Monday, March 29, 2010

Easy Peasy

An easy way to help support one of Because Every Mother Matter's partner organizations-DOMA. For every new follower on this blog

(not mine) $3.00 will be donated to DOMA. Easy Peasy! Do it. Okay?! Then post about it. $3.00 given for just following a pretty cool blog!

Follow her here

Would You Please...

Lift Jaceman up in your prayers.
We are on the rollercoaster of our lives.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

My Love Song to Adam

In the last few weeks I have fallen in love.
I feel like a school girl.
I can't sleep without thinking of my love.
My heart cries out when we are apart.
It seems like the whole world is against us.

The world tells us
that this love is not real.
that we have settled.
that we need more.
deserve more.
On the surface our love seems
The world tells us
that true love is
ah...but my love is
It is messy.
It is tiring.
It consumes me and my thoughts
Sometimes positive
sometimes negative.
Love is hard.
It requires all of us.
Even when we feel we have nothing left to give
Love is calling.
Love is still there
when you are exhausted
the dishes are piled
bills are unpaid
kids are fighting
you are fighting
roof is leaking
when you are so sick
death is knocking on your door.
Love doesn't hide.
It doesn't run.
Love looks at you for who you are
still chooses to love.

My love. My best friend. The father of my children. I love you. Last week you sat at the foot of our bed with tears in your eyes and sang me a song that YOU wrote for ME.
I have no song to sing you

You are the beat that lives in my heart.
Thank you for truly loving me
for me
in my mess.

This is my love song to you...
My heart.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What is...isn't

Have you ever looked in the mirror
what you see is
not how you
Today I started my day with music.
I was determined to not wake up to the same feeling of exhaustion that I do day after day.
I haven't slept in weeks.
The kids are sick
and the puppy pooped everywhere.
today was different...
I chose to start with a smile on my face.
I cranked the music
I spun my toddlers around.
We sang
We danced.
Their smiles were huge and delicious.
Xia looked at me with bewildered beauty.
I love that age.
The age where fantasy and reality are blurred.
She felt like a princess being swept away at the ball.
Her smile
her amazement
made me fly.
Diezel hugged me tight (this he never does)
Lukas laughed.
Faith seemed apprehensive
and slow to move...
then she felt my heart
and knew.
This was a day to dance.
To sing.
Then the fighting began.
Kids didn't get the seat they wanted
or the breakfast they craved.
Two children got sick
the tears flowed...
the great ball
was interrupted by life.
Real life.
Not rainbows and butterflies.
Crying kids
sleeping husbands
dirty kitchens.
As my head sank and my spirit sulked
I was reminded
We choose our response.
I defiantly screamed
"Not today"
Today belongs to me.
It does not belong or bow down to my circumstances....
It belongs to my Creator.
I will not except what I see
I will believe what I know

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Took the Words Right Out Of My Mouth

So much has been going on around here. I have been a little neglectful with my blog. This last Sunday was a huge victory for our family.

This post was written by my sister-in-law.


My nephew Jace was baptized this past Sunday. A complete overflow of joy doesn't quite describe how my heart feels right now. As I gaze upon this picture I see a young man coming out of the cleansing blood of Christ. I see a young man who has walked with the Lord since he was a small boy. More than walked really...he's practically been on a full out sprint since about the age of 10. He's read through the Bible twice, witnesses to everyone (including family members), and is more aware of the Spirit within him than most adult Christians I know (including myself). Now here he is as a 14 year old making a public profession of the faith he has sought long and hard to test & prove.

Truth. That's what this picture says to me. Truth.

Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness. Then John consented.
Mt. 3:15

Jace, I'm so proud of your decision to get baptized. You are following Christ's example in so many ways & this is one more step in that obedience. I know the past few months have been extremely hard for you. Keep calling upon our Lord to go to battle for you.

I love you sweet nephew.


We love you. I can not wait to see what the LORD will do in your life.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Happy Mail

I love love love getting things in the mail, especially when it's unexpected. Today I got the best mail. It came from Ethiopia and it had this picture inside

It's hard to believe I haven't seen this precious face for a year now. Doesn't Christiana look so healthy and beautiful?! She looks just like her daddy. I cannot wait to hold her again. I was suppose to be in Ethiopia next month....looks like I will have to wait until November. How awesome if I could be I could be there to celebrate her 2nd birthday!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Gift of Happiness and Sadness

