Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Called Out.

Someone told me last night that I have been very critical lately. Ouch! My first response was not nice. Then I let the words sink in. How often have I prayed, "Lord change me." Is it possible? Was He was using this person's observation to change me, to soften my heart, to awaken me. I thought about it and yes, I have been critical. I have also been extremely negative as well and not just in one relationship or area of my life, but in all areas and relationships. Have I become Debbie Downer? What went wrong? Where did I make the wrong turn? I look back and I can see the subtle transformation that happened in my spirit from one year ago. I can also see how this shift has taken a toll on my family, on attaching to the twins and in so many places. How often do I spend my days saying, "Stop! Why won't you listen?" or, "you're driving me crazy!". How about this one? "I can't take it anymore" and "You're never home". Ouch. And then what about the things I don't say? The thoughts I just keep to myself. Dark. Sad. Hurtful. Crushing. Man, that person was right. I have become critical. I have gotten into the habit of only seeing the wrong in people and situations. If I honestly look at it. 30-40% right now is out of control. What about the other 60-70%? Do I comment on that? How about I say instead, "Great listener! Thanks I love it when you are listening!", or "Good work______, thanks for doing that. How about, "You are the sharing rockstar king toddler!, Way to go." And even more importantly, " Thanks honey for all you do for our family. You are my hero. I believe in you and thank you so much for calling me out."


amy smith said...

and we need to say those positive things to ourselves too...
like, I was made for this.
I am beautiful, even though I haven't brushed my teeth today, and can't remember the last time I had a shower.

adam said...

What an amazing super mommy, phenomenal mate, best friend, journey sharing partner, and love I have. Wow. Bunny suess you are amazing. And I love you so.

Our children are so blessed to have you. As so am I.

crispy said...

Don't you remember when you were teasing me for using the phrase, "Let me gently remind you..." to my kids. I have actually found that to be an effective way to communicate to them.

I too, have been convicted to not be sarcastic (what a terrible thing to teach children), to focus on the positive and actually say the positive things.

I am proud of you for listening to the Holy Spirit.

Laura said...

Steff, this too will pass. You will look back in wonder at where the time went and how the kids have grown. You are a brave, remarkable woman that I am so thankful to have in my life. Sometimes "life" gets in the way of the positive, the glorious and the redeemed. Don't be too hard on yourself for we have all been there. Love you! xoxoxox

emily said...

Ah, those spouses of ours! :) It is never fun to have light shed on a sin. You are a wonderful mom and I assume pretty great partner.

You look beautiful by the way without sleep.

Karin said...

okay. I have a different take. In your posts, I hear a desperate cry for God. Sometimes the answers to those cries can be painful. Sometimes the changes are not the way we thought we should change. As lovers of Jesus, we still have dark days. We still suffer. The difference is we have a savior to trust and depend on. We always need to be careful not to accept that critical spirit into our lives, but sometimes changing and doing what God calls us to do is TOUGH. I think it's impossible not to have a critical moment. And sometimes, asking for God to change us brings out the ugly before the pretty.
I struggled greatly a few months back because I would constantly gush my negative stuff on a certain friend and when I'd apologize, she'd remind me that we all have times when we need a shoulder or an ear, and there are times when WE are the shoulder or an ear. I am better, but it was some ugly that needed to be worked out.
I really hope this makes sense. It's early and I've given up coffee :)

Amy said...

I love your honesty.
I haven't told anyone but my immediate family this, but I've been going through something similar. In fact, have just recently diagnosed myself with a bit of an anger problem. God is working me through it.
There's something about adopting a child who was at death's door, whom I had difficulty bonding with, effectively turning my life up-side-down that caused anger and resentment in my heart.
Go figure.
Anyway, how nice to have people in your life who care enough to tell you the truth. :)
- Amy

Laura said...

hugs...keep up the great changing!

you rock!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being so honest here. It really spoke to me.

Leah Dooley said...

You are the most encouraging person I know