living more than most of us ever have.

I encourage you to

Give your heart

Write your own list

Donate to her wish list

and

get to know the beautiful stranger

You will be blessed.

Her name is Crystal

and

she is loved!

PLEASE DO NOT DONATE ON HER BLOG FOR THIS CONTEST! IF YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF HER STORY AND HELP US RAISE THE 2K NEEDED TO CROSS 7 DREAMS OFF HER LIST...THEN PLEASE DONATE TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT AND PUT CRYSTAL IN THE NOTES.

She has no idea I made up this contest to help her experience 7 of her biggest wishes.

P.S.- If you know James Franco her other wish is to kiss him;)


The link to donate can be found on my blog

Beautiful Stranger

Over a year ago I wrote about "The Beautiful Stranger".

The post is below

Beautiful Stranger

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life?
I pass hundreds of people a day during my normal life of driving, shopping, schooling, work.
Hundreds.
I look in cars as I drive by...wondering what are they thinking? How was their morning? Do they know they are loved? Do they know...really know that they are special? Has anyone told them, showed them that they are worthy.
That they are enough...
just as they are.
I meet people everyday.
Some...
I just know..
I just feel..
are suppose to be a part of my life.
I can't help but to stop my life.
Look at them.
and love.
I met someone by chance almost two years ago...
Normally she would just be a face...
another person that i pass by..
But not this time.
She was my waitress when I went to Phoenix to meet some blog friends.
Tattooed, outspoken, and intense.
I loved her immediately.
I have kept in touch through Facebook and visited her a few months ago.
When I was laying in my hospital bed last week...
so was she.
I had my husband and my church family around me...
she didn't.
She is 26 years old.
She had a 2 inch mass removed from her ovary,
and
an ovary removed
then the other one untwisted.
She needs probably a hysterectomy.
She is a student
and has no income.
She is waiting to see if she has cancer...
Again
she was just a face...
of a hundred
that I pass by each day.
But..
she has a name.
she has a cause.
Her name is Crystal.
She is worthy.
She is loved.
She is enough.
Please Donate.
Please let her know....
You noticed
the beautiful stranger

Fast forward a year.....
She now has stage 4 cancer.
She is more beautiful than the day I met her.
Her bald head from chemo gives her tattoos even more life.
Her friends are having a benefit for her in Phoenix.
If you live there..
GO! Don't even think about it.
Just GO.
This beautiful stranger will immediately challenge you in beautiful ways.

If you can't go...
Read her blog.
http://182days.com/

I encourage you to
Give your heart
Donate your change
and
get to know the beautiful stranger
You will be blessed.
Her name is Crystal
and
she is loved!

Nuggets

I so wish I blogged everyday. One day, I want to look back and remember these days and see how much I have grown as a mom, wife, daughter of a KING, friend and person. I hope it will remind me to never choose the easy path, but to continue to do what is right. I have started so many blog posts over these past few years. Some stupid and random...others too deep to finish. I think I will write a book of the greatest posts never finished. I can do it Mad Libs style and have you all finish it:)

I just started another post about "Being A Stone Thrower" ....We all are. We all cast stones at eachother. You are a liar if you claim you don't or haven't. Yeah, it's one of those, "too deep to finish" posts. The thing is...I may never finish the whole thing, but I do have a few nuggets.

Maybe that is what I should do...since I seem to lack the capacity to finish a post...I will just write a few sentences..nuggets!

Here are a few nuggets:

Had a friend ask me if I felt I was a trafficking victim.

My response:
"A victim of trafficking? Great question. I guess...I don't consider myself a victim. An object? yes. I never once thought I was a victim of trafficking. I was a victim of a sad childhood who never felt worthy, made bad choices and after I tried to make right, I met the of scorn of Christians who should have been there to dust me off...instead they continued to throw stones...the same ones that I had been throwing at myself all along."

Her sweet response was anger.
"Can I just be angry at them? Grrrrrrr...I want to step in front of those stone throwers and pharisees, I wish I was there to help"
She then told me having someone mad at the stuff done to her was helping her healing... (insert big hug for her here)

The thing is....we have ALL thrown stones.

My response: thing is sweet friend..I don't need people to be pissed for the injustices...because I really am healed.

She then talked about having forgiveness for the woman who was being judged (insert me or you) if you have had stones cast at you....

My response: The next step is to forgive the stone throwers themselves. To forgive them is to to forgive yourself and only then can you fully grasp what God's grace means.

We all deserve to be stoned. We all hide our guilt by throwing stones at others. True grace and mercy is casting those stones out to the sea and believing it will be washed clean

How Much to Save a Life?

I announced the winner of the official "Get BEMM'S butt to Africa- FunkyFish bracelet today. I didn't count how many donations came in to help, but I did notice something. About 30% of the donors were names I recognized. Time and time again these people over the few years have continually given to the projects that I work on. That is huge! Other than my marriage, kids and relationship with GOD, this is the longest lasting relationship I have ever had. To have typically 30-80 percent of all money raised come from people I recognize, mainly through my blog and facebook is humbling. I can't begin to thank you adequately for all you have done. Not only have you helped countless people, but you have blessed me in an incredible way. You remind me that I need to keep on moving down this path, that my goal of wanting to let every one know that what they do does make a difference is achievable. You have made a difference! You are what is needed.

On top of that, this was the first time I didn't recognize over half the names! How cool is that! This means, the message is spreading. This means that more people are believing THEY ARE THE DIFFERENCE THAT IS NEEDED! $5.00 or $5000- It doesn't matter. It's not the amount as much as it is the heart. To all of you, I thank you. You blessed me beyond words. You did make a difference. You made up 70% of what was needed.

To update everyone. We did buy our tickets. Your giving hearts bought 2 tickets to Ethiopia. Myself and BEMM's VP, Amy Smith (the photographer and artist). We are still short about $1500 for our in-country expenses. To give you a glimpse of our trip and how we are cutting costs-

We leave Feb 27th and arrive in Ethiopia March 1st. One of our crew is flying out of her way to where we are to save money.
When we are in Ethiopia we will be crashing on Gadese and Alebachews floor. A huge part of our meals while traveling(which is over half the time) is what we bring.
Alebachew is driving instead of us flying to areas in country (we are talking across country)
We will be traveling by public transportation as much as we can.

I personally will spend $1.25 a day for food expenses, which is what almost half the world lives on. This is my choice. After watching a documentary I was privileged to watch called- Give a Damn?, I knew I wanted to take my trip one step further.

Our goal as a group is to live as cheaply as we can, so we can spend the majority of the money we raise to help the people that come across our paths.

A huge reason for us going to Ethiopia is to develop the relationships with the orgs we currently have and to create new ones with orgs we love. We are wanting to video/still capture all the work we have done to date, from an interview with Gadese to showing everyone the reality of a momma's struggle in E. Africa. We want to make 1 in 11 women die due to pregnancy related causes real and relatable. I decided early on that we couldn't bring an American video person to help, because we are broke. We exhausted all resources begging for people to come. I then decided I was going to hire an Ethiopian, I wanted to support the local economy, but wasn't able.

So, what are we going to do? We got 5 video cameras loaned to us. That's right. We are shooting all our own footage.

I am so excited to see how GOD uses every single cent that came in to make everything clear. To make beauty out of desperation. To double the fishes....

Thank you for helping us. Thank you for believing you can make a difference. Thank you for being a blessing and challenging us to keep going: to challenge us to keep being the blessing....

I wonder how much does it take to save a life?
Because Every Mother Matters