Tuesday, October 19, 2010

BunnySuess

I feel a deep need to help, to constantly be a voice-no matter how small or even obnoxious it maybe...I tend to go against the grain, forge a new path and quite honestly...I can without ill meaning in my heart offend people. As rough and strange as I am...I am a people pleaser by nature.
I know..it's quite the contradiction. On one hand-I am bold, unique and take strong stands and on this other hand-I desire to be understood, to love, to embrace everyone...It reminds me of the passage in the Word about being luke warm...I guess you could argue my two extremes could be mixed to luke warm and thus be spewed out like vomit...But, I don't know..I think God made me this way. I am able to see and experience two separate extremes. I think my irritatingly honest voice is best heard when mixed with my desire to not only be loved, but to love beyond my ability.

this is hard enough to figure out just being me, Steffany-the person, but man...it's excruciating being this way as a mom, a wife and now the sole driver of the vision God gave me for BEMM.
I will always be, hopefully be, me...a whacked out..beautiful mess...

I am learning to figure this all out. I know a few things...
1. It's not about me
2. I will piss people off
3. My heart's desire is to see EVERYONE...to really see them..to love them for who they are and who they can be...

It's so surreal to be here..at this moment. I run into people, or have people contact me, I see photos on FB...they all say the same thing outwardly, "Steffany, I am in awe of you and all you are doing". When I hear this...my first response is.."Please don't be, I am still me and I can only do this because of HIM"...my next thought is..., "okay, yeah, I have overcome a lot of stuff"...but then my last thought is....."STOP!...Don't you know, YOU...yes, YOU...are SO MUCH MORE CAPABLE THAN ME!" Instead of being in "wow" of me...look inside..look deep...You will see what I already know...That you rock. I will continue to be me, a dork, a person who is wrong more than she's right...I will make you mad sometimes because I can be quite annoying...The thing that needs to change is...YOU thinking you are any different than me...In fact, we are quite the same. A person who wants to simply love people and desires to love more than they know how.

And why is this called BunnySuess?
Ask Adam...
The one I simply want to love more than I know how

4 comments:

Jaime And Drew said...

I think that people like to see woman soft and sweet. If they have any rough edges they are considered ..well I guess I shouldn't type the word I am thinking. Anyway...your drive, passion, forcefulness makes things happen. God takes ladies like you, gives them a task and says GO GET THEM GIRL!!! I know this because I have been described as one of the girls that can be rough around the edges. I love until it hurts, but can be very abrasive. I am learning that my stubborn side has blazed trails and I am proud of my sassy side :) Remember "well behaved women rarely make history"

Adam said...

Today I read the Bible's explanation of the Woman of Valor.
That is you my love.
When Satan comes to hinder, we pray.
God has a plan that is SO much greater...but you know that.

I love you.

Laurie said...

Steff,
Great post. Full of honesty for you and for those, like me, who need to hear it. Who don't believe that we have anything to offer the world. Two things, you are different because you said "YES" when called. Many don't do that and I'm just now learning that I can say yes and free fall with the LORD. Trying desperately to raise funds so we can go get our precious Anna. Not something I ever thought I'd do though desired it my heart beyond any description I can even fathom. Secondly, we need to be thankful, just as David did when he said to the LORD,"who am I that you have brought me and my family thus far?". I know you know that. Just a reminder. Ok, make it three things, yes, God made you the way you are for people like me. I need people who are real and willing to step on my toes and ask the hard questions. Yes, it may annoy me, make me mad, but it gets me thinking and looking at myself. Then asking God to change me, move me,use me. With out girls like you, I'd still be a bigger mess than I am. So sweetie, here is a big THANK YOU! to God for the women He puts in my life to challenge me, shape me, love me right where I am at. This includes YOU! Thank you for being a willing vessel. Love ya'

Laurie said...

Btw, love your man's comment about you. Nothing better than a mN Nd wife who adore each other. =o)