Happy Mail

I love love love getting things in the mail, especially when it's unexpected. Today I got the best mail. It came from Ethiopia and it had this picture inside





It's hard to believe I haven't seen this precious face for a year now. Doesn't Christiana look so healthy and beautiful?! She looks just like her daddy. I cannot wait to hold her again. I was suppose to be in Ethiopia next month....looks like I will have to wait until November. How awesome if I could be I could be there to celebrate her 2nd birthday!

The Gift of Happiness and Sadness

I have eluded somewhat to my past on this blog. It was crazy for sure. In all that happened when I was younger the biggest and only regret was anything significant from my childhood was believed destroyed or stolen. I have spoken briefly about my older sister. She died a few years ago. The only thing I had were a couple of photos and my vague memories....until two days ago. My mom found a shoebox filled with pictures. I have spent the last few days staring at faces that I barely recognize. Two young blonde headed sisters seeming completely carefree. One picture is my sister pushing me (I'm probably 6) in a swing. This one...out of the 50 that was recovered really affected me. Inspite of all the heartache we endured and all the insane fights we got into...we were still sisters. Through abuse, addictions, mental illness and hardships...we were still sisters. The picture I saw of her pushing me, erased everything. I only saw two sisters. I am filled with sadness and happiness all at once. I am happy my mom found these pictures. I am sad my mom spends years of her life in bed and disconnected because of regrets. I am happy for the times that once seemed so insignificant (like my sister pushing me on a swing). I am sad that those times are also filled with hurt. I am happy that so much of what I thought was gone..ie pictures and such are found. I am sad that by finding these pictures my mom is filled with pain and regret. My childhood was rough. My life was rough. My sister suffered. We all suffered. Yet, in the suffering...there was beauty. Maybe a moment where a dysfunctional family was caught all together smiling, a sick mother pinning the corsage on her 16 year old daughter, an old wedding photo where two people were caught on film in love before all the infidelity, a photo of a mom sitting on her bed where she spent a year of her life after a brutal rape, a photo of an empty souled girl at prom before she got arrested for a felony, or a picture of two sisters who typically fought almost to the point of death, but instead were captured on film happily swinging. We all have our issues. Stuff hurts. Our past can leave a mark.....but there are moments...the ones in between the heartache that should stick. No matter how tragic the years can seem....there is beauty in the cracks. And if you can capture that.....What A gift indeed. Even though a little shoebox reminded me of so much I wanted to leave behind...It also reminded me of what I needed to remember.

We See The Light

I wanted to thank all of you who responded in love and sincerity regarding my post about the issues my son is having. You have probably noticed the post is now gone. I posted such honest and real details of our struggle seeking advice and prayer. I was blessed by all I received. I do want everyone to know that he read the post and gave his permission to share his story. He also read each comment that was left. I chose to remove the post because I felt what we needed and the reason I wrote about about it was met. I hope my blog will always be a place I feel comfortable sharing very real and personal struggles. If the struggles are mine only, I have no problem with who reads about it or what comments I receive. From time to time I might like I did a few days ago share personal stuff about my family because I feel lead to and then I will take it down after I feel like it's time. I just want everyone to know...I did not remove my post because of anything anyone said. We found all comments helpful. With that I do want to give everyone an update who has been praying for our family. After my post, I took my son to a website to read about the "disorder". This was the first time we had ever brought it up. He immediately connected to what he read. He breathed a deep sigh of relief and I saw peace come over him. Also during this week, He and I snuggled in my bed watching on my laptop a show that has absolutely nothing to do with his obsession, actually just the opposite. It's about submersing yourself into different cultures, their beliefs, their food. Then after the show, he has slept with me(Adam is currently working from 1pm to 8am, so there is room in my bed, and I welcome the company:) I stroke his hair like I did when he was little. He quickly falls asleep. This alone has helped SO MUCH. He no longer stays awake night after night in worry or in obsessive thoughts. Instead he is getting much needed rest and I am getting to spend one on one time with my awesome 1st born. He also had his first counseling session today. I LOVED THE GUY. He is a christian man who also has OCD and went through very similar stuff. He and my son talked scripture and seemed to really click. Just in the last few days I have seen so much of him come back. He actually played video games today! I know most parents wouldn't view that as a positive, but with my boy it was a welcome sign! Again thank you everyone who left an encouraging comment and prayed for us. For the first time in weeks....WE ALL SEE THE LIGHT

I DON'T THINK SO..

This is dedicated to all the women out there who fell for the myth that

having short hair is easier to take care of than long hair....

The person who came up with "short hair is easier to take care of than long hair"
Obviously didn't wake up looking like this

Or when they had long hair the only "product" they owned
was a simple brush.

