Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Accountability,Submission and Deception

My computer has been down for awhile. I finally managed to borrow a laptop from my hubby.

Have you ever noticed when you make a commitment, adversity strikes hard. Sometimes by outside distraction, family emergency, finances and sometimes by your own doing. I have been experiencing all of them. By far the most brutal one is when you, yourself get in the way.

But man does it feel great when you stand up and fight whether it be yourself, your circumstances, criticism or well meaning family. Fighting for me is usually in the form of submission. Submission to God and what he has asked of me. Or not submitting, to things like my feelings. My feelings come and go, they are never constant, they can get me in trouble, they can deceive me. Half the time I don't feel like getting up, what good would it do me to listen to them. You know? Submission is strength. Too bad people have it backwards.

A couple of weeks ago, I was stressed about going to talk to hospitals about Gadese. I even wrote a post that claimed today is the day. Well it wasn't and neither was the next. It wasn't until the third day that I understood. For those two days that I was unaccountable to what I said I was going to do, I was a crabby lady. I was in a foul mood, easy to anger. I would try to blame it on this or that, but the truth is I was going by my feelings and used fear as an excuse to not be accountable and not listen to God. In turn I paid for it. So, on that third day I went and talked to a hospital and a few days later another one. It was amazing how good I felt. A week later I listened to God and wrote a letter explaining Gadese and her history, and I drove it that moment to the hospital. I walked in and was told I was lucky I was bringing it in at that time. They were actually reviewing applications for financial assistance that day and if I wouldn't have brought it in, they wouldn't have reviewed it for a month. Hello! Praise God! A week later I got a call from the hospital and guess what? The man said this is the first time in the history of the hospital this has ever happened and they were wanting to cover all her hospital costs for the rest of the year!!!!!!!!!! Wow! what a huge blessing. Now the only thing that I still need to pay for is her physician. I have the 4 thousand from selling my car, so I'm hoping that it will cover it.

Another commitment I made was a year ago. I committed to myself and Brandi that I was going to run the half marathon in January. Can I just say, I hate to run and am in terrible shape. Even with that said, I have always wanted to know what it was like to cross a finish line. I'm going to be 36 next month and I'm not getting any younger. I made that commitment before I travelled to Africa and brought home 2 very sick toddlers and added them to my other 4 kiddos. It was also before I was sick for months with Thyphoid fever, Hep A, Tissue parasites and Reiter's syndrome from my trip to Africa. It was before the doctor told me I could plan a full recovery in 9 months. Do you see where I'm going? For months I've used my health, my family, myself to reason me out of my commitments. It would be easy to bow out, everyone would understand, right? No! I only have 4 months to take me from not being able to walk a mile to running 13 in under 13 min per mile. Can it be done? I don't know, but I'm going to find out. Monday was my first day of training. I told myself I would go to the gym at 8:00am. Don't you know that was the night the kids were up all night crying. I was tired, but I dragged my butt there. I ran 2 miles and worked out, then later in the day I went on a 4 mile walk. The next day I couldn't move. Tues. I did nothing. Wednesday I again went at 8:00am in spite of not sleeping and a puking kid. How do I feel now? Great. I can't wait for tomorrow. They say it takes 30 days until you form a habit. Bring it!

Today was also my first day of home schooling McKayley and Faith. Jace started 7th grade today. The toddlers are now on their 6th day of going to the bathroom on the floor or potty training.

So, I'm trying to stay out of my own way, submit to God's plan, and not submit to how I feel at the moment. Because no matter what you are trying to accomplish you will be met with adversity. Embrace it. Everyday, choices come our way. What are we going to do? The easy thing or the right thing. Everytime I have chosen to not choose what's easy, I am blessed.


Leah Dooley said...

I love you Stef. I pray God blesses your faithfulness & desire to be steadfast in your commitments. Roadblocks are good. They stretch & mold us.

Laura said...

what the heck!?!?! you ran!!!!! whoo-hoo!!!


And you are going to do just great with homeschooling! :)

Love you!!!!!!

Emily said...


amy smith said...

don't even know what to say...
Honored to read of real heros.
Thankful there ARE people who still listen to God.

Amy said...

You go, girl! :)
You're scaling mountains. You're getting stronger with each one.
He walks beside you. He lifts you up.

Karin said...

wow. I needed to hear about Gadese and how God took care of this. amazing.

crispy said...

Oh,sweet friend. I totally understand. Since we have committed to follow God's lead on Chuck job and getting back into ministry, we have face such problems. This week being the worst of it.

-My Dad had major heart surgery
-3 unexpected water leaks in the last 2 days (kitchen, MBR, and garage/guest house)
Tropical storm Fay has dumped more water on our home than it can handle
-Still no buyer on our home...

Yet even though we are being slammed with trials, we will respond faithfully to our God.

I am so proud of you and you are doing a great job.


Anonymous said...

THIS REALLY SPOKE TO ME... great post . I think we all struggle in some area of our life submitting.

Brandi said...

Amen, sweet friend. . .so much to comment on here. .

First, Wahooo!!!!! That is awesome. . God is such a good provider! Have you tried writing letters to the doctors too? Someone should SOOO donate their time!

Second. . way to run girl! It can be done. . I wasn't running at all a few months ago! Remember, just run a little farther or a little longer than the time before. It also really does help to at some point, add the little bit of walking at each mile point. . it makes the endurance easier.

LOVE YOU! We need to talk! I miss you!

Life in Fitzville said...

I am way behind here, but have you spoken with any doctors? We brought our son here from Haiti on a medical visa, and initially we didn't have him on our insurance. I found that the doctors I spoke with were all VERY willing to donate time. It was the hospitals that were difficult... but you are already over that hurdle. I am sure you could find a doctor that would love to help.