Life is Beautiful

Shop to Send Us!!!!

2012-01-31T14:20:00.003-06:00

So many awesome things are happening for Because Every Mother Matters. One of the most exciting is the opportunity to bring 10 women with us. 10 beautiful giving women that desire to pour their hearts into the women we serve. They will be leaving their families to come along side of us. This is such an walk of faith for all of us. Most of us don't have a chunk of money laying around to pay for the trip. We have to fundraise and rely purely on others to believe enough in us and what we're doing to send us. Delicate Fortress is helping us raise the needed funds for these amazing women to come. We will receive 30% of all purchases made in their online store for the week of FEB 1-7th using the coupon code TEAMBEMM at check out. At the end of the week, I will divide equally all money raised to help fund everyone's trip. Check out the store. Get it in time for Valentines Day. Shop to Send Us!!!!! Every purchase not only helps us get closer to going, but supports the survivor of human trafficking. WIN/WIN!!!!!

Joining Forces for the Women of Ethiopia

It's almost here! In just a few short weeks I'll be heading to Ethiopia with Because Every Mother Matters (BEMM) for what promises to be an incredible, life changing experience. Through this trip, I'll be humbled to work alongside women half a world away to bring livelihood and health to their communities. I'm so excited for this wonderful opportunity.

The thing is, it's kind of expensive..... Around $2500 expensive. And not all of us have $2500 laying around. :)

So, all of us participating in the trip have decided to work together to raise the necessary costs and we're partnering with a fantastic organization, Delicate Fortress Creations (DFC) in order to do so!

DFC is a shop with purpose - offering hand made items created by individuals who have escaped human trafficking, modern day slavery, poverty and exploitation. They have beautiful, unique gifts - jewelry, bath and body, handbags, children's items.... You name it, they have it!

From February 1-7th, 30% of all DFC sales utilizing the coupon code "Team BEMM" will go to our team! At the end of the fundraiser, all monies raised will be split evenly amongst our group in order to help offset our travel expenses.

I'm so excited we're partnering with them because it will help us raise the money to defray some of our costs and as we do so, we'll be making a difference in the lives of countless women around the world by purchasing their products. It's a win win deal!

Won't you join us?

Anyone in the United States can participate. Simply go to www.delicatefortress.com, find what you like and put in the coupon code "Team BEMM" at check out. 30% of everything you buy will go to our team!

So, mark those calendars!

Thank you so much for your support in this very important endeavor. It means so much!

Pass it on to your family and friends and make the impact even greater! Anyone with a United States address is welcome to participate!

Connect with Because Every Mother Matters

Website
Facebook

Quick DFC Links

About DFC

Delicate Fortress Creations (DFC) is a Shop with Purpose store where you can fight human trafficking, modern day slavery, poverty and child exploitation with every purchase. We support over 25 different non-profits and small businesses who are reaching out to help those effected by these crises with opportunities for education, rehabilitation and vocational training.

Visit DFC Here!

Finding Balance

2012-01-29T20:24:00.005-06:00

I'm beginning to think finding balance in life is like getting in the car when I see a rainbow and driving every direction it shines to find the pot of gold. It's chasing Nessie in the Scottish Highlands. The quest for achieving balance has made billions for self help guru's, conventions, mental health practitioners, exercise clubs, preschools, resorts everywhere, churches, bars, organic farmers, online colleges, non-profits (including mine), and the list goes on and on and on....Finding balance in life has now become the politically correct way of saying, "NO" or "YES". Pull the balance card on a friend asking if you can come over to talk and she understands. Volunteers are needed at the shelter...Don't want to say that you have plans watching your favorite show...balance card works. Moms that are stressed are joining the gym, put the kids in daycare...why? Balance. Even church is now included...Yep, pretty sure if I attend church on Sunday it brings balance to all the other days I was kind of an ass, everyone is seeking balance. If I give $50 to this org, take yoga one day a week, have "me" time a few times a month with friends, read to the kids at least 3x a week, church on Sunday, scale work down to only 40 hours a week, eat in 5 days a week, read at least 15 min 4 times a week, go on a date night once a month, read my bible at least 30 min a day,buy organic milk, volunteer 2x a month at the shelter.....then maybe I am balanced. I will feel good about myself. I will be able to justify every other decision I make outside of what is scheduled. It will be okay to say, "NO" when I'm asked for more....I will also say, "YES" out of guilt because I didn't meet the "balance" quota.

I am NOT saying that any of the above is wrong. Finding "balance" is NOT a bad thing. My issue with the great quest for achieving "balance" in life is... it is NOT based on what I truly love. It is a concept made by people.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ..."

Finding balance is trying to control our moments.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

When you seek balance in your life you are limiting your life to the box you define. When you are truly seeking HIM and following HIM your life will NOT be balanced. Your life will be a big beautiful mess.

Live life boldly. Live life messy. Dare to live an unbalanced life

*Some weeks I want nothing more than to trade my kids in for a quiet sandy beach ALONE.
*Some days I want nothing more than a new outfit and manicure.
*Some days I want a go large McDonald fries.
*Some days I sell half the clothes I own because I know it will help someone
*Some days I hide behind my computer working 18 hours a day and barely say, "Hi" to my kids.
*Some days I unplug everything and build forts, do puzzles, howl at the moon with my 6 babies.
*Some days I want to quit
*Some days I do quit
*I don't want to get out of bed half the time
*Some weeks I won't shower for days
*Some days my kids only eat organic, no sugar. Everything made from scratch
*Some days we eat cereal for dinner

Everyday is either a struggle or a victory...sometimes both throughout the day.

It's a gift, you know...Today is a gift. Don't waste it trying to achieve balance. JUST EMBRACE IT

What Does it Look like

2011-12-22T20:16:00.010-06:00

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

What does this really look like?
Is it more than polo shirts and pressed dresses?
Little girls in bows and boys in their Sunday best?
Is it more than your 10% left at the alter of filled churches open two days a week and deserted on the nights someone falls at it's doorsteps desperate and alone?
Is it more than small group and once a month potluck?
Is it more than inviting the "unsaved" to a service?
Is God asking for more than what we are comfortable with?

I don't know.
I really don't.
All I know is when I see images like this posted on forums
and posted by my own family (Oh gasp! An atheist)

then I believe with all my heart
that YES
HE is asking for more.

Then I see a picture posted by many of my Christian friends

and I think

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

The thing is..
HE is asking for more than what we are comfortable with.

Here was my response to the first picture:
Until people NOT God choose to put focus and energy on important things...this will not end. God is not some deity deciding who should starve. No, it is us. The corruption is wide spread...from money hungry corps that take advantage of weak government structures to rape and pillage a continent to the millions of apathetic people that place their stock in what they see and own. We are the ones that dictate the football player earning millions while others go hungry. We would rather watch the idiot box on a Sunday, spend 100's of dollars in tailgating parties than forsake our mocha to feed a child we will never meet. Nope God is NOT to blame, but it is US that are guilty.

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

What does this really look like?
Is it more than pretty packages under the perfect tree?
Is it more than finding the perfect gift for that someone you want to respect you as much as you admire them?
There has to be more?
Or better yet...
There has to be a "balance" that we are comfortable with.
One of
"sacrifice"
and
"comfort"

Maybe it's just me
but when I look at those images
I feel like a hypocrite
Especially now...

Both images are screaming for THIS season.
The season of a birth.
The greatest sacrifice in history.
The birth of a man (regardless of faith)
This man, Jesus (regardless of faith)
lived

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

So, what does this really look like?

It looks like a beautiful chaotic mess waiting to happen!
It looks more like what you DON'T want to look at.
It comes in your "crazy ass neighbor" that you would rather ignore, but invite over anyway
it comes in the form of the bitchy cashier that you try to make smile
it is apparent in that "annoying friend" that you include
or psycho at work you invite to lunch
The idiot that cuts in front of you, but you choose to ask how they are

the crazy ass holiday shoppers, that you smile at
the praying athlete..and rejoice that he is thankful

It also is the starving child, the dying mother, the 10 year old sold into sex by her family

It looks like GRACE.

It looks like YOU.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T22:34:00.001-06:00

This year my thanksgiving is deeper than my normal...in a year everything I knew, believed and trusted was stripped to an ugly rawness. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty....in the dirt of faith I grew....Oh man...everything and anything that truly matters in my life is there because of HIM. In HIM I trust...My new moto is day by day or in Amharic kas by kas...I am thankful for today.

Splendor

2011-11-07T20:46:00.002-06:00

I tend to find myself in the most incredible places with the most incredible people to serve the most incredible God and yet....my biggest fear is that I will somehow and somewhere forget or minimize how incredible it all is..My prayer. My hope...is that I will NEVER lose the wonder, the sense of awe...the beauty and awesomeness that life is meant to be....

Cooking up a Family

2011-11-04T19:54:00.003-05:00

Have I ever wrote about how much I love cooking? I love it. I love everything about it. I love preparing the ingredients. I love chopping. I love sweating over the stove. I love choosing between following precisely a proven recipe or creating my own masterpiece. I love how science and artistry work together in the kitchen. You have to use both. One without the other...or at least in my experience ends up being a disaster. I love the smells. I love the expectation you get...wondering if your hard work, dedication and plan will pan out. I love tasting everything as it cooks. What's it missing? What does it have too much of? How can I fix it? Can I make it better? I taste. I analyze. I adjust. It's like the one thing throughout my day I can actually control the outcome of (too the extent of my knowledge and/or creativity). I even love seeing the mess that is left behind! It's a reminder of the process. The bigger the mess, the more I pour into it. In my home of feeding 9 or more every night...the mess is HUGE! The clinging of plates, utensils, dishes and my screaming orders at everyone drowns out everything. It's like the world stops. Nothing else matters. The kids aren't getting bigger. Life isn't moving fast. Bills are waiting. School is on hold. All that matters is THIS moment. Then we sit and no matter what is happening...we pray. We give thanks. Yeah...some nights we are heavy with thought when we eat. We are frustrated with each other. Someone may get sent to their room. It can get loud with chatter. Everyone asking for more before I even take my first bite. Complaints that they want Kraft. Yeah....and some nights we are smiling as a family. Everyone is engaged and happy. We are enthralled with stories from each others day. The air is filled with "This is the BEST dinner ever mommy"! The thing is...no matter what I cook, the way it tastes, the mood my family is in, the mess it creates...time stops...the world comes to a halt. It is about this moment...where science meets artistry. You are sweaty, messy, creative, following recipes, serving, praying it comes together...This is family.

To show how much I love cooking and the process...I share with you my "attempt" at preparing chicken in Ethiopia. *not for the weak stomach or anyone that thinks buying McNuggets from McDonalds is cruelty free...This my friends is Africa!

Read Between the Lines

2011-11-03T22:09:00.003-05:00

Last night I got a major case of PAWU. Yeah, got my "panties all waded up" and it wasn't pretty. The thing is...It hurts, it comes on unexpectedly.... like a wedgie in pants you have no business wearing..thus the phrase:) It's surprising. It over takes you.. more often than not it's followed by panic and over reaction. You just want to grab it. Pull it. Heck...even rip it apart. In the midst of it all...I forget ...yeah, it's uncomfortable, but easily fixable. Instead I immediately react then I regret it. I'm not gonna lie, it was instant relief...but it did nothing more than embarrass me as if I just adjusted my panties in public for the world to see. Lesson learned. I can yank on those panties all I want...privately or publicly...thing is...they got waded up because they don't fit. Something is wrong. I can pull. I can panic. I can cuss. I can over react. I can even continue to wear the same old waded up panties and complain that they hurt or embrace the wedgie they cause or even ignore it...OR...frickin' change them! My point is...my bad case of PAWU was MY OWN FAULT! It always will be. I am a big girl and I choose which panties to put on everyday. Yesterday, I wasn't wearing my big girl pair...pretty sure it was more like a diaper. Sticks and stones may break my bones...panties may pinch and ride...and words WILL hurt me, but I will NOT let anything cause me to stumble.

Top Ten Excuses

2011-11-02T15:39:00.004-05:00

So...the whole blogging everyday thing hasn't happened....not yet anyway:) I haven't forgotten about it..nope. Not at all. Just the opposite really. I'm thinking about it constantly...It's there..just like the mosquito that buzzed around my ear every night in Ethiopia for a month. Okay, that sounded bad. My blog is not a nuisance. It's therapeutic. It's needed. I need it. I live so much in my brain. Every detail etched in my memory. Every thought a dot on the etch a sketch. Going left. Right. Down. In circles. Sometimes, I can look at it and see God's artistry. Beautiful. Then other times....it looks like scribbles on the wall made by a defiant toddler. So, why? Why haven't I blogged?

My Top 10 List

Starting with the most obvious:)

1. I have 6 kids.
2. I run a growing non-profit (I spend 4-12 hours daily on this)
3. Blog block
4. The last 48 hours I haven't left the bathroom that much
5. Jet lag...spent one month in Ethiopia only to fly straight to Disney World
6. Halloween
7. I view it as another obligation...even though I love it..Yeah...kind of like.... to be honest...dare I say it? Kids. Marriage. Church...etc...
8. The older I get and the more I do...the less I really care about filtering myself for approval. Yet, your support (not of me) but the women I serve means EVERYTHING to me.
9. Just going to say it....What if I spend a whole day writing my whole heart out and NOT ONE SINGLE person even reads it? Yeah...vain. I know....I know I'm not alone though;)
10. I will have to be responsible for what I say.

Whew....now that my excuses are out in the open, it really doesn't change much. I will still go about my day taking care of 6 kids, working on Because Every Mother Matters 4-12 hours a day, stressing about obligation versus relationships in regards to my husband, kids and most importantly my GOD, bathroom breaks from choosing food that I know triggers everything, if I'm going to get hate mail, constant demands for halloween candy, sleep deprivation, writing for the sake of writing and not audience participation and finally laying my head down on my pillow only to be reminded by the imaginary mosquito buzzing around my head...that I am responsible for what I say and what I do...AND it DOES matter!

30 Days...

2011-10-29T22:15:00.002-05:00

Yeah....I'm blogging everyday for 30 days. It has been awhile....My personal life is insane...You all know me. I don't hide or pretend. I'm me! I started this blog...for YOU! Yep. 30 days of realness...Hey...I just got back from 4 weeks in Ethiopia and met my kids at disney world for a week...Um....I am lost

Help Fight Human Trafficking and Save Mommas by Shopping with Purpose

2011-09-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

While doing research to help us understand more about this heart wrenching crime against humanity, we came across this website that had 55 little known facts about Human Trafficking.

We are so humbled to bring you an awesome opportunity to support not only BEMM, but help victims that have suffered because of Human Trafficking.

YOU can make a difference.

AND

You can do it through SHOPPING!

YES.

You heard me. Did you know just by SHOPPING at

DELICATE FORTRESS. COM

You are helping people. Their products are made by survivors of Human Trafficking.

Your purchase not only financially helps them, but it also speaks loud and clear that

YOU CARE AND YOU WILL DO THE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP.

AND

for one week only...starting Sept 7-14th

ANYTHING. Yes ANYTHING you purchase through

DELICATE FORTRESS

will also help Human Trafficking at the root.

Did you know an orphan has a greater chance of being exploited?

At BEMM we work to prevent orphans by caring for their mothers and equipping communities with education, resources and health care.

Please Read this post

WRITTEN by: Karyn Puller

Owner and Heart behind Delicate Fortress

THEN VISIT

DELICATE FORTRESS

30% of every purchase using BEMM as the coupon code will help us provide the 4x4 for Mareya which will save 15-20 lives and prevent 40 orphans month after month.

Because EVERY Mother Matters

Imagine this.....

You are in labor. Instead of the conventional "driving to the hospital in plenty of time", you are required to walk to the village that your very rural, very small community is an outlier of. Your village is one of 23 comprising the outlying communities. If you have complications you are then literally hog tied to a stick and carried down a mountain to the nearest hospital where hopefully you can be taken care of. That, my friends, would be enough birth control for me - just hearing that story. Done. No babies.

But babies happen and due to the reality of these circumstances only 6 out of 10 mothers actually survive childbirth.

Welcome to life in Mareya, Ethiopia.

I would not have been a survivor. I don't know if you have been in labor or not. In case you haven't, here are a couple quick highlights from my experience.

It REALLY hurts. And its hard to walk while you are in labor.
Walking speeds the process along.
The more times you give birth, the quicker labor can potentially go and the higher the chance that you could "bleed out", meaning that a clot develops and instead of the bleeding stopping after delivery, you just continue to bleed.

I would have had about 15 minutes to live after the birth of my third child without medical care.

Now imagine this....

There are 143 million orphans around the world today. 143 million. Imagine how many less orphans there could be if less mothers died in child birth.

Imagine what knowledgeable and safe midwifery could do if practiced in the outlying communities. Imagine what a 4x4 vehicle could do if available. I'll tell you one thing. It would mean a lot less hog tying.

Count me in.

And count in BEMM, short for Because Every Mother Matters.

I happened to meet the founder of this organization at a conference I recently went to. She described this process to me when we were discussing DFC and the fact that one of our main desires is to fight child exploitation. Orphans are part of what leads to child exploitation. When a child has no one to provide for them, no means of living and no education, they are at very high risk of being picked up and used by a trafficker.

What if we could cut down on the maternal death rate? We would be shrinking the orphan population and the risk of these children being trafficked.

That is the goal of Because Every Mother Matters. They aim to achieve this goal by providing maternal birth kits to these communities, training 2-3 midwives in each community to practice safe birthing methods and funding the purchase of a 4x4 vehicle for the village to use as an ambulance for moms in distress. Imagine what they will be able to do with this help. Imagine the number of moms that will be able to see their children grow and thrive, the number of children who will be cared for by their own mothers and the number of children who will have a much smaller risk of being exploited.

Makes sense to me.

Steffany, the woman I met at the conference, is heading over to Africa in October with maternal birth kits, educators and hopefully money for a 4x4. She needs to raise $20,000 within the next month. Total raised so far - $4040.

Do you feel passionate about this cause and want to do something? Here's how you can:

Donate directly to BEMM. You can do that here.
Follow BEMM on Facebook and participate in the fundraiser we are hosting for them. 30% of all purchases utilizing their coupon code will go directly to BEMM.
Purchase items for the maternal birth kits via BEMM's Amazon wish list.
Buy a tacky headband, created by African refugees here in the states. $4/headband will go to pay them a fair wage for their creation, $4 will to toward funding the ambulance and $1 will take care of transaction fees incurred by DFC for making them available to you. And last but not least the incredibly cool headband will go to you!

I know DFC is small, but together it is possible to make a big impact. So, let's get started. And all the best to BEMM.

Now, let's save some lives!

What's Happening

2011-09-03T09:45:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is the last day for adopting families to enter the fundraiser we are doing to help one of them get a little something something towards their adoption! As of right now the family chosen tomorrow will receive the min of $1000 in CASH to be used to bring their kiddo home. Not bad for a $20 donation towards providing an ambulance for 24 villages in remote Africa to prevent 40 orphans a month by saving their mommas! I'm loving this dual purpose fundraiser. Have you entered yet?

www.BEMM.org

On Monday we will announce the winner and reveal how much has been raised with the different fundraisers towards the ambulance and how much further we have. Stayed tuned on Tues via Facebook, blog, twitter and our website to learn about an exciting week long partnership we have with an amazing org. Check them out. Like what you see? Next week we will get our very own code and for every purchase you make you will not only support the hands that made the products, but 30%! Yes, 30% will be donated to Because Every Mother Matters. It's not to early to shop for Christmas. *You will thank us later;)

www.delicatefortress.com.

6 Months

2011-08-26T12:00:00.006-05:00

Now that my little pity party is officially over, my eyes are once again focused where they belong....outward:) Last week was tough. I am completely out of what little comfort zone I feel like I have left. I think I've gotten in a horrible habit of walking in blind faith completely expecting God to work or meet the needs I feel that need to be met. Does that make sense? I fully expect God to provide what is needed..only I have gotten in the habit of defining what is needed. I need to trust that He will work according to His will and not mine. I fully expected after I jumped off the freakin' cliff and head first into several conversations with different pastors from different churches (something that terrified me) that God would show up how I wanted Him to...in the form of what I feel are tangible ways...ie..the churches hearing the need, being moved to act and ending with them committing financial support to 24 villages surrounding Mareya by helping provide the funds to purchase the 4x4, midwife training and supplies for the clinic. Nope, it didn't happen like that and to be honest last week I was a little upset. I found myself mad that I did what I thought was my part. I put myself in situations, conversations and reaching out in ways I never thought I would and nada..nothing. No reward. No closer to helping the people God Himself told me to help. Then, it occurred to me...who am I expect or define how I feel God should respond? I don't know what seeds were planted, I don't know how or when God will grow them. Heck, I don't even know the type of plant that will eventually be harvested. All I do know is my God is good and He will provide what is needed and when it's needed. With that said...I have fully surrendered the outcome to Him and I will continue to be obedient . I will work like it depends on me and pray because I know it's up to Him. If I had my way, the funds for the 4x4 would already be in the bank. Their not. Not even close. I had someone today try to bring comfort by telling me even if we don't raise the money in time that we will definitely have it raised by our spring trip. That is comforting. That maybe...it's not suppose to happen this trip. There's always spring. That's only 6 months away. That is only 120 people who will lose their lives. That in only close to 240 new orphans in Ethiopia. I have had someone tell me that maybe we aren't successful raising the funds because a 4x4 (ambulance) is not the answer and I heard God wrong. The day I sat in the ditch with the administrators from the 24 villages and I heard that 4 out 10 women die giving birth, I heard that they don't survive the 10 hour hike down the mountain, I heard the men ask, "Please save our women". I'm pretty confident I also heard God that same day...Do I believe that He is in control? Yes. Do I trust in His timing? Yes.
It was last week that I felt so convicted that the bulk would be raised by helping others as well. I was in my bed and my mind started thinking about how on earth I even came to be in a ditch with 24 villages by myself in Ethiopia. My journey started with my desire to adopt and after my twins joined our family in 2008, God grew my passion for orphans into an organization whose primary focus is to prevent them. I get so many requests to help fund adoptions that it only made since to combine my two passions. Adoption of the 160 million orphans that are already waiting for someone to love them and providing the resources and education necessary to 24 villages in Ethiopia that would prevent 40 orphans a month and save the lives of their mothers.

you can read about the dual fundraiser here http://toliveloveandlaughtoday.blogspot.com/2011/08/adoptive-parent-talk.html

To date we have raised almost $1250 of the 20k we hoped to raise to support 11 families adoptions and the ambulance.
There is a chance we may not reach our goal. Worst case scenario 120 people will die and 240 children will be left orphaned. And we will have to be okay with that...we will take comfort that even though this thought is painful we would have to believe it's not His timing...