Then over night had to learn and use all of this daily just to be able to go outside.
Even with all this, I was slightly optimistic because short hair can be super cute:)

Then by chance...I got a shot of what was suppose to be the psycho pup attacking my head
and instead I get a look at what my "short hair that is easier to take care of than long hair" reality truly is!
Really???? Neck hair!
Gross
Now I am not only to spend an hour a day grooming...
I am now suppose to shave my neck.
I don't think so!

I now give you my solution.
I will now be the almost 40 year old who constantly wears a hat everyday until my neck hair no longer shows!

Getting Closer

I have been working hard.
We are getting closer to the "official:)" launch of
BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS.
Here is a little preview.
It's the front side of a tri-fold...so it won't make much sense to you now.
BUT....
Isn't it COOL?!

When all the material and website is up
I am hoping for a blog, facebook, twitter blitz to get it kicked off right.
I would love it if on the same day all of my blog friends would post, facebook and twitter about
BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS.
Let me know if you will help spread the word.
I'll let you know the date soon.

Aw Shucks...COMPLETE:)

Recently I was awarded two different blog awards. Both awards came from two beautiful woman who have definitely touched my heart many times through their blogs. Needless to say it was a huge honor to be mentioned by each one of them.

The first award was

I cannot even begin to say enough about Lisa (the beautiful blogger who sent this to me). I remember being really new to blogging and posting something about our skateboard ministry. She left a comment encouraging us in what we were doing. I had no idea anyone was actually reading my blog. I went to her blog daily for months to find out who this person was, but she never posted. Yet, she would still leave encouraging comments on my blog from time to time. I was thrilled when she actually started blogging regularly. Oh my word...This woman has a HUGE heart for the LORD. I love her!!!! If you aren't reading Mountain Top Memories then you are missing some nuggets of wisdom. So sweet Lisa, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the Sunshine Award. I really needed a little more sunshine!

The second award was

The sweet friend award
(Someone that brightens your day)

This award was given to me by a new friend. Jen never fails to leave a comment on my blog. This woman is a WARRIOR! She is a rare woman. She is sweet, raw, honest, and STRONG. To me she is encouraging, uplifting, but also not afraid to speak truth to you. Whenever I go to her blog, I am always left feeling challenged. I love her heart! I love her spirit! She is a "BEAUTIFUL MESS"

Now the fun part is I get to pass these on . Technically they are two different awards so that would be 20 people and each person is to then pass it to the same amount of people. (and of course links to them) I am also suppose to list 10 things that make me happy for the Sweet Friend Award. I love this! You can never dwell too much on joyful thoughts. I don't know about you, but I also LOVE learning about new blogs! Yeah, you all know I'm not a big rule follower. So..here's how it's gonna go. I am clumping it all together. To me the Sunshine Award and the Sweet Friend award go together beautifully. I will pass this on to 10 bloggers who hopefully will share 10 happy thoughts, pass it on to 10 other bloggers and link to them:)

10 happy thoughts:
Jesus
flying in my dreams
My man
Each of my children
Robust laughter
All things dorky
nature
adventure
Africa
friends

Now 10 bloggers who bring sunshine and sweetness!
1 BECKY...I LOVE HER. She is totally random. Completely sincere. A huge dork. She never gives herself enough credit, which makes her even more endearing. She is an amazing mother. One day I will actually meet her!
2 AMY...MY SOUL SISTER. She is brilliantly unique. Outspoken. An amazing artist. A real friend. Wise and opinionated!
3 MISSY...EARTH MOMMA. She is truly authentic. She is someone I would love to have a good cup of coffee with or maybe a glass of wine. I could sit for hours and just soak her in.

4 KELSEY...I PRAY MY DAUGHTERS TURN OUT LIKE HER. She is a beautiful young lady. 1 of 9 children. She oozes passion. She offers a beautiful perspective on adoption.
5 JENNY...I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE HER. Even in the midst of a probably incredibly busy life she seems to always remain grounded. A mom to 9. She is a beautiful balance of fun and structure.
6 JEN....EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND LIKE HER. She is so easy to relate to. Yet, there is a contagious passion about her. Her love of God, family, and people in need are so prominent.
7. PAULA...POSSIBLY SEPERATED AT BIRTH. Do not ever under estimate her. She is a strong woman. She always rises up to the occasion. An adoptive mom to twins as well..I enjoy reading her heart and honesty about her life.
8. KAMINA...THE ESSENCE OF FAITH. This woman is filled with good ol' faith. She is steadfast. Unwavering. Beautiful and strong. She is the Proverbs woman. I love her.
9 DONNA...MY TEACHER. What can I say about Donna? I have so much to learn from her. Beautifully obstinate. Opinionated, but wise. Gracefully submissive to her FATHER. Always desiring growth. Yet, humble.
10 EMILY....BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT. She has a powerful yet quiet spirit. She is unshakable yet totally moldable. Awesome mom. Incredible wife. You will be blessed by her.