I have eluded somewhat to my past on this blog. It was crazy for sure. In all that happened when I was younger the biggest and only regret was anything significant from my childhood was believed destroyed or stolen. I have spoken briefly about my older sister. She died a few years ago. The only thing I had were a couple of photos and my vague memories....until two days ago. My mom found a shoebox filled with pictures. I have spent the last few days staring at faces that I barely recognize. Two young blonde headed sisters seeming completely carefree. One picture is my sister pushing me (I'm probably 6) in a swing. This one...out of the 50 that was recovered really affected me. Inspite of all the heartache we endured and all the insane fights we got into...we were still sisters. Through abuse, addictions, mental illness and hardships...we were still sisters. The picture I saw of her pushing me, erased everything. I only saw two sisters. I am filled with sadness and happiness all at once. I am happy my mom found these pictures. I am sad my mom spends years of her life in bed and disconnected because of regrets. I am happy for the times that once seemed so insignificant (like my sister pushing me on a swing). I am sad that those times are also filled with hurt. I am happy that so much of what I thought was pictures and such are found. I am sad that by finding these pictures my mom is filled with pain and regret. My childhood was rough. My life was rough. My sister suffered. We all suffered. Yet, in the suffering...there was beauty. Maybe a moment where a dysfunctional family was caught all together smiling, a sick mother pinning the corsage on her 16 year old daughter, an old wedding photo where two people were caught on film in love before all the infidelity, a photo of a mom sitting on her bed where she spent a year of her life after a brutal rape, a photo of an empty souled girl at prom before she got arrested for a felony, or a picture of two sisters who typically fought almost to the point of death, but instead were captured on film happily swinging. We all have our issues. Stuff hurts. Our past can leave a mark.....but there are moments...the ones in between the heartache that should stick. No matter how tragic the years can seem....there is beauty in the cracks. And if you can capture that.....What A gift indeed. Even though a little shoebox reminded me of so much I wanted to leave behind...It also reminded me of what I needed to remember.

Friday, March 5, 2010

We See The Light

I wanted to thank all of you who responded in love and sincerity regarding my post about the issues my son is having. You have probably noticed the post is now gone. I posted such honest and real details of our struggle seeking advice and prayer. I was blessed by all I received. I do want everyone to know that he read the post and gave his permission to share his story. He also read each comment that was left. I chose to remove the post because I felt what we needed and the reason I wrote about about it was met. I hope my blog will always be a place I feel comfortable sharing very real and personal struggles. If the struggles are mine only, I have no problem with who reads about it or what comments I receive. From time to time I might like I did a few days ago share personal stuff about my family because I feel lead to and then I will take it down after I feel like it's time. I just want everyone to know...I did not remove my post because of anything anyone said. We found all comments helpful. With that I do want to give everyone an update who has been praying for our family. After my post, I took my son to a website to read about the "disorder". This was the first time we had ever brought it up. He immediately connected to what he read. He breathed a deep sigh of relief and I saw peace come over him. Also during this week, He and I snuggled in my bed watching on my laptop a show that has absolutely nothing to do with his obsession, actually just the opposite. It's about submersing yourself into different cultures, their beliefs, their food. Then after the show, he has slept with me(Adam is currently working from 1pm to 8am, so there is room in my bed, and I welcome the company:) I stroke his hair like I did when he was little. He quickly falls asleep. This alone has helped SO MUCH. He no longer stays awake night after night in worry or in obsessive thoughts. Instead he is getting much needed rest and I am getting to spend one on one time with my awesome 1st born. He also had his first counseling session today. I LOVED THE GUY. He is a christian man who also has OCD and went through very similar stuff. He and my son talked scripture and seemed to really click. Just in the last few days I have seen so much of him come back. He actually played video games today! I know most parents wouldn't view that as a positive, but with my boy it was a welcome sign! Again thank you everyone who left an encouraging comment and prayed for us. For the first time in weeks....WE ALL SEE THE LIGHT

Thursday, March 4, 2010


This is dedicated to all the women out there who fell for the myth that
having short hair is easier to take care of than long hair....

The person who came up with "short hair is easier to take care of than long hair"
Obviously didn't wake up looking like this
Or when they had long hair the only "product" they owned
was a simple brush.

Then over night had to learn and use all of this daily just to be able to go outside.
Even with all this, I was slightly optimistic because short hair can be super cute:)

Then by chance...I got a shot of what was suppose to be the psycho pup attacking my head
and instead I get a look at what my "short hair that is easier to take care of than long hair" reality truly is!
Really???? Neck hair!
Now I am not only to spend an hour a day grooming...
I am now suppose to shave my neck.
I don't think so!

I now give you my solution.
I will now be the almost 40 year old who constantly wears a hat everyday until my neck hair no longer shows!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Getting Closer

I have been working hard.
We are getting closer to the "official:)" launch of
Here is a little preview.
It's the front side of a it won't make much sense to you now.
Isn't it COOL?!

When all the material and website is up
I am hoping for a blog, facebook, twitter blitz to get it kicked off right.
I would love it if on the same day all of my blog friends would post, facebook and twitter about
Let me know if you will help spread the word.
I'll let you know the date soon.