There is also a chance that we will reach our goal. That we will witness a miracle. That 120 people will be saved by providing the 4x4 by Oct. and 240 children will still have a mother. And when that happens...We will give God the Glory....

I just know...Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

For a min. $20 donation you can give hope to an adopting family and save lives.

Every Moment...

2011-08-23T20:21:00.002-05:00

I spend every moment of every day thinking about faces that I can honestly not bare to disappoint. When I look at my kids I feel like I'm failing them, when I close my eyes I see all of the beautiful people I have met on my trips to Africa and I am now failing them.. I have sold more possessions than I own to constantly meet goals to not disappoint anyone. Yet...I fail. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in years and I know by me quitting it won't change that. I will continue to be haunted by failing and quitting, but man...I really needed a freakin cookie. I obeyed God beyond pain and beyond my comfort zone.. I didn't do it for my benefit or gain. I did it because I love. I love so much it hurts. I put everything I have out there. I'm tired. I just want to be numb for a day. Not to feel. Not to think. Cause I'm breaking. And I see no relief. People are still hurting. I'm still failing. I have nothing left to give.

I quit. I quit trying. I quit pretending. I can't do it. This moment and every moment I fail.

Adoptive Parent talk....

2011-08-23T15:48:00.005-05:00

I have a confession to make. I'm serious...don't laugh, but BACE (You know...before adoption changed Everything!) I was pretty much the "weird mom" that nobody understood. I seemed to never fit in anywhere. I tried. I really did. I would act interested in the same things other mommas liked even though my my mind drifted elsewhere..It wasn't until I became a STBEAP (soon to be expecting adoptive parent) that I became aware that there were other BACE and STBEAP people like me. All of a sudden for the first time in 30+ years I didn't feel..you know...um..weird and alone. After we suffered our first ARM (adoptive referral miscarriage) I realized that I had a new family. A family of BACE, STBEAP and some ARM's and they were wonderful. For the first time ever I witnessed community. A group of people who looked beyond themselves who, yes...were slightly weird like me and stood for something that beat with in my own heart. I found AP's (adoptive parents)! When our first children died in Liberia before we could bring them home and during the transition of bringing our twins home from Ethiopia that weighed 10 pounds at 2 years old AND me bringing home a sick pregnant Ethiopian momma home with me thus starting BEMM (Because Every mother Matters) YOU WERE THERE! All of you..the BACE, STBEAP, ARM, and AP's.My family. A community of people like me. It wasn't long after that I became a PASOP (post adoptive stressed out parent) and yes..You were still there. Encouraging me. Loving me. Supporting me. I consider the adoption community my family. The ones that get it. The ones that are laughing at my BACE, STBEAP, ARM...because you understand.
Here it is...You are my family. You are my community. I'm calling on you once again as a JAMT6KWRANPTHPMO (Just a momma to 6 kids who runs a non-profit to help prevent more orphans) to support me. My org is currently raising the funds necessary to purchase an ambulance that will service 10,000 people and save 20 lives a month! We Need 20K in two weeks. This will prevent up to 40 orphans a month! Awesomesauce, right? ...Yes. but what about the 160 million orphans that need a home TODAY! I found it's so easy to get on my PAHH (post adoption high horse) and only support prevention. Yet...my family is my family because of adoption and I believe in my BACE, STEAP, ARM. AP's and placing children in loving homes. Period.
So...WE (BEMM) is donating $2500 towards a family's adoption when we meet our 10k goal. Wait...wait...How will we do this? We are counting on the community I have come to love and trust to help us help them. We need $ to help fund our projects that were inspired because all of our board (minus 1...but this one has more heart and has personally served more in Africa than all of us combined) are AP's who were were once BACE, STBEAP and some ARM's..my point! We get it. We get you. We love our kids, your kids..We know it takes ALL of us to make a difference.

The details.
For every $20 donation you or ANYONE you know gives to www.bemm.org(have them mention your name) YOU will be entered to win 25% of the 10k we raise.
You do not have to be an AP to enter...You can submit a name into the drawing.
Here is where it gets COOL! Our goal is to raise 10k by Sept 4th. What ever is raised above that will be split up by 50% thousand...
If 10k is raised then 25% will towards one adoptive family
For every additional 1k raised after 10k then 50% will be donated to an additional adoptive family...up to 20k
The breakdown
Give $20 and you are entered to win (not adopting? Just want to give $20 ? Write a friends name down and it will be credited towards them)
After 10k each additional 1k will be split 50/50 with an AP.

If we raise 20k in 2 weeks then 1 family will receive $2500 and 10 additional families receive $500 a piece for every 1k raised.... That is $7500! 11 adoptions helped and an ambulance funded that will prevent 40 orphans a month!!!!!!

To make this work...We need you to donate $20 AND help spread the word. Remember the more we raise the more we can give towards potentially 11 adoptive families!

Donate $20 today and enter in your name if you are adopting or another family wanting to raise money for their adoption!

*only $ donated with someones name on it will go towards this fundraiser*

www.BEMM.org

911

2011-08-20T19:45:00.006-05:00

Waiting...pacing, antsy, anticipating, expecting, doubting, scared...Yep, that pretty much sums up my last few weeks since I got back from Ethiopia. I remember each face. Forever etched in my mind. I can still feel the flies feasting on my skin. My heart is still beating out of my chest as I replay word for word what was spoken. In June I sat in a ditch with the representatives from 24 villages in rural Ethiopia. I can't quite explain it...I listened to every word, I watched every face, I felt every freakin fly..even now every detail is in place, but I have never felt so out of control in my life. I was calm. I was present....but it was not me. If it was me, I would have cried hearing that women in labor were being carried 12 hours down a mountain tied to a stick only to die. I would have thrown up knowing 4 out of 10 women DIED trying to give birth. Instead I sat there, took a deep breath and prayed. In moments the answer was clear. It was direct. It was simple. You can see it here...

I thought what was needed would be accomplished in weeks by sharing their stories, the statistics, the need and voila... Actually not much has happened. Amazing people have written inspiring posts to help raise the funds, our "fans" have increased, I'm finding myself way out of my comfort zone talking to churches, businesses...but..zip. Nothing. We are no closer to providing what is needed to save over 20 lives every month. I couldn't figure it out. I have never been so certain of anything as I have been when I sat in the fly infested ditch and promised we would help. A few days ago I was driving down the street feeling defeated and crying..An ambulance flew by. It was headed towards my home. My heart stopped. My first thought..Are my kids okay? Then it hit me. I thought about all the times I have seen an ambulance, or a wreck on the side of the road and prayed that every one would be okay. As much as the sound of an ambulance stirs up fear in my mind...it also brings comfort. I know I can call 911 and help will come. I know an ambulance can mean life or death. Every time I see one drive by, I think about the one who is inside. I think about the the ones who love the one inside. I didn't realize until I sat with the 24 villages what this means to them...Not one single person in the 24 villages owns a car. The nearest hospital is an 8-15 hour hike away. My son Diezel's life was saved because of an ambulance. By providing a way for over 10,000 people to get to a hospital within an hour will save a life. My prayer is every time you see or hear an ambulance drive by, you think of the person that is inside. You remember that your donation to www.BEMM.org is saving lives...and as corny as this is...WE are going to write every contributors name on the ambulance. Yep, you heard me. I want the world to see (or at least the 10,000) to know YOU!

Just Another Number...

2011-08-15T19:47:00.002-05:00

Last week I had someone that I admire greatly ask if they could write a guest post for Because Every Mother Matters. If you don't know Jeff and Katie Seevers yet, I encourage you to find them on Facebook. Their passion, enthusiasm and sincerity is contagious. His post is raw and truthful, but more importantly he gets it. He understands as an adoptive parent the importance of prevention. Holistically speaking orphan care needs to be addressed prior to birth. Taking care of momma WILL and DOES have a direct impact on the orphan crisis. It is my hope that after you read Jeff's post that you do what He says.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This morning I woke up with some things on my mind. Mothers and the orphan crisis.

My wife and I have been in the process of adopting for over a year. We just passed court and became the parents of two incredible Ethiopian children and we could not be more excited. However, amidst the excitement there is sadness about a problem. A really big problem. It's called the orphan crisis. For those of us who have adopted, or are in the process of adopting, we have felt the immense burden for the voiceless children who are left in the horrible wake of some catastrophic statistics.

But I'm not going to put them here. Why?

Because you don't care.

That's right. We don't care about numbers. 1 out of every 11 women are dying due to pregnancy related issues, and yet those numbers mean nothing to you or me...yet.

I saw a video when we first started out on this adoption journey where Eric Ludy talked about "depraved indifference". In essence these terms boil down to the fact that because we are not directly impacted by these people, i.e. the number of people starving in Africa, or the number of women that die during childbirth in developing countries, we won't be moved enough to act. Tough words to swallow, but they are true.

I know, I know...I've said them too. You're thinking, "but what can I do about children in Africa starving, or mothers dying during childbirth? These problems are massive." And you know what? You'd be right. They are massive.

Consider the orphan crisis. There are an estimated 163 million orphans the world over. And the number continues to climb. One would think, this challenge is insurmountable. And you'd be right if you did not believe that you are capable of making a significant impact, Well, maybe it's time for a little pep talk.

Look what happens when that number becomes a face. Consider what you helped BEMM accomplish with one mother who had a stomach tumor, that if not removed, would die. You mobilized. You acted. And you know what? She is a mother alive today because you cared enough to act. You didn't help a number. You helped a person.

You are capable of saving a life. Yes, you heard me. YOU...are capable of saving a life. Not just any life. A mothers life. You could impact the orphan crisis in a very real and personal way.

Numbers are people. Do you care about them?

Prove it. Act.

Go to www.bemm.org and together we can make a difference. They are raising money for an ambulance that will serve 24 rural villages and save 15-20 lives every month!

Carried

2011-08-13T19:52:00.002-05:00

I have been going through an incredibly rough time this past month and am a stagnant mess. We have 6 weeks to raise 20k for an ambulance that will service 24 villages and save 15-20 lives a month. Just the thought that we could save just ONE life should be enough to get me moving. Yet, here I am...feeling paralyzed. I'm not sure if it's fear, being overwhelmed, having surgery or just my life in general that is the issue. I have more than I can explain going on in my personal life right now. The thing is...I know.. and I believe that we will raise the money. I can see so clearly in my mind and heart, us delivering the 4x4 ambulance to Mareya. I see Jodie training the 24 villages in midwifery and the birthing kits, I see visiting the 20 mothers from our sponsorship program (only 2 have sponsors as of right now), I see a team of 4-6 additional people with us (we have 1 signed up right now). Living on faith and ignoring fact is a normal thing in my life. Everything BEMM has accomplished has always been relying on God to show up and perform a miracle. That miracle is always YOU. You all.. Even though we are no closer to the 20k, 4-6 people and 20 sponsored mommas than we were last month...YOU all still blessed me in such a personal way. Your encouragement has carried me for the past few weeks. From a family that sponsored the one of the two 70+ year old women in Ethiopia that I didn't know what to do with..If you don't know the story, please follow us on FB to read it. Basically, I found our first sponsor for two Ethiopian mommas. Then my partners sent me two women who didn't meet the "criteria". I did not want to turn them away and put a plea out on FB and a sweet family answered the call in such a beautiful way. They wanted to sponsor the barren woman so she would have an immediate family praying and supporting her. I was blown away. Then today I received the sweetest letter from a momma that calls herself the "$5 Queen". She says she doesn't have much, but I think she has more heart than anyone I know...She sends me every $5 bill that crosses her path..today I got 6 of them. Why? Her words "I'm so excited to send you more $. I know it's not much, but it's from God to be sure." I wonder if she knows that her 6 $5 bills will save 6 lives?! This week, we also had someone I admire write a guest post for us to share..coming Monday! Our medical director, Jodie also wrote an inspiring note that we will be sharing. I met a beautiful momma at a convention recently who has her own fair trade store that helps human trafficking victims...without asking she sold 49 of our headbands for us and wants to feature us in her blog. You must check them out http://www.delicatefortress.com/
We had people donate 2k towards a momma that needed life saving surgery two weeks ago. Oh, a friend of mine from highschool out of nowhere donated and spread the word of BEMM...
I am so thankful for all of the ways so many of you have carried me over this past month. Because of you..I know we will provide the ambulance we promised, the midwifery training, the 4-6 people to come with us and the 18 additional sponsors. We can do this!!!!

She Matters

2011-07-27T10:38:00.004-05:00

I received an email last week with information about a 25 year old momma in Ethiopia. The details were vague. I was told she looks pregnant, but is not. That she is getting weaker and needs to be seen by a doctor and asking if we would help. To be honest, it wasn't the best time. We are desperately trying to raise the 35k needed for the Mareya project that will save hundreds of lives, I was getting ready to have surgery and the real kicker- WE HAVE NO RESERVES IN OUR ACCOUNT....bottom line...The reasons for saying, "no" were pretty long and justifiable. Yet, once again...we did not look at our budget or take a vote...Saying, "no" was never even an option. The only option was to act.

So, WHY should you help?

This momma has a name.
She is loved.
She matters.

We had no idea when we said, "yes" to helping how dire her circumstances were. The doctors found a 1 foot by 7 inch cyst in her abdomen. Without speedy removal, she will die. She is scheduled for surgery at the end of this week. Right now our staff in Ethiopia are donating their own blood for her surgery and are trying to find another donor. Apparently, it's byb in Addis (bring your own blood).

We need help. She needs help. Her medical care will end up costing around $2500. That is $2500 more than what we have. We need to raise this within the next 24-48 hours. Why?

BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS!

Please donate
www.BEMM.org

Derailed

2011-07-18T21:19:00.002-05:00

I woke up tired and quite honestly not ready for the day. I was scheduled for my pre-op, needing to take my son to get his braces fixed for the 4th time in a few months, my work for BEMM hovering over me, not feeling well, etc...BUT...I was determined to make today a good productive work day. I have a few days left to be productive before my surgery. My list was a mile long..Don't you know as soon as my kids got out of bed the demands started as they do every morning. I want this. I need this. Life is unfair....I really wanted to scream, stomp, throw a fit and give everyone a piece of my mind. I have work to do. Important work. Life changing work. While I was forming a lecture in my mind, listening to the demands of my kids...my eyes met Diezel's and time stopped. I looked at him. He was mad and crying. All of them were in a mood. At that moment, I abandoned my agenda. I took him by the hand and said, "Let's go play outside." The complaining stopped and the fun began. After playing, the 3 little ones groomed my hair (a fun, but painful experience) followed by swimming. On the way to my pre-op appointment the van broke down. I really believe if I wouldn't have let go of my agenda first thing in the morning I would be a little stressed by this point. After all, nothing on my list had gotten accomplished and to top it off...I'm stranded with 6 kids in 105 degree weather. We were quite the sight at the gas station. The kids were sprawled out on the concrete in swimsuits...Got to admit, I still had fun. I missed my appointment, but I was with and doing the most IMPORTANT work, life changing work...being a momma to 6 beautiful kids. And by the end of the day, thanks to my friend Kristin..we got our non-profit papers filed. I don't have a car anymore, but I have so much more:)

On a Personal Note

2011-07-16T21:29:00.002-05:00

You all know I have had a ton of health issues.
From Typhoid fever, Hep A, Giardia, Tissue parasites, myocarditis, high blood pressure, IBS, etc...

I also refuse to allow the way I feel to dictate my life.
I brought home 8 pound, 2 year old twins, a sick pregnant woman (who spoke no English) and was sick beyond words....
I have learned to live with whatever challenges my body presents.
About 8 weeks before my last trip to Ethiopia, I ended up in urgent care after vomiting blood, losing weight, fevers and pain (unfortunately...nothing new)
They found a 5cm mass on my ovary.
I was happy they found something with all my health issues.
I know it's weird..
I had an endoscope...nothing was found, but they stretched my esophagus because it was skinny.
I went to my OB/gyn...They couldn't find the mass and assumed it was a cyst that burst.
I then went to Ethiopia.
I was doubled over in pain and bled the whole time.
8 weeks later...nothing has changed.
I went back to OB
They gave me a biopsy and scheduled surgery
Since then...
I heard a glorious word..
BENIGN!
But..
I'm still bleeding.
I still need surgery.
I also broke my ribs last week.
I'm healing from my broken foot.
Still have GI issues
Going to Physical Therapy

YES
I hiked over a mountain in Africa on a broken foot, bleeding and thinking I had cancer.

Why?

I am more than this body.
I am more than who I am told...
I am what I believe.
Which will always be more than what I feel

Meeting with the elders in Mareya

2011-07-14T09:28:00.002-05:00

A Deep Burden

2011-07-13T13:20:00.004-05:00

It's not a secret that I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I don't have a degree, experience or any reasonable explanation for how I do what I do...Two weeks ago, I found myself after an intense mountain climb on a broken foot in a remote village in Ethiopia at the foot of an 81 year old momma. She cried at the site of me. I was the first frenji (white) that she had ever seen. She just kept asking how I found them. As I held her, I said, "step after step momma". I can't explain the feeling I had sitting there in the hut with the family....I wonder if they will ever know the honor I felt being with them, sleeping them, eating with them, praying with them...Just a few hours before the climb over the mountain, I sat down with the administration (elders) of Mareya, Ethiopia and discussed what the needs of the community were.

I found myself as I often do..in situations that I can't believe are happening.....

I sat in a canal with the elders of a community surrounding me. All eyes on me. I asked, "What are your main concerns? What Can I do to help?" again, I'm in awe that I am even here!-Then I heard all the men say, "Our women are dying. They need help". I sat there. I listened. I heard the problems. In two minutes I knew the solution. I looked at everyone and offered my solution, which involved overturning a tribal law. Surely...they would know...I'm nobody. I have no business being there and would say, no.

Without discussion, they voted unanimously that the plan was good.

I found out that day...4 out 10 women die DURING delivery. In Mareya there is a health center built by the government. It is only a shell. The nurses lack EVERYTHING. No sheets, curtains, supplies, equipment. Mareya is surrounded by 24 villages (all without electricity/water). Due to outdated and traditional delivery practices they outlawed home births and midwifery because more women were dying due to infection.

Because of this laboring women hiked anywhere from 1-6 hours over a mountain to Mareya. If they made it, then half would deliver only the placenta (the babies were born on the way down), the others were in distress and sent to a better facility, which meant 8-12 more hours of hiking. The laboring mommas are tied to a stick by their belly and carried down. They will die at this point.

What are we going to do?

I told them, I would bring a 4x4 to them. We would provide a vehicle that will transport the women that make it to the clinic a way to the hospital. This alone with impact %40 0f not only laboring mommas, but other patients as well. We also got the elders to allow midwifery again, after we promised training and kits to each village. This alone will save lives! We will also build a better gurney system and stock the existing clinic.

Why? Why do I work with moms when their are 150 million orphans? I will watch a mom buried who died due to preventable causes and leave 6 kids behind who now have NOBODY and will be another number to the already sickening 150 million other kids

The faces I see keep me awake. I do not represent a church, a group, a cause. I am uneducated. I am nothing special.

I am simply a momma who knows that everyone can make a difference.

I am deeply burdened by all I have seen and those I have met. The thing is....I am grateful for this burden. I feel "lucky" to be burdened.

Education can be bought, experience can be learned, but the direction of your heart...is up to you

We need to raise 30-35k in less than 3 months. This is the most I have ever attempted to raise in such a short period of time. I'm a little nervous, but more importantly I'm freakin excited to see God move this mountain.

Go to www.BEMM.org to help

The "Feel Good" Post

2011-07-08T21:06:00.003-05:00

There is a fine line between sharing honest emotions when telling a story for the purpose to educate and using a story to propaganda an agenda....

I constantly fail at this. The line is so fuzzy. I write to share. I write to educate. I write for an agenda. I'm told that I inspire people to want to get involved and then in the same breath that I use guilt to get what I want. Many times I erase a post after spending hours writing it, because I fear I crossed that line.

Do I write the truth in-spite that I may cross the line? My heart and mind is so intertwined in emotion, agenda, purpose and story that I can't separate any of it.

I pray and hope that those who know me...understand that I have an agenda...I may offend you. I may cross the line. You may feel guilt reading what I write. You will also know that my intentions are pure. My heart desires nothing more than to serve. In my total abandon to the call in front of me...I might not write a "Feel Good" post...

I have 2 months to raise 35k.

I will write. I will speak. I will share. I will offend. I will inspire. I will lose friends. Some people will answer the call. Some people will leave me. I will not hold back. I will blur the line between education and guilt.

Why?

Because I refuse to allow my own comfort to come before doing what needs to be done.