The Dirty Broken Cross

Have you ever had an event effect you so personally
but you know nothing personal about the event?
It may be a story you read in the news, something you hear at bible study, a rumor among friends. Other times it's simply an object.
A worn out teddy bear lost in a parking lot.
How did it get there?
Who does it belong to?
Is it important?
You drive down the highway and you see three crosses together.
Who were they?
What happened?
You can't help but to think about the people you will never know.
It affects you.
Three years ago I heard of a young boy, someone's son who was hit and killed by a car right in front of his house. I remember trying to process what that meant.
The loss of a child.
I cried.
A week later a mile from my house
I saw a cross.
I saw a name.
I saw a teddy bear.
This is where the boy.
A son
was killed.
This is the house
Where a mom was crying.
That cross
his name written on the cross
and that lone little bear
belonged to the crying mom inside of her house grieving her little boy.
I drive by their house everyday.
And no matter what I can't help but to pause.
I pause whatever mood I am in
My kids get silent.
And I can't help but to think about his momma.
It has been 3 years now
and many changes have happened.
A year after the cross was placed
I noticed it became crooked.
The bear was weathered and looked more like the earth than a once loved toy.
Gradually more and more bags of stuff were left by the curb for garbage pick up.
A bat.
A bag of toys.
A child's bed.
About a year or so ago I noticed empty boxes by the now dirty cross.
Boxes that were the symbol of a new baby.
Now when I drive by I can't even read his name on the cross.
It is on the ground
and the teddy bear is gone.
There is a toddler jungle gym out front and a stroller by the door.
I wonder
what is she thinking?
How is she doing?
Does she miss him?
I want to knock on her door
I want to tell her that he did not die in vain.
That I noticed.
That I care.
I want to fix his cross.
Paint it shiny white again.
And
that I will remember him.
I want to tell her that everyday for 3 years I have driven by her house and thought of her.
It reminds me that no matter how dirty the cross is
whether it's laying on the ground broken
or
painted shiny white
it doesn't matter.
What matters is what happened on that cross over 2000 years ago.

Um...THIS IS NOT OKAY

1 in 11 women in East Africa dies of pregnancy related causes. One in 11 babies will be orphaned due to lack of basic stuff that ALL MOTHERS should have. BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS. Yeah....I'm ready to tackle this one momma at a time. Are you? More coming soon.

Daily Peppers

Onions
green peppers
or
red peppers
jalapenos peppers
or
Serrano peppers
coconut oil
(all organic and fresh)

Since I am giving up adding salt to my food, bottled hot sauce and jars of jalapenos.
I had to figure out a way to add that fire I love on my food.
So what do I eat this with?
everything!
I put this on brown rice.
I put it on my eggs.
I eat it just as it is.
I put it on homemade tortillas
on my chicken.
I LOVE IT!
Not to mention the amazing benefits

"Even before Peter Piper picked them, peppers provided a plethora of potential positives. The health benefits of peppers, both hot and sweet, is surprisingly long. They have been linked to metabolism, insulin levels, natural cold remedies, pain control, weight loss, and endorphins. Capsaicin is the active ingredient that gets the most recognition. Though it is only found in hot peppers, the sweet peppers share the other nutrients, such as vitamin A, vitamin C, beta-carotene, lutein, and zeaxanthin."

Peppers are great for cardiovascular issues as well!

Try it
You might like it.

Hammer Time

Is it just me or does Diezel's new do make you want to sing Hammer Time?

God is Like a Warm Fire

More words from my son Jace-
He wrote this the other night.

I just got back from watching Avatar in 3D, and I come home. I see that a fire is started in the fireplace. I walk and sit in front of the Fire for about 20 minutes to half an hour. By the Fire I feel warmth, but it is not like "uh, it's so hot! Turn on the AC," but more of just a warmth. And when i walk away from the fire, I feel cold and weird, empty, almost like the Fire was cleansing and that I was missing something if I was not near it. God is almost like the Fire. His presence is so awesome, that if a Fire can hold my attention for 30 minutes, God can keep it for an eternity. Just staring into God. And being AWAY from Him is sickening. If staring into a Fire for a few minutes and walking away from the warmth can make you feel cold and empty, imagine what it will be like for those unfortunate on the day of judgement. God is like a Warm Fire. A large Fire, that grabs you and makes you feel warmth, and being with Him forever in Heaven is more exciting and entertaining than Avatar 3D times Infinity. God is Almighty

