Saturday, April 4, 2009


It's hard to realize you've been so wrong about something that "feels" so right. When you know you heard God speak, but then to end up questioning your motives and if you were actually hearing Him or your own desires.

My eyes are swollen from tears and my throat raspy from crying out. My husband's shoulders are wet from holding me.

After much talk and prayer it has been decided that I am not going to Uganda and Ethiopia this month. It is simply not the right timing. I know and believe with all my heart that I heard God call me to these places-I just tried to force it into my time frame and not God's. I will go, but not now.
I need to first
1. pay for all the Gedese's medical bills. (5k)
2. find people who are going to partner with me for the Uganda sponsorships.
3. invest more quality time with my children.
4. work on strengthening my attachment to the twins.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.


Leah Dooley said...

Reading this really brings me peace about your decision. I know you are hurting. God will teach & heal all the wounds that are involved in this decision as well as everything that you've been through this past year. He's BIG! Don't forget. I love you.

crispy said...

I am proud of you for listening to the holy spirit nudge you into the right decision. I am sure it is really hard to wait and stay at home.

Anonymous said...

steff, I am so glad to hear this... As I have been so torn and wanting to go with you. But i too have just felt that God is saying not right now. I love and miss you, Jenny

Jman's momma said...

Ohh Steffany, I am so sorry you are not going. Praying with you as you "wait."

~ Anne

Leslie said...

I know that was so hard to hear, and so hard to obey. God will bless you in your obedience, and when you do go, He will bless you and you will have peace and joy in going. Praying for you.

KelseyChristine said...

Waiting is so hard--but I know wherever you are you will be impacting people's lives!

Kelly said...

I feel the same way, I want so badly to "GO" meaning do something, but the timing was not right for me either. Let's work something out for later. Pray! I will, too!! What about the August trip?

*Overflowing* said...

Bless your heart! You are a faithful servant who has proven to be obedient. He called you to go and you were ready to go....He called you to wait and you obeyed and are waiting. What a beautiful example!! I am praying for total peace and precious time with your babies! You are making our Lord proud!!!! ~stacy

Missy said...

I'm so sorry and I know you're heartbroken. I can totally relate though. I just knew I was supposed to go too and thought I had heard God loud and clear and just wasn't coming together. Like you, I began to see some needs that needed tended to right here. There will be a time for both of us.

Becky said...

Steffany....while I hurt for you I also am amazed by your obedience yet again to the Holy Spirit. It is never easy to wait...especially when you feel like you have gotten ahead of yourself. I appreciate your transparency, honesty and just wish for the one hundreth time that we lived close so we could go grab some coffee, talk, digest what God is speaking, laugh..well you get the idea. Bless you this day my friend.

Andrea said...

Oh that is one nasty 4-letter word "WAIT". I know how hard that is, and how hard it is to feel the disappointment when you felt His call. BTDT... Good for you for listening the "wait". He will reward you!

Laura Lu said...

ah, hugs, dear! i'm so proud of you for deciding to not go! i know how hard that was to do. love ya, dear!

Laura said...

As much as I know you wanted to go, I am glad that you are staying put. God is able to do so much through you where you are. You are an inspiration to so many, especially your family! Lots of love from Texas and wish McKayley and Luke Happy Birthday! That means it has been a year since we spent a week with you!!! I cannot believe that. I love you dear sister and know that I will pray for you. I know the daily grind does not always seem rewarding but, I also know what you are to your kiddos and husband. Well done, good and faithful servant!