Everyone can make a difference! The "can" is not the variable ...The "if" and "when" are up to you

Without Him

2011-06-16T19:47:00.002-05:00

My body is breaking.....
The fever is coming...
Married to the medicine.
My mind is over taking.
Right and Wrong
mixing and creating
illness is brewing
Negative thoughts overshadowing
diluting what's real
in the midst of pain
spirit compromising
to feel better
Excepting what is
Wrecked
Lost
forgetting
neglecting
the truth
the word
the promise
Not me
Not them
but simply
HIM

the great
I AM
not me
not we
the only
HIM

A Poppy Full of Laughter

2011-05-26T18:03:00.004-05:00

A few days ago I was having a hard day. In all honesty, I have a lot of hard days....This day though, I was driving my kids to various schools and I started to cry. I grabbed my phone and started dialing the one person I knew would provide what I needed...laughter. Laughter is a cure. Deep, genuine laughter penetrates every part of you. It liberates you from that which binds (so does deep tears)...On this day, I wanted to laugh. I dialed my sister. It is no longer her number. She died a few years ago. No matter what was going on between us or in our lives..we made each other laugh. All she had to do was talk in her witch voice about poppies (Wizard of Oz)..and I would laugh no matter how angry I was that she had just given me a swirly. She was the only one I could laugh and cry with about the same things. We hated eachother as much as we loved eachother. On this day though...I only missed her. Love. Hate. It didn't matter. I just wanted Kym. I came home and started sharing with Adam how I felt. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a right orange flower. It was a poppy. We bought this house a year before she died. The next year I saw a single poppy. Last week, looking out my window...missing my sister, needing a laugh..I saw 4 poppies and 3 waiting to bloom. I told my man..I needed a moment. I sat down beside the poppies. 4 poppies blooming. 4 years since she died. I looked at them. I started to talk to them. I laughed. I cried. I remembered.

Keeping it Real...

2011-05-19T16:25:00.001-05:00

In the past year you have helped us raise over 30 thousand dollars! Right now in our account we have $100 that is usable. Where has the money gone? What exactly did we accomplish?

To date:

WE have given over $14,000 to Doma for stage one of the holistic women's health center in the remote village of Bora. About 2k was used to fund a possible life saving surgery on a mother.

WE have given $5,000 to Project Hopeful for their Sisterhood Project. A group home for mommas and their children with HIV.

WE have given $1500 to MOPS INTERNATIONAL to start a program in Ethiopia. We are still needing $8000 more to fund it.

WE covered the cost to bring a woman to Ethiopia with us who has stage 4 cancer and was given 6-12 months to live (on her list of stuff to do was volunteer in a third world country) Cost $2000

WE payed out about $2000 for our staff in Ethiopia.

WE have given over $4000 to the refugees who make the headbands

WE have provided assistance to several mom's and their needs both locally and in Africa about $3000

WE have traveled to Ethiopia 2 times and have 2 more trips scheduled this year. Cost about $9000

WE have bought fabric and supplies to help us fundraise at well over $1500

WE purchased birthing kit supplies at over $1000

On average I spend 15-30 hours a week working on BEMM stuff.

As you can see more was spent than raised. To make up the difference, Amy paints pictures and uses part of her money she earns to help fund things, Jodie has payed for many things out of her own pocket and personally donates to every campaign we have, I (Steffany) have sold my car, my clothes, my furniture, and lived off of $50 a week for our family of 8 to make sure that we do what it is we say we are going to do.

WHY AM I SHARING THIS?

I believe in being transparent with our organization. I want you to know where every dime goes. This is also a plea for help.

Here's the thing. We are kind of stuck in a cycle. We hear of a need, we respond and act. PERIOD. We don't look at our fi,nances. We are moved to help. We are not a non-for profit. We don't have the 2k needed to become one, as soon as we start saving for it..what do you know another need comes up that no-one else is handling. This week alone I have been contacted by two universities who want to do grant writing for us, but since we aren't a legit non-profit, we can't take advantage of the offers. There are business's that want to donate, but once again...we are not a legit non-profit.

Funny thing is...I'm not asking for donations to become one..in fact, it's not on the top of my priority list. What is...is making a difference in individual lives.

This week alone we were told about two mommas. Both of them are the bio-moms to two different adoptive mom's children. They are both dying and need immediate medical care. Gedese and Alex (our in country staff and BEMM's first momma) will care for them in their home and take them to the hospital for treatment which we will pay for. From past experience we know it will be on average $2500 per woman to help them. (depending on what needs to be done, length of stay, etc..)

On top of that we still need $8000 to fund the MOPS program in Ethiopia which will directly impact 100's of mommas lives through mentorship, health care, micro loans, etc..

We are also starting a midwife training program (cost to be determined)

Opening a group home for pregnant street mommas in Nekemte

Continuing our Birthing Kit program cost of $400 per month.

Before we can even think about spending money on a non- profit license...these mommas need help NOW!

We NEED you.

If you have a blog, FB or twitter..please spread the word of what we do at least once a week. Link to our site. Make a website badge for your blog.

If you are creative think about making products for us to sell.

Commit to selling 10 Tacky headbands to your friends this month or 10 of our "Simple Cards"

Donate. Any and all amounts help! Are largest single donation was $1000 or smallest was $5.00- They were both equally appreciated.

Have a garage sale, a lemonade stand, organize a 5k run, put a jar in your business, talk to your local birthing center or OB/GYN...

You really are saving lives.

My last trip to Ethiopia I met Gedese's momma. Gedese is the pregnant mom that lived with me for a year. Gedese and her daughter both almost died during childbirth. Gedese's mom has had to bury several of her children and would have had to bury another daughter. I can't begin to describe the feelings I had when I was standing there by one of my dearest friends, her mother and a precious toddler that would be dead today if nobody stood up and cried out, "I will help".

BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS!

Running Hard, but Going Nowhere

2011-05-04T17:14:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you are running as fast as you can or hitting as hard as you can only to find yourself no further than when you first started.

It's like all your energy is being used.
You believe it will have an impact.
Then...inertia.
Nothing happens.
You are left exhausted, frustrated and defeated and no further than where you first started.
Yep- that pretty much sums up the last year of my life....
For me this represents me trying to do things alone or believing that the result is somehow related to my own strength.
I exhaust myself just listening to my own thoughts.
I work.
I struggle.
I fight.
I might "win".
Then it begins again...
like a long hallway in my dream that I run towards something or away from something
only to end up where I started.
two words
"I surrender".
I am waving my white flag. It is not about me. I can't do it on my own.
It's a crazy balance game.
Somewhere I bought into the idea that balance means everything in life get's equal time.
Um.
Wrong.
It is about having discernment in where you are needed.
AND
Spiritual alignment.
For me...
I need my GOD above all else.
Then
My man
My kids
Others
Self

I desire everything to be perfectly balanced and in order.
Yet...
nothing is.

All things are distorted when God is absent.
I can give my house. My car. Every possession...
But it will NOT bring me closer to HIM.
Only when we give what we truly covet will we catch a glimpse of the sacrifice that was made for us.

I will find my balance by surrendering my agenda for His will.

I found what I covet is not stuff...
never has been and hopefully never will.

What I desire is to give to others..
so much that it affects my family negatively.
I spend 6-7 nights a week advocating for people I don't know.
I sell what I have, do without and martyr myself everyday.
This has become my idol.
Giving.
I give at the expense of my family.
I justify it to my family by guilt.
I can honestly say..
I would give anything and everything
but...
that is my doctrine.
One day God may ask that of me
but
today
He just wants me to serve my family.
for the past two weeks my man and I have turned off our phones and computers from dinner until bedtime.
Not going to lie...I don't feel like I'm "accomplishing" as much...
But
my kids are happy
we are less stressed
my man is writing music again
the 3 little ones learned to skateboard
I am making amazing dinners
I'm sleeping better
We are once again becoming the family God intended us to be.
and
instead of running hard without going anywhere...
I am walking, enjoying and moving forward

The $10 Journey

2011-05-02T17:34:00.017-05:00

It begins here
My change jar.

I save and use this to buy....
carefully thought out fabric patterns.

On average I spend $30-$60

It then goes here

to Yorinimu and his wife Rosa or other local African refugees through City of Refuge.
Yorinimu lost his first wife in a refugee camp and made him sole provider to his 5 children.
He met Rosa in the states. They live in a modest apartment and rely on Rosa's income at a local factory and are grateful for the extra income provided by BEMM.
We pay them $4.00 per headband.
I pay them upfront to give them the immediate income they need.
Average payment is $300-400 for a stash like this

I then bust butt hustling them on Facebook, blog and various businesses.

Then the rest is up to YOU.
Yes. You.
You pay
$10 for a headband

and have Tacky 4 Africa headband parties....

Have your furry friends wear them...

Give them to the men in your life...

Wear them at Disney World

Sell them at conventions

give them to adorable babies

wear them in Africa

buy them because....

You
know that your $10 will go here.

developing a holistic center to help these mommas through Doma

raising money to provide medical care for these mommas

purchasing chickens and building a chicken coop to help this momma create a sustainable life..

Deliver birthing kits to mommas in Uganda, Congo, and Ethiopia

Providing hope to this mom and dad who only want a chance to prosper

partnerships with organizations to bring aid to this great grandmother caring for her great grand kids because everyone has died from AIDS and a single mom with HIV.

This local mom who delivered a surprise baby on Christmas Day

A birthing kit to this mom we met walking 10 miles with 80 pounds of grain on her back at 8 months pregnant. We will also provide any medical care her or her baby may need.

helped pay the way for this beautiful 27 year old stage 4 cancer woman travel to Africa with us.

kept this grandma from having to bury another child.
Gedese (the mom who lived with me for a year and her baby Christiana visiting Grandma for the first time in almost 2 years)

Bring hope to the village where this young lady is from in the form of a town ambulance and midwifery training. Without either one...she would be one of the 4 women out of 10 that die due to pregnancy related causes.

$10
doesn't seem like much...
a headband.
a card.
a donation.

simple
basic
Yet
it really does make a difference.

(Occasionally we have special pieces that someone has made or donated to us that we sell for more).

In our shop currently at http://becauseeverymothermatters.com/

We have
headbands
Cards
Necklaces
and
A one of a kind hanging quilt made by Clara Lawrence.

Be a part of the $10 journey.
Change a life today

Relief of Blog Constipation or Yes, YOU are Needed

2011-04-26T16:04:00.007-05:00

I don't know where to start. It's like blog constipation that has found relief...I want to finish my orphan post (and will...just not now), tell you about the 90 simple cards sold, um...my hair is now freaking orange, MOPS international, refugees needing more work, group home, midwifery training in Gage's village.....Where to start?

My one long run-on sentence attempt to address the above

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed with people thinking I'm special or the work I do in Africa is extraordinary, when actually I am nothing more than a woman in all reality who shouldn't even still be alive and decided to share a little of my past with you to help you understand that where you come from and your past is NOT who you are...but after everyone's response about my orphan post, I felt sad you thought I was healing or hurting(my fault for writing it in more than one post and leaving first post the way I did)...just the opposite really...I am a new creature and very healed thanks to HIS love and in that light and realization..let's move on to..launched our "back to basic" program and have spent many sleepless nights waiting for my email to tell me another momma can live because YOU bought a simple card...how awesome....90 women and babies have the basics...Did I mention MOPS International is developing a program that will impact 500 moms and a whole community in Ethiopia...and that those very moms told me to carry their burden home when I met them in March and I have, but need $14, 000 for them which will be raised partly through our Tacky 4 Africa" headbands....oh my gosh...did I tell that I sold only 14 since March...I haven't given a check to the refugees in 2 months..., but I have 50 here that I already paid for, because I pay them upfront... and I'm offering a Spring Cleaning deal where you can buy 2 for $15...wait! Almaz and Fekede my twins parents are going to run BEMM's first house for street mothers in Nekemte and we are hoping to fund a midwifery training program in the village Gadese is from....Oh yeah before I forget.....

How cute is this headband?
If you want one like the one I'm wearing...
order them on my blog or website and in the notes write
Cute headband
Oh...
We will also be re-designing our website soon
and
can be found at
BEMM.org
Yes. Much easier than Becauseeverymothermatters.com:)

back to the headbands
seriously though
the refugees need money.
In order to pay them
I NEED SALES.
I am not one to beg for my own needs...
BUT
I will beg for others...

Buy a cute headband or two.
right now I'm doing Spring Cleaning and will sell the 50 I have for 2 for $15.
Why?
I already paid them for these and can't afford to buy more fabric and pay them to sew another batch until our sales pick up.
Bottom line.
Will the money still go to them?
Yes. (in a way)
I have actually already paid them out of my own pocket (like I always do) for this batch they made in Feb. The sale of these 50 headbands will go towards new fabric so they can make a new batch and earn money and the other revenue will go towards the MOPS International program.
Why am I telling you this?
I know when I buy things to "help" people...
I really do care how my money is being used.
I want you to know that all money either directly donated to BEMM or products purchased through us....really does directly impact people.

Yep. So, here I am...
asking you to help us
make a difference
in the life of another.

Buy a headband or 2,3,4,5 that will help local refugees and MOPS international
Buy a Simple card for Mother's Day that will help provide the basics for a momma to simply live.
Organize a fundraiser in your MOPS group or group of friends.
Sell Simple Cards.
Tacky 4 Africa headbands.
Are you creative?
Have a product we can sell?
Spread the word.
Join us on Facebook
Talk to your local birthing center.
Join the bandit crew of
Because Every Mother Matters.
Only requirement
Be real
get messy
and
be
YOU.
yes. you. you are needed. just as you are.

The Beep

2011-04-22T19:54:00.003-05:00

My phone has a feature
A feature that most of the time annoys me.

It beeps when I get an email.
Typically it's an email soliciting Viagra at all hours of the night.
But
In the last 36 hours
My phone has beeped every hour or two
letting me know
that we can make one more kit.
Normally I silence my phone at night
But
I can't help it.
I want to leave it on now.
Every beep I hear
makes me want to dance.
It's like Pavlov's Dogs
Beep=good

So far 60 simple cards have been purchased by you to provide 60 mommas with basic needs to simply live. That is HUGE! Right now our medical director is busy assembling the birthing kits that will be delivered to the war torn regions of Congo. NEVER underestimate what it is that YOU can do. It might be the simple card you bought to honor a woman in your life that you love that provided the basics needed to help a woman someone else loves simply live.

Back to Basic

2011-04-20T17:27:00.005-05:00

Mother Teresa tells us a simple smile is the basics of peace.

We all know the basics....
The ABC's
The 123's
Most of us know
The golden rule.
The 1o Commandments.
"Live simply so others can simply live"
Eat less
Exercise more
"Count your blessings everyday"
"A healthy heart is a happy heart"
The basics
are pretty simple

When my children are crying they desire nothing more than a simple hug. When they fall down they need maybe a basic band-aid for their booboos. When I have had a rough day just hearing a simple encouragement like a basic,"I am sorry you are hurting and I love you" means everything to me....When my soul is thirsty, I simply and humbly go back to the basics of my faith.

If the basics are so simple
and if we can simply live by the basics
then why do so many of us (me)
simply walk away from the basics of what can help so many simply live?

Because Every Mother Matters was started over three years ago after Brandi and I read about how women give birth in Uganda. It was simply a heartfelt response to meet the basic needs of mommas. We learned that women and children were dying needlessly due to simple needs of basic materials.
Please read what started it all here
You can see the very first kits delivered here

Since then BEMM has delivered a many kits...
and raised 10,000's of dollars for amazing organizations

Somewhere along the way though we got lost .... We forgot. Yes. Health Care Centers are needed
and Programs help but
often times it comes down to needing the basics to simply live.

$10 provides the basics needed for a mom and her child to simply live.
It's not much
It's simple really
A plastic sheet
A sterile blade
soap
gloves
a chord
A blanket and cap

Basic stuff
Yet...

Every minute of every day, a woman dies from complications related to pregnancy or childbirth.

99% of these deaths occur in developing countries.

In Ethiopia the lifetime risk of dying in pregnancy or childbirth is 1 in 7.

An estimated 1 million young children die shortly after the death of their mother.

"There are “six cleans” that make up a clean birth: clean hands, clean perineum, clean delivery surface, clean cord cutting implement, clean cord tying, and clean cord care."

Because Every Mother Matters is going back to the basics. $10 will provide the basics so mommas can simply live. This Mother's Day We are humbled to share with you our Back to Basic greeting card It's not much really. It's just a simple card...
Basic really. blank inside. 1 in 7 mommas whose futures are unwritten... waiting for someone to fill in the blanks...

This Mother's Day
Give a $10 simply made card
to provide the basics
for a mom to simply live.

Simply order your Back to Basic Cards to the right of my blog or on the BEMM website

It's simple.
One card provides the basics to help a momma simply live.
No fluff
No glitter
Just the basics.

The Orphan Part 1-

2011-04-17T14:35:00.003-05:00

I was driving home yesterday with my three daughters in the car after a girls getaway. Along the interstate, tucked back between trees, is a little white house with broken green shutters. It is no bigger than a shed. I drive by this house a dozen times a year on my way to St. Louis. I pretend to not see it most of the time or look the other way when I pass by. Sometimes I wonder who lives there..if anyone does at all. After 18 years it still looks the same to me. A small white house along the interstate and in the middle of nowhere. A modest symbol of home to a girl who had nothing, but desired something. I moved into the little white house in the middle of Missouri with my boyfriend whom I had met while being homeless and working in a crack house in California. I had a dream. I wanted to leave all my past behind. The drugs, the prostitution, the heartache, the loneliness, the chaos...all of it. The little white house was to be my new start. A symbol of family. A few months later I ended up fighting for my life at what was suppose to be the symbol of new beginnings, family and hope. My boyfriend, in a violent rage attacked me. He beat me and didn't want to stop. I fled the house. I hid in the bushes. The blood running down my face blurred my vision, but I could still see my dream...the home....the symbol of family in front of me. He had a knife. He was stabbing at the bushes. He was screaming. He was taunting me. I sat there. I looked at the little white house and at that moment I turned my back and I ran. I ran as far away from the house as I could. I vowed to never look back. I called the only person I knew would not judge me. I called my big sister Kym. She picked me up on the side of the interstate. My trembling body covered in blood. I just wanted to go. Yet, she knew that back at the little white house was the man that did this and my two puppies. She drove to the house. Punched her hand through the glass, grabbed the man by his throat and said, "Give me the pups and if you ever lay a finger on my sister again, I will kill you". My sister drove me to her trailer. I don't remember much for the next few weeks until I ended up in the hospital. See, included in my dream of the little white house was a baby. I was pregnant. He did not kill me that night, but he killed our son. I was about 20, but looked 13. The staff at the hospital was cruel. I almost bled to death in their attempt to teach me a lesson. I did die that night though. Every dream I had died. Every hope for the white house died. I had nothing. No home.

My Mirror

2011-04-14T12:56:00.004-05:00

I looked in the mirror today and cried. This may sound weird, but I try not to look in the mirror that much. It's not that I don't like what I see or have hang-ups about my appearance. It's just I am who I am. I don't want what I see on any given day to dictate how I should feel about myself. I don't normally wear make-up or spend any time getting ready. I get up and go. Because inside I feel beautiful. I feel alive. I feel loved. I believe I look the same on the outside too and it is what is inside that will control what I see on the outside.

Lately though I have felt ugly, tired and unloved....I was scared to look in the mirror. I am almost 40, I am weary, and I don't feel loved...I did not recognize myself. Holy crap...I look old. I look weary. I look unloved. I look exactly how I feel. I cried. My tears got caught in my wrinkles, my happiness was lost in the bags under my eyes, I feel unloved...and it is obvious from my face, I feel alone.

Yes, I looked in the mirror today and my reflection described me. I can't change my age or my wrinkles.....or even who loves me.

I do know I can feel beautiful. I can feel alive. I can feel loved.

I will not find what I need or all I lack, gazing upon my image. No. I will discover it when I remember to look beyond what I see and who see. I will find it in loving. I will find it in serving... I will find the image I seek and who I am among the least of these...

Argh.

2011-04-11T17:55:00.002-05:00

Everyday I have people telling me what to believe or not believe. What to feel or not to feel. What to see or not to see. Sometimes the input is so subtle I don't realize it...other times it is being crammed down my throat. Today was one of those days that I just felt like a pawn. Every body wanting something, needing something. It is in my nature to just give it all. I would have let them nail me to a cross just like Jesus...although I would have done it out of guilt and exhaustion.

Connected

2011-03-31T17:11:00.003-05:00

I am completely in awe of the people I "know"...
Online relationships have revolutionized the scope of globalization.
It's one thing to hear about what is happening around the globe...
It's quite another to be personally involved even if it's through the computer.
I read stories every day of personal lives and am immediately drawn into what they are experiencing on a level that is humbling.
I read of people going without shoes in an effort to bring awareness to the millions of people who lack "soles" ...
The need for clean water all over the world makes me cringe when I let my faucet run when brushing my teeth..
My heart hurts when I see a willing family that can take care of a sibling group of four orphaned children, but can't come up with the 50k to adopt them...then be judged when they ask for help to adopt.
I have visited child headed houses. I see my own children in their faces.
I have spent time with 90 year old widows who are caring for their 8 year old great, great grand kids because the generations before them died due to AIDS...
It didn't take me traveling to Africa to "know" the need...
Yes..
I was blessed to spend time there
but....
Thanks to the internet...
I have learned more
can do more
and
feel
connected.

To know more about the orgs I support message me and I will give you links:)

I'm Ready to Talk About it...

2011-03-29T17:36:00.003-05:00

I'm ready to talk about it.