A Life of Dreams

I just now realized I missed my Friday Friends post this last week. It's not the best way to start off a new "tradition". Ooops. Has it really already been 5 days since my last post?With this new year I really wanted to post more. With all of my sickness the last few months I came to view this silly blog as something much more. This silly blog is my journal. It really is not only the record of my life but my children's lives as well. What I write is important. Not for me, but for them.
I was blessed to spend the night with my man at a bed and breakfast last night. It wasn't until this morning that he fully explained to me what the last three months have been like for him. He said there were many hours he spent on his knees praying for God to give him strength. I haven't blogged a lot about that time, but it was a very real possibility that I might die. He was so strong during that time that I mistook it for nonchalance or ambivalence. My heart became hurt and when your heart hurts it becomes hard. And when your heart is hard it becomes bitter. I had become increasingly bitter towards my man in response to my hardened heart that was hurt because of his pain. How twisted. My husband is hurt for a very real reason and I am then hurt by my misunderstanding of his hurt. Typical, huh? Rewind- Last week I found myself crying on my bathroom floor with my man by my side. All of his hurt and all of my hurt combined was unbearable. God started to repair us there. We talked about my jealousy of the visions in his heart and his fear of the visions in mine. We prayed for God to align the dreams in his heart to the dreams in mine. We prayed that both of our hearts align to God's heart and that He removes anything that is not HIS WILL from both of our hearts. This week has been interesting to say the least. He has spent many hours in editing his first film. I was invited to become part of an amazing group of women that love God and desire to be used by him. I have never allowed myself to be apart of something outside of God, my marriage, and my family. I look forward to being a part of a group of women who mentor each other and pray for one another. It is by no accident that during this time I was connected to this group. I have prayed more this week than I have many weeks. And man have my prayers been answered in ways I couldn't have orchestrated. I laid down the desires of my heart and asked God to make His known. I prayed to make my husband's desires my own. God is moving. He is working through our hurts and through our fears. My man is incredible. Even in the realm of losing me these past 3 months he is open to God's call for me to return to Africa. Even in the time I felt like I needed my man the most I was open to God calling him to more. He made a movie, bought land and dreamed big. Two different visions. One God. One Will. His Will. It is hard being married to a dreamer let alone two dreamers with different dreams being married to each other. I love my man. I love my God.
I trust my man. I trust my God. I love living my life. A life of dreams

Just Pictures

Did You Think I Forgot????

About the renaming contest?
Nope. Just had to really think about it
and
After much prayer I decided to name the organization

wait for it.....


BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS

yeah there is probably something out there that may roll off the tongue easier and fit on a shirt better, but those 4 words

BECAUSE-: by reason of : on account of
EVERY- : being each individual or part of a group without exception
MOTHER-a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring( either by birth or adopted)
MATTERS- : to be of importance

together perfectly describe what our Organization is about.

Now for the winner of an awesome custom painting of her family is....
MARYANN

I Found It!!!!

It felt like Christmas here this morning. I found it!!!! I found the lost compact flash card that had all the pictures of Gedese's last week here.

Saying goodbye at the airport

Was not easy for even Christiana

or the girls

Or grandpa

We were all rather somber having to say goodbye

To this beautiful woman and this special baby that were in our lives for a year

But who will remain our hearts forever

Deep Waters

You know those times in your life you feel like you're in way over your head?
You know with each passing moment you just go deeper into the unknown
and you start to feel like you can't do it.
It is normally here at this point..
Fear sets in.
There is panic.
Doubt.
I can't go any further.
I may drown.
I am in way to deep this time.
Yeah.
That is where I am.
And it is in this place of standing on a cliff looking down at 1000 foot drop with rocks all around
when I can hear His voice telling me...
"It's okay.
Let go.
You will fall.
And when you are sucked under water
I will be glorified.
Because it is way to big
and you are in way over your head."

It's about at this time when I realize it's not about me. It is when you are struggling for air you realize how desperately you need HIM.
And no matter what you do- it is all in vain without HIM.
So you jump.
You allow yourself to be swept under the water.
You don't fight.
You ride the CURRENT.
Allowing IT to take over you.
And whether or not if you make it out
He is glorified.
Because there is no way you could do it without HIM.
You jumped in faith knowing how unimportant you are but how mighty HE is.
and
He is glorified in our failures as much as our success.
when you learn this
believe this
then it is easy
to
live in deep waters
and
jump off cliffs

It is always a mix of fear and excitement when you step out of your comfort zone.
I never know how things will turn out. Sure, I know the desires of my heart.
But it is in HIS will that I want to surrender myself.
In HIS will all things are made perfect.
I am in way over my head
and I love it
because HE can be glorified.

2 Corinthians 12:9
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Friday Friends.

I notice a lot of bloggers have weekly themes like:
Kari has Wednesday Wow Recipes

Brandi has ifast Wed
I have heard of Flashback Friday and Wordless Wed.
So many great ideas.
I thought I might start something on this blog.
Friday Friends.
Each week I want to share with you all a friend.
It maybe a blog friend, an old friend, a new friend or maybe someone that I may never know, but they have touched my life. Someone who I would love to call my friend.

