This Christmas more than any other I am completely aware of the fine line between consumerism and blessing those you love. Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss. Not only do I have my recent trip to Africa and your stories and blogs to remind me of what our true priorities should be, I also have a daily glimpse of the realities of this world when I look not only in the twins eyes but also those of Gedese and Christiana. Every day when I struggle with the selfish desires of my heart, I see 9 people that I love beyond words. When their demands are greater than my ability at the moment and can't help but to think about what the demands of the twins parents are like at the same moment, or the demands of Gedese's family. I am again humbled and ask God for strength and thank Him for giving me perspective.
Having Gedese and the twins here are like having a built in consumermeter. Do I really need a box of macaroni? Wouldn't it be more cost effective to make my own? Should I pitch the shirt with stains? Or wouldn't be better to maybe dye it? Do my kids really need more clothes? Isn't 4 pair of pants per kid enough? Do their clothes really need to be washed after wearing it once? I think just by having them here I have saved thousands on needless purchases. The thing is- I'm not really a shopper. We spent the greater part of our marriage without much-and now that we have I could do without. I really think starting our marriage and family out doing without was the biggest blessing. Sorry a little side tracked. Okay, but here's the thing. I love to give. I really do. I love to find needs and fill them. I would rather go without shoes if it meant I could give them to someone. (Lest you think I'm a saint- I should mention my desire to give is selfishly motivated-It makes me feel sooooo good! I love it!)
Sometimes the consumermeter that Gedese provides irritates me though. Like for Christmas.
I know my kids could live without gifts but again I love to give. So there is my quandary, the fine line between consumerism and blessing. I thought I did a pretty good job at this. My kids get three presents. One from us, one from the boys and one from the girls. However when Gedese heard this- I got a deep sigh followed by a tsk tsk and a never in Ethiopia talk. We have a lot of these. Then I started to think- Maybe I have crossed that line. My desire to bless really has become the transcending into consumerism at Christmas. I know people who don't gift at Christmas. I admire that, I really do, but my nature is to give. So here I am again walking that fine line.
BTW- thanks for all the prayers- I am feeling better. I'm on some crazy antibiotics. Diezel is a trooper. Other than his noisy breathing, you wouldn't even know he's sick. Xia on the other hand-Wow! night after night up crying. High fevers, cough, and throwing up. Christiana is holding strong. We continue to suction her out before every feeding and check her temp. She is at 99.8. So we get to stay at home.
If I don't post again before Christmas-
Merry Christmas! May the Lord's blessing pour upon you and your family.
Thank you God!!!!!! For sending your Son to die for me.