The story....
the one that you may or may not know or even care about.
The thing is...
to understand it all
I need to start at the beginning of the day
but
I won't
(some things just stay in Africa)
Not to hide anything...it's just some things you can't explain.
With that said..
The last time (before this time) I saw everyone in my group jump over and dance around a cultural fire in Dorze.
I pride myself in being up for anything...this night though, I just couldn't rally myself.
I was sick.
I sat there watching everyone jump, dance and laugh.
I was miserable.
I made a promise...
The next time I had an opportunity to jump over a fire I would do so with my whole heart!
Well...
This time in Africa
I had a chance
and
I took it...
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
You get the picture?
I jumped over the fire...again and again and then some.
I got cocky.
What seemed like something I couldn't do because of my weakness
became easy
really easy...
So easy that I forgot how awesome it was.
Instead of running and jumping over the fire
I decided I could just stand in front of the fire and jump.
I became cocky
arrogant
I forgot the pure awesomeness of jumping over a fire in Ethiopia
I only thought of the number
I had 10 under my belt
I stood there
I jumped
I landed
in the fire
I
stopped
dropped
rolled
The guards came running
they patted out the flames...
I looked around at the faces around me...
I was
horrified
embarrassed
ashamed.
I jumped up
I looked at the film camera that was rolling...
"I think I broke my foot"

That was it.
People have asked me how I walked on it for 2 weeks without medical care or pain meds..
It was my embarrassment that spurred me on.
I hiked for miles on my foot.
I never complained until our flight home
It was huge
purple
and
messed up
Even then...
the embarrassment was greater than the pain.
I have now been home for 3 weeks and finally went to the doctor
Since then...I have had an MRI and XRAY.
I was given pain meds, but had an allergic reaction to them. I broke out in hives.
The Dr. says it isn't good and can't believe I walked on it for miles in Africa.
Honestly, it hurts worse now than it did weeks ago.
The pain is insane.
The meds give me hives
I am embarrassed
But....
I crushed my foot jumping over a fire in Ethiopia
I struggle with
YES
I messed up my foot jumping over a bonfire in Ethiopia then walked on it without medical treatment for two weeks and have continued to run without walking since I've been home in spite of not being able to take anything for pain due to hives and my life style bad ass syndrome
and
I can't believe I was stupid enough to jump over over a fire that many times, break my foot, walk on it without medical care, put my family in jeopardy, live in constant pain because I have a hang up with asking for pain killers and now have to see a Orthopedic surgeon.
Um...then there's the before story and after story
But..this is the story
How I screwed up my foot in Ethiopia.

The Gifts Opened

2011-03-26T14:13:00.007-05:00

We finally did it. We had the twins open the gifts from their birth parents. I asked them who they were from and Xia said, "Our Ethiopian mommy and daddy!" I had built up this event so much in my mind that when it came time it actually was anti-climatic.

Excited to open the presents

Diezel could hardly stand it...

Xia opened her's first. This is about the time Diezel realized there wasn't a Batman figure inside...His face is priceless

He still had hope and even looked all through his head wrap

This moment almost made me cry. I remembered their dad showing me how to tie it on their mom

I pray I did it right

She loved it! And modeled it with the same expression her Ethiopian momma did.

To try to convince Diezel how cool the gift was Lukas tried it on...

He was still not convinced:(

My favorite moment was Adam gently taking the dress off Xia and telling her how beautiful she is.

A New Adventure

2011-03-24T17:46:00.003-05:00

My family is starting a new adventure...At least I am. I'm praying the rest of the crew will join me.
At 38 I decided it's time to learn a 2nd language. I'm talking to really learn it. I can say a few words in multiple languages, but to actually speak, write and read another language has always been a dream of mine. I'm a little nervous. The cost was more than I had to spend. Hoping it will become an investment instead of another crazy idea I had gone awry. To be honest....I struggle with language in general. Those of you who know me and have had any lengthy conversations with me understand what I'm talking about. I get so thought disoriented and my words don't always come out right even in English. I'm also not picking the most practical language. It's used in one country and it's not even spoken by everyone there. It is spoken by many of the people I love. It's spoken in the country that I consider home. When I hear it spoken it awakens my soul....kind of like when I hear bagpipes playing. My spirit feels connected to a place that is deep in my roots. Unlike my Irish ancestry that runs in my blood....Ethiopia is not in my blood, but it is rooted in my heart and is in the blood of 2 of my children. Here's to a new adventure. Here's to learning Amharic.

Beauty Defined....

2011-03-23T17:17:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I walked into a room of Ethiopians in Assela. Every single eye was upon me. It didn't help we were late and had just spent the past week in intense situations beyond our control. We walked in, sat down and looked back at the people and what they represented in the room. Not gonna lie...I struggled to find one person I could make eye contact with while I spoke that didn't scare me. I listened to the "authority" in the room. Before things went further I offered an explanation of our tardiness. -We are a team. I had a member of our team that needed us....bottom line...we chose to serve our team member and thus we were late. -If you know me...I am NEVER late. After my explanation, we sat through an intense session. I have never before been privileged to be part of such an amazing group of brilliant women. Each momma had an agenda, a plan, a dream, a vision, a personal experience of why a momma's program is essential to developing Ethiopia into a country that overcomes the statistic of 1 in 11 women dying due to pregnancy related causes. We listened to a committee of mommas...who poured their heart out...their vision out...all asking for the same thing. A way to empower the least of the least. Their plan..brilliant. Their motives pure...Then, they looked at us and asked....
Are you going to be like the rest? Are you going to come and see...take pictures for your church...then forget? I personally looked in every momma's eye and said one by one, "Dear sister, it is not about funding or developing a plan...it is about you. How are you? What can I do for you today? Are you hungry?
My heart was broken. I did not have the $ to fund their vision or program...not yet, anyway:)
What I do have is this moment and what is on my heart. As uncomfortable as it was, not being able to meet the committee needs at that moment was a gift....I looked around the room, did what I could and said my peace. Oh my gosh...even after they knew I didn't hold the magic check they thought I did...We spent the rest of the night sharing laughter and love. I want to hold the magic check. I want to finally be the person in the the room that shouts, "YES". I don't want to be the other "committee" that comes then leaves. I want BEMM to be the ones that actually listen.

So....I'm going to work with MOPS International to get a program started in Ethiopia

More info coming

Oh MY Gosh!!!!!!!

2011-03-23T15:49:00.002-05:00

Can't even begin to explain how excited I am!

When I went to Ethiopia...
I kind of had a secret mission.
A partnership of sorts.
Haven't really been able to talk about it.
Just wait!
Ironing stuff out now.
Yes, mommas lives will be impacted
and
Yes, you can make a difference!

A Must Read

2011-03-22T16:42:00.001-05:00

Written by: Jodie Herring

I don’t even know where to begin to start or even to process our first trip with Because Every Mother Matters to Ethiopia. First, I want to thank Steffany, president and the heart behind BEMM. You have a heart bigger than anyone I know and will do anything that it takes to help a fellow sister in need. Your leadership and grace made our trip successful. Thank you Amy, for your guidance and strength. Amy was our photographer and is the vice-president of BEMM. Your love for women and the mothers of Ethiopia was present in your spirit and the priceless pictures that you took. Crystal, it was a pleasure getting to know you. You are a woman filled with life, adventure, and love. You are filled with such courage. Thank you ladies for gracing me with your love of life. I also wanted to thank Gadese and Christiana. For without them there might never been a Because Every Mother Matters. It was an honor to get to know you and your family. Also, a big thanks to Alex, Eyob, Eyuel, and Dawit. Thank you for sharing your country with us and allowing us to ‘ boss you around.’

I wanted to thank Ethiopia for showing us what love and faith looks like. Beauty indeed is what you are made of. Ahmasayguhnahloh!!!

The purpose of this trip to Ethiopia with BEMM was to find mothers and connect with them. We did indeed found mothers and connected with them. We found mothers of all ages and generations. The women, mothers, and sisters all had beautiful souls. Through their smiles, tears, and laughter their light shown through. They had a voice that needed to be heard and shared. The everyday hardships of life and little opportunity afforded them with little hope. However, their faith and hope for life and for their children were permeating out of their small frail bodies. We connected with a 7- month pregnant woman hiking up a mountain miles and miles from her destination in Gimbie. “ Stop” is what I heard back in the bumpy van. Steffany and Alex saw the pregnant mother and told our driver to pull over. They ran down the hill and took off the 80lbs of beans she was carrying from her back. I couldn’t even lift the bag of beans past my knees. The woman clearly has more strength than I will ever have. We took her with us to Gimbie and found out that she lives about 2hr drive to Gimbie. She has a significant chance of delivering her baby at home without any health professional. We ended up giving her a birthing kit where she or a family member can use to help prevent infection to mother and baby during and after delivery. We connected with women who are infected with the HIV virus and need help with their family. They need the proper tools provided so they can themselves sustain a healthy life for them and their children. Organizations like Christian Horizons Global and Hope + Sisterhood Project are working on providing the tools for these women. These women need opportunity and the proper tools. They want to and need to provide for themselves and for their children. It is survival of the fittest and they don’t want to be the bottom of the food chain.

The team headed to Gadese’s village to visit her mom and family. The trip to the village was not planned before arriving to Ethiopia. It was God leading us all the way according to his plan. The first house we arrived to on our hike was a pregnant woman with indigestion like complaints. She delivered her first baby by herself!!! There is no midwife or doctor to deliver her baby. There are around 85 million people living in Ethiopia and about 1 doctor to 40,000 people. Many of these women living in rural villages don’t have the access to healthcare professionals. These women are often laboring for days and week, which often leads to the death to the mother and baby. These women often develop obstetrical fistulas that lead to more social and health complications. Infection and bleeding leads to high maternal death rate of about 1 in 15 births in East Africa. These maternal death rates are preventable with the proper healthcare and education. Women should not be dying in this day and age from improper health care. One more child is now an orphan. An orphan that now has a 15% chance of dying before the age of five. As a citizen of the world we should stand up and say this is not acceptable. Women need to be helping women across the globe. “ Injustice anywhere should be a threat to justice everywhere”~ MLKJ

We now are going to establish a relationship with the village of Tijo and to the pregnant mothers. Its going to be sister helping sister and women helping women. It is going to be a start of a beautiful relationship where women can be validated and dignified. Because Every Mother Matters.

In Pictures

2011-03-20T16:43:00.005-05:00

A few days ago I wrote about spending time with my twins parents in Ethiopia.
You can read about it here.

Part of BEMM's agenda in Ethiopia was to identify possible care points for our developing programs. We had planned to stop in Nekemte to get to know the town, the people and asses needs. I chose Nekemte for the obvious....This is where my twins were born and their family lives. I knew and planned on seeing their parents while we were there. Just never expected to see them standing in the street waiting for our arrival. I feel so blessed to be able to have an opportunity to have a relationship with them no matter how difficult it is. I am so thankful to my best friend Amy Smith who was there for me every moment and so lovingly captured the spirit of my time with them while holding back her own tears. I appreciate her knowing when and when not to snap a picture. I pray these photos and this blog will remind our twins how much they are loved and desired.

Walking away from the group after seeing her standing in the middle of the road. We spent the next hour alone in the very room our twins spent the first 18 months of their lives.

Alebachew, Eyob and Amy arrived later to be there and take pictures. I am sharing with them the newest photos of our twins and talking in detail of their everyday life.

Being given a gift that cost them more than the food they purchase in a month. A traditional dress. They were concerned that they only bought the twins and I gifts.....

Being physically dressed by both of them. (Thanks Amy for only capturing the last few moments and not the awkwardness before:)

Fekede showing me how to dress our son.
Oh how much I can see Diezel

Lovingly dressing his wife...the mother of our twins. It was so hard not to lose it. Once again so thankful for Amy

Almaz modeling our daughters clothes that they bought for them

Our twins two mommas. Bonding, laughing, but both wanting to cry.

Being lead through the town arm in arm with the two people I respect the most.

The next night at dinner after a rough day in Gimbie....

The twins were their only children. To listen to her talk about maybe one day...then stop. I looked down at my beating heart and saw the message around my neck.
"Because Every Mother Matters"...
I knew the necklace was made for her. I was shaking so badly trying to clasp the BEMM necklace around her.

Before they left I was given a typed proposal to BEMM of ways their town needed support.
They did this on their own. I hadn't told them why I was coming. On the bottom of the proposal read "From Fekede and Almaz"
The same thing that was handwritten in smudged ink on the gifts to our twins.
I have been given so much....

One day I can't wait to write back...
To: Fekede and Almaz...

*Once again...my deepest thanks to Amy. I know it was hard my sweet friend and you and I may forever be the only ones who can read between the pictures. I will forever be thankful for your presence and your understanding. *

AND

No...I still haven't opened the gifts with the twins.
Tomorrow..maybe

The Red Button

2011-03-19T14:25:00.002-05:00

What is it about my nature that just wants to push the red button? The bigger the sign that reads, "Do Not Touch"...the more I just want to run up and hit it as hard as I can. It's like a magnetic force that draws me in. Is it because my heart is filled with disobedience? Defiance? Curiosity? What compels me to do the opposite of the big red sign? Is it the same force that makes me want to only read the red letters in the bible? Am I attracted to the idea of something being taboo or the chaos that follows? I had someone recently give me some advice on what to write about on my blog. I understand where they are coming from. I appreciate the feedback. Yet...now my thoughts have become a big red button. I'm told, "Don't touch it"....and now all I want to do is push it, hit it, smack it, slam it, jump on it, lean on it...I want to demolish the red button. It's taunting me as I type...it's bright red color is tormenting me. Argh.......Darn that red do not touch button!

Real Life...

2011-03-18T17:27:00.003-05:00

Since my body seems to wake me up at 3am every morning I decided to spend the first few hours of my day watching footage we shot in Ethiopia. I brought 4 small video cameras with me on the trip. My goal was for each member of the team to have a video camera at all times and record our journey. That lasted for maybe an hour before Eyuel took charge of filming. He was awesome. He took charge of the cameras and was always ready to film. Um...some things were filmed with the cap still on, other tapes were blank until the last 5 minutes, some things I wish he hadn't captured (like announcing it was time for a shinty meta break....potty talk:) The camera was constantly in our faces. It caught the whole window falling off the van, running out of water mid-way through a crazy 8 hour drive, our epic bonfire night. I have an hour of footage of Eyob talking about the countryside, the donkeys, cattle, etc...We also captured picking up the 7-8 month pregnant momma on the side of the road and each of us trying to carry her load, giving away our 1st birthing kit, and Eyob and Amy in the back seat opening her bag to see what was inside. The constant footage of Amy diligently taking pictures.... I have video of Crystal rapping Salt n'Pepper, of her awesomely hysterical sense of humor thanking everyone for sending her to Africa during our crazy 8 hour drive where we thought vultures might be circling our bus. The footage of Crystal jumping out of the bus to hand out pencils/pens in rural areas and yelling, "tesalafu" (line-up) PRICELESS! Seeing Jodie's face as we were walking to Gedese's mom's hut and being stopped to check-upon a pregnant momma. Watching the team serve this momma who is pregnant with her 2nd baby and only 19. Sitting on the same bed she gave birth to her 4 year old. No words. My pathetic attempt to interview Gadese's mom through tears....12 pregnancies, 12 deliveries next to the cows. 8 children made it.
Memories captured. Stories made alive. A lamb being slaughtered in our honor even though everyone else was fasting for 2 months. Dark footage (only sound)around the fire of women bonding of all ages, background....laughter and love have no language. Oh my gosh! and Jodie milking a cow, a calf nursing from my fingers...The amazing women we met through CHglobal. Holding back tears meeting a 12 year old boy who was in charge of his home and siblings after his parents died...The beautiful mommas that BEMM is supporting through Project Hopeful. Me with shaking hand trying to clasp the Funky fish Because Every Mother Matters necklace around my twins momma's neck. The final jump over the fire (11th time) where I landed in the fire, then hearing my voice say,"Um...I think I broke my foot".
Success # 2....Capturing the journey...ALL OF IT! Real life.

Success Number 1

2011-03-17T14:41:00.006-05:00

Things are getting back to normal around here and I finally feel like I can take a deep breath and reflect on our trip. It was amazing. I can't wait to start editing the footage and share with you through pictures what I seem to lack in words to describe. This was BEMM's first official trip to Ethiopia on our own. AND IT WAS A SUCCESS on so many levels. I thought it would be fun to each day share with you all the different successes of our trip. It will also help me sort out all the things that were accomplished.

Our team was incredible....Jodie, Amy, Gedese and Crystal were rockstars. Each woman completely different...yet, all of them strong, wise, courageous, loving, beautiful and completely essential to the trip. Our staff/guides were awesome. Alebachew, Eyob, Dawit and Eyuel couldn't have done a better job. I think just having so many different people who start out as mainly strangers spend every moment of the day together for 2 weeks AND not only get along but end up loving eachother is HUGE! We truly became a family by the end of our trip. Yes, tears were shed. It's so strange not being with them everyday. That my friends is success #1!

The Gift

2011-03-16T09:00:00.003-05:00

For the past few days I have been ignoring my partially unpacked suitcase in my room...avoiding it really. Maybe if I never completely unpack then I won't have to deal with what's inside. I can just keep all the stuff zipped up. I won't have to see the two neatly wrapped presents at the bottom of my suitcase. I won't have to remember what's inside of them. I won't have to think about who they are from and who they are for. I won't have to deal with reliving one of the most heart wrenching nights in Ethiopia. If only......

But it's time to unpack. It's time to once again open the two neatly wrapped presents. It's time to relive the heartache. What's inside is beautiful. Hard, but beautiful.

On our 2nd day in Ethiopia we were driving into a small town. We had already made arrangements to stop there and spend the night. I chose this town for one reason only. This is where my twins are from. As we are pulling into town I see a beautiful woman in a bright blue sweater standing in the street. I screamed to the driver to STOP. I jumped out of the window or where the window should have been (It had fallen out hours before). In the street holding flowers were my twins parents. They had been standing there for hours watching every car drive by knowing I was coming. I walked hand in hand to the home(concrete outhouse) the twins were born in. I was greeted by smiles, hugs and warm cola. I was then physically dressed by them in a traditional dress they bought me. Then they showed me two wrapped presents. One for Diezel and one for Xia. They were concerned I might not know how to dress them, so..they unwrapped the gifts and Fekede ever so carefully showed me how to dress Diezel properly. He stood there with the tiny clothes draped on his body..a mirror image of our son. He then took Xia's clothes and lovingly laid them on Almaz to show me how to do it. She sat there covered in the very clothes and jewelry that they hand picked out for our/her daughter. We all just sat there. I was in the middle, dressed in a beautiful traditional dress that they put on me....to my left was Fekede rewrapping the clothes for the twins. To my right was Almaz watching him wrap up the gifts with tears in her eyes. On the presents they wrote the names we gave them: To: Diezel...From Fekede and Almaz. To Xia...From Fekede and Almaz. You can see where the ink smudged from tears.
....and now I will open the presents with the twins and try my best to dress them with as much love and care as I was dressed. I will show them the pictures of their parents giving me the gifts. Then I will quietly go to my room, put my suitcase away and cry.

I spent the next night with them as well and at dinner they handed me a typed proposal of the needs in their community and ways that Because Every Mother Matters can help....but that is another story.

No Words

2011-03-15T13:02:00.002-05:00

We landed a little less 36 hours ago and it already seems like a dream or forever ago. TIA (That is Africa). I have been asked to blog or write about the trip and to summarize it all. Um.....I can't....to try to write a post at this point would be a pathetic attempt to package all I learned into a neat little box. Nothing that is valid, important, sustaining, or real will ever fit neatly in a post. Life is messy. Serving is messy. Loving is messy. Our trip to Ethiopia was messy. Nothing went as we planned. NOTHING! We changed our plans constantly. I was stretched. I was uncomfortable. I was humbled. My heart hurts. I feel completely inadequate. I want to tell you that we helped 100's of mommas and our trip was uber successful. Truth is....everything seemed to go wrong. Yet, I know it went exactly as it should have.

Meet the team

2011-02-26T19:52:00.004-06:00

Our team leaves tomorrow. We are packed 50 pounds to a bag x 2 for each of us. Suitcases filled with pens donated by the awesome kids at Moberly Middle school (almost 2000 to be exact), birthing kits with life saving basics, handmade newborn caps, blankets, a laptop to be kept there, clothes for friends and strangers, donated Ipods, money to purchase water, extra resources to meet unexpected needs and 4 very different women ready to get completely stripped of all expectations.
Meet Jodie (the medic, nurse, professional) she is going to figure out her next step in life...is it to become a midwife in Africa? She is joining us to selflessly give her knowledge, talents, time and to be available at a moments notice to help the people we meet. She has already been an invaluable resource to this team. Always ready and willing to help in anyway. I constantly pinch myself to make sure she is real.
Meet Amy (the photographer, woman behind our logo, VP of BEMM, my counselor, my BF, my heavy and voice of reason who is the most stubborn person I know...A busy mom of 6 who is serving alongside me to help develop relationships.
Meet Crystal-(the last...within a week ago to join our bandit group) She is the spirit of our trip. We are all marching into the uncertain...yeah, there are guidelines or signs along the way like, "take detour" or "hey, guess what..you may have only 6-12 months to live"...Crystal is the strongest, and most bad a$$ person I know. I am humbled to have her join us. The perspective she brings will carry us through the rest of our lives.
Meet YOU- (the heart of BEMM) You are everything to me. Your support and encouragement bring a smile to my face. Without the Tacky 4 Africa headbands, Funkyfish Jewelry and your donations...None of this would have happened! When I think...I'm tired or what if I quietly slip away..I see you all. I reread your messages and ponder on the scripture or insight you share and I rally once more...

Then there is myself and the most incredible Ethiopian staff and friends....Yes, I am surrounded by amazing people...

See you all in a few weeks.

Going Against My Nature

2011-02-25T19:17:00.004-06:00

The last thing I should be doing is blogging right now. I'm getting ready to lead my org's first trip on our own to Ethiopia. As pretty much a one/two woman show...I had no idea what it would take to pull off a trip like this. Not only is this our first official BEMM trip where are main goal was to establish relationships in various villages, clinics and women's homes,document it all then bring back the stories of a few dozen mommas to get our mother sponsorship program running....this is also my first time organizing a trip. Every single plan I made over the last few months either got canceled, rearranged or waited until 72 hours before our trip to confirm. If it was just me...no problem. I love the moment, living in the moment and going with the moment....I have no such luxury. God has grown me, stretched me and left me completely in tears. I feel so overwhelmed that I am paralyzed at moments. This trip is beyond anything I had ever planned in my limited understanding. There will be 4 women traveling and we will have 3 Ethiopian "guides". I have never been to the places we are going. Some of the details of the trip just came together or are still coming together. Many of you know that less than 2 weeks ago I heard a "friend/stranger" was given 6 months to live. I read her blog and memorized her "list" of what she wanted to do before then. Without thought I contacted her and she is coming with us to Africa( thanks to many of you) and we will cross off several things of her list. At first I was so caught up in the moment and how freaking awesome to be a part of this....then it hit me...the reality. The tragedy. During this whole process I went from a "moment type girl" to a " make and follow a plan type girl" who is responsible for many people. The moment part of me is freaking excited and humbled to be on this journey not only with the "friend/stranger", the other 2 amazing women,to be blessed enough to meet and get to know the mommas in Ethiopia, to provide Alex and Gadese with a job and see the people I love....Then this other part of me that has had to step up to the plate is the planner, the preparer, the overthinker.