This week
I want to introduce you to Donna.
I guess I have "known" Donna for almost two years.
I think *she can totally correct me if I am wrong*
she started reading my blog around the time I was bringing the twins home. I think she even opened up her house in Colorado via blog to me when I was driving across country to stay in L.A. for a few months. She offered to put all 9 of us up. I followed her blog for awhile. Amazed at how similar or families were, but how completely different we appeared to be. I didn't hear much from her until my Colorado backpack adventure this summer. Now this is either completely random or God's plan...About 6 months before my backpack trip I meet this lady at the Orphan Summit in Dallas...long story short she invited me on a 40 mile backpack trip in Colorado with 12 other women who were strangers to me. Well, not one to miss an adventure I quickly agreed to go. About a week before I was to leave I get a message on my blog from Donna of all people saying I was staying at her house for the first night. Apparently the random lady I met at the Orphan Summit was great friends with Donna and arranged for all of us ladies to stay at her house for the night. Okay stop right there! Weird, huh? Then if that weren't enough Donna herself wouldn't even be there! only her husband and 6 kids who had to deal with 12 women all but one a stranger! If that doesn't tell you something about how incredible her family is. I was floored, but disappointed I wouldn't get to meet her. We woke up the next morning to the most peaceful house I have ever been in. 6 kids, Yes, it was massively huge and they had a ton of land...but it was simple and serene. All of her children's toys could fit in a small trunk. The rooms were bare, but not cold. The house was devoid of trinkets, gadgets, and electronics. It was clean, sparse and beautiful. Her children were sweet, quiet(not creepy quiet) but a calmness was in the air. It was a complete opposite of my house. Cluttered, loud, and chaotic. We went on a morning hike guided by her children. Leading 12 women. Not an easy task for anyone.
We left her family to go on a 7 day adventure, but her home stuck with me the whole time.
Turns out I got to meet Donna after all. On our way back we dropped off her car she let us borrow. I was so nervous to meet her. A fellow blogger. Mom to 6. Two adopted. Twins as well. Her kids showed me pictures of her the morning I was with them. They told me she was a "princess" and "more beautiful than anyone". She had a lot to live up to... When I met her...she was gorgeous! I think she was just as nervous though, because she talked non-stop to our mutual friend. I wanted to feel an instant connection, but the truth was I didn't. It seemed rushed.I after all had just spent 9 days away from my family, out of my comfort zone, freezing, dirty and tired. I was so excited to meet this women. Yet, I was beyond spent. At the same time I was enamored by her and her lifestyle..okay I was mainly smitten with her son Owen who I instantly bonded with. We have kept in touch some vaguely through facebook. She doesn't blog anymore, only reluctantly if I bug her. There is just something about Donna. I want to hang out with her, I want to get to know her better. The weird thing is I know that we are completely different and we may never share a moment together that everything just "clicks" and feels right. But at the same time....
She is someone I admire and I want to call my friend.
Even in our differences
she is my soul sister.
There is a unique beauty to her.

(not Donna, but a beautiful lady I have the privilege to call friend from the hike holding Donna's daughter)

Yes. This is Shameless

I just joined twitter.
I have no idea what I am doing.
So this is my only plug.
My one shameless attempt
to have you
"follow me"
If you are on twitter let me know.
Just know...
I never know what will come out of my mouth.

(click the blue bird)
And this is it.
My only public announcement that I am a complete tweeting dork.
If you ask me in the future I will deny any and all involvement with the blue bird.

Two Less

Two different families.
Two different orphans.
from
Two different countries.
Two different opportunities to help.
Two different raffles.
Both are ending soon.
Each of them is reaching out.
Check them out.
Support them.
Pray for them
Praise God
two less orphans in the world!

Check Stacy out here


And

Check out Amy here

Toothpaste and Marriage

I had no idea that toothpaste was a part of a marriage. Or more accurately whether you squeeze from the middle of the tube or from the end of the tube was a part of marriage. I normally here a, "humpf" noise in the bathroom every morning. I have been happily unaware for 15 years that the "humpf" noise was my husband verbalizing his displeasure using an indistinguishable guttural sound from deep within. Why has Adam made such a noise every morning for 15 years you might ask....

because I am a middle squeezer and I always lose the cap or better yet I find no point in putting it back on. So while I am perfectly happy in my own little squeeze my toothpaste from the middle world, my husband is not. Who knew? So how do we plan on solving this predicament.
Me loving the toothpaste the way it is and my husband yearning for order by wanting the toothpaste squeezed from the end? I promise to roll up the toothpaste when I am finished and he promised to squeeze it from the middle when he is finished. Thus making both parties blissfully content. I can continue to enjoy my toothpaste squeezed from the middle completely unaware(by choice)of how gross this may seem to people and my dear husband can feel some sort of order in this chaotic life we live and continue to be completely unaware(by choice)of how freeing it is to squeeze a tube of toothpaste from the middle.
And there you have it...another potentially devastating marital crisis diverted by compromise.

