Everyday and pretty much all day...I have this overwhelming feeling/burden of wanting or better yet, needing to write...but, I don't. Now that I think of it, this feeling/burden of wanting or better yet, needing to do pretty much ANYTHING is ever present and you know what? I still do nothing. Kind of sums up this past 12 months. It's a non stop constant feeling of failing. Failing everything and everyone...Here's the thing...I feel like I'm failing at the ONE thing that I promised myself I would not give up...my heart. I'm failing myself. It's the one thing I actually can control....my reactions, responses, my beliefs....and essentially my heart. I can't control my mom dying, losing my home, car, marriage, emails/texts received...BUT, my heart...yeah.....I should have this...
But...I don't.
I feel like I'm losing the only thing I am proud of.....grace....STOP here...I know/believe and breathe God's grace in my life...this in NOT what I'm talking about...this is about extending it...
Honestly, I'm mad. I'm hurt. I'm weary.
yet,
in ALL things...give thanks.
I'm not thankful my mom died. I'm not thankful I lost what I have....
In a way though......an honest way...I'm thankful for this past year.
yes, I'm failing....
I'm mad, hurt, weary,
but.... I believe...I believe in promises..I was promised,"I would not be left, forsaken or forgotten"... and because of grace...I know I'm failing....
crap
1 comment:
Do you know this song by Tenth Avenue North? I felt like it was my anthem a few months ago... your post reminds me of this song. Love you.
"Worn"
I’m Tired, I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn
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