I am terrified, heartbroken, feeling rather wrong for the job at hand, and just very sad. To live in the moment and share my "friend/stranger's" bucket list with her is BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRING and AMAZING. To not live in the moment and to think about the future is tearing me apart. To live in the moment of meeting the women that come across our path and the relationships we create is MOTIVATING, ENCOURAGING and LIFE-CHANGING, but then to think about that 1 in 11 of them will die due to pregnancy related causes and that some of the mommas we meet will be that statistic when we return in Oct...

I feel I have the heart for this. I know I have the courage.....maybe that's what scares me...to love so fiercely that living in the moment collides with a heart filled with hope and faith and it crashes with a reality that hurts and I don't understand, but surrender it at the cross and to keep going when I feel so unworthy of what I am called to....

All of this is against my nature...that just wants to soak in the sun or rain and watch the world drift by

I wish you knew...

2011-02-18T19:35:00.003-06:00

I can't begin to count the people who contact me wanting to "help" or "give", but then follow that statement with something like,"It's not much" or " I want to do something, but have nothing"..

I want to wrap my arms around them, give them a huge hug, open my hands and accept what they have to give. Because I know....I'm not just saying this...but I really believe the amount doesn't matter. What you give or how much you give is NOT the gift. I founded an organization based on the belief that EVERYONE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Making a difference in someone's life is not measured by the amount of money you give...it is measured by the heart behind the offering.
Don't get me wrong....I do the happy dance when a huge donation comes through...but I do a bigger dance when someone feels moved to act when they never have before. So, PLEASE do NOT apologize for what you can or can not give! Instead give from your heart no matter the amount and know this momma is doing the happy dance simply because you felt lead to give.

The Path...

2011-02-17T19:36:00.002-06:00

I am beginning to think when everything is exploding around you....that is affirmation that you are on the right path. It seems these past few weeks that: If something was going to break, it did. If someone was going to get sick, they did. If feelings were going to get hurt, they were. If relationships were going to crack, they did.

I'm scheduled for an MRI, my dad's cousin died 2 days after he plunged 25 times into an icy river to raise money for charity, one of my kids is undergoing tests for an unknown illness, 3 kids are passing puke bowels, my kid is flunking, my friend is dying....

I feel covered in mud, thorns, thick brush,lost and stupid. The path is filled with bristles, twists, valleys, over my head waters, huge mountains and I don't see many people at all...

Matthew 7:13

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

Yeah...pretty sure I'm on the right path.

Amazing Women

2011-02-14T01:43:00.002-06:00

After I told my team that is going with me to Ethiopia that we had a last minute person coming along and the circumstances of her coming....I was once again reminded how incredible the women are that are in my life. I wanted to share with you their thoughts about Help Write a Chapter and then to give you an update on our trip.

WRITTEN BY AMY (BEMM's VP and going on our trip Feb 27th)

living is messy,

when you really do it.

there is this girl, this girl i don't know... who is dying

you can read about her here: http://182days.com/

and here's the thing,

we are going to bring her to ethiopia with us.

you know why?

because we live messy too.

it scares the hell out of me to get close to this beautiful girl, knowing she may be leaving this earth in the next couple of months... but you know what?

i am in.

i am running toward this, running toward her pain, her beauty, her healing, her stage 4 cancer, with her.

because it sucks to do things alone.

dying sucks.

it is messy.

and so is living.

it's joy and pain existing together in one place.

and i am in.

you can be a part too.

if you want to help us get her to africa... because to be honest, steffany and i didn't stop to think about that we hadn't even finished raising funds for our trip yet.

we just acted.

if you want to help.. you can donate on www.becauseeverymothermatters.com

just put crystal's name in the notes...

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest;

make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.” - Horace

*Amy's words hit me hard....I'm going to go on an adventure and fall deeper in love with "The Beautiful Stranger" and then what? How do you even begin to process that or accept it. Then I got an email from Jodie. She another young woman who I am so blessed to have travel with us as well... This is what she had to say-

Written by Jodie(going on our trip Feb 27th)

I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of days. I’ve learned that through determination and perseverance anything is possible. I’ve learned that in despite of all odds against one; one can still rise above. I’ve learned that through compassion, genuine compassion, dreams can come true. I’ve learned not to be so methodological, to live in the moment and to believe in miracles. Life is precious and to live life to its fullest means to put it all out there. Scream high above the mountains and say this is me the real me. I am flawed, happy, angry, explosive, shy, a loner, scared, excited, loved, depressed, weird, and adventurous. I may never experience love outside of my family and friends. I may never be married or have children. I may never be the beauty queen or the intellect. I may never be in a state a euphorium. I may never truly have faith in myself. I may never have true faith in this world. I may want and pray for ‘ world peace,’ but inside never believe in its possibility. I may be a realist, optimist, and pessimist all at the same time. I may say and believe in one thing and then do the opposite. I can be a contradiction of all sorts. I am a daughter of my God and the sister of Jesus. I can call myself a Christian, but not a follower of religion. I can believe in love and in true love. I can believe that everyone no matter of race, religion, creed, or sexuality deserves love and to be loved without persecution. I believe that Heaven is a place to be loved, to be true, to not be judged, and to feel safe. I believe the most beautiful, breathtaking places on earth is only the beginning of what God designed Heaven to be. I believe in the religion of all the people. I believe in the unimaginable. I believe in God and Science at the same time. I like people who don’ t share my same viewpoints and opinions. It what makes the world unique. However, I get very angry with people who are one minded and judgmental. I am however, not as gracious as some people, and don’t have the stamina to tolerate them. I am not perfect or pretend to be. Life has been an adventure over the past couple of years. I vow to be a better member of society and to do my duty as a citizen of the world. Life and death has been in my face for the past five years. I’ve seen the first breaths of a newborn and the last breaths of an infant, child, and adolescent. Some deaths were a sigh of relief from the pain or the injustice. Some deaths were a mystery and some were just tragic. They were all a whirlwind. Duty took precedence over the full emotion of the situation. I am going on another Africa adventure to Ethiopia in two weeks. We are going to visit villages and pass out birthing kits, love on the people, and to find a need and fix it. One of our new members on our trip is a girl named Crystal. She is at the young age of 27 just like me. However, she has stage four Ovarian Cancer. Life is fragile for her now and everything is up in the air. The future has given her 6-12 months to live on this earth. Life is unpredictable and never is as promised. I am going to share my love for this woman and to appreciate her life and what she represents. I am going to be stronger and to try to not let the little things ‘bug me.’ I am going to do it for all the cancer and disease stricken human beings on this planet. We have one life on this planet and have responsibility to each other. I am not going to be scared and worry about what tomorrow brings. I am going to live in each moment and appreciate every smile, laugh, cry, and heartbreak life has to offer. I am going to have good and bad days and even self-pity days. I am going to live and live my life in love. I am going to do it for Crystal and for myself. I am going to learn, teach, and fail in my life. However, I am never going to stop LIVING.

Bottom line the thought of death changes us, it forces us to think what we life for. What do you live for? What would you die for? Are you waiting for your life to begin? Or are you waiting around just to die? This trip is going to change us all in many ways. It's going to help the mommas we serve through birthing kits, training, sponsorships, serving and soaking in their stories. It 's going to impact their lives, but even more it will impact our own. We will be writing a few of our own chapters in this life and be humbly blessed to be a part of the final chapters in an amazing woman's life. This my dear friends will be a beautiful story of life, love, laughter and tears.

It's not to late to help write a few chapters in her life.....the more we raise, the more we can give, and the more things we can cross of her list.

Donate to the right.

Put Crystal in the notes!

P.S. We are bringing 4 video cameras with us and we will be documenting the whole adventure.
Our goal is to not only document and educate what it is Because Every Mother Matters does as an organization, but we now also have a new goal!
Video this chapter in Crystal's life and give a copy to all of her friends and family.

P.P.S- Still looking for someone who knows James Franco. She wants to kiss him!

Help Write a Chapter

2011-02-13T00:02:00.001-06:00

I wanted to share a story with you. A true story. A beautiful, inspirational story that will end in a tragic loss for everyone left behind...I am on my knees, begging you to please take a few minutes to read it.

I'm sure you already made up your mind if you are going to even read or respond to my latest email being sent. You're probably already bracing yourself for another one of my heartfelt pleas to save some stranger, mom, child in Africa. I don't blame you, I really don't. The world is filled with people asking for help. You can't even drive down the street without having a person with a sign begging for money at your window. Every store you go to there are donation jars at the checkout and you are asked if you want to give, when in all honesty all want is to buy your milk and quietly slip away. The buckets are passed every Sunday at church, your children come home every few months with another cookie fundraiser, your mailbox is littered with free address labels in hope you will send money. Times are tough. We are all struggling economically and to be quite honest most of us just want to forget life's problems, ignore the latest world conflict. We don't want to hear about another starving child, a catastrophic event that killed 1000's, the latest unemployed stressed out mom or dad that killed their family....It's just all so much. Then to top it off I send out these emails asking for help for some cause or another usually involving some dire need.

I want to tell you my reason for this email is to just say, "HI"....but you all know me better than that (I hope:) The thing is I love you all too much to not share with you a chance to not only be part of a story that is beautiful and inspiring, but to help write it a few chapters in a young lady's life.

This is the story of The Beautiful Stranger.

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life?

I pass hundreds of people a day during my normal life of driving, shopping, schooling, work.

Hundreds.

I look in cars as I drive by...wondering what are they thinking? How was their morning? Do they know they are loved? Do they know...really know that they are special? Has anyone told them, showed them that they are worthy.

That they are enough...

just as they are.

I meet people everyday.

Some...

I just know

and

I just feel..

are suppose to be a part of my life.

I can't help but to stop my life.

Look at them.

and love.

I met someone by chance a year and a half ago...

Normally she would just be a face...

another person that I pass by..

But not this time.

She was my waitress when I went to Phoenix to meet some blog friends.

Tattooed, outspoken, and intense.

I loved her immediately.

I have kept in touch through Facebook and visited her a few months ago.

When I was laying in my hospital bed last week...

so was she.

I had my husband and my church family around me...

she didn't.

She is 26 years old.

She had a 2 inch mass removed from her ovary,

and

an ovary removed

then the other one untwisted.

She needs probably a hysterectomy.

She is a student

and has no income.

She is waiting to see if she has cancer...

Again

she was just a face...

of a hundred

that I pass by each day.

But..

she has a name.

she has a cause.

Her name is Crystal.

(Since I first wrote that almost 3 years ago, I have had the privilege to get to know her even more. I think of her often, but haven’t spoken with her since last year)

Until I came across her blog.

Fast forward a year.....She now has stage 4 cancer. She is more beautiful than the day I met her. Her bald head from chemo gives her tattoos even more life. Each tattoo is a story in itself.

Memories.

Hopes.

Beliefs.

Experiences.

Dreams.

In January she was told she has 6-12 months to live.

I found out yesterday. I cried and cried. 27 years old filled with more passion and life than anyone I have ever met. She started a blog to journal her life with cancer.

On her blog she created a list.

A bucket list of sorts.

As I sat down to read her list preparing to cry....It hit me.

I can't save her life.

I can't put out some heartfelt plea on my blog to raise money to save her or stop death.

I can however help her live the life she has to the fullest and cross the things off her list.

1.Win something (contest)

2.Volunteer in a 3rd world country

3.Hold a newborn baby

4.Pet a lion

5.See an Elephant

6.Learn to knit.
7. Get a tattoo on my hand and neck

Without hesitation I called her and told her she won a trip (1) to Africa to volunteer with helping pass out and educate women on birthing kits(2) and in the process she will probably have to hold babies at orphanages (3). That we will visit the lion zoo and find an elephant (4,5) and one of the women we are working with who is bedridden and disabled knits scarves that we will be selling and would love knitting company(6). and there are awesome tattoo places in Addis that I was going to get a tat at too(7)

I have 48 hours to raise the money needed to cross 7 things off her list...and make some of her biggest and wildest dreams come true!

The only option is for her to come with me on my Because every Mother Matters mission trip to Ethiopia on Feb 27th! That is in two weeks. She just finished a chemo round and has her strength and at that time she will already be 2 months into her 182 days left! The October trip I have planned is too far out considering the circumstances.

* I do believe in miracles, I do believe she can live a long and full life and the Doctos can be wrong. I also do know that life is too short and all of our days are numbered...With that said...I will not pretend to be a fortune teller and I don’t know how many days any of us have...I do know from the depths of my soul that I believe we should all live as we only have 182 days left....and treat each other daily as it will be our last.*

This time I am not asking for help to save a life....I am begging you to help this girl who once was just a stranger in a restaurant..live the life she has left to the fullest! In order to mark these 7 things off her list though I need you!

The contest she won didn't even exist until the moment I saw her desire to win a contest on her bucket list just two hours ago. What is the contest she won?

It's simple....

The Beautiful Stranger contest.

I, being the sole judge, chose her because she has a name, a cause, and a dying to live life wish....Her name is Crystal and doggoneit... she won her first contest and she will be awarded a volunteer trip to Africa to hold babies in an orphanage, be taught to knit by a bedridden 20 year old orphan that is working hard to knit her way to her own home, pet a lion, we will find an elephant and have our hands tattooed!

Now here is how you can win a contest too.

First :Read her blog. http://182days.com/
Second: Leave her a comment on her blog. She asked what you would do if you had 182 days left to live. I encourage you to think about that and leave your own list for her to read.
Third: I NEED TO RAISE $2000.00 IN 48 HOURS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY OF THIS POSSIBLE! I FOUND AIRFARE FOR $1500 and we will need about $500 to cover her two weeks in Ethiopia.

So, what do you win? You get to help write the final chapters of a young ladies life and be part of a beautiful story of a young women who is dying, but refuses to spend her days waiting at death’s door. She is instead fully living more than most of us ever have.

I encourage you to

Give your heart

Write your own list

Donate to her wish list

and

get to know the beautiful stranger

You will be blessed.

Her name is Crystal

and

she is loved!

PLEASE DO NOT DONATE ON HER BLOG FOR THIS CONTEST! IF YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF HER STORY AND HELP US RAISE THE 2K NEEDED TO CROSS 7 DREAMS OFF HER LIST...THEN PLEASE DONATE TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT AND PUT CRYSTAL IN THE NOTES.

She has no idea I made up this contest to help her experience 7 of her biggest wishes.

P.S.- If you know James Franco her other wish is to kiss him;)

The link to donate can be found on my blog

Beautiful Stranger

2011-02-11T20:29:00.002-06:00

Over a year ago I wrote about "The Beautiful Stranger".

The post is below

Beautiful Stranger

Do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life?
I pass hundreds of people a day during my normal life of driving, shopping, schooling, work.
Hundreds.
I look in cars as I drive by...wondering what are they thinking? How was their morning? Do they know they are loved? Do they know...really know that they are special? Has anyone told them, showed them that they are worthy.
That they are enough...
just as they are.
I meet people everyday.
Some...
I just know..
I just feel..
are suppose to be a part of my life.
I can't help but to stop my life.
Look at them.
and love.
I met someone by chance almost two years ago...
Normally she would just be a face...
another person that i pass by..
But not this time.
She was my waitress when I went to Phoenix to meet some blog friends.
Tattooed, outspoken, and intense.
I loved her immediately.
I have kept in touch through Facebook and visited her a few months ago.
When I was laying in my hospital bed last week...
so was she.
I had my husband and my church family around me...
she didn't.
She is 26 years old.
She had a 2 inch mass removed from her ovary,
and
an ovary removed
then the other one untwisted.
She needs probably a hysterectomy.
She is a student
and has no income.
She is waiting to see if she has cancer...
Again
she was just a face...
of a hundred
that I pass by each day.
But..
she has a name.
she has a cause.
Her name is Crystal.
She is worthy.
She is loved.
She is enough.
Please Donate.
Please let her know....
You noticed
the beautiful stranger

Fast forward a year.....
She now has stage 4 cancer.
She is more beautiful than the day I met her.
Her bald head from chemo gives her tattoos even more life.
Her friends are having a benefit for her in Phoenix.
If you live there..
GO! Don't even think about it.
Just GO.
This beautiful stranger will immediately challenge you in beautiful ways.

If you can't go...
Read her blog.
http://182days.com/

I encourage you to
Give your heart
Donate your change
and
get to know the beautiful stranger
You will be blessed.
Her name is Crystal
and
she is loved!

Nuggets

2011-02-10T20:52:00.003-06:00

I so wish I blogged everyday. One day, I want to look back and remember these days and see how much I have grown as a mom, wife, daughter of a KING, friend and person. I hope it will remind me to never choose the easy path, but to continue to do what is right. I have started so many blog posts over these past few years. Some stupid and random...others too deep to finish. I think I will write a book of the greatest posts never finished. I can do it Mad Libs style and have you all finish it:)

I just started another post about "Being A Stone Thrower" ....We all are. We all cast stones at eachother. You are a liar if you claim you don't or haven't. Yeah, it's one of those, "too deep to finish" posts. The thing is...I may never finish the whole thing, but I do have a few nuggets.

Maybe that is what I should do...since I seem to lack the capacity to finish a post...I will just write a few sentences..nuggets!

Here are a few nuggets:

Had a friend ask me if I felt I was a trafficking victim.

My response:
"A victim of trafficking? Great question. I guess...I don't consider myself a victim. An object? yes. I never once thought I was a victim of trafficking. I was a victim of a sad childhood who never felt worthy, made bad choices and after I tried to make right, I met the of scorn of Christians who should have been there to dust me off...instead they continued to throw stones...the same ones that I had been throwing at myself all along."

Her sweet response was anger.
"Can I just be angry at them? Grrrrrrr...I want to step in front of those stone throwers and pharisees, I wish I was there to help"
She then told me having someone mad at the stuff done to her was helping her healing... (insert big hug for her here)

The thing is....we have ALL thrown stones.

My response: thing is sweet friend..I don't need people to be pissed for the injustices...because I really am healed.

She then talked about having forgiveness for the woman who was being judged (insert me or you) if you have had stones cast at you....

My response: The next step is to forgive the stone throwers themselves. To forgive them is to to forgive yourself and only then can you fully grasp what God's grace means.

We all deserve to be stoned. We all hide our guilt by throwing stones at others. True grace and mercy is casting those stones out to the sea and believing it will be washed clean

How Much to Save a Life?

2011-02-02T15:59:00.005-06:00

I announced the winner of the official "Get BEMM'S butt to Africa- FunkyFish bracelet today. I didn't count how many donations came in to help, but I did notice something. About 30% of the donors were names I recognized. Time and time again these people over the few years have continually given to the projects that I work on. That is huge! Other than my marriage, kids and relationship with GOD, this is the longest lasting relationship I have ever had. To have typically 30-80 percent of all money raised come from people I recognize, mainly through my blog and facebook is humbling. I can't begin to thank you adequately for all you have done. Not only have you helped countless people, but you have blessed me in an incredible way. You remind me that I need to keep on moving down this path, that my goal of wanting to let every one know that what they do does make a difference is achievable. You have made a difference! You are what is needed.

On top of that, this was the first time I didn't recognize over half the names! How cool is that! This means, the message is spreading. This means that more people are believing THEY ARE THE DIFFERENCE THAT IS NEEDED! $5.00 or $5000- It doesn't matter. It's not the amount as much as it is the heart. To all of you, I thank you. You blessed me beyond words. You did make a difference. You made up 70% of what was needed.

To update everyone. We did buy our tickets. Your giving hearts bought 2 tickets to Ethiopia. Myself and BEMM's VP, Amy Smith (the photographer and artist). We are still short about $1500 for our in-country expenses. To give you a glimpse of our trip and how we are cutting costs-

We leave Feb 27th and arrive in Ethiopia March 1st. One of our crew is flying out of her way to where we are to save money.
When we are in Ethiopia we will be crashing on Gadese and Alebachews floor. A huge part of our meals while traveling(which is over half the time) is what we bring.
Alebachew is driving instead of us flying to areas in country (we are talking across country)
We will be traveling by public transportation as much as we can.

I personally will spend $1.25 a day for food expenses, which is what almost half the world lives on. This is my choice. After watching a documentary I was privileged to watch called- Give a Damn?, I knew I wanted to take my trip one step further.

Our goal as a group is to live as cheaply as we can, so we can spend the majority of the money we raise to help the people that come across our paths.

A huge reason for us going to Ethiopia is to develop the relationships with the orgs we currently have and to create new ones with orgs we love. We are wanting to video/still capture all the work we have done to date, from an interview with Gadese to showing everyone the reality of a momma's struggle in E. Africa. We want to make 1 in 11 women die due to pregnancy related causes real and relatable. I decided early on that we couldn't bring an American video person to help, because we are broke. We exhausted all resources begging for people to come. I then decided I was going to hire an Ethiopian, I wanted to support the local economy, but wasn't able.

So, what are we going to do? We got 5 video cameras loaned to us. That's right. We are shooting all our own footage.

I am so excited to see how GOD uses every single cent that came in to make everything clear. To make beauty out of desperation. To double the fishes....

Thank you for helping us. Thank you for believing you can make a difference. Thank you for being a blessing and challenging us to keep going: to challenge us to keep being the blessing....

I wonder how much does it take to save a life?
Because Every Mother Matters

School Me...