I Need a Name (contest)

So much is happening around here.

So many things in process.
Much to be done.
First off....

I need ideas.

"Because Every Mother Matters"
is getting off their butts...
finally:)
We are getting ready to connect mommas from here to mommas in Africa.
Projects coming up.
Websites being built.
The only thing is....
I don't like the name.
"Because Every Mother Matters" is quite a mouthful.
I need ideas.
I want to change it.
Something that rolls off the tongue.
That you can see printed on shirts.
you know...
catchy.
profound
something that
say's...
???????

Oh yeah...
And for every idea you come up with you get entered in the drawing to win

A custom painting of your family by an amazing artist and incredible friend Amy.
So ignore the beautiful people in the painting and imagine what your family would look like.
By entering ideas you are helping bring their daughter home from Ethiopia!
Come up with as many ideas as you can think of.
one idea=one entry
that simple

A Moment to Remember

I tend to over analyze everything. What people say. What they don't say. A conversation I had last week. A stare. A lack of input from someone. What did they mean by that?

I pretty much try to read and dig into everything and every moment.
I only get really hypersensitive over certain things though.
Like..
Lukas for instance has said a few times lately
"Mom, I wish Diezel and Xia would go back to Africa."
"When are we ever going to be a happy family again."

Ouch.
How do I respond?
What is he really trying to say?
What do I tell the twins when they hear him?
Do I make a big deal out of it?
Is he resentful?
What have I done wrong?
Does he understand what that means?
Oh crap, how do I fix this?

Then I step back.
I stop getting into a self made frenzy.
And I look.


This is what I see

Group hugs

Brotherly chest bumps

Making silly faces while mom is not looking.

Having epic driveway races

And then I know...
It's okay.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean or understand in the heat of a moment.
We may feel a certain way during that moment.
But that one moment
is just a moment.
When all the other ones
are like these.
This is what we will remember.

Oh, what have I done....

Because I honestly didn't have enough to do....
meet Clementine:)

Schooled by a 14 Year Old

My son(8th grade) was given an assignment in social studies to give a public response to the statement below. His teacher often has the kids give their thoughts on a controversial subject. I was blown away by my son's answer and wanted to share it with you. Keep in mind that he attends a public Jr.High and his opinion was published publicly among his peers. He has received a lot of judgment and criticism. He continues to stand and defend his faith in a loving but resolute manner. I am so proud to be this kid's mama.

As you know a major earthquake struck southern Haiti on Jan. 12th, knocking down buildings and power lines and inflicting what its ambassador to the United States called a catastrophe for the Western Hemisphere's poorest nation. As I post this blog, the latest numbers are: 150,000: estimate of the death toll, from the Haitian Health Ministry. The European Union and the Pan American Health Organization, which are coordinating the health-sector response, have estimated the quake killed 200,000 people. 194,000: Number of injured. 134: Estimated number of people rescued by international search teams since the quake. Below are 2 recent reactions to the devastating earthquake. Please let me know what you think.

Mere hours after the island nation was devastated by the quake, Pat Robertson suggested on his "700 Club" program that the disaster was payback for a "pact with the Devil" that Haitian slaves made to gain their independence from France more than 200 years ago:

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it," the televangelist said. "And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French.' True story. And so the Devil said, 'Okay, it's a deal.' . . . But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another."

What are your thoughts on this issue?

1/29/2010

Jace Boster-My son's response



Crud, i really love these blogs, they clear my mind so much and remind me, that there is a world out there, and of how funny people are about things when they lack Faith in the ONE TRUE GOD!

So Here Goes...

I am praying that GOD speak to me through his HOLY SPIRIT and help me to testify my Faith, and that HE uses it to open your hearts

First let me clarify one thing

satan has no power to do anything. All he can do is mess with our thoughts, and that satan is possibly messing with this minister's thoughts to make unbelievers even more opposed to the message and the gospel of CHRIST JESUS THE LORD.

(Yes! Christians are just as sinful as regular people, what is different however is that we have an ALMIGHTY GOD to help us escape our sin, and a hatred toward all our sinful transgressions.)

I also think that even IF satan and the Haiti slaves made such a pact, that was generations ago, and GOD wouldn't punish people for things their ancestors did. my opinion.



Now. i'm proposing another scenario

Haiti Slaves are being oppressed by the French so they cry out to GOD instead of satan. GOD replies to their cries of repentance and submission, and they are freed from the French. Haiti government is formed and the first generation of the new Haiti is very Godly, but the second and third generations, not so much. So far we can compare Haiti to the Israellites now. They were slaves of Egyptians and they cried out to GOD to let them go. GOD listened and sent Moses, and you know the story, ten plagues and all. When the Israelites are set free, almost immediately, they turned back to idols. A cycle started with Israel. One generation they are GODLY, next gen they fall away from GOD, GOD sends invaders as a reminder of HIS covenant, Israelites cry out to GOD for help, HE frees them, Next Generation is Godly, then it starts all over again. Like that i think that Haiti has fallen away and GOD is trying to bring his loved ones back to HIM. Sometimes an Earthquake, just like a Spanking, is required.

i don't think, GOD is punishing them for a deal with satan, that was made after more than 200 years ago, which all of a sudden now GOD decides to send an Earthquake after them.

Rather, not being attached to GOD is sorta like a deal with satan in itself. satan doesn't come at the crossroads and say he will give you >Insert Desire here< if you sell him your soul.

No satan prefers more covert operations. he dosen't show up openly, but sneaks in and places lies inside of you, to make you think JESUS isn't true (Which JESUS is true!!!!!, and i can't stress that enough) and he markets different gods and religions like Islam, Buddhism, Catholicism, Hinduism. satan even uses different idols like Playstations and TVs, Girlfriends or Boyfriends, or even Sports to take you farther away from GOD (Not that Playstation, TV, dating, and Sports are necessarily bad by themselves, i really like playing Call of Duty, but the problem is when you take those things and put them above GOD.).

My Point is that NOT being in an Active Relationship with GOD, is in fact a deal with satan.

Anyone and everyone who is not in JESUS CHRIST THE LORD, whether he or she be Spider-Man, Brittany Spears, your Best Friend or even YOU, is in a deal with satan.



Now that i believe that i am finished, i pray that the GOD of Heaven and Earth free you who are Lost and release you from your deals with satan, and bring you to CHRIST!

The Itch

A few weeks ago I had the itch. The one I get when stability and routine starts to set in around here. It's almost like I thrive on change and chaos. When I was younger and had the itch, I would just pick up and move somewhere. I would change jobs. Go on a road trip. Dye my hair an awful bright rainbow color or just disappear for awhile. It's a lot harder to do all those things when you have 6 kids, a business, own a home, are married and in spite of the annoying itch that comes once or twice a year, you love the life you are living and feel incredibly blessed. So what do I do when the itch comes?

You go from this

Nice long mostly natural blonde hair to

Very short dark brown hair.

I did this three weeks ago, but since my husband despises it-I have been a little shy about posting about it. It's funny...I really don't give much attention or much thought about how I look.
I could care less if I had short, long, blonde, black, curly or straight hair. I rarely wear make-up and am not the most hygienic girl. I call myself with much love, "the dirty hippie:)" I do however normally pay great attention and give much thought to how my dear hubby feels. His reaction took me by surprise. To be honest...I am still trying to come to terms with it. I find myself being sullen, acting shy, wearing a hat at all times, and feeling just plain weird. I feel ugly and lost. But the worst of it...is I know it is my fault and it goes way deeper than just hair and appearances. I have never posted about marital stuff before and that's for a good reason. I do not, will not and never have spoken ill of my husband to anyone. I believe the marriage is a sacred union. If I have a problem, I go to Adam and I fall on my knees. The only reason I am sharing is because this is not an Adam problem...this is a me problem. I do share very openly on my blog about the struggles I am going through. And this is my struggle. I believe it is impossible to stand still. Show me anything in God's creation that just does nothing or is impacted by nothing. In all areas of your life you are never in stand still. You are either moving forward or falling back. That goes for your personal development, your relationships, your health, and your spiritual growth. With that said...Why am I feeling ugly and embarrassed? Because I am and I should. Whenever I feel like I need to change something external to appease the internal then something is wrong. When I crave distraction from my everyday life then something is wrong. When I feel my happiness will come from change than from endurance then something is wrong. When my inside is as chaotic as my outside then something is wrong. It is not a hair problem, a location problem, a kid problem, a responsibility problem, a self image problem, it is a spiritual problem. I have been so wrapped up in my sickness problem that I neglected what was in front of me. Adam and I have been married for 15 years not by luck, but by hard work, and constantly pushing forward as a team. My hair is nothing more than a silly metaphor. While I am discontent with how things are..I am more importantly ignoring what is right. To me my hair is unimportant...to my husband it is everything. Not my hair really..more like what is constant. It's like how after the earthquake in Haiti I approached him about opening our home. I like change. I crave chaos. When I asked him, it was like daggers in his back. I am telling him I need more. God speaks to me. As a man....He hears...My wife is not satisfied. She wants more. God speaks to her? Am I not enough? But when you are unified he hears...I am doing well. She believes in me. Yes, we can take on more...I can feel it. And sometimes if you are unified you will hear...My husband knows us so well. I am blessed. I need not look elsewhere. My heart really is content. Whether it's my hair or more children....It is never about me. When I got married I was suppose to abandon me....I was called to embrace we. And I know that I fell backwards...I know I neglected him. When I start to focus on his weakness I have failed to see my own. When I can see mine for what they truly are...his are nothing. When you feel like the people around you need to change...then my friends it is time to look inside. And you will find it is not as much about them, as it is about you and what you need to change. No, it's not your hair, your family size, or your circumstances....it is your heart.