2011-01-31T18:53:00.003-06:00

I signed up for a womens' bible study at my church. Going to be honest here- Nothing makes me more nervous than a group of women I don't know and Christian ones for that matter. Yet, I continue to put myself out there...the real me- the beautiful and the ugly. Some will get me, most won't. It's okay. Point is- I don't hide or pretend. Anyway, signed up for this class about the lies Christian women speak to themselves. I went through the workbook and am a little unsure. One of the first few pages asks you to list the lies you speak about yourself. The thing is, I spent 10 years of my life in a PMA sate of mind ( positive mental attitude) only speaking that which you want, believe, etc. You claim victory in all area of your life. If you are sick then you must not have faith type stuff. Thing is, I spent 10 years of my life living in my own doctrine. Life isn't easy, disease free, without tragedy and heartache. To live without challenges does not mean you are, "blessed". It means- you refuse to fully grasp GOD in all areas of your life...the good and bad. He dwells in both places. I know many people are bugged by the way I speak about myself..like calling myself a, "mess", "selfish"..etc...but I am. I am completely inadequate and undeserving. To me, it makes the grace given me even more priceless. To others, I am being hard on myself and not giving myself credit. I don't want credit though. I want it to be obvious in my life that when things go well- there can only be one explanation and when things go "bad"..I come out stronger. So, I'm looking forward to this class and hoping it can bring balance to humility vs worth

All Things Must Eventually Come to an End...

2011-01-28T17:11:00.003-06:00

I realized something- I am not good at follow through unless I have a deadline. I started this raffle of a one of a kind FUNKY FISH design bracelet almost 3 weeks ago with a cut off of Feb 28th-the day we leave for Africa. To be completely honest...um..the raffle isn't going so well. I haven't completely figured out why. To enter all you need to do is donate any amount to the get, "BEMM'S butt to Africa" campaign. Even just $5.00 would be appreciated and enter you to win this freaking awesome bracelet! So, to hopefully inspire those of you who are like me and wait until the last moment to do things, I have decided to make it the last moment!
You have until Tuesday at 9pm to enter. We will announce the winner Wed. You can donate to the right of my blog.

The Land of, "I Don't Know"

2011-01-28T14:54:00.004-06:00

This morning began with having to call 911 and a feeling of fear and uncertainty. The day is almost over and everything is fine...yet, I can't help but to think about the, "I don't know".

When we all woke up this morning, I found Diezel lethargic and having a hard time breathing. In the almost 3 years he's been home we have dealt with our fair share of medical scares with him. I haven't been this scared since we first got home from Ethiopia and we watched him struggle in the hospital. Although his health has improved over the past few years, somethings still get to me. I remember spending weeks with the twins in the hospital when we got home and every doctor, nurse, technician, therapist would ask the same questions. "What's their health history?" "Are they allergic to anything?" "Any diseases run in the family?" "Were they full term?" "Have they been hospitalized before?" "Was it a normal pregnancy?" With each question all I could say is, "I don't know." I forgot how much I don't like those questions. I don't like it that I can't fill in the blanks for them. I don't like the land of, "I don't know".

As I was being asked the "I don't know" questions by the paramedics this morning, I took comfort in the things I did know.

1. I know I love this boy with every fiber of my being.
2. I know that he and Xia would be dead if they were still in the orphanage. We were told when we brought them home that they had maybe 2 weeks left to live.
3. I know that even though it has been a difficult transition for us, that our lives are beyond blessed because we chose to adopt.
4. I know that there are 2 less orphans in the world.
5. I know my GOD has great plans for him.

There is so much I don't know and may never know, but what I do know is what matters.

"If you have the faith of a mustard seed"

2011-01-18T14:49:00.006-06:00

I don't know about you...
but that verse is by far the most encouraging and simultaneously
the most aggravating verse ever.

(well Proverbs 31 is up there too)

I see myself as a woman of faith.
A woman who refuses to see the practical and sensible
A woman who believes in the impossible and witnesses miracles everyday.

This past week
I was humbled to see a mountain move.
BEMM (Amy and Myself)
had absolutely no financial means to get to Africa.
To say my family is going through some lean times...is a mild statement.
I have never asked for any help financially for my trips, adoptions, ourselves ever.
I have either sold stuff or done without. Period.
Over the years my family has sacrificed more than I can explain to help the visions I have in my heart to help others.
When I first asked for help for my trip back to Africa....
you have to know..how hard that was and how many people I asked to advise me.

It all came back to this verse....
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

If I have so much faith that mountains will be moved to help everyone else I support....
then why do I lack the faith that God would move a mountain for me?

It's like, I can see the value in this person or that person, but am unable to see that same value in myself. I guess the thing is...I know I am loved and valuable in His sight, but I feel so raw and ugly in front of you. Why? That is so warped. That leads me to believe that I really don't know my worth and that my faith is not even close to a mustard seed. Why can I see beauty in everything else and work my butt off to support someone I don't even know....yet, I feel so inadequate asking you to help me get to Africa to continue to do what I do?

We are so close to purchasing our tickets.
A little under $500 away.
Yet, A feel so weary and defeated.
I feel this way every time before something awesome happens.
You know me...I am a
getter done type of girl
I hold on till the last moment..
then I hold on some more.
I don't quit
give-up
or say
It's not "God's timing"
That's like saying, "Sorry, can't share my bread, don't know when I'll get more and haven't gotten clear direction from God if I should share."

Point is....
I feel defeated
inadequate
like
it's the wrong time
broke
slightly like a beggar...

Yet....I have the faith the size of a mustard seed and I know and believe in miracles.
I will not give up, give in or make excuses...
I will not wait for the fat lady to sing...
I am going back to Ethiopia Feb 28th.
Reality say's I'm $500 short
and I'm tired and sick...
Maybe I should just quit and justify....

NO.
I have 5 weeks and the faith of a mustard seed
In 5 weeks 1000's of mommas will die due to pregnancy related causes
and if I need to beg for the rest of the money to go.....then it's worth it!
Because Every Mother Matters

We have only 7 funkyfish necklaces left.
We have 24 hours to hold on to our ticket prices.

We are 7 necklaces and 3 paintings away to cover our ticket costs.
That's it!
I used to think my faith moved the mountain....
but what I learned is...
faith+action moves the mountain....

The miracles I have seen..from the $15k for doma, 2k for Workinesh, 5k for Marion's house, 5k for Nile project, 3k for birthingkits, 5k for Project Hopeful, 5k in adoptions.....all of those started with my mustard seed faith , your beautiful hearts and God's power!

I have the faith
I need you.
We need $500 by tomorrow for our tickets.

I have these 7 beautiful necklaces at $50 each

Can't buy a necklace then please enter our raffle to win this bracelet. All amounts help...

Any amount enters you to win this...A $50 donation buys a necklace and enters you....

Or you could do nothing. Chances are you never even read this far..and I may not raise the $500 needed to travel...You may not be a part of the miracle tonight and you may see me cry tomorrow, but you know what? I have the faith at least the size of a mustard seed and I don't quit.

Whine-0

2011-01-16T15:18:00.002-06:00

I'm in so much physical pain right now, I feel like I'm dying. Yeah, I know I am slightly melodramatic....but, holy cow. The pain meds are kicking in and my tears are starting to dry up. I consider myself to be quite tolerant in the pain department. I push harder than any other 5'1 ish weighing 100 pounds girl that I know. My Achilles heel? Anything to do with teeth and dentists. If you have read this blog for any period of time then you know my fear and loathing that is associated with all things oral. I lost my front teeth in a freak accident at 17, have undergone years of work, thousands of dollars to repair the damage. I even went 20 years without treatment after several failed attempts to fix all my dental issues. You might remember the time, I ran out of the dentist office during mid-procedure screaming, "She's the devil" only to have my husband drag me back in. No joke. Finally after saving for years (10) and getting enough courage, I went over a year ago to get the smile of my dreams and finally face my fears. Well, I faced my fears, didn't get the smile of my dreams, but did come out with a workable solution that involved my 4 front teeth.. I was quite confident after investing 5k and 6 months worth of treatments that my oral troubles were behind me. Over the last few months the annoying pain in my mouth has been increasing and I have been trying to ignore it. Then on Friday I woke up to insane pain and very evident swelling. I called my dentist. They were closed, but knowing my history, they called in a very strong antibiotic and pain meds and scheduled me for Monday morning. I am so freaked out.
1. I don't have the money to deal with this
2. I am terrified of what is going to happen
3. I am in so much pain
4. If my implant fails and I have any more bone loss that means more bone grafts.
5. I'm leaving for Ethiopia and still need to finish funding that
6. I thought I was done.
7. no matter what...I have to sit in that squeaky chair, and smell that smell, and open my mouth to the point of cracking....

On top of that I feel so stupid worrying about something that hasn't even happened. Stressing over money and being a baby about it all.

It just hurts so bad and the pain in my head is excruciating. My headaches have been increasing in intensity and frequency. I wake up often to the worst head pain. I just hope my headaches and oral pain are related....

One big silly complaining baby signing out...

Clearing Things Up.

2011-01-15T12:36:00.003-06:00

I attempted my first "Facebook Event" to try to raise awareness for our upcoming trip and to raffle off this one of a kind FunkyFish bracelet. Let's just say, I either have no idea what I am doing and or the people I invited have no idea what I was trying to do. Over 400 people were "invited" (I'm still so confused by the whole event thing) to help BEMM get their butts back to Africa by entering to win this rad bracelet. Basically by donating any amount towards our mission trip would be entered to win. Yeah, even a quarter would qualify...the point was to make it do-able for anyone who wanted to help. So far we have 27 people who are "attending" -meaning going to enter the raffle of the bracelet by giving any amount to our trip...out of that only 7 have. Then we have 9 people who "may attend" the event. This one cracks me up. ( people may or may not give any amount to enter a chance to win a rad bracelet and help BEMM get to Africa. Then there's 387 people who haven't responded. My thought is...the whole creating an event is way too complicated and doesn't make since to 98%.

So here it is, on my blog...your official invite to donate ANY amount towards our trip to Africa for a chance to win this Rad Bracelet! My goal is to make this as simple as possible.

Here is the link. Here is your chance to not only win this rad bracelet, but to help BEMM get their butts back to Africa! Thank you in advance!

Everywhere I Turn...

2011-01-14T15:18:00.002-06:00

It seems every blog I check, every facebook status I read, the emails I get are all pouring their hearts into trying either to raise money for adoptions, mission trips, orphans, eliminating sex-traficking, HIV, water, fulfilling a worthwhile dream of a child, cancer...the list and needs go on and on. In the midst of trying to raise money for "my own" trip, organization and needs...I just feel so darn tired, worn-out, stretched, and hate to admit it..maybe even a little over-it. The constant in your face of auctions, raffles, selling t-shirts and dare I say it? Yes, the Tacky 4 Africa headbands can leave me overwhelmed and numb. Where do you begin? Where do you stop? Sometimes going on a blog or facebook can spiral into one big guilt trip or justification rant..... Am I doing enough? If I get a haircut or buy a new pair of boots and post that as my status, will others silently think (but never admit) "oh, she can spend $100 on shoes, but screw the orphans". Or then there's the opposite..."I'm so sick of people using Facebook as a way to put in everyone's faces what they feel we should be doing , but aren't...Screw them, I'm going to hide all future comments from those people ."

Is it just me? Am I the only one who struggles with this? I have given more money and raised more money via the web. I have learned about more causes, organizations and needs than I would have ever known about from this crazy social media thing. I have also been left feeling like I can never do enough or give enough or care enough too. I have found myself rallying for causes that I never thought I would. I get caught up in the excitement of a group effort to make a difference. I find myself caring about people I have never met and giving to efforts that I have never heard of.

Yes, the needs are great and everywhere you turn it seems there is something else to support.
If I step back though and sort through the politics that tends to happen in non-profits and just see it for what it is...It's family. It's not this cause or that, my ministry or theirs, this families adoption or that family, it's not about just maternal health care, orphan care, adoption ministries, street kids, prison help, medical care......It's about something more. Something beyond ourselves and our abilities...So, as easily as I can get get overwhelmed by all the needs including my own that seem to pound on me daily...I know I can't help them all, but I can help one and doggoneit I can buy a pair of boots too (if I had the money for them:). My point is, it's so easy to get caught up in the big, huge, unseemly and unchangeable problem of poverty itself and the masses that are trapped under it all....that we often feel so inadequate to even try to make a difference and are too paralyzed or possibly hardened to just look for the one. The one person, the one cause, the one act of kindness that will change not only the receiver, but the one who took the time and effort to see one person in the sea of faces and inspite of not being able to help them all....reached their heart and hand, out to at least one and changed both lives forever.

I love seeing all the pleas and requests on FB....overwhelming they can be, and yes... sometimes a little guilt ridding...the thing is...I see hundreds of people choosing to ignore the masses and focus on the one person, the one issue, the one cause that they feel lead to and that is incredible.

I encourage you to find something you are passionate about. I encourage you to believe that you can make a difference and have cute boots:)

just don't get so overwhelmed by the causes you see that you tune out and don't tune out to all the causes you see because you think what you can do won't matter...it will.

Trust me..for every dollar I get...I do the hallelujah dance

Hurry Up

2011-01-12T23:46:00.004-06:00

I can't sleep. Xia woke up crying like she so often does. I'll find her just sitting up in bed, crying hysterically and looking very lost. Normally I just tell her to lay down and go back to sleep. She always does. It's almost like she is still sleeping when this happens and totally unaware that she is sitting up crying. Tonight though, I picked her up and carried her down to my bed and stroked her face. I tried to go to sleep myself, but the combination or my man's snore, Xia's snore and thoughts running crazy through my head lead me down stairs to sit and stare at our Christmas tree. Yes, it's still up and I have no idea when it will come down. It seems like the only thing I'm in a hurry for is going to Africa and raising money for Africa. Crazy things is, I think just by being in a hurry for those things it has affected so many other things as well. Important things. Like my kids, my family, my relationships, my quiet time. As I sit here and gaze at our tree, I can't help but to feel like I hurried through Christmas, I hurried through the last two years of my children's lives, I hurried through conversations, I hurried through time....just because I was in a hurry to get to Africa, to raise money for Africa.

I recently had a phone conversation with a woman who is becoming a dear friend to me. We started our conversation in prayer as we have the other few times we spoke. I remember listening to her prayer and knowing it was meant for me and it was wise counsel. I have thought about what she said a few times since then, but never meditated on them...I have been in such a hurry afterall. It wasn't until right now, tonight, gazing at the only thing I haven't hurried, the taking down of my tree that I truly get it.

"I pray Father that Steffany is fully present in every moment where ever she is. I pray when she is with her beautiful children and family that she is fully there, with them and for them and Lord I pray that when she is working to help the moms that she is fully present and fully there for them. I ask that you help her seek You in every moment so that her heart maybe full of joy"

So, tonight here I am. Finally enjoying this Christmas moment 3 weeks later. Enjoying the present that was given to me. HIS love. HIS peace. HIS grace. HIS mercy and this moment.

I didn't take any Christmas Day/Eve pictures this year. I don't know if I was just too hurried or it may have something to do with the majority of the house puking...either way.

But I did take a few the night we put up the tree. There is one picture in particular that completely captures what it means to be fully present, unhurried and a heart full of joy. After the craziness of decorating (decorating a tree with 6 kids is um...nuts), I crept back downstairs to get a picture of the tree and this is what I saw

My daughter Faith still enjoying the tree long after her siblings went up stairs for hot chocolate. She was merrily singing and dancing around the tree adjusting ornaments. I just wanted to freeze that moment for her, for me...

Tomorrow when I wake up, I will be fully present for my husband, my children, my relationships, raising money, my conversations, and in all that I do, but most importantly with my God and I will not hurry through a moment of it. Well...maybe laundry I can hurry (that doesn't count does it?:)

Merry Christmas

Matthew 6:33-34
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Tears and Laughter

2011-01-12T12:05:00.002-06:00

Well....here I am crying (again). Sometimes I wish I didn't cry so much, that I reserved my tears for something I guess that was profound or at least I could announce boldly that, "I am not the type" to cry easily....but I do. I cry a lot. The crazy thing is, I laugh a lot too, I just tend to do so simultaneously or at awkward moments. I remember being 17, just getting out of a Mexican jail only to end up in a jail in Phoenix(unrelated) and then the next day forgetting to put the emergency brake on in my parents car and having it roll backwards slamming into our stone wall around our house thus totally the car and the wall. I just stood there...laughing hysterically, then crying uncontrollably...back and forth I went, from laughter to tears. I know this may seem like such an off the wall and completely weird story to share, but I learned a lot about myself that day and the nature of things in general.
1. I cry a lot
2. I laugh a lot
3. I have no idea how to act when I feel so completely out of control.

Fast forward 20+ years....Not much has changed. I still cry a lot. I still laugh a lot. The one big difference. The one thing that truly matters now is...I don't have to be in control. I know who is in control and I trust HIM completely. That doesn't mean that I still don't struggle with feeling so completely out of control that I don't cry and laugh at the same time. I do. I am now as I type this. People ask me, "How are you doing?" The only thing I can say is, "Crazy good!"

When I sat down to write this blog post I had one purpose....To share with you all the beautiful blessings that have been happening in my life.

I was crying just thinking about them all. A week ago I posted about needing help to get back to Africa. In 24 hours 4 amazing friends donated more than $300.00. I cried as each donation came in. The amount was insignificant. That you believed in me was profound. Then the next day- Dawn and Cathy from FunkyFish blessed me with a gorgeous bracelet to raffle off to help raise $.
I had 2 beautiful people donate for a chance to win it. Thus bring our total to $340. Months ago, I listed my wardrobe center on craigslist to sell to help make the 5k for Project Hopeful. We ended up raising the money we needed and I forgot about the listing, then two days ago someone came and bought it for $150! We were now at almost $500. I cried. Then Amy Smith, BEMM's VP and photographer posted a beautiful blog about having coffee- We ended up with raising almost $300 more. Again I cried. Yesterday, I was blessed with the most amazing beautiful quilt, that was handmade by Clara Lawrence to help raise the money needed. I listed it on EBAY in complete faith that someone will buy it for the price I set. I cried when I stared at the picture of it. She perfectly captured the very essence of the heart of BEMM. To me, it is priceless. If that wasn't enough then Dawn and Cathy from FunkyFish once again blessed me. They made 10 one of a kind necklaces for BEMM for me to sell. Wait- There's more! Today, I went online to check ticket prices and I found tickets to Ethiopia from Kansas City for $830 a piece. Which means we are half way there! I cried. Then got motivated. We only need $800 more to get our tickets! We can do this! HE can do this by today. I know it.
.....Then I talked to my mom and she sounded horrible. My dad just had a heart attack before Christmas( He is doing well) and now my mom is sick. I will not go into details, those of you who know me well enough can put the pieces together. I also watched my man and son leave the house yesterday morning to knock on people's doors and ask if they needed their driveways plowed or cars cleaned. (yeah, we own a Photo company with 50 employees, but times are hard and he needs to make money outside of our company to pay people) LOVE HIM! NOT MANY MEN WOULD DO WHAT HE DOES! Now...I laugh, then I cry...back and forth I go.
Like a Merry go Round...Out of control.

This post was not what I intended. I wanted to write something to inspire you to want to help. I basically have until today to raise the $800 needed to purchase the tickets. I have 10 beautiful necklaces to sell, an EBAY auction of the quilt, the raffle of the bracelet, having coffee with Amy, and the ever growing Tacky $ Africa headbands....

But...I got nothing to inspire you. I have my tears and my laughter and this crazy merry go round I'm on. I am crying tears of joy for everyone who has believed in me and helped, I am crying tears of sadness for my momma and the only life I know with her. I am laughing at how amazing GOD is and how HE uses the broken. I am laughing at how blessed I am and the friends I have. I feel so out of control...Yet, know HE has it! My mom, my family, my trip, BEMM, our company...all of it.

And in all of this-He uses my tears and my laughter and my out of control feeling to make something beautiful....

You can help any so many ways!
1. The obvious-Pray for me:)
2. Help spread the word of why we are going back to Ethiopia
3. Enter the raffle of the bracelet (any donated amount counts as an entry)
4. Buy a necklace- They are $50.00
5. Bid on the quilt or share the link on your facebook!
6. Share coffee with Amy
7. Buy a headband!

Never Satisfied (Written by Jodie)

2011-01-11T13:04:00.004-06:00

Because Every Mother Matters. A simple, powerful, yet poignant statement. Unfortunately, the world hasn't fully embraced this concept; because if they did, mothers wouldn't have to die from childbirth related causes due to a lack of medical care. Mothers wouldn't have to suffer a death of a child from malnutrition, dehydration, or pneumonia. Mothers wouldn't have to place their children in orphanages because of inability to provide for her family. Mothers wouldn't have to be vilified because of their HIV status. Every mother should matter in this world. If they mattered, families could be together and mothers could learn the skills necessary to provide for her family. " To educate a man is to educate his family; to educate a woman is to educate the world."

Steffany Boster, founder and creator of Because Every Mother Matters, started this organization because of her love for the mammas in the world. It was not okay that in East Africa 1 in 11 mothers die from childbirth. It was not okay that in Ethiopia " being pregnant means one foot in the ground." It was not okay that there are 147 million orphans in the world. It was not okay that a child born in Africa has a 17% chance of dying before the age of five. It was just not okay. Their mission statement is to support those who provide hope to mothers around the world and in our own backyards. See it was never about BEMM. It was about the mothers. Because Every Mother Matters supports and fundraises for organizations and non-profits helping the mothers. BEMM has raised over 50k for the mamas. She raised 5k for Project Hopeful + Sisterhood Project and 15k for Doma's maternal and infant health clinic in Ethiopia. How did she raise all the money? Headbands. Better known as the infamous " tacky for Africa." The headbands originally came from an idea that people would purchase a tacky headband for $10 not knowing what it would look like to support the organizations. To her surprise people bought them. She spoke to a woman who hires local refugees and decided that the headbands could benefit both the mammas and the local refugees making the headbands. It was mothers helping mothers and an organization extending the olive branch to other organizations in need. BEMM is going on their first mission trip to Ethiopia in February to connect with local and international organizations helping mothers. The team has gone to Ethiopia numerous times before, but will serve as their first official trip and to get their costs money. The team has been fundraising to get BEMM to Africa through various donations, auctions, and the tacky headbands. God is at work for the team and will be their guide to do his work for the mothers.