Anything is Possible

Just ask my cat Tyler.
He is about 8 months old.

A few nights ago I woke up to a horrible wailing sound.
I ran out of my bedroom to find Tyler getting busy in the kitchen with some random stray female feline friend. We do not live in a neighborhood, so I have no idea where this harlot cat came from. And how the heck did Tyler sneak her in at 4am. Tyler is not spayed yet. He missed his surgery when I was so sick. I thought it could wait a few months because he is strictly an indoor cat. Well....Tyler proved anything is possible.

Starting to Notice.

I knew this day would come. I read books that told me this day would come. I rehearsed my speech for when this day would come. I thought I was prepared for this day to come.
But
Turns out I wasn't ready.
I wasn't prepared.
The words didn't quite come out like I had envisioned.
The twins are starting to notice they are brown and we are tan.
I tell them everyday and always have from the day I met them how beautiful they are.
How much I love their yummy skin.
I don't try to hide our differences or ignore their heritage.
I want them to embrace who they are inside and out.
I thought I did such a good job with the everyday realities of being a trans-racial family
that I would somehow escape the conversation I failed at today.
Thank God I have tomorrow.

Email I recieved about Ethiopian mom (Because Every Mother Matters)

Hello everyone,

My name is Amber Kaufman and, as Julie mentioned, I am the Doma Medical Coordinator. I just received an update from Israel, our in-country coordinator, regarding the woman that needs surgery. Some information about the woman first – her name is Wiwkinesh and she is approximately 38 years old. She has three children and lives in Bora -- a very rural mountain community in southern Ethiopia. We held a 2-day clinic in Bora during our last medical trip. We will be returning in April to do another 2-day clinic. Israel has informed me that Wiwkinesh is in Addis Ababa (the capital city) and will be going to the hospital tomorrow. He was not sure if she would have the surgery tomorrow or the next day. Please say a prayer for Wiwkinesh that the surgery goes well, that the surgeon has skilled hands, and that she heals quickly. Also please pray for her family as she is away from her children during this time.

I also want to tell each of you thank you so much for your overwhelming generosity! Wiwkinesh had suffered several years with the condition and had no means of having it fixed. Thank you for providing the resources – it is greatly appreciated!!

I will send more information as I receive it. Thank you for your support and generosity!!

Digging for Kyrptonite

Lately I have been struggling with a craving to feel accepted. I want everyone from the cashier at the gas station to my bank president's wife to love me.
I want to be able to relate to everyone from the guy on the corner with his sign to the lady in fur standing next to me in line.
I want to love them as much as I desire to be loved.
It is like a constant battle inside of me-one side pushing itself into the shadows and the other side desperately seeking the limelight. It's like wanting to be on Oprah but then showing up in disguise. I search out truth, but then camouflage my true intentions.
This is my struggle.
This is me.
As much as I crave anonymity, I crave being recognized. I created this blog to satisfy both.
I can be appreciated by strangers.
Yet, open myself up for judgment from people I know.
It's a fine line.
A line that I cross many times.
What weakness do I lay in front of the world to see? What strength do I want to be acknowledged and praised? I can manipulate my readers to view me and see me how I want.
Tonight-
What started as a facebook pep talk with a friend turned into an epic one song journey. Spending hours listening to the same song over and over again. What I thought would build up a friend brought me to my knees.
It was a song about Superman. The Five for Fighting Song.

"I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a silly red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ...... inside of me ...ya inside of me... inside..of me "

The reality is...
I am nothing.
And even in my superman cape it is just me.
I can show you the white cloud I ride and write about flying high, but the truth is it's still just me. So in my quest for the great acceptance of others I am left unsatisfied. Because that's not who I am. I bleed. My life is messy. I make huge mistakes. I won't hide them. My cape is fake and my clouds are gray. I will never be loved by all or appreciated by many.
But I am loved by one.
The Special Thing Inside Of Me.


I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

And the more I try to search for
or pretend that
I am anything other than me
the closer I get to
digging up the
kryptonite

Have You Ever

gotten an injection in your bottom?
Yeah.
They hurt:)