If everyone in the world cared for just one mother. It would mean one less orphan and death in this world. It would bring her and her family hope. Hope that she could give to other mothers. This hope is what BEMM wants to provide.

~ Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

Analyzing the Blah's

2011-01-08T12:12:00.002-06:00

For the past few weeks I have been in a funk. A self one made at that. Nothing significant has happened to warrant such a feeling of drab. I could blame spending the last few weeks of sickness that has been running wild around here and the constant exhaustion from that....but truth is, in all honesty-when is someone in my family not sick? Really? I know that sounds bad, but there is always some sort of health issue around here and no amount of PMA seems to change that. Okay, well maybe my blahness is from our financial situation. Our year ended um...quite lame in that department. We owe more than we have and don't even own one single credit card...go figure. We had to lay off a few people in our company, take out loans to make payroll, had someone break into our building and rob us, etc....but you know what? We have struggled financially worse than this before. I was just laughing with a friend that just a few short years ago, we lived in an 800sqft apartment with 3 kids, electricity that was off as much as it was on, and eating bread and ketchup and I was pretty happy. Then maybe, just maybe I feel lousy because we have way too much on our plate. We have 6 kids, a few businesses in a sucky economy, the film, my organization, taking care of family, and life...Yeah, but...we have always had more going on than we know what to do with. It's how we roll. Then there's my marriage....Yes, things have been stressful for the last few years. Adam and I have had so much against us. (I think all relationships have been under attack this past year). We have struggled through the adoption of the twins, our crazy lives, mid-life stuff, and the fact we have been married for 16 years! Yet, we continue to grow closer everyday and Adam is still my best-friend. I love him deeper than I did the day we eloped over 16 years ago.

So, what's left? Why on earth have I been feeling so completely overwhelmed and just plain un motivated? Could it be my connection with God? Have I become so "Me" focused or "Africa" focused that HE has been replaced? Without my Creator in my life, without every single move I make be woven into His beauty....It is all in vain. Have I become vain? Have I stopped seeking HIM? Have I forgotten? Do I remember the state of grace that I melt into every waking moment? Do I still know the same love that set me free all those years ago?

I want to say, "yes"...I want to believe deep down that I am still doing everything inspite of me, and for HIM. What's different then? I think it's exposure. I am so used to being naked before God bearing all my inadequacies and trusting that in all my ugliness....HE is there, embracing me.

I never thought that I would be exposing that same ugliness to a crowd of 1000 or that in that crowd a handful of people would embrace me, encourage me and praise me. This my friends is what vexes me....YOU. I am used to and comfortable with my life that I have lived quietly over the last 15 years. The very fact that I would even ask for help to fund my trip to Africa is so beyond my threshold and that in 3 days 5 of you would donate a total of $300 to my trip is overwhelming.

I guess I'm finding myself slightly freaked by all God is calling me to and having so many of you support me.

I just don't want to let anyone down.

Hey Mister/Ma'am...Do You have a Quarter?

2011-01-05T17:32:00.003-06:00

I have been trying to figure out how to even start this post and why is it that so many of my posts I struggle with how to begin them. Maybe it's because I constantly find myself in the land of being out of my comfort zone. I spend so much time trying to find the right words or sentence to begin my post with. I'm not an idiot and I do realize that the majority of people decide if they are going to continue to spend 5 minutes of their lives reading a blog within the first two sentences....well, at least I do.

I remember crying out desperately a few years ago wanting to be used by my Creator. Yes, I do believe being a wife and mother is the ultimate calling. I have lived that to it's fullest for over 15 years and am unashamed and blessed. I do know beyond any doubt that He also has asked more, because I have begged to be whoever and whatever He needs. I remember after our daughter in Liberia died and I felt that feeling..you know...the tingling, the uncomfortable sensation that permeates your heart. The organization needed 5k for a new baby home. I had never raised money before, in fact I was terrified of fundraising and sales. Fast forward to now-
I have raised and given over 50k since then to different organizations, adoptions, refugees and needs. I have sold cars, fed my family only rice, and basically did what was needed to make a difference. Those of you who truly know me..know how uncomfortable I am in talking about this.
I do not have a legit "non-profit" for a reason....I have never, ever wanted this to be about me...I don't want anything I do to be about BEMM. Not once in 3 years have I asked for a dime for my adoptions, my mission trips...I cried when my church brought us meals after I brought the twins and sick pregnant lady home with me.

Here it is.....I need help. I need money. I am asking everyone to chip-in. I am suppose to leave on Feb 28th with my photographer and BF Amy Smith, the director of delivering Hope-Jaime Glandon, ICU nurse Jodie Herring, a video guy named Phillip. Our goal? To document and serve the people BEMM has come to love and admire. We will be visiting the center we are building with Doma, the women from the Sisterhood Project for Project Hopeful, The Orpans of Zeway with Funky Fish, A village in Assela through my partnership with MOPS international and to just serve who we come across. By going...BEMM is able to continue to raise funds for several organizations.

I guess what is hard...is I am asking you to support me. I'm not asking you to support this cause or that....I am simply asking YOU, to help me and that is hard. To be perfectly honest-

I guess that is the thing I have trouble with. Separating stuff in my heart. It's easy and blesses me to ask people to step up and give to something greater than myself and their-selves.... I know by going on this trip I will come back equipped to keep going on and raising for orgs, but there's that part that is strictly going because it fills ME.
I think I do what I do because it brings life to ME...I hate that. I want to do what I do because I am not in the picture...does that make sense?

So here I am asking you to bless me and support my trip.....and trust me to keep working my butt off answer the call I have been given...

So, hey mister...can you spare a quarter?

One Big Blog

2011-01-02T22:17:00.005-06:00

This blog of mine has been though so many phases over the past few years.

I have blogged about our journey into the world of adoption
and how that lead me to my first fund raising effort for a baby home after our daughter died, which thus took me to Uganda
and a small island that needed clean water and healthcare
starting an org to provide birthing kits to pregnant mommas in Uganda
then back to only blogging about my heartache of wondering where my kids were
I wrote about waiting to adopt, raising my 4 kids when my husband was gone.
I wrote about losing a kid we fell in love with here in our state only to have him devoured by the foster care system and the intense pain.
I shared with you all the joy of finally finding our twins in Ethiopia, only to find them dying once we got there.
You read about the pregnant momma I met in Ethiopia and followed her story for a year after I brought her home with me
and
sold my car to pay for her medical care.
You waited anxiously for pictures of her daughter who even here in America,
almost died due to pregnancy related causes..
and updates on my own health after
I contracted Typhoid Fever, Hep A, Giardia and tissue parasites.
I have written from the funny "doing the dance", and toothpaste marriage wars
to being completely real and honest about the daily struggles I have
...not only from raising 6 kids, but the struggles that come with life.
I blogged a little about having myocarditis for 6 months and my families fear that I would die.
I have written about my feelings about non-profits, ego and the lack of organizations partnering together for orphan prevention.
You have heard me on my soap box,
my whine box
and my pity box.
Many of you have supported the number of causes I jump on and have jumped in with me .
I have blogged when I felt my faith was moving mountains
and
when I was so weary that kicking a pebble seemed hard.
You have watched my family overcome everything from physical,
spiritual
and mental illnesses.
You saw me try to sell my first headband for doma and fail.
You witnessed the evolution of the Tacky 4 Africa Headbands
and
because of loyalty bought one or two

You have seen this blog....
my blog stay on topic like a two year old uses the potty.
sporadically:)

The thing is

I stress out about what to write.

I hate that.

Should I write about my family?
The twins? My marriage? My faith? Funny Stories? Because Every Mother Matters?
My passion? My stupidity? Should I censor myself? Edit my thoughts to please the majority? Write for people that want to learn about adoption? Promote great causes. Be politically correct? Should I create a few different blogs? One for my family? One for Adoption? One for my organization-Because Every Mother Matters? One for my marriage? One for my walk?
Holy crap- can you imagine?
As my organization is growing and the amazing organizations I represent grows...you would think that maybe...just maybe I should separate my thoughts from my work.
But I can't or rather I won't.
I lack the ability to compartmentalize.
Everything is in one giant room

This is me.
All of it.

So..in 2011
I will continue to write
about this and that
and blend it all together on this blog.

Thank you friends, family, strangers and those that just happen to pass by for reading, supporting and inspiring and encouraging me to keep writing.
HAVE A GREAT 2011!

Unexpected Delivery

2010-12-28T09:48:00.003-06:00

On Christmas morning a momma walked into the hospital with stomach pains. It must be appendicitis or ovarian cysts she thought....After several tests, the doctor walked in and told her the news. She was in labor, 3cm dilated with a full term baby. To say she was surprised wouldn't do justice to the rush of emotions and shock she was experiencing. How can this be? She was on birth control. She never had any pregnancy symptoms. She already has 3 little ones at home. Her husband was just laid off. She was having a baby and on Christmas day!
Hours later Nathaniel was born, weighing 6 lbs 14oz. Unexpected for sure, but one look at him and you know he was planned from the beginning. God wove him together miraculously and beautifully in her womb. As I sat there visiting with mom and holding Nathaniel I couldn't help but to think of how funny we must seem to God when we plan things, when we think we are in control and run around fretting about life. In just a few short hours of being in this world, baby Nathaniel is already making a difference and proving that every life matters.

Needless to say, this family could use a lot of love, support, baby diapers, CLOTHES, prayer, and basic needs.
We will be taking donations, supplies and meals to them over the next few weeks. I need help though. If you live local and would like to help this family-PLEASE CONTACT ME! They have nothing for him. If you want to help by making a monetary tax deductable donation to purchase gift cards, food and other needs you can do so through my partner Delivering Hope.
Together we can shower this sweet family with abundant love and blessings.

The donate button to contribute is on the top right of my blog

Could it be.....

2010-12-21T13:14:00.006-06:00

I'm sitting at my computer staring at the images of children I may or may not know. I am desperately trying to remember all the details of a moment I swore I would never forget. It has been almost 3 years since I have seen their faces, but it was only yesterday that my heart thought about them. On my first visit to Ethiopia I asked Alebachew to take us outside of Addis on show us a part of Ethiopia that a lot of adoptive parents don't normally see. I wanted to see Ethiopia from his eyes. We ended up at an old church on top of a hill. He looked at us with a look of, "are you sure?" I started to walk up the hill not knowing what to expect. I wish I could share the pictures with you, but they are on my computer that is not working...I do have a few though from FB. The first person we came across was covered in a tattered blanket and the smell of death was in the air. Alebachew did that tisk tisk head shake that Ethiopians do and said, "keep walking Steff". I stopped. Is he dead? Does anyone care? Where is his family? I kept asking questions. I started to kneel down and saw movement. Alebachew lifted the blanket. We got the man to sit up. We gave him water, a few birr for food, prayed and walked away. I looked around...I started to realize this wasn't a church, it was a place where the unloved and cast-out went to die. There were people laying around everywhere, dying most likely from AIDS. In the midst of darkness, death, despair and in the shadow of the huge cross on the building for all to ignore on a Sunday morning....there was a hint of life. Running up behind me were children. Never before had they seen someone stop to help those waiting to die. They were excited. They were beautiful. I think I counted 12 of them. I was overwhelmed and in shock. They lived there. This was their life. Why were they there? They looked healthy. They introduced me to their brother. He was maybe 16 and very obviously was mentally disabled. He kissed me. The other kids didn't know if they should beat him or laugh that he did such a thing. I kissed him back and Adam hugged him. The kids smiled. I was introduced to their momma. I wish I would have spent time with her. The smell was just so unbearable and I was overwhelmed with emotion. They lived in a concrete room off the church. It smelled of excrement and death. I hugged her and left.
That was it. I didn't even get their names. I don't know their ages or why they were outcast and lived amongst the dying.

I have thought about them so many times since then. On my last trip back, I wanted to find them. Timing didn't work out though. So, when I got back this time, I hired Alebachew to see if he could find them. I sent him a picture. I told him to look for them and if he found them, to give them the picture of us together and share with them the story of the broken woman who thinks about them everyday. To let them know....they are loved, prayed for and thought of. I asked him to get their names, ages and talk to their momma. To find out if they go to school or how many of the girls are now mommas themselves. I told him to find a school in their town and inquire about tuition ( school is not free in Africa). I asked him to find out what skills the mom has and if she is still alive. I told him to ask if I can come and see them in March....

Today in my inbox are 12 pictures. 3 years is a long time to try to recognize someone you only saw briefly. I only have 2 old pics to go by...Could the faces I am looking at, be the same children from the church? Could my search be over? Do they remember us? Through broken English Alebachew said he found 7 kids. I remember 12. Did they eventually end up being a shadow under the cross? There was only one face I recognized....

The picture from almost 3 years ago after walking past death...
You can see from my face (that doesn't hide feelings well)

The beautiful kids I met.
I so wish I had all my photos from then to study their faces...
There is one face I won't forget.
In this picture you can't see his..
(the kid sitting down)
but I will always remember his kiss:)

This is one of the pics sitting in my email.
I do know this face!
I do remember his kiss!

Could it be?
Did I find them?
Can I do what I should have done 3 years ago?
Sit down. Talk to the mom. Get to know her kids.
Look beyond the death, devastation and poverty.
To see them...really see them...know them...really know them...
To appreciate their beauty
to let them know....
They are loved.

Got Beads? Or The Orphan Bead Project

2010-12-09T15:00:00.004-06:00

Have you ever heard of Orphan beads?

Until last week I had no clue what that meant.
I thought it was an organization that sold bead products for orphans

Then I found out what it really meant

"for those of you that bead, or craft, or even just pretend to do one of those, you know that when you string a beautiful necklace or bracelet together, you always have some leftovers. often times they get lost, or discarded, or thrown into a bowl with the other mismatched beads -- the orphan beads, never to be used again."

The orphan bead.
The discarded bead.
The bead tossed aside with no clue what to do with it...
After awhile the bowl is full of orphans ..what started out as just one or a couple
grows and grows...
My heart and mind can't help but to see the face of a baby, toddler, child, teenager in every orphan bead in the bowl.
I think about the 147 million orphans just waiting...
wanting to be noticed
wanting to be needed
wanting to belong
wanting to be beautifully strung together in a family.

but here’s the thing...

we don't believe there needs to be orphans. we believe that if we collectively bring them all together, we can make something beautiful, and they will be orphans no more.

this month we are working with Dawn from Funky Fish, an organization of mommas who believe in defending the cause of the fatherless.

we are teaming up with them, to collect as many orphan beads as we can, so that when they travel back to Ethiopia, in March, they can put these beads in the hands of the orphans themselves who will transform the orphan beads in to beautiful necklaces/bracelets, to help support their families.

The last time Dawn went to Ethiopia to minister to the orphans of Zeway and teach the them how to make jewelry that would help sustain them...it is no surprise that the orphans were drawn to the orphan beads. After learning and making several patterned bracelets with the non-orphan beads, their faces lit up when she brought out the few orphan beads she had. She said it was like a spark lit up in their spirits. To see all the different beads that were different from each other allowed them to see the beauty in their own creations.
The best part is when Dawn came home to sell the bracelets to support the orphans...
Guess which sold out first? The patterned beads or the orphan beads?

what we need from you?
Your orphans

We need every kind of bead.
and for you to help spread the word...

What's our goal?

147 million orphan beads of course.

We want to send Dawn from Funky Fish with as many orphan beads as she can carry on her trip this March to show the orphans of Zeway that they matter.
AND
Because Every Mother Matters will be there to capture it all on video:)

To learn more about Funky Fish visit their site.
http://www.funkyfishdesigns.com/

To donate your orphans send them to:
Dawn Patterson
110 Lost Pine St
Elgin, TX 78621

Remembering the Why...

2010-12-09T13:34:00.000-06:00

Do you remember the good ol' days when the Tacky 4 Africa headbands were truly tacky? I know some our first fans to jump on this train of tacky are shaking their heads and laughing. We had everything from wide headbands that never stayed on, headbands with...yes, Easter eggs on them, the lucky St. Patricks day, Fourth of July, Grandma's curtains, great grandma's polyester pants or what was left of them, strawberry shortcake and everything in between. If you don't know the story of how it got started I encourage you to read it. The thing that I loved most about that time was how much fun it was to randomly reach in a bag and know that whatever I pulled out would be pretty tacky then send it to the person who ordered it. I would visualize them opening the package, laughing their butts off and thinking..that was the best $10 donation they had ever given! Well, since then the Tacky 4 Africa headband has morphed more into a realm of somewhat awesomeness (depending on ones taste)..I can honestly say we no longer make ones that I, myself would not wear. I genuinely love them all. It seems like I always sell my favorites right off my head:) Now when I reach in my grab bag of headbands to send one to a buyer my first thought is, "Oh I hope they like it, don't care if the sewing is a little off and they think it's worth the $10".

Buying a Tacky 4 Africa headband should be fun! It should be about the fact that your $10 donation not only supports the refugee hands that make them, but amazing organizations that BEMM supports. The thing is...I don't think your expectations have changed. You all rock! It seems something happened inside of me and I forgot somewhere along the way that it is about the why and not the what. Two weeks ago I got over 60 headbands back from one of our refugees. The headbands were a mess. They had holes, back stitching, weird sizes and were sloppy. For the first time ever I didn't pay for the really bad ones. I sent them back saying they were unsellable. I paid reluctantly for the semi-okay ones and prayerfully sent them out to you all. I hoped you wouldn't notice the flaws. I forgot that you don't buy the Tacky 4 Africa headbands for the headbands themselves, you buy them for the cause. Then this week I got another batch in. They were great...except that the refugee that made them got a few of the patterns mixed up. Meaning the tie and the headband don't match at all! My first thought was to send them back and have them redone, but then I remembered the Easter egg headband, the lucky charm, the grandma's curtain...I remember how I struggled with how on earth I was going to sell them...I remember staying awake all night until God helped me come up with Tacky 4 Africa and grab bag headbands...I remember selling out of the "unsellables" within days...I remembered that it is about the $10 donation to an amazing cause and not the trinket. So here I am with a stack of Tacky 4 Africa headbands that are truly either tacky or misshaped. I paid the refugees upfront in faith, believing that I will once again have fun choosing a headband and visualizing the buyer laughing when they open their package and thinking that was the best $10 donation ever spent.

I have 30 of them. My goal is to sell them within 30 hours, to raise the $300 for BEMM to prove that why you do something is always more important than what you do...

A Hold Out

2010-12-02T19:56:00.003-06:00

Last night was just...well...exciting, exhausting and encouraging. By 9pm we were still about $1500 from our goal. I was tired, wanting to go to sleep. I had spent a lot of my day at the hospital with my dad who just had a heart attack, the probability of raising the rest of the money was slim. My husband and kids were asleep. I missed dinner with them. I had a conference call with 2 amazing women who want to help BEMM get organized. Um...we all know I need this:) I was physically and emotionally spent. At 10ish I put my head in my lap, listened to music, closed my eyes and wrestled with GOD. I had just gotten an email telling me a pastor from someone's church would make up the difference. I could have taken this as a "Wahoo....We did it" and taken the money, but I didn't. My response, "They can give on top of the 5k that WILL come in". My fear...maybe, just maybe I'm being stubborn. I could take it. Let go. Claim victory and go to my bed that was screaming for me. After all, I tried and did my best....I should take it..right? NO. I posted one last post. Rallied one more time. Waited for the real miracle....In less than an hour the money came in! In the last hour, while most of the world slept and when I could have taken the easy way out...THE MIRACLE HAPPENED! To be apart of the last 10 minutes was magic! I love this. Then today 15 minutes before I was to announce the winner of the REDical bracelet..I realized we were $30 from our goal. I could have ignored it and moved on, knowing the pastor would cover it, but again I knew that was not the answer. So, as of tonight..we are over $100 from our 5k goal! I feel the dance coming on. If you have read this blog for awhile you know what I am talking about and if you have no idea what I am talking about then for the sake of CELEBRATION and all things embarrassing...I will once again make a fool of myself and share-THE DANCE! (wow, just watched this for the first time in 2 years!...No words)

Why I Don't "Pray" About It...

2010-12-01T17:13:00.001-06:00

I set out to achieve a goal of raising 5k by World Aids Day for Project Hopeful's Sisterhood+ campaign. You all know by now... I don't plan or think things through. I don't "pray" about it or wait for a "sign". I just act. I move forward with confident expectation. I believe my God will move mountains, peoples hearts and miracles will happen. Why don't I pray about it first? Do you pray before you meet one of your kid's needs? Your spouse's needs? Do you pray if you should help a child lost and screaming for their momma? Do you pray before you call the police if your house is being broken into? Do you pray before you heat your house in the winter? Do you wait for a "sign" to go to church? If you see a baby that is crying, soiled, starving, abandoned...do you pray or wait for a sign before you reach down and embrace the child? No. You don't think. You don't plan. You act. You move forward with confident expectation that what you do WILL make a difference. You don't think about what's next? What if the child you pick up dies, what if the people who break into your house hurt your family, what if you can't meet your kid's need...The outcome is not up to you. What is up to you..is what you choose to do or not do.. right now. We are STILL over $1500 from our goal. Yesterday was a crazy, beautiful and tragic day. Within moments of each other I found out our biggest donation yet had come in ($1000 from a beautiful person) and my dad had a massive heart attack. Imagine if I was a "pray" about it or give me a "sign" type person. I would be a confused mess. The thing is...life is messy. It is unpredictable. It never goes how we plan. It can be beautiful and tragic all in the same breath. We have our agendas and picture how we see things happening...we can get caught up in waiting for the "right" time, "praying" for the next step...in truth-all you have is right now. This moment.

At my sister's funeral (who died in her sleep unexpectedly) I spoke about James 4:13

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

Today we are selling our TV and entertainment center to raise the money for my 5k goal. Why am I sharing this? Do I want a pat on the back? No. I don't. My point is sometimes...we need to be willing to climb that mountain, we need to be the miracle....we are the "sign" that is needed. Instead of waiting for God to move...we need to move forward with confident expectation...knowing and believing that HE is 10 steps ahead not only waiting for us but carrying us the whole way.

Split Second

2010-11-30T22:15:00.002-06:00

Within an hour of my last post I found out that a $1000 donation came in!!!! Then 2 minutes later I got a phone call from my mom telling me my dad collapsed from a heart attack and was in ICU. I went from elation to panic within a second. I learned a lot today.

Tired

2010-11-30T08:58:00.004-06:00

Are you tired of me talking about going REDical yet? Truth be told...I'm kind of tired of it. I'm not tired of using my voice. I am not tired of the cause. I am not tired of doing what is right. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not being heard. Then God slaps me upside the head with truth and I think to myself... are you kidding me Steffany? Even if everyone has tuned me out. Even if the goal is not met. Even if I am hidden on Facebook because I am annoying...I must NOT grow tired in serving, in giving, in loving, in my obedience to- " Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I remember it's not about me... then I open my eyes to what God has done and who has listened...and I stand in awe. I am once again reminded that HIS plans are not always mine..they are always better and I am excited to be used by HIM.

A Picture is Worth...

2010-11-29T15:20:00.006-06:00

(Carolyn Tweitmeyer and daughters from Project Hopeful being Tacky 4 Africa)
To watch the video they were making click here

Some say a picture is worth a 1000 words. I believe that. I also believe a picture is worth a dollar. I have a donor who will give $1.00 to Because Every Mother Matters for every photo posted on our Facebook fanpage of someone being Tacky 4 Africa or going REDical for World Aids Day. $1.00 for the mommas in Africa for each picture (one per person). Have you ordered a headband? Do you have a picture? Post it and we get a $1.00. In celebration of all things Tacky and REDical for every picture you post, you will be entered to win our newest Tacky 4 Africa headband!

The medical team from doma rocking the Tacky.
To watch the awesome stuff they are doing click here

Dasha the cutest headband model from Project Hopeful

My friends canine companion looking like a stud in a headband-proving that they truly are for all creatures!

Leah, my awesome sister-in-law who continues to spread the tacky to all her friends in Lubbock, Texas by selling, giving and sharing!

JR showing that real men will do anything to support mommas

Bethany displaying the cool way to go TACKY 4 AFRICA

and Danette (need I say more?)

Don't have a Tacky or Redical headband? Order 1,2,3,4 or 10. 100% of your purchase supports the refugee hands that make them and organizations making a difference in a mommas life. For 2 weeks a picture posted is worth $1.00 to help BEMM

Why Did Fatima Die?

2010-11-27T14:10:00.005-06:00

The topic of discussion this week in the Boster house....

Why did Fatima get killed mommy?
I get asked this question when I wake up.
I hear this question when we eat lunch.
I am confronted at naptime.

Who was Fatima mommy?
Was she black?
What did the man look like that killed her?
Did they know how much she was loved?
Does the gunman remember her?
Why did Fatima have to die?
Does God love the man who is singing about her?
Does he hate the one who pulled the trigger?
Was she killed in Africa?
Why does the man still sing about her?
Am I beautiful like Fatima?
Mommy...Why do people kill?
Does God love them?
Would I be taken away like Fatima?
Would you sing about me?
Can we find the person who killed Fatima and tell him her name?
Mommy, why does the man take away what is loved?

These are just a few of the questions that I have been asked this week after sharing with my children K'naan's song FATIMA.

These are the conversations I have with my children. I used to raise my kids in a bubble thinking protecting them from the world was the best gift I could give....I now know showing them the world and letting them experience it...the good, bad, beautiful and ugly has a greater and more lasting impact than anything I could imagine.

Why Them????

2010-11-27T09:18:00.003-06:00

Why? Why have I spent the last 3 months supporting Project Hopeful? They are known for their passion and advocacy work in helping hiv+ orphans through educating families about hiv who are considering adoption to remove stigma in hope that the millions of children living with HIV who may never find a family have HOPE.
Powerful.
Beautiful
Moving.
Purposeful.
What about Because Every Mother Matters? Where on earth does our mission fit? Even though I am an adoptive mother...I do not believe adoption alone will solve the orphan crisis. Let's just say that every Christian did indeed adopt a child...then what? What happens tomorrow when due to AIDS alone 6000 more children will be defined as orphans and then the next day?
Orphan care is NOT just as simple as adoption.
Adoption is
one solution
necessary
mandated
beautiful
a
gift!
Orphan care is looking at the causes, the solutions and then WORKING TOGETHER!
There will never be one solution or one cause...
16% of kids under 5 die to Malaria
Every 2 seconds another child dies from Malnutrition
Unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation cause 80% of diseases and kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war.
1 in 11 women will die due to pregnancy related causes in E. Africa.
What if you could help a momma through her pregnancy, make sure her family has clean water, provide mosquito nets to the family, educate on self-sustainable ways to feed their family...what kind of difference would that have? What if all organizations worked together? What kind of impact would that have?
So, why? Why am I working with Project Hopeful?
In Africa..unfortunately life is already hard. You might die due to childbirth, lack of clean water, malaria, malnutrition....
but to die in shame
to be left alone and unloved because of HIV...
to suffer in silence as a momma and know after you die your kids may carry your legacy and face the same demise is UNFATHOMABLE.
Before Carolyn Twietmeyer and I had even spoke live...I committed to helping her. At that time I only knew of her adoption ministry. Even though I'm not in the adoption ministry..I prayed she woulds use her passion, knowledge and reach to encompass the mommas-
It wasn't until after I sold 120 headbands at her booth that I even heard about PROJECT HOPEFUL's SISTERHOOD PROJECT!
I encourage you to read more and learn why I chose to support Project Hopeful.

By now most of you know they have been featured in PEOPLE magazine. Buy it. Support it.

Only 5 days left to raise the 5k I promised I would raise for the SISTERHOOD PROJECT
5k to help over 14 mommas and their children. 5k to help 14 mommas keep their children.
5k to bring HOPE to our sisters in AFRICA!

Want to help?
Buy a WORLD AIDS DAY HEADBAND.
and/or
DONATE directly to PROJECT HOPEFUL.
remember for every $20 donation you will be entered to win a custom bracelet made
by FUNKY FISH
YOU HAVE TO WRITE BEMM in the notes section.
All info is on my website
Click LOGO

She Cries...

2010-11-23T16:33:00.002-06:00

Xia cries.
The first time I held her at age 2
she cried.
When I would look at her
she cried.
looking in the mirror
she cried.
Even though starving... my attempts to get her to eat
made her cry.
In her sleep
she cried.
She cried when she was full.
She cried when she was hungry.
She cried when I held her.
She cried when I let her go.
As she smiled
she cried.
THEN
I forgot
She forgot
2.5 years has passed
and
we forgot that Xia cries.
I spent a lot of time with her parents in Ethiopia two weeks ago
and they asked me
"Does she cry?"
because they said
"Xia cries".
my answer
NO.
I haven't heard the Xia cry for a long time.
She smiles...
She laughs..
She is happy...

Then today
she cried
and
cried
and
cried.
My first thought was shameful
why are you crying
I was irritated
then
I remembered
Xia cries.
and
so do I.
I didn't look for a reason or ask why
I just held her and cried too.

Here's the Deal....

2010-11-22T15:03:00.002-06:00

I have no idea what I am doing. I sometimes kid myself into thinking I have a plan or that I can charge into whatever I'm doing and come out victorious. In all honesty...I'm not the most relateable, smartest, or capable of people. I am not trying to be down on myself or display a false humility..I am just being real. I have people for whatever reason through this blog want to meet me and when they finally do, I rarely hear from them again. I know this and it's okay, it really is. I am different, weird, crazy, "ADHD", blonde, aloof..etc...I'm kind of the underdog I guess. The underdog of non-profits, the underdog of life, the underdog in relationships. I come up with these, for me, huge goals..like raise 5k for a baby home in Liberia in one week, raise 3k for a Christmas project in Uganda in a few days, raise $1800 for a mom in Ethiopia, 15k for medical expenses for Gedese, 15K for a women's health center, 1000's for strangers adoptions, 5k for World Aids day, etc...I attack these goals/visions with absolutely no plan, no backing, or thought. I am not popular, well liked or for the most part taken seriously. I have 62 blog readers and half of those probably have never even read my blog (I do have a handful of loyal friends/readers who support whatever crazy thing I do). I don't have a "following", a "platform"..I am terrified to speak publicly whether it's in front of one person or 100.Yes, my family has had limited grocery budgets, we sold my cars, my family has sacrificed alot to meet many of the goals when the donations didn't come in...No complaints here. I am blessed. In all reality for me to even think BEMM could even make a dent in the issues that are dear to my heart is ignorant. I doubt BEMM/or me will ever be "successful" in most peoples eyes. I don't think we will ever help the 1000's. I don't think I will ever have 1000's of people supporting my goals....BUT DOGGONEIT...That is what I love. Just because of the reasons I mentioned...for BEMM to accomplish every single goal that I listed above can ONLY be attributed to GOD! There is no way..this girl (me) could have done anything by myself. The only answer is HIS power because it is so evident and clear that it is NOT ABOUT ME. I will never help 1000's, but I can tell you by name each and every person that BEMM has helped and to me that is why I continue to ignore the obvious that I have no idea what I am doing and trust that GOD does.

This is Dedicated to YOU

2010-11-20T10:58:00.003-06:00

No act of giving is insignificant. Even the smallest decision to do something, anything will have an impact. Today my tears are flowing. When I started BEMM I had one goal in mind- To share the joy I get when my hands and heart are open and willing to give what I have. I purposefully created a product, "The Tacky Headbands" knowing even in the hardest of economical times...to support a cause through $8-10 purchase was do-able. To date the tacky headbands have raised 1000's of dollars. More than that-They are made by beautiful hands that need not only the money, but the confidence to know-they can make a difference..then they are purchased by you-Believing that your donation has made a difference. And me? You trust my decision to find an organization that BEMM can support. I don't take this lightly. Many of you have followed me from project to project. Together we have raised more than 30k overtime. We have faced disappointments together...when in faith we gave to causes, only to be burned. This is dedicated to all of you- Whether you have been with me since the beginning from Marion's House, the River Island Project in Uganda, birthing kits, Gedese, Feed the Forgotten, The doma health center to Project Hopeful, etc...This is where the past 6 months of our conjoined efforts have taken us...Guess what? YOU MATTER!

Aware

2010-11-19T13:22:00.002-06:00

Have you ever found yourself wondering how on earth you of all people are where you are? It's like those times you have driven for many miles- you are aware of your surroundings and everything, but you are on auto pilot. You finally notice where you are and everything seems so fuzzy. You remember driving but at this very moment you seem to be acutely aware of where you are.

Today I find myself in full realization and completely present in where I am and I can't help but to cry. Who am I? Who am I that I should be here? Those of you who know a little more about me...to be sitting here, writing this and experiencing the life I have is to be fully clothed in the beauty of grace. I am alive! More than that...my heart beats for my God. I look back and am in awe of where I am and all HE has done.

I have 6 beautiful children, a man who loves me more than I deserve, amazing friends and the love of Christ in my heart.

I have been overwhelmed by the support and love I have received today in regards to the vision in my heart to raise 5k for Project Hopeful. I'm tring really hard not to get stressed and attached to the results from today's efforts. Instead of worrying and pushing... I am completely surrendered. I don't know if 5k will be raised...that is up to HIM. I do know..at this very moment-I feel humbled, blessed, loved, aware, and undeserving. I know that I am nothing...yet, very loved. I am thankful.

This is me...on my knees...thanking you for the amazing gift you gave me today- AWARENESS.
That what I do-does matter and what you do-does matter. I love you

REDically Tacky 4 Africa

2010-11-19T05:56:00.007-06:00

CLICK ON LOGO TO DONATE
(put BEMM in comment section)

Today is the day!
The official start of going
REDically Tacky
for WORLD AIDS DAY!
and believing with
Radical faith
that 5k will be raised
for the PROJECT HOPEFUL
Sisterhood+ Project.

I can't begin to tell you how urgently this money is needed. I can't begin to tell you how much you are needed. I can't begin to tell you what hope your/our efforts will bring to a momma and her children. I can't begin to tell you how the sisterhood project will help families stay together and what that means in regards to the orphan crisis. I can't begin to thank you enough for helping spread the word. I can't begin to effectively share my heart with you, for you, and for them..my only words
LET's GET REDical
(insert cheesy grin)

Here's the deal. Today is the official kick-off.
Here are ways to get involved and support REDical.

1. Buy a headband or two or three or four or how ever many. Remember they make great gifts. Order the World Aids Day one. If you order more than 4 headbands-you will be sent a free gift.

2. Just give money- Any amount is needed. Remember we have a 5k goal in less than 2 weeks. If you donate $20.00 or more, you will be entered to win either the Funky Fish/BEMM bracelet or the original BEMM painting by Amy Smith

3. The first donor of the day and the last donor of the day will automatically be entered to win the bracelet or painting AND will receive a t-shirt (limited sizes)

4. Do any of the above AND spread the word through blog, facebook, etc..and you get a HEADBAND for free! (please send me a link to your posts)

Original painting by Amy Smith

Custom bracelet by Funky Fish designs

T-shirts donated by Jamie Glandon

And the original and famously TACKY 4 Africa Headbands

Go Redical for Hope

2010-11-18T05:46:00.002-06:00

One of my many blessings and wow moments in Ethiopia last week was when we visited the ENTOTO project. A few people that lived in the area (outskirts of Addis) on your way to Entoto- where the holy waters are saw a people with no hope, no future, outcasts among their own. Most of them had come from all over hoping, believing the holy water of the area would cure them of their affliction. Most of them women, mothers, young girls with HIV/AIDS. When the holy waters didn't heal, their faith waved and their heart and spirits shattered. I don't know the whole story of how everything transpired so I will try not to ad lib, but basically a few individuals started visiting with them, reaching out, and really seeing these people for who they are-beautiful, capable, worthy. Long story short 100 people are now being served, educated and treated and given what is needed- HOPE. They are now working, learning, taking medicine. They are active members in society, they no longer hold their head in shame, but can look at you in the eyes and when they do...it is magic. It doesn't stop there..on the mountain of Entoto, children are going to school, the community is working together, things are changing. I was blessed to stand in the same room with the founder and many of the women whose lives had been changed. They were busy making jewelry that was being sold around the world. From Ten Thousand Villages to boutiques in California.

Why do I share this story?

Two reasons.

World Aids Day is quickly approaching. I thought I had three weeks to accomplish the goal God put in my heart..turns out I have only 2 weeks. That's why when it is accomplished I can sit back, raise my hands towards the heavens and scream, "ONLY YOU FATHER". For the last few months many of you know I have been quietly advocating for PROJECT HOPEFUL. The truth is..I don't know much about them, but what my heart tells me and what I hear my God tell me is...GO Steffany- Bury your head, work in faith, give all you have, and love..do it all radically!
They are starting a similar program to what I saw in Entoto. Everything is coming together for them...the need is 20k. The difference between the two projects is the women and children will not only get education, purpose, drug management, but A SAFE PLACE TO STAY! The level of vulnerability for these women and children who live on the streets compared to an actual home is heartbreaking.

My goal in two weeks- 5k. I want to raise 5k for Project Hopeful, I want to raise 5k for the women and children that my very heart beats with, I want to raise 5k because I know it is possible. I want to raise 5k to glorify my creator, I want to raise 5k because IT IS NEEDED.

To raise that money through headbands is possible. I would need to sell 900 of them- Remember 40% goes towards the refugees in my area- That's some major revenue for two awesome causes. The reality is..I know it will take more than headbands. I will start up $10 Fridays(but we only have 2 until World Aids Day) I will auction off my original Because Every Mother Matters painting by Amy Smith, I will personally give all that I can, and I will sell headbands!
I can't do this alone. I need you. I need you to spread the word. Post on Facebook, Twitter and to blog. Together we can do this. I am open for more ideas on how to raise this money in such a short time. I just know....It's not about me. It's not about you. It's about HIM.

and I can hear HIS voice every night.....

GO REDICAL..GO REDICAL for HOPE
Red being the World Aids Day Color:)

Are you in?

Family

2010-11-17T15:06:00.003-06:00

Wow. I just reread my last post. That was a doozey. It barely made sense to even me. Maybe I should hold off future posts until I resume somewhat of a normal wake/sleep/eat pattern.

Until then head on over to Paula's blog to read a little of what we did. I promise you'll beable to follow her train of thought:)

Spears Family Blog

Pictures of my Ethiopian family.....

Gadese and Christiana

Slumber party at Gadese's

Cried a lot

I spent the day with my twins parents-Fekede and Almaz

Alex and Christiana

I Give...

2010-11-17T06:33:00.002-06:00

I have so much to process...I want to hit the ground running, but my body is a little hesitant. I know so many of you who have read this for awhile all have the same question....Is Steffany healthy? (Given what I went through last time)-The answer? I am great. I can't quite figure out my sleeping schedule and have been up the last few nights by 3 am. I have lost 10% of my body weight and am 98 pounds strong! No worries at all about my physical health. I hiked 24 miles in 24 hours to buy meat for a village. I feel like a warrior:) My family did amazing while I was gone. I walked through my door to not only a clean home, but candles lit everywhere and my first warm shower in 2 weeks. My family was amazing. I have been resting as much as needed and working as much as I am inspired. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for my journey and my family. I can't wait to share everything with you all. From spending the night with BEMM's first momma (Gedese), to breaking bread with my twins parents, visiting the most beautiful place on earth with doma to visit where all your donations have gone, creating new friendships....and planning a return trip beginning of March. It's not to early to begin thinking about coming. The next few weeks are going to be insane. HOLD ON. So much is happening. Not only for BEMM, but my personal life and many orgs close to my heart. I feel so humbled and blessed to be a small part of HIS work. Many times over the last few weeks I heard.."Where's Steffany" or "Steffany has ADHD" Right where I need to be. All over the place. You know that and I know that. Everything I do may seem absurd to all until you are the one my absurdity loves. One thing I learned through all this...ADHD is not a bad thing. I know this blog is everywhere. Normally...My written word is grounded and understandable...blame it on Africa, but right now..I just write.

I can think of one beautiful example- As the team waited patiently in the bus after our feast at Gadese. I sat inside holding her, Alebachew and Christiana. We cried and held eachother and cried some more. I tried to pay them for the feast which lead to more crying.
Since I don't know Amharic...but I do understand laughter, love, anger, and hatred...I chose at all times in all circumstances to do what I know...Be a dork. My heart was broken from the moment I landed with Gadese, the twins parents, etc...I escaped...I needed to laugh, cry and smile. If you are wanting sad pictures of Ethiopia to inspire you, grab you and make you want to give...Then I have nothing.This time I focused on the beauty and not the devastation. I saw the joy and not the sadness. My stories are of hope and not desperation. I leave knowing with all that I have...It's not about me. I can leave nothing worthwhile...other than my smile. For the 1000's that asked me for birr..Which may have provided a meal..What I and my traveling (doma) companions left meant more. A smile. A laugh. A song. A memory. Will I remember my last meal more than the people who were there? My last visit I wanted every dying person to have a drink of water and gave the very clothes off my back. This time..I wanted to give more. I only have one shirt and one bottle of water. I gave my heart. I gave my joy. I gave my smile. Does the dying need water and warmth or prayer and love? Which is more important? What do you have? Which do you give?
Again...I am processing...

Life is Beautiful

Shop to Send Us!!!!

Finding Balance

What Does it Look like

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungryand satisfy the needs of the oppressed,then your light will rise in the darkness,and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungryand satisfy the needs of the oppressed,then your light will rise in the darkness,and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungryand satisfy the needs of the oppressed,then your light will rise in the darkness,and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungryand satisfy the needs of the oppressed,then your light will rise in the darkness,and your night will become like the noonday"

Thanksgiving

Splendor

Cooking up a Family

Read Between the Lines

Top Ten Excuses

30 Days...

Help Fight Human Trafficking and Save Mommas by Shopping with Purpose

While doing research to help us understand more about this heart wrenching crime against humanity, we came across this website that had 55 little known facts about Human Trafficking.

We are so humbled to bring you an awesome opportunity to support not only BEMM, but help victims that have suffered because of Human Trafficking.

Because EVERY Mother Matters

What's Happening

6 Months

Every Moment...

Adoptive Parent talk....

911

Just Another Number...

Carried

She Matters

Derailed

On a Personal Note

Meeting with the elders in Mareya

A Deep Burden

Education can be bought, experience can be learned, but the direction of your heart...is up to you

The "Feel Good" Post

Without Him

A Poppy Full of Laughter

Keeping it Real...

Running Hard, but Going Nowhere

All things are distorted when God is absent.I can give my house. My car. Every possession...But it will NOT bring me closer to HIM.Only when we give what we truly covet will we catch a glimpse of the sacrifice that was made for us.

The $10 Journey

Relief of Blog Constipation or Yes, YOU are Needed

The Beep

Back to Basic

The Orphan Part 1-

My Mirror

Argh.

Connected

I'm Ready to Talk About it...

The Gifts Opened

A New Adventure

Beauty Defined....

Oh MY Gosh!!!!!!!

A Must Read

In Pictures

The Red Button

Real Life...

Success Number 1

The Gift

No Words

Meet the team

Going Against My Nature

I wish you knew...

The Path...

Amazing Women

Help Write a Chapter

Beautiful Stranger

Beautiful Stranger

Nuggets

How Much to Save a Life?

School Me...

All Things Must Eventually Come to an End...

The Land of, "I Don't Know"

"If you have the faith of a mustard seed"

Whine-0

Clearing Things Up.

Everywhere I Turn...

Hurry Up

Tears and Laughter

Never Satisfied (Written by Jodie)

Analyzing the Blah's

Hey Mister/Ma'am...Do You have a Quarter?

One Big Blog

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

"...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday"

All things are distorted when God is absent.
I can give my house. My car. Every possession...
But it will NOT bring me closer to HIM.
Only when we give what we truly covet will we catch a glimpse of the sacrifice that